Manifest Destiny (Naruto Fanfiction)

"Alright Ash, let's try it again!"

"The number of times we do this doesn't seem to be changing the outcome Cyclops…"

"Alright, let me reiterate. Try it again without your typical sass!"

A week after their trial by fire with Baki, the Kazekage's children plus one were training hard for the Genin exam that the regular Academy students would be taking soon, and that they themselves would be participating in for one final test.

Baki had already told them that he had no doubt they would ace it with no problems, not only because they were exceptional students, but because it was almost impossible to fail the exam in the first place. The Hidden Sand was short on just about everything these days, and that included combat ready ninja that could run missions to support the village economy.

That being the case, unless an Academy student was literally a hopeless case, just about everyone graduated to Genin. More Genin meant more available personnel for missions, and that equaled more money for the village.

Taking all of that into account, Ash didn't see why he and his two siblings had to prepare at all, especially in the sweltering heat of the sun. Today Baki had taken them out into the open desert at noon, and needless to say, none of the three children were very happy about this. In fact, Kankuro was even more vocal about his unhappiness than Ash was, and that was a rare occurrence indeed.

"Man, I'm sweatin' like a fat guy's pony over here!"

Temari, some distance away from him, made a disgusted face at the rather odd comparison. "Well whose fault is that for wearing a full black body suit, huh? And make sure you stay downwind of me."

"Right, because you've been sweating perfume this whole time."

As the two of them descended into petty bickering, Ash turned his attention back to his own problems, which included Baki's ceaseless heckling over his now partially tamed flames. In the week he had been practicing with them, Ash had been unable to muster an attack as powerful as the one he had used to dispatch Baki's clone in the oasis. In fact, he was struggling to muster anything that could possibly be considered an attack at all. Needless to say, this frustrated his sensei to no small extent.

"Are you even trying, Ash? The flames you're producing now can hardly be called flames at all!"

The objective of the blonde's current training was to successfully vitrify sand with his flames: to turn it into glass. That was a daunting prospect, as even skilled fire jutsu users had trouble producing fires that hot. But Baki was under the impression that Ash's unique flames were more powerful than regular chakra produced fires. Besides, even if he couldn't vitrify sand at this point, training to increase his firepower now would be beneficial later regardless.

Still, Ash was irritable, since he was having almost no success and suffering for nothing. The only good thing about his current predicament was that he didn't feel the heat as badly as his siblings did. That chilly feeling from his core often surfaced when he was trying to manifest his flames at will, though nowhere near as prominently as a week ago. Ash honestly didn't know why it happened, but since it was a boon in the harsh glare of the sun, he didn't rightly care about the specifics.

Of course, on the flip side, he also felt oddly warm from time to time, so when that happened it just made the heat worse.

Still, despite the lack of headway, Ash had actually learned a bit more about his flames in this past week. Probably more than he had ever known about it before. Though it had only been during a moment of crisis, now that he had finally grasped his flames and used them on command, Ash had an easier time of doing that. It was kind of like growing accustomed to a new skill or new knowledge. Not knowing how to do it was an insurmountable barrier to success, but once you managed to do it once, you know what to look for and how to do it, and each subsequent attempt came easier than the last.

He'd also learned a few other interesting things about them: they did consume chakra, like any ordinary jutsu, but oddly enough, Ash found that he didn't have to actually mold his chakra to produce his flames. That was something that one generally had to do in order to use elemental jutsu of any sort. If you just wanted to pump chakra into your legs for a jump, raw chakra would suffice, but for an elemental attack, you had to mold your chakra specifically into a form suited for the technique. The ease with which one could do so determined their 'elemental affinity'. Temari had a natural wind affinity because, for her, molding her chakra into the right form for wind techniques came easier to her than any of the other elements.

Point being, Ash did not actually have to mold his chakra into the right form for a fire jutsu to manifest his flames. It felt more like just... expelling raw chakra from his body. Which begged a lot of questions: were his flames actually fire at all? Did they look like fire, were actually something else entirely? That could have explained the strange colors and the fact that the 'flames' sometimes felt cold. But admittedly, Ash had no way of determining any of that. And in some ways, he supposed it didn't matter. Even with the widespread usage of chakra by the ninja world, its inner workings were still a mystery in many ways. Both researchers and warriors were discovering the new limits of chakra every single day.

For now, Ash figured he should save the academics for later. It would make more sense to focus on using the damn technique before investigating its inner workings. Still pretty new to the exact feeling of commanding this technique, Ash concentrated on the chakra amassed in his core, the engine that produced chakra through the combination of physical and spiritual energy. Drawing it out towards his fingertips, he couldn't help but acknowledge the near alien sensation of both chilling touch and searing heat as it moved throughout his body. That sensation was also something mysterious for him.

The blonde focused the opposing temperatures at his fingertips before slicing his hand through the air to create an arc of multi colored fire. As always, the display looked intimidating, but the flames crashed into the sandy ground with no more success than usual. The sand was still sand, and that meant the fires that had attacked them were still not hot enough.

Baki stroked his chin as he was once again met with disappointing results. For some reason, Ash's attacks were weaker than when he had first used his inherent ability at will. Clearly there was something else that had amplified his power, something that was not present in the current situation. So what had changed? Perhaps it was the belief that he had been in a life or death situation? A ninja could produce more power than usual when in dire straits, and when Baki had attacked his students, he had made sure to convince them that they were in a real combat situation.

But then again, he had assaulted Ash directly multiple times, and not once had he countered with his unnatural flames. In fact, when he had used them, he himself had been in no danger at all...

Baki cast a glance over at Temari, who was still arguing with Kankuro over something that was probably meaningless. When Ash had destroyed Baki's clone, it was Temari who had been in danger, rather than himself. In hindsight, it was obvious: Ash had managed to unleash something new in order to protect his beloved sister. Few things were more motivating than the need to protect a loved one, though this was admittedly just an assumption on Baki's part.

That being the case, Baki could have easily put Temari in a dangerous situation in order to have Ash unleash his maximum potential once more. But not only would that be cruel and maybe even turn his students bitterly against him, but such a training method would serve no purpose. Of course Ash could use his flames to the max when his sister was in danger: the idea was for him to be able to do that all of the time.

That being the case, it was time to try a different approach. "Ash, let's stop for now. You and I can take a break for a few minutes."

The two older siblings apparently heard this, because they turned to Baki with indignation, Temari voicing their unified misgivings. "Hey, what about us!?"

"The two of you have spent more time bickering than training, so you can both keep going."

Temari and Kankuro grumbled something to themselves, but obeyed Baki nevertheless, who took the opportunity to lead Ash over to a sand dune that was high enough to block out some of the sun's blistering heat. The two of them would have to crouch to be completely in the shade, but that was a small price to pay in exchange for any amount of relief from that accursed ball of fire in the sky.

"Ash, let me ask you a question. Do you know exactly what you were feeling when you unleashed those flames on my clone? Do you know what you were thinking?"

The diminutive blond shrugged as nonchalantly as always, though it was notably more evasive. "I don't know, Cyclops. It happened a little too fast. I felt a lot of different things and didn't have much time to think."

"Come on, Ash: surely there was something. What was happening when you felt your powers awaken?"

Ash glanced over at his sister, who was still bickering with Kankuro, instead of anything Baki would have preferred. He of course knew what the source of his sudden surge in control and power had been, but he didn't want to admit it. And yet, of all the people he could confide in, he supposed Baki was the best choice.

"You're expecting me to say it was to protect her, right? That I rose to the occasion out of determination to save my sister. But... that wasn't it. Not exactly. The moment I brought my flames under control, I wasn't striking to save Temari, I was doing it to punish the enemy. To kill him for trying to take something I valued away from me. I did it to protect Temari, but it was selfish. That's how I felt when I did it, Baki, and I hate it."

Not at all expecting this response, Baki was unsure of how to respond at first, though he eventually managed. "There's no need to be bothered, Ash. You still saved her just the same."

"But I saved her for my sake, not her own. My strength surfaced because I didn't want to lose something."

Baki peered at the sky for a moment, wondering how to handle a situation a bit out of his usual comfort zone. "I know it may seem strange coming from me, but... that selfishness is part of love. Everyone is afraid, and sometimes angered, by the thought of losing something they love. To be angry at someone trying to take something from you is only normal."

While Baki's words did console Ash somewhat, they weren't quite enough. "She deserves better than to be thought of that way."

"You're still a child, Ash; the selfish desire to keep things you love for your own benefit is something you will grow out of, if you strive for it. Besides, none of this means you don't truly love your siblings. Your fury at the thought of losing one of them proves just how important they are. When you're older the thought will make you no less angry. It will just be a different kind of anger, one that burns for their sake just as much as your own. Trust me on this."

It wasn't everyday that Baki stopped all of his shouting and complaining about complaining to speak to Ash so seriously, and the blonde couldn't help but take his words to heart. After all, Baki had been his age once too. Surely he knew about growing into a different kind of person.

"I will. Still though, without that anger, I don't really know how else to use my flames effectively..."

"It's enough to know you're making progress. Your powers are a mystery to all of us, Ash, only time and lots of practice will reveal their full potential. For now though, I think you've all had enough for one day. Now seems like a decently good time to head home."

"Couldn't agree more with you there, Cyclops."

---

The first priority for all three children when they returned home was to bathe. Unlike children in other places, kids in the Hidden Sand had no issue with baths because they hated the sweat and the stink as much as any adult. The desert was a hot place, so training at almost any time of the day resulted in a nasty, grimy feeling that no one wanted to keep for long. And that didn't even take all the dust and sand into account.

Once that was accomplished, the three children in question opted to sit about their living room, with Ash and Temari on the couch and Kankuro on a chair across from them. Discussing the upcoming exam was their current topic, but so far, only Temari was really taking it seriously. Kankuro was spending half of his attention fixing the damaged part of his puppet's skeleton, and Ash was completely lost in his own thoughts. The only girl in the trio was basically talking to herself.

"It'd be really nice if we knew what the exam was going to be. Some sort of mission would be easy for us, but if it was a written test, Kankuro would probably fail and hold everyone back..."

This little jab had only been made to pull Kankuro back into the conversation, and with no small amount of indignation, it did. "Hey, what are you saying!? There's no way I'd hold us back! You already know that it's almost impossible to fail the test for becoming Genin in the first place! They pass even amateurs these days, so strong pupils like us will have no problem. Even Ash could ace it and he's actively against even being a ninja!"

Kankuro and his sister turned to face Ash in order to hear his inevitable excuse on that matter, but the young boy wasn't paying any attention at all. With his head propped up by his hand, his gaze was locked on the opposite wall. He wasn't even blinking all that much.

Mildly concerned by the sight, Temari nudged the younger blonde until he finally turned his attention on her.

"Hm? What is it?"

"Ash, are you alright? Are you feeling OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about something."

Kankuro cocked an eyebrow at him as he polished out another scratch on his avian puppet. "Well that was some pretty deep thought there, Ash, especially for you. What's on your mind?"

Ash returned his gaze to the wall it had been on previously, wondering how to best word his previous thoughts. "I'm... trying to figure out what I'm passionate about, I guess."

For someone like Ash, who seemed dismally dispassionate about ninety percent of everything, Temari found this line of thought rather intriguing. "What you're passionate about? I'm not complaining, but why are you so interested so suddenly? Did something happen?"

The boy shrugged, unsure of how much he wanted to elaborate. "If by something, you mean the mock battle with Baki. I've just been trying to get a better handle on my own flames; I feel like emotion is probably the key to them somehow, but... I'm not sure how exactly. I mean, it's fire, so passion or energy or something just seems fitting, right?"

Of course Ash was aware that blinding rage had helped, but he was trying to convince himself that there was an alternative to just being angry.

As for Temari, she couldn't have possibly known what was really going through his mind. "Well I mean, there's gotta be some things... you've always really liked learning new ways to fight. And surely you're passionate about your family right?"

Ash's body noticeably stiffened at Temari's final suggestion, wondering how she could be so direct about matters she wasn't even fully aware of. The mock battle in the oasis had resulted in many uncertain feelings and thoughts for Ash, who had since been considering a painful truth he often refused to acknowledge. A truth that brought his feelings for his siblings into jeopardy.

Not that he was going to give such an answer to his sister. "Of course I am, come on. Did you even need to ask?"

"No, I just like hearing you say it."

Ash shook his head, amused by the sweeter side of his usually tough sister. "Well, about what you said regarding the exam, I don't think they're going to have a written test. I don't think the village cares that much about how smart the new Genin are. If they have at least enough skill to run missions, then they'll probably graduate. So the three of us don't really have to worry at all. We'll pass."

Kankuro nodded and looked down at his puppet again. "Yeah, Ash is right. Why are we even worrying? We're practically guaranteed to pass, so we might as well not even plan at all. Let's just relax."

Ash seemed to agree wholeheartedly with that plan, much to his older sister's displeasure. "How can you two be so lazy? No matter what the situation is, you should always plan for it!"

Her youngest brother shrugged, recalling something Baki had mentioned in a long-winded lecture once. "No plan ever works as intended, they all require adaptation throughout the course of the conflict. That being the case, why bother at all?"

Temari crossed her arms and glared at the boy, not put off by his excuse. "Ash, did you know that laziness is one of the things I hate most about people, especially people who are going to be ninja?"

Ash frowned as he glanced over at his sister. "Really? So are you saying you hate me for being lazy?"

"Now who's asking ridiculous questions? I'm just saying, if you can't be motivated as an actual ninja, can't you at least be motivated for me?"

Ash looked like he had taken a physical blow at that, his defenses crumbling entirely. "I-I suppose I could..."

Kankuro shook his head as he watched the exchange. Temari was still young, but she was still a girl, and that meant she was already good at manipulating others. His poor little brother never even had a chance. In fact, the young puppeteer would even call it an unfair advantage. As the only person that could pretty much convince Ash to do anything he didn't actually want to, Temari always had reinforcements at her side in their constant squabbles and minor points of contention.

---

With a conscious effort on his part, for the sake of his sister's happiness if nothing else, Ash spent the last week before the Genin exam actually preparing for what it might entail. This meant that he even studied a lot of the boring propaganda nonsense that could be on a written exam if there actually happened to be one, much to his own distaste.

But what he was certain there would be was some sort of skill assessment, so what he really wanted to do was get his flames under control.

Unfortunately, he had reached a wall of sorts in his progression on that front, which was frustrating since the entire thing seemed to be nothing but walls.

By now, he was fairly certain there was something personal, emotionally or psychologically speaking, that was holding him back from his full potential. Admittedly, Ash had no idea why this was. From a purely technical point of view, your emotional state shouldn't have had any impact on your ability to use chakra in any particular way. Outside of emotions like anger or fear driving one's adrenaline up, there should have been no psychological influence preventing Ash from doing what he wanted with his chakra.

But then, he had already acknowledged that the mechanics of his power was a mystery to him. He couldn't say with absolute certainty that there were no chakra-based techniques or abilities out there directly affected by one's emotional state. Unless he could confirm that his theory was outright wrong, there was no reason to blatantly assume emotion had nothing to do with it.

At any rate, Ash's current theory was that his emotional turmoil was preventing him from manifesting his flames properly. The good news was, he knew what this hang up was about. The bad news was, he had no idea what he could do about it.

The way he had felt about Temari's imminent demise in the oasis had raised some very unsettling questions for him. Baki had said that the emotion was normal, but that wasn't good enough for Ash. He had always believed that love was supposed to be completely selfless, completely about the other person. And yet what he had felt in regards to Temari possibly dying was all about himself.

On one hand, Ash felt that he may have been acting dramatic. His brain told him that Baki was right, that it was only normal to be infuriated by the thought of losing someone he cared about, even if it was in a selfish light. But his heart questioned why the source of his power hadn't been for Temari's sake rather than his own.

Wondering about the answer to that question had presented another very serious obstacle for Ash, in the sense that it unearthed a bitterness he had always refused to acknowledge.

In some small way, no matter how unwarranted and unfair, Ash hated his adopted family. He was angry with them, because he knew that their current love for him was a product of chance more than anything else. Had Gaara never disappeared, neither Temari nor Kankuro would have ever cared for him at all. A roll of the universal dice was the only reason they loved him now, and Ash hated to acknowledge that fact, and somewhat hated them because he knew it was the truth.

He wasn't an outright idiot; he knew that feeling was stupid and wrong and petty, but acknowledging all of those things didn't lessen the bitterness itself.

Because of this, Ash was scared to truly test the limits of his pyromancy. He couldn't help but wonder if his own anger and bitterness towards those he loved was more powerful than his actual love for them. If his training with these flames proved that to be true, he didn't know if he'd be able to live with himself.

And yet, Ash knew that the only way from here was forward. He could bury his issues, but they wouldn't disappear. And he couldn't begin to try solving the issue unless he figured out where he stood. That was why, on the last day before the exam, Ash was out in the desert's nearest oasis alone, with nothing but the occasional scorpion to disturb his efforts. Temari and Kankuro thought he was out in town doing his own thing, perhaps playing with that younger girl he got along with, Matsuri.

He'd deliberately allowed them to believe that. If he had revealed the truth of his current conflict to Temari, it was unlikely that she'd leave him to his own devices. And needless to say, her presence would only make his current struggle more difficult.

Digging his feet into the sand, Ash gathered the by now familiar feeling of fluctuating heat and cold in his body. He still had no clue why his flames were those two colors specifically, but he had deduced something about it over the past week: when he was in a better mood, the flames tended to be more green than blue. When he was in a bad mood, they tended to be more blue. The green made him warmer, while the blue was chilly. Unfortunately, the blue half of his flames had been the dominant one on display since he had begun training with them.

Oddly enough, when he managed to output one color almost entirely instead of a mixture of the two, the power seemed to be more formidable, even if it was almost completely blue. Technically speaking, Ash imagined that he could grow quite competent with his flames if he doubled down on the blue side and intentionally tried to use it that way... but even at his age, he could foresee why that could be a bad idea. Giving into negative emotions to an extent where you needed them to use your strength seemed like a recipe for disaster in the long run.

In an attempt to try and force some sort of headway, Ash did his best to focus on happy thoughts as he prepared to launch his next attack.

Aiming for a particular hill of sand in front of him, Ash punched his right hand forward, launching out the stored energy he had as he did so. The fire came out in a relative bolt, but its color was not what he wanted: it was still an uneven flux of forest green and ocean blue. It blasted his target with force, but the impact was completely without heat of any sort. He may as well have launched a gust of wind at the dune before him.

With a sigh, Ash berated himself for thinking it would be so easy. It wasn't like he could trick himself into not being emotionally distraught just by thinking about it. Still, now he had to wonder why his unevenly balanced flames did nothing in the heat department: or if they did, and he just wasn't picking up on it. Aiming for one of the nearby trees this time, he attacked that target as well, confident that he would fail to scorch it at all.

As Ash had predicted, the plume of flame hit with an explosive burst that blasted bark off of the tree, but it didn't set it alight. At this point, it was obvious that he would not be able to make the most of his ability until he settled the emotional crisis he was having in regards to his family. Concussive force was still useful, but it was clearly not as much as the blonde could be doing under ideal circumstances.

Sitting in the sand in a moment of frustration, Ash wondered how he could possibly be this unsure of himself.

He obviously loved his adopted siblings, but now that he allowed himself to truly ponder his situation, he was angry with them as well. By now Temari was his one and only big sister, but if Gaara had never disappeared, she would have never cared about him at all. Even if she and Kankuro had met him on the streets, they would have ignored him or shunned him just like anyone else. The fact that he had a loving family through the whims of fate alone just embittered the young boy to no end. Even after all this time, Ash still felt like a replacement. If Gaara had never left, he would have never been needed, and that pain released itself in anger towards the only viable targets.

Not even sure how he could go about fixing this emotional disparity, Ash launched another futile blast at the waters of the oasis before turning on his heel and heading to a home that was currently reminding him of something he hated.

---

The rest of that day consisted of no training whatsoever. Ash could think of no way to get around his conflicting emotions, and so he was not going to try. Late into the evening by now, he merely sat on the living room's couch as his sister packed everything she thought she and her brothers might need for the test tomorrow. Honestly, this all seemed like a waste of time to Ash. It was an exam to become the lowest rank of ninja there was; surely it wasn't going to be all that hard.

Still, Temari loved to be prepared, and her brother got the feeling that organizing things may have also been a stress reliever for her. That being the case, Ash never said anything about what he thought was unnecessary work on her part. And besides, he couldn't deny that it had its merits. She had been the only one to possess paper bombs during Baki's test, and those had proven very useful. Even so...

"Let's see... pills, holsters, bandages... extra kunai? Yeah, extra kunai."

Ash shook his head with a slight smile on his face, though he had to force it with what was currently on his mind. "You know, we should just make three mission ready bags to keep around so you don't have to do this every time, Sis. Don't you ever get tired of packing things?"

"Not really. I actually kind of like doing this every time. That way, I can make sure that you and Kankuro always have everything you need out there, and you're both less likely to get hurt."

Ash's smile grew slightly more genuine as his sister stuffed another obscure tool in one of her brother's bags. He still thought she was doing something unnecessary, but at least Temari was doing it because she worried about her brothers. It was moments like these that were trying to prove his stupid feelings of being a replacement wrong. "Speaking of Kankuro, where is he? I haven't seen him for most of the day."

Temari shrugged, focused on the task at hand. "He's probably in his room, tinkering with his puppet again. You know how antisocial he is. He's going to be alone for most of his life, you know?"

"Give him some credit, Sis. He's not all that bad."

"Oh c'mon, Ash. You're younger than he is and you already hang out with more girls than he does. Though I'm not so sure I like that idea..."

Ash frowned at her, having not foreseen this particular gripe on Temari's part. "Matsuri is only six, and I'm just a kid. What idea are you so unhappy about?"

Temari cocked an eyebrow at him, perhaps thinking his question was foolish. "Hey, I'm your big sister. It's my job to worry about how many girls you hang out with. I mean, a kid as cute as you is going to have girls all over him in no time, and I have to protect you from them."

"I'd really appreciate it if you didn't."

"That's too bad. I can't just ignore my duty as a sister."

Ash rolled his eyes, though he couldn't hold back another smile. "Seems more like simple jealousy to me..."

"Oh, shut up. You should be glad I care so much."

The two siblings fell into silence as Temari continued organizing bags and Ash went on to dwell on what she had said. Yes, he should have been glad that she cared so much. But that feeling of being second to another still persisted, and it kept him from being happy about his sister's affections in this moment. Honestly, it was ridiculous, but there was no helping it. The only way to settle things in a way that would satisfy him would be to ask.

"Temari?"

Knowing that Ash rarely ever used her actual name unless there was something wrong or he had something very important to say, Temari completely turned towards her brother to give him her undivided attention.

"What's wrong, Ash?"

"Nothing's wrong, I... I just need to ask you a question."

"You know you can ask me anything. Just tell me."

"Do you... do you miss your little brother?'

It was no surprise really that Temari misunderstood his question. "Well you're right in front of me, so I don't see how I could..."

"I mean your real brother, Temari. Gaara."

To be honest, Temari had expected a question similar to this at some point, but she hadn't expected it so suddenly. Just ten seconds ago they'd been joking together. "Before I answer that, we need to make something absolutely clear. Don't you dare ever imply ever again that you aren't my real brother. I won't forgive something like that, even coming from you."

Ash looked taken aback, but managed to nod his understanding of his sister's words. His clearly shocked reaction stung Temari more than she would have thought possible. He was actually surprised that she had opposed his notion so vehemently.

And that was downright, absolutely unacceptable. She wouldn't let that stand, not for another minute.

"Ash, make sure you remember everything I'm about to say for the rest of your life, alright? Because every word of it will always be true no matter what happens for as long as I live."

Temari's younger brother would have almost been taken aback by the gravitas from someone not much older than him, but he was too enraptured by how serious Temari was being. Whatever conviction she was about to reveal to him, it was something unshakeable.

"Alright... I do miss Gaara. I wonder about him a lot: if he's still out there, if I could have made him happy if he were still here with me and Kankuro, or how things would be if he had never left. I'll admit, I don't think about him every day like I use to... but I never forget about him, and it always hurts to know he's not here with me. I didn't get a chance to know him, but I'm still his big sister, and I still love him. That will never change."

Ash frowned, not hearing what he wanted even though he knew what he desired was selfish. "So, you wish he were still here..."

"Of course I do. But I know what you're thinking right now, and you're wrong: I wouldn't trade you for him. I don't want him back at the cost of losing you. Gaara's my little brother and I love him, but that's just as true for you. In fact, it's even more so for you, because I've lived with you and loved you for years now. You're both special to me in unique ways, and you're both my family. No matter what you think, I wouldn't trade you for anyone: not even Gaara."

Ash didn't seem fully convinced, perhaps picking out the fatal flaw in Temari's rhetoric. "B-but, you did say you wished Gaara were still here... and if he were, then I wouldn't be, so...?"

Temari tried to think of a way she could explain something even she didn't fully understand. She knew that without Gaara's disappearance, Ash never would have been a member of her family. And of course she wished Gaara were still here, but at the same time she didn't want to lose Ash, who was just as much her brother as Gaara or Kankuro. Actually, if she were honest with herself, she knew for a fact that there was one unshakeable truth to admit to both herself and Ash, though the admittance was painful in its own way.

"It's true, if Gaara had never disappeared, you never would have been a part of my family... and it's true that I wish Gaara had never left. But I'm also immensely happy that I have the chance to be your sister. I wouldn't trade the years I've had with you for anything in the whole world, even in exchange for the years I could have had with Gaara. And I know that doesn't make a lot of sense, because with the way things played out, I could definitely only have one or the other..."

Temari focused her gaze on the ceiling, taking a deep breath as she questioned the true nature of what she was about to say.

"Look, Ash... on one hand, this feels wrong for me to say. It makes me feel like a bad sister, or maybe just a bad person in general. But, it's the truth and there's no point in denying it. You're... more important to me than Gaara was. More important than he is now. I never even really got a chance to know him, and you've been my baby brother for years now. Wherever he is, I hope he can forgive me for saying this, but... if I had the chance to go back and choose what happened back then... I'd still choose for you to become part of my family. Even... even if it meant Gaara couldn't be."

Having admitted something that was, in a sense, absolutely terrible, Temari seemed to be distraught. And Ash, despite being so monumentally joyous to learn that he, the reluctantly adopted replacement, was more important to Temari than her own blood brother, also felt awful. It was his own stupidity that had forced Temari to admit something so cruel. He should have known without any doubt whatsoever how precious he was to her without having to hear it from her like this. He should have known that she would never have traded him for anything, even the potential future she could have had with the brother she had lost.

"Temari, I... I'm so sorry. I didn't... I didn't mean to force something like that out of you..."

Wiping away a few rogue tears she'd been unable to stop, the oldest daughter of the Kazekage smiled somewhat forlornly. "Don't apologize to me, Ash. That'd be the same as apologizing for ever being a part of my life. This is something I've known for a long time now... and it was worth admitting to explain how much you really mean to me. Like I said, I want you to always remember everything I just said; because no matter what, it will always be the truth."

A soft smile graced Ash's face as he searched his heart for the disarray that had been there before, only to find no trace of it whatsoever. He had been a fool, to question his family's love for him after all this time. The petty emotional failings of a child, it seemed. Well, although he couldn't pretend that he'd never do anything stupid again, Ash could at least convince himself that this was the last time he would be so foolish as to question an absolute.