Maybe a Fake Gintama

"Not many people get hit by Bright, you know!" Shinpachi yelled, straining his neck in a spirited retort.

"Hahaha, hahaha," Sakamoto chuckled apologetically. I'm sorry, but the thought of battle got my blood boiling again."

"What kind of wars have you guys been in? How are you all like this?!" Another vein popped on Shinpachi's forehead, "The second half of this is basically a field trip!"

A mushroom-headed Renpou soldier raised a signboard before Katsura: "Sensei, can we bring PSPs to the battlefield?"

"Hey, we're finally going to war," Katsura, hands on his hips, scolded in a teacher's tone, "You should play some war games, you idiot!"

"Ehh—!!"

Seeing the Renpou soldiers earnestly listening to Katsura's lecture, Shinpachi retorted again: "Why has this turned into a homeroom meeting? Who's the teacher here?"

"Got it, got it. Well then, today's military meeting ends here. Everyone, head to the playground for the UNO tournament!" Katsura announced loudly.

"Why are we playing UNO on the playground?! How much do you want to play UNO?!" Shinpachi retorted once more.

"Don't worry, Aru Elizabeth," Gintoki whispered, "Today's game will be played at triple speed."

"That's not the issue, you comet-headed fool!" Shinpachi yelled, veins popping.

"The mission of commanders is also to create a mindset between calm and passion through the fun of UNO," Sakamoto explained.

"You guys are stuck between being idiots and eggs!" Shinpachi retorted again.

A little while later, watching Gintoki and Sakamoto harmoniously playing UNO with the Renpou soldiers, Tsukuyo asked Kawaki, who was drooling and hugging a Samurai Gundam's leg with sparkling eyes, "Aren't you going? You should be like them, right…"

"No, I'm nothing like them." Hugging the leg of the Samurai Gundam, pouring out his longing, Kawaki replied casually without looking back, "Those boring pre-battle pep talks are always their job. I… can't bring myself to tell soldiers who might die on the battlefield those motivational words. It's like… we're forcing them to die. Besides, those guys wanted to change the country back then; I never joined those wars for such dull reasons."

"Is that so…"

"But even in such dull wars, many people died, so many people," Kawaki continued casually, "Fighting and fighting, running towards an endless horizon until… you can't see anyone anymore, neither enemies nor comrades. At that moment, you realize that war only takes lives, nothing else. Renpou treats their soldiers as disposable pawns? What makes Earth any different? How are we any different? Maybe there is a difference; Earth's samurai have not only their foolish loyalty but also their beliefs in the way of the warrior. Those in power manipulate and use this belief to make samurai willingly die for them, to give everything. Many people… so many people… never regret it even at the moment of their death. That feeling… is terrifying, truly terrifying…"

"You…" Tsukuyo's eyes widened involuntarily, "Did you ever want to change this country?"

"Did I let something slip?" Kawaki quickly covered his mouth and smiled nonchalantly. "Maybe I had a bit of that thought before, but it doesn't matter now."

He looked at Sakamoto playing UNO with Gintoki, then at Katsura resting in the corner, "Because… the tide of history will change this country eventually, even if we do nothing. The shogunate, the samurai… these privileged classes of this country will disappear in the tide of history someday. But… not now. One day, when everyone in this country believes it should change, it will change naturally. One person… ten people… hundreds of thousands believing the country should change only leads to pointless war. Didn't I say before? Acting on personal desires alone leads to failure."

"Do you think those two can't change this country?" Tsukuyo asked quietly.

"No, it's the opposite… or maybe not. Those two idiots can't do it." Kawaki shook his head, then looked at Sakamoto, "Tsukuyo, what's your impression of a merchant?"

Before Tsukuyo could answer, Kawaki continued, "They're focused on profit, weighing gains and losses in everything… that's what everyone thinks of merchants. But… precisely because of that, a merchant who is sharper and more prudent than anyone will be the first to discover things that can't be measured by gains and losses. Of course, that empty-headed idiot probably can't do it. To him, some small things are more important than this country."

"And him?" Tsukuyo glanced at Katsura.

"Zura has learned to wield a sword but hasn't learned to put it down." Kawaki shrugged and casually commented, "Without the resolve to put down the sword, wanting to change this country completely… is just a daydream. It's not just about putting down the sword; it's about having the resolve to pull out the sword in everyone's heart in this country… a sword that's both a support and a restraint, which they call the soul. If he can truly do that… maybe Zura could really change this country."

"Heh," Tsukuyo chuckled softly, "I never expected the person who understands how to change this country best is a good-for-nothing NEET."

"Who are you calling a NEET, you nasty woman!" Kawaki retorted instantly, then chuckled and looked at Katsura and Sakamoto again, "They… can't do it. Gaining something means losing something. But what they'd lose… is something they can never afford to lose."

Then, Kawaki seemed to recall something, "No, those two… and maybe Taka-chan too, might have already realized it. To truly change this country… what must be done and what important things will be lost. Simply destroying, constantly seeking a bridge to coexist with the Amanto, constantly compromising, or just doing idiotic things against the shogunate won't work."

"What would you do?" Tsukuyo glanced at Kawaki.

"If it were me…" Kawaki smiled, moved closer to Tsukuyo, and with his left hand around her waist, his right hand slipped under her suit, slowly moving towards her back…

"What are you doing here?!" Tsukuyo blushed and yelled, kicking Kawaki away.

Kawaki kicked away, brushed off the dust, and got up, holding up a small eavesdropping device, "First, I'd get rid of those two idiots who are eavesdropping. That would change 80% of this country. The remaining 20% is like the feet of a Zeong. And… never let your guard down around those two idiots, even if they're just fools."

"That's…" Tsukuyo suddenly realized something. It was… when Sakamoto approached the Kaientai, "Was it then?!"

At this moment, Kawaki crushed the small device in his hand. Simultaneously, Sakamoto was playing UNO, and Katsura was resting; both clutched their ears in pain.

"See? Those two idiots are still doing such stupid things. How can we rely on them to change this country?" Kawaki shrugged and spat disdainfully.

"Why do you see so clearly?" Tsukuyo glanced at Kawaki.

"Tsukuyo, you're not too bright, are you?" Kawaki made a weird face and answered naturally, "Didn't I say before? I'm not a samurai~."

Tsukuyo recalled when she first met Kawaki and murmured softly, "Indeed, you weren't a samurai from the start."

"What's wrong? Disappointed?" Kawaki asked nonchalantly.

"Tsukuyo, do you prefer samurai?" Kagura, who had walked over, asked.

"Of course not…" Tsukuyo instinctively replied but then realized, pulling out two kunai and stabbing them into Kawaki's forehead.

As Kawaki, eyes rolling, fell to the ground with blood pouring from his forehead, he muttered in his last conscious moment, "Why… I didn't do anything… should have played UNO too…"

Just then, footsteps sounded behind the group.

"You guys really are strange…" Elizabeth raised a signboard behind them.

"General… General Elizabeth!" Shinpachi exclaimed.

"You eased the pre-battle tension in an instant."

"Though you seem foolish, you possess an inexplicable charm."

"Or maybe you're attracting attention with your Earthly aura."

"Did you also once hide on Earth?"

"My troops did the same."

"They followed orders to infiltrate Earth and interact with Earthlings."

"And now, they aim to annihilate the Earthlings."

At this moment, Katsura Elizabeth walks over and says to Elizabeth, "Everyone loves Earth deeply. Otherwise, they wouldn't remember the game rules."

"I often played too," Elizabeth raised another signboard, recalling playing UNO with Katsura.

"They'd come to play with me whenever they had free time."

"But they were weak… so I often let them win."

Elizabeth's signboard-raising slowed, and the expression on the suit grew a bit sadder.

"Looking back, I've been deceiving that person since then…"

"Do you regret it?" Katsura asked quickly, "If so, why… Everyone gained something important while hiding on Earth, making Earth important to them. I… I am the same. But why choose to invade?"