Magic Murder Cube Marine

Francis walked into the Adventure Guild with Willow at his side. She told him she was there to “facilitate the process”. Chuck was waiting outside. He told them to loosen up his bridle to the point where it was almost slipping off. Though he wouldn't say why.

Relativity had been given a makeover and was clutching a pink crystal ball. That part was Francis’s idea. It broke up the familiar shape of the withered hand on top. But Relativity had been the one who pushed for the nail polish and ribbons.

The results were interesting, but effective. Even Willow had a hard time believing the gaudy staff in Francis’ hand was one of the most evil magic objects in existence. It just went to show that even malevolent, world ending beings enjoyed a nice self care day once in a while.

He walked over to the board and started collecting the green tiles. Only the staff or an adventurer who had completed the quest could detach them. The room got quiet after he grabbed the first two. It was silent by the time he reached the twentieth.

Francis cashed in his tiles and walked out of the building with six hundred gold divided into three bags. He would be back later to grab some more quests. His first instinct had been to pay off the loan on Chuck, but something told him to wait.

Outside the building there was a bit of a ruckus. A man with his forehead dented in like an ashtray lay dead on the ground. Another man was holding his profusely bleeding hand, while a third clutched at a broken leg and screamed. Chuck was circling around trying to stomp on or kick the men who tried to steal him.

All three had dirty riding leathers and impressively pungent body odor. Francis recognized them for what they were right away. He didn't have much sympathy for their kind.

“Chuck, are you killing horse thieves again?” Francis asked as he walked over, throwing a little oil on the fire. A crowd was gathered around but didn't seem too agitated.

“Possibly.” Chuck admitted. “I recognized these assholes as we came into town. They killed one of my previous owners.” He savagely kicked out with his rear legs and the screaming stopped. “I've wanted to get even with them for a long time.”

“Fair nuff.” Francis walked over to the remaining horse thief. Chuck had bit him on the hand and he was missing half his fingers. “Tell me, are you the last remaining member of the Vicious Riders Trio?”

“Who wants to know?” He asked. Searching for a sympathetic face in the crowd and finding none. But it was a mistake to look away, because Chuck used the distraction to nail him in the back of the neck with a well placed kick.

The crowd winced as one. Seeing a horse thief get rabbit punched with a steel shod hoof wasn't pretty.

Congratulations! Chuck has defeated three members of the Vicious Trio. Go to your local Adventure Guild to claim the bounty.

Francis started to loot the bodies while the crowd dispersed. He didn't find much besides some silvers. He looked over at Willow.

The faun shrugged. “Nobody will miss them. The bodies could be useful, but people frown on Necromancy. Still, it would be good to have a few zombies protecting Brexis while we're in town.“

“Right.” Francis considered his options. He didn't have any issues with Necromancy and Relativity was strongly voicing its approval. “I suppose we could get a cart or something. I can freeze them to stop the stink.”

“Yes on the cart, no on the freezing.” Willow went from body to body muttering words. From a distance it looked like she was giving them their last rites. But Francis could see the green glow of Necromancy.

Chuck clopped his hoof twice to get their attention. “I know a good place to get a cart.”

“Lead the way.” Francis gestured.

***

An hour later the bodies were loaded in the new cart. They looked dead, but Francis could swear he saw one blink. A nosey local asked what he was going to do with them.

“Wolf bait.” Francis replied, which got a nod of approval from the man before he walked off. They really didn't like horse thieves around these parts and tended to kill them on the spot. Francis approved.

As a Texan, he hated horse thieves. Even more than he hated people from California who drove up housing prices. They always brought weird food with them too. They were all about tofu burgers and free range brussels sprouts, whatever those were. (Though even he had to admit the Korean BBQ burritos were pretty damn tasty.)

Willow layered dried flowers and herbs over the corpses to hide the stink then closed the waxed canvas cover. There was a strong smell of lavender. “The spell should halt decay. But depending on what we want to do with them, it might make sense to get some beetles and strip them down to skeletons.”

Francis considered this. “Because of the smell?”

“Yep. For domestic skeletons you generally want to stuff their rib cages with aromatics and wrap them in cloth to protect the joints. I prefer to dress them in loose robes. But some people don't like dressing their undead servants.”

“Because they were people?” Francis hazarded a guess. He wasn't sure what to make of Necromancy. It seemed useful. But he could see it getting out of hand quickly.

“Because they were people.” Willow agreed with a toothy smile. “But it's not about guilt. Most necromancers are shut-ins. Being around people gives them anxiety.”

“Fascinating.” The Marine filed away that tidbit for later. “Is there some kind of bank in this town?”

“Well, the Adventure Guild should have a connection to one of the main banks.” Chuck said. “How much did you get from the bounties?”

“We got two hundred, each.” Francis replied. He had decided to share the bounties with his crew. That was why they needed to find a bank. It didn't seem smart for any of them to be walking around with that kind of cash.

“Um, Francis. I can't help but notice you said ‘each’.” The horse looked surprised, but hopeful. “Are you actually splitting your bounties with us… equally?”

“Yes.” Francis paused, he might have found a snag in his plan. “Can horses have bank accounts?”

“No, probably not.” Chuck tapped his hoof and thought about it. “But I could buy out my lien and become an adventurer. Then they would have to sign me up for one. It's part of the contract. But I'm going to wait on that.”

Ever since he learned Chuck could talk, Francis had been wrestling with the whole “intelligent, but not considered people” thing. Chuck was smarter than most civilians. So, why wasn't he considered a person?

He asked Chuck about it and the answer surprised him. “Oh, that's because my intelligence and ability to talk comes from magic. Uplifted creatures aren't considered people because it's not necessarily permanent. A strong enough disruptive spell, and I'd be dumber than a bag of hammers.”

“You mean, you can be turned back? The hell with that!” Francis said.

The stallion sighed. “Don't worry about it. I've got a plan. I just need some time to figure the last few parts of it out.”

Willow rubbed Chuck's shoulder affectionately. “We will figure it out. If you need anything, let me know.”

“Thanks, Willow. It's nice to feel supported. I'll tell you what, Francis can hold onto my money for now. But I am keeping a running total.” The horse warned.

“Ok, if that's what you want.” Francis looked around. “Do you want to stay here in the shade with some chow, or come with us?”

“Oh, I'll stick around here and make sure our cargo stays secure.” Chuck seemed to consider something. “My first owner used to get me a bucket of beer sometimes when we bagged a bounty. I wouldn't say no to a bucket of beer.”

“I think we could get you a bucket of beer.” Francis said. Beer was good for horses. Toby Keith and Willie Nelson even had a song about it. “I'd say you earned it. Actually, some chow and a bucket of beer sounds really good right now. Willow, what about you?”

Willow brightened up. “I'd have a bucket of beer.”

They bought a bucket from a local cooper and filled it up for Chuck. The horse went at the beer with enthusiasm. He gulped it down like a grunt getting back inside the wire after six days in the desert.

“Oh, yeah. That hits the spot.” Chuck said.