Magic Murder Cube Marine

The pending, and possibly world destroying, war between the gods was important. But Francis figured the demonic cat needed dealing with first, in the most literal sense.

“So, you won't leave until I make a deal with you?” The Marine asked.

“Yes.” The demon purred. “I came all this way, after all. There's no reason I should leave empty handed.”

“You don't have hands.” Francis pointed out.

“Oh, really?” The cat wiggled its thumbs at him. “What do you call these then?”

“Trouble,” Francis said, “My daddy always told me, never walk behind a horse, and never trust a cat with thumbs.”

“That is surprisingly sound advice.” The demon batted at the walls of its magical prison. Red sparks flashed with each swipe. “Too bad your friend the wizard is going to run out of juice soon. Tick tock, time to make a deal before the barrier drops.”

Cassi had tried to banish the demon back to whatever hell-dimension it came from. But, so far, nothing had worked. Soon the wizard would burn through the last of his reserves.

Francis suspected the creature was far more powerful than it seemed. Information was currency, and knowledge of divine politics probably didn't come cheap. That meant this cat was connected.

“If we make a deal, will you try and twist my words?” The Marine asked, buying time while he came up with a solution. There was the hint of an idea rattling around in his skull. But it wasn't fully formed yet.

“Of course! I usually choose the interpretation that is the most fun. At least, the most fun for me.” The cat grinned, showing multiple rows of sharp white teeth. “Now, any other questions before we proceed?”

Francis felt a wave of calm wash over him. Something about the way the cat talked had jogged his memory. Perhaps it was the demon’s cool certainty, the way it expected to be obeyed. But it reminded him of talking to an officer. And he knew exactly how to handle officers.

The Corporal adjusted his way of thinking, he could twist words too. In fact, he was very good at creatively interpreting the meaning of a sentence. That was why he went on so many “walks”.

“Alright kitty, let's make a deal.” He rubbed his hands together. The simple way was often the most effective. “If I make a deal with you, do you agree to hold to the terms of our agreement, and do as I ask of you?”

“Of course.” The demon rolled its eyes. Humans were always so nitpicky about the details, as if that would save them. It was looking forward to seeing what the young god asked for, when he eventually got to the point.

“Is that a yes, or a no?” Francis pressed, he wasn't about to let himself get screwed on a technicality. “Do you agree to my terms?”

“Yes,” the demonic cat said, growing increasingly more frustrated. “Now, get on with it. I haven't got all day.”

“Glad to hear it.” The Marine grinned. “I accept the deal.”

Both Cassi and the demon looked at Francis in shock as realization dawned on them.

“Wait, no. That's not right.” The cat’s forehead wrinkled in thought, which quickly turned to dismay. “Oh fuck…”

—

Congratulations! You have made a deal with a demon.

The demon has agreed to “hold to the terms of the agreement” and “do as you ask”.

You have agreed to “make a deal” with the demon. This condition has been satisfied.

System will enforce the terms of the deal until both parties agree to terminate the agreement of their own free will.

—

Francis wasted no time in making his first request. He even decided to be polite about it. “Demon, thank you for agreeing to the terms of our deal. Please, do not harm or threaten anyone unless I specifically tell you to do so.”

The demonic cat looked up at him with a mix of frustration and respect. “That was smart. I was just about to turn your pet wizard into a scratching post.” The creature sat down with a sigh of defeat. “So, now that I can't hold your allies for ransom, what is it you want?”

The Marine wasn't dumb enough to take that bait. He had gotten off easy because the demon underestimated him. It wouldn't make the same mistake twice. Plus, it felt wrong to order someone around against their will. It felt evil.

Sure, the demonic cat was probably hostile. But Francis viewed violence and force as ways to change behavior. You didn't shoot the guy trying to ventilate your squad because he was a bad person. You did it to make him stop.

A dust up, or blowing off some steam in a bar fight were fine. Francis could even wrap his head around collecting bounties. But enslaving an intelligent creature? No, that wasn't for him.

Francis knew he couldn't let the demon free. But he wasn't about to push his luck by ordering it around, either. He decided to leave things the way they were, for now.

“Look, kitty. As long as you aren't a dick to me or my friends, I probably won't feel the need to force any more rules on you.” The Marine looked over at Cassi. “You can drop the barrier.”

“That was surprisingly intelligent, and polite.” The demonic cat stretched and yawned as the red circle of runes vanished. “I was sure you would ask me to do something stupid, like kill Hades.”

“Nope, I'm not biting on that one either.” Francis shook his head.

“Hmm… that is disturbingly insightful for someone who looks like they shave with a rock.” The cat narrowed its eyes at Francis. “I suppose I should tell you that Hades was the one who whispered your name in my ear. Apparently, he thought we would wipe each other out.”

“Figures.”

“Well, I suppose a common enemy and a lack of volition on my part makes us allies. Or at least, the next closest thing to it.” The cat walked over and rubbed its chin against Francis' leg. “There you go, I've marked you as an associate of mine. It will open some doors, and close others.”

“Thanks, kitty.” The Marine reached down to scratch behind the demon’s ears. “You’re pretty alright, for a demon.”

The cat purred and pressed against Francis' hand. “Ah yes, that's the spot.”

Cassi watched the unlikely scene unfolding in front of him. It seemed Francis had made another friend. But that didn't change the task at hand. “Francis, if you don't mind. I'd like to take care of my hag problem sooner, rather than later. I’m exhausted and feel the need to go to sleep, probably for at least a week.”

The demon looked over at the wizard, its ears perking up. “Are you talking about Tiffany?”

“Yes. Do you know her?” Cassi asked.

“We’ve met once or twice.” The demon admitted. “She keeps sending me invitations to her potion of the week club. It is very annoying. And don't get me started on the inspirational quotes.”

The cat mimed throwing up a hairball. “If she sends me another postcard with a drawing of a wine bottle, and the words ‘Live, Laugh, Hex’, I'll kill her myself.”

“You two must be close if you're on her mailing list.” The Marine pointed out.

The demon shook its little head. “She's a basic witch, Francis. Everyone she's ever met is on her mailing list.”