Chapter 226.1
Arcana turns her pure eyes towards me.
Her expression was as transparent as usual, but for some reason I remembered what Misha had said to me about her.
A dry thirst.
As if she were wandering endlessly in a desert without water
Hmm. What do you mean by that? (Anos)
Every god becomes a Selection God by choosing a candidate. But I have forgotten the divine name I had before becoming a Selection God. Arcana said quietly.
All I remember is that I wanted kindness. (Arcana)
I felt sadness spilling out from the words she was muttering.
Which means that I was not kind. (Arcana)
Her eyes, tinged with melancholy, were staring into the distant past.
Gods are orders. They have no emotions, and theyre not alive. I think thats why I gave up my name. I think I gained my heart in exchange for my divine name and my memories. However, a mortals emotions, especially love and kindness, disrupt order. What I obtained was chaos, something a god should never have. Arcana said as if it were a sin.
Without realizing this, as a nameless god, I brought light to the Underground World. The light of salvation. I knew I had to do it. I thought that if I had kindness in me, that if I had the heart to deeply care for others, I would be able to break out of the confines of order and save more people. (Arcana)
Gods followed their orders, and their supreme purpose was to protect them by maintaining them.
So she gave up her name in order to escape from the control of her own order, huh.
Here in the Underground World, Ive used divine miracles to save as many people as I could without anyone knowing. I saved a thousand lives, saved ten thousand hearts, and then one day, I met someone. A member of the Church of Jiordal who prayed to the gods for revenge after his daughter was killed. (Arcana)
As if remembering her past, Arcana looked up and stared into the void above her head.
There was no sky, only the canopy overhanging the depths of the earth.
His daughter was a candidate, and after the holy war, her soul was returned to the heavens. According to Jiordals teachings, all sources that perish during the holy war would receive salvation from the gods. And that its something to be happy about and to celebrate above all else. But his daughter told him just before her death (Arcana)
Arcanas eyes were clouded with sadness.
That she would rather stay with her father than go to the gods. He mourned, rejected Jiordals teachings, and resented the candidate who killed his daughter. So he prayed to me. He appealed to me and pleaded for judgment to fall upon that candidate, and for him to be punished with eternal death. He said that this was the only form of salvation for him. (Arcana)
In order to save the father, the candidate who killed his daughter had to be sent to his doom, huh.
So what did you do? (Anos)
At that time, I wasnt a Selection God, but a nameless one. I couldnt pass judgment on the candidate. So I tried to persuade the father. I told him that revenge brought nothing. That it wouldnt bring her daughter back. And that even in death, she wants him to live a happy life. (Arcana)
Arcana paused, then spoke again.
Then I said that if he wanted, I could bring his daughter back to life. (Arcana)
Was her source still around? (Anos)
Arcana looked down and shook her head from side to side.
Then no matter how powerful a god you were, you couldnt revive her. (Anos)
By distorting the order of the Moon of Creation, it becomes possible to create the same person. Identical in mind, body, and memory. His daughter would be back to life. At least from his point of view. (Arcana)
Hmm. So you lied. (Anos)
Arcana nodded.
As long as he didnt find out, he would be happy. Thats what I believed, and with Altiertonoas power, I created his daughter. (Arcana)
Arcana stared into my eyes.
He was happy about it. He thought I had saved her. (Arcana)
Her face told her that it was a mistake.
But a few months later, he hanged himself. His daughter, crying, told me that the person who had been chosen to represent the gods after the Selection Judgment had told him that her daughter was a fake. That person was the man who killed his real daughter. (Arcana)
Arcana shuts her mouth, biting her own lip.
She remained silent for a while, her expression dark.
Who was responsible for his death? Arcana wondered, as is asking herself that question.
Was it the Proxy who told him the truth in mockery? Or was it the fathers own fault for harboring a desire for revenge? (Arcana)
As if slowly denying it. Arcana answered.
No. I was the one who killed him. I tried to save him by creating a fake daughter. But it wasnt salvation All I did was sow the seeds of despair. (Arcana)
The way she squeezed out her voice sounded as if it were piercing her.
This is my sin. As a god, I have committed a mistake I shouldve never committed. I kept thinking about it. How could I have saved his heart? Should I have just granted him his revenge? But Even if his heart was saved, the Proxy wouldve been the one to die, and one more life wouldve been lost. (Arcana)
When you thought about it, it was the gods who were really responsible for the daughters murder during the Selection Judgment.
Punishing the murderer wasnt the right course of action here.
I finally realized that all of these things are connected. Its not limited to just that one incident. One salvation causes another to be lost without anyone realizing it. If you save someone, someone else will go down, and not even the hands of a god could carry all of those wishes. Arcana declared.
No one is almighty. Not even the gods are almighty. Its impossible to save everything. (Arcana)
That mustve been the conclusion she came to at that moment.
Thats why I hoped I was wrong. I wanted someone to disprove the answer I had come to. And thats how I came to know you when I went to the surface. (Arcana)
She smiled a bit, as if that was her salvation.
The Demon King of Tyranny who slays gods. If your power does exceed that of the gods, I thought you might have an answer to my question. (Arcana)
Sad that was why she sent her magical body and went out of her way to ask me.
Anos Voldigoad the Misfit. Your existence must be far removed from order. I will give you my judgment. You are the one who is worthy of being the Proxy of the gods, the true almighty one. (Arcana)
Arcana quietly reached out her hand and touched my sword, the Sword of the Almighty Leviangilma.
How can I be God if I cant save everything? She wondered, as if talking to herself.
How can I be a god if I cant save even the wicked, the guilty, the foolish, and the devilish? Gods only exist to protect order, and this doesnt save anything. (Arcana)
When I let go of the sword, she held it horizontally.
I wanted to be a kind god who saves everything. A real god. (Arcana)
A single teardrop fell from her eyes.
Thats how I felt, so I renounced my name. Probably. Definitely. (Arcana)
Arcana held the sheath in her left hand, and the hilt in her right hand.
It was a mistake. Therefore, you defeating me is my punishment for my sin. And at the same time, its the best salvation I could hope for. (Arcana)
She put strength into her right hand.
Farewell. I pray for your victory. (Arcana)
Arcana put strength into her hand as she attempted to quietly pull out Leviangilma.
Right before the Sword of the Almighty erased her source, I grabbed her right hand and stopped her.
Arcana gave me a puzzled look.
Before that, let me show you what I would do to this man so irredeemable that not even a god could save him. (Anos).
Arcana nodded, although she seemed confused.
Its almost time for him to come back. I wonder what this man will say after abandoning his faith. I hope he doesnt fail my expectations. (Anos)
Ahid was sleeping on his back and having nightmares, and I cast the <All Magic Complete Healing Ei Chael> spell on him.
His severed limbs grew back, and his wounds were completely healed.
As if suddenly realizing it, Ahid opened his eyes.
How did you like that, you crook? Have you grown accustomed to denying the gods after being betrayed by them so many times? Your faith has completely disappeared, hasnt it? (Anos)
After hearing my words and carefully registering them, Ahid suddenly breathed out.
Heh HEHAHAHAHAHA! (Ahid)
Ahid lifted himself up while laughing out loud.
BUHYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I am back! I am back! (Ahid)
Perhaps because he had relived the nightmare of being betrayed by the gods a thousand times, but it seemed that the feeling of freedom from coming back to reality had made Ahid unhinged.
Hmm. Did you lose your mind? (Anos)
I am perfectly sane. I have not renounced my faith either. (Ahid)
If you hadnt abandoned your faith from the bottom of your heart, you wouldve never woken up from your collar-induced nightmare. (Anos)
Ahid grinned at those words.
What I mean is, it is because I believed in the gods that I wholeheartedly renounced my faith. Do you not understand? It is the same as what you said earlier. If you are the wielder of the Sword of the Almighty, then I am the one with the heart of the Almighty. This is how I abandoned my faith while preserving it at the same time. (Ahid)
A smile escaped the corners of my mouth at the sight of the man who remained completely rotten, even after going through a thousand nightmares.
You really are a man who never fails to meet my expectations, you know that? In that case, as I promised, Ill show you your last nightmare. (Anos)
I spoke to Arcana, who was watching us from afar.
Do him a favor, and tell him. Who do you choose for this Selection Judgment? (Anos)
Unfortunately, I have no time to play your little games. I have received a new divine message. (Ahid)
Ahid then turned to Arcana.
O my deity Arcana, let us retire for the moment. I now have a grasp of his power. He is a fool who does not understand that death by holy war is salvation. With the power of a new god, we can defeat this heretic. Take my hand. (Ahid)
Ahid reached his hand out to Arcana.
However, when she glanced at it, she told him matter-of-factly
I cant do that. (Arcana)