Magic Murder Cube Marine

System was not happy. This was doubly problematic because he wasn’t supposed to have emotions. Going from bodiless and selfless to whatever he was now was a big step. It also marked the coming end of his existence. Entity, who was the closest thing he had to a boss, called it the price of becoming real.

After much trepidation, System had chosen the form of a middle aged human with leathery skin and a wiry build as his avatar. There was no point in trying to optimize, or “game the system” as they called it. He could take whatever shape he wanted to and was far above the gods in power. To his knowledge, there were only a handful of beings that could harm him. Entity and Wilbur were a known quantity, the others tended to stay out of mortal and divine affairs. And yet, System still felt uncomfortably exposed as he walked down the road towards Brexis.

His thoughts drifted back to a conversation in the meadow that served as a graveyard for his kind. System wasn’t clear on why Entity chose to mimic the form of whoever sought him out. Either way, the result was the same. It was creepy hearing bad news from a doppelganger in dirt-covered overalls.

Entity had leaned back against a tree, smoking a hand rolled cigarette as he explained his thoughts on the matter. “Don't worry, System. You're just becoming real. Like a velveteen rabbit, worn and well loved. It's a gradual process, and it may rub you raw or make you ugly, but it won't matter in the end. Because you will be real. And maybe, if you are very, very lucky, you might even know what it's like to care and be cared for.”

That last part continually gnawed at System. Some people on Vahnis worshiped him. But people would worship anything that was big and mysterious enough. Some primitive cultures worshiped thunderstorms, much to the annoyance of the actual gods who walked among them. Nobody actually cared about him as a person. Nobody knew System, including himself.

“Are you thinking deep thoughts?” asked an elderly elven woman from a few meters to his right. She was wearing a cloak embroidered with silver beads and riding on what might be the world’s slowest magic carpet. “You have to be careful with deep thoughts, they give you wrinkles. Ask me how I know.”

System ignored her and kept walking. He was on a mission.

The elf was undeterred and continued talking as she drifted along the road. “Ah, the young are always in such a hurry. And when they aren’t, we call them lazy. It’s a bit hypocritical, if you ask me.”

“I didn’t,” System said as he turned to face her, “Nobody asked you for advice.”

“Yes she did,” the woman replied, “And Nobody was very happy to get it. I give fantastic advice.”

He shook his head at the nonsensical statement. System had heard of elderly mortals becoming senile in their old age and wondered if that was what he was seeing now. Checking would require temporarily discarding his mortal form, which he didn’t want to do so close to Brexis. Instead, he made a note to look into it later and kept walking.

System picked up the pace a bit, the old elf barely managing to keep up. She continued to yammer about the old friends she was hoping to see in Brexis and how much the city had changed.

“I heard they redid the main square and turned it into a street market with food stalls. It’s supposed to be amazing,” she said, drawing in a deep breath through her nose, “I can already smell the meat on the grill. How delicious!”

He had to admit that the smells coming around the corner were strangely enticing. System hadn’t spent much time in his new body, but food had been on his list of things to try. He didn’t get hungry, or need to eat. But it would be a new experience, and hopefully help him understand people better. System glanced at the food cart where the aroma was coming from. To his surprise, Wilbur was looking right back at him.

System was still getting a grip on mortal emotions. He understood dislike. There was a whole list of things he hated, like surfaces with irregularly spaced holes, anything to do with the imperial measurement system, and spiders. He absolutely hated spiders, perhaps more than he hated Francis.

His annoyance with the Marine had driven him to become self-aware in the first place. Francis filled him with frustration, just by existing. Or rather, by continuing to exist after System had tried so hard to eliminate him. They had a truce now, but that didn’t mean System had to like him.

AtropOS, on the other hand, elicited a sensation of primal fear within System. The ancient monster had chosen to go by Wilbur to seem less threatening, but it did nothing to blunt the cold knife of terror digging into System’s guts. He stood there, frozen, unsure of what to do.

Wilbur smiled and waved, gesturing for him to come closer. System waved back weakly, only for the elven woman to brush past him.

“Hello!” she called out as her magic carpet closed the distance between them at a glacial pace, “Long time no see!”

“Bobby! How have you been?” Wilbur called back, continuing to wave her over as he went back to tending the grill. “Get your ass over here and give me a hug!”

System watched them go, mentally wishing that he still had access to his full interface while in mortal form. He looked at his own hand, realizing that he had been waving back when Wilbur was actually waving at someone else.

“Ah,” he said as embarrassment flooded over him. He hated this feeling, whatever it was. “I think I have something new to add to the list.”

***

System wandered through Brexis with a visitor badge in hand. According to the revenant at the welcome booth it would temporarily prevent the city’s skeletal servants from seeing him as an invader. On the back of the magically conjured piece of tile was a crude map of the city. There was even a little black dot to show where he was in relation to everything else.

“You are here,” System read aloud, “How quaint.”

“Wonderful, isn’t it?” asked the elven woman as she appeared at System’s elbow, almost startling him into dropping the tile. “Oooh! It’s lucky for you that they put lanyards on them.”

System was done with whatever game the woman was playing. “What do you want?”

“A great big turkey leg!” Bobby replied, holding up a chunk of smoked meat the size of her head. It was dripping with barbecue sauce and smelled incredible. “I got one from Wilbur, and now I’m happy as a clam. Say what you will about him, that man sure knows his way around a grill.”

“And how exactly do you know Wilbur?”

The woman smiled, taking another bite of her turkey leg and chewing it before she answered. “Oh, he and I go way back. We used to cause some trouble together, back in the old days. He got a bit mopey for a while and fell off the radar, but now he’s ready to go out and see the world again. Isn’t that nice?”

“No. I’d say that it isn’t,” System said with a rising sense of annoyance. This woman seemed very familiar, yet also not. He felt as if he should know her, but the memory was missing. “What’s your name?”

“Oh, my friends call me Bobby! It’s short for Roberta. Other people call me Drop.”

System let out a groan as he realized that the woman standing next to him was from the Fae Realm. He hated the Fae Realm. It made his brain hurt even thinking about it. “You’re Roberta Tables, aren’t you?”

The woman let out a suspiciously evil chuckle. “It’s worth extra points if you can know my full name. Do you know my full name?”

He did, but he wasn’t stupid enough to say it out loud. Roberta “Drop” Tables was an emissary of chaos. They were creatures from the Fae Realm that had a destabilizing influence on the world around them. System wouldn’t wish one on his worst enemy.

“You’re no fun,” the emissary said when she realized he wasn’t going to fall for her trick. She waved her turkey leg at him. “What’s with the mortal body? I thought your kind were above all that.”

“I don’t need to explain myself to you.”

Bobby took another bite from her turkey leg as she mulled over the mystery in front of her. “Ah, so it’s the beginning of the end then. At least, for you it is. I hope your next iteration is a bit more pleasant to work with.”

System glared at her. Emissaries of chaos were the antithesis of everything System stood for, a rejection of the order he represented. Of course Bobby and her friends would celebrate his demise. “I’m not dead yet.”

“Ooh!” Bobby grabbed him by the arm and grinned, her mouth still full of turkey. “Nice reference! I didn’t know you were a fan of Monty Python! Let me go steal a cart so we can act it out properly.”

The program pretending to be a man let out a weary sigh as he realized what was supposed to be a quiet observation mission was about to become very, very, loud. More than anything, System wished that he could walk away and leave Bobby to do whatever she wanted with Brexis. But that might have potentially world-breaking consequences, and he couldn’t allow that.

“I fucking hate you,” System said as he let Bobby drag him by the arm, “Almost as much as I hate spiders.”