Miss, stop committing suicide

Chapter 17

After eating a lot of coffee and chocolate, time passed quickly.

Normally, I’d be stubbornly seated in the classroom, but this time, I gave up early.

“What should I do? This is fun in its own way, but it’s starting to get boring.”

If you keep eating chocolate, you’re bound to get sick of it eventually.

Especially if it’s that fancy, needlessly bitter chocolate made to suit the tastes of nobles as an after-meal treat.

The sun has completely set.

If I leave the window open, I’d sometimes hear the sounds of children laughing or birds chirping, but now there’s nothing.

Everyone’s asleep.

Alone in this closed room, I strip off my clothes, revealing my bare body.

Then I walk into the bathroom.

“Ugh.”

As the soles of my bare feet touch the bathroom floor, a faint chill runs up my spine.

I reach out and touch the part of the tub where the back of my neck had rested.

“Is this where I misfired?

If I’m going to do it, maybe I should just do it in one go.”

Mixing two different methods and making a mess of it — that’s probably why it ended up as a painful death.

If I’d just blown my head off in one go, there wouldn’t have been any problems.

Dignity? What dignity?

A corpse is just a lump of meat.

Even if I’m thinking like this now, this body probably wouldn’t accept such thoughts.

I fill the bathtub with warm water.

Then I get up and look at myself in the mirror.

I don’t feel much embarrassment or shame.

Even if I remember who I used to be, what kind of person I was, or how I used to think, when I look at this form, I have no choice but to accept it.

A healthy — no, maybe a bit frail — but still functional body. Silvery hair with a hint of vitality. Pale skin and lifeless eyes that seem too dull to focus properly.

A modest chest and slightly curved hips with no particularly striking features.

I wondered if there’d be something different after taking off my clothes, but it’s just this.

No visible scars or traces of magical residue, the kind that’s supposed to form when exposed to strong magic.

I run my hands over different parts of my body.

The soft texture and sensation of touch confirm it.

I’m alive.

After gazing at this girl’s naked reflection in the mirror for a while, I finally realize that the bathtub is now full of water.

I step into the warm tub and close my eyes.

Before I knew it, I’d fallen asleep.

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Good morning! A powerful and strong morning! If you ask me, I—

Let’s stop. I was trying to start with some fun self-talk, but nothing’s coming to mind.

The attempt to escape from this gloomy, depressing mood has sunken deep into the bottom of my mind.

“Ah, I don’t want to go.”

Since my eyes are open, it’s probably morning.

Thanks to staying in the bathtub for hours, my body feels sluggish.

I feel a little dizzy, too.

Oddly enough, my skin isn’t wrinkled at all.

Only a few droplets of water remain, clinging to it.

I get out of the bathtub.

A slight wave of dizziness hits me.

“Ouch.”

Then, I lost my balance and fell.

It seems I twisted my ankle a little.

Well, it’s fine.

It’s just a little pain, nothing more.

I’d like to walk in a way that hurts less, but my body refuses to cooperate.

Moments like this make me feel a bit melancholic.

Still, I look in the mirror, tidy myself up as best I can, and put on my clothes.

After putting on my shoes, I head to the classroom, listening to the whispers of people around me as they stare.

Most of it’s the same. They’re talking about how my father’s dead, how the family’s fallen into ruin since the “traitor’s” head was cut off, how there’s no one left to support the family, and how maybe “that half-wit girl” might end up inheriting everything. They’re wondering what will become of me.

At first, every time I heard those whispers, my body would tremble slightly, but now I’ve gotten used to it.

I can brush it off as nothing now. I’d call that considerable progress.

When I enter the classroom, Lydia appears with that irritating face of hers, a slight sneer on her lips as she speaks to me.

“Oh, hmm. People sure do love talking about you, young lady.

What to do? Now, there’s not a single person in this academy who’s unaware of your unfortunate circumstances.”

“I’m aware.”

“You’re taking it pretty calmly. Considering how you flew into a rage when you lost Evan to that commoner girl, it’s a little surprising.”

“Even if I were to express my feelings to you or Vivian, what’s going to change?”

“True enough. Nothing’s going to change, and nothing’s going to change about what I’m about to do, either.

Young lady, I’ll come visit you later.

In difficult times like these, it’s important to get together with close friends and share our friendship!”

I want to tell her to go to hell, but this lady’s lips rarely utter curses unless she’s truly pushed into a corner.

That’s why it’s even more frustrating.

I can’t say what I want to say, I can’t move the way I want to move.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m trapped inside a pretty little etiquette doll.

It’s probably around 10 o’clock.

The teacher keeps glancing at me while teaching the class.

After some time, he announces that today’s lesson will end here and tells us to study on our own before heading off to lunch.

The kids in the classroom either return to their dorms or head out for a pleasant walk, wearing happy expressions.

Blending into the crowd, I try to slip away unnoticed, but I’m caught.

A boy I’ve never spoken to grabs my arm.

I try to pull away without saying a word, but my frail strength isn’t enough to break free.

Then Lydia approaches, leading her lackeys with an air of intimidation.

“Lady Erica, as noble as you are, don’t you think it’s a bit improper to run away?

If it were me, I’d be so embarrassed, haha.”

“Why not call it even? A group surrounding and intimidating an individual seems just as disgraceful.”

“You’ve got a sharp tongue, don’t you? Well, that’s only natural. Both you and I were raised learning to run our mouths.

But words that come from a powerless mouth without any backing authority or strength… They’re awfully pathetic, don’t you think?

Alright, you can let her go now.”

While we were talking, the kids surrounded me, making it impossible to escape.

The boy who’d been holding my arm left with a somewhat tired expression, but I’m far weaker than the average girl my age.

Just because one of them let go doesn’t mean I can get away.

And thanks to twisting my ankle this morning, running is out of the question, and even walking properly has its limits.

Well, I’m doomed.

“On the other hand, no matter how vicious the act, if you’ve got the right backing, it’s all fine and dandy.

That’s why I love power so much. Thanks to it, I can playfully mess with a lady who’s grown up so prettily.”

Lydia says that while tapping her lips mockingly with her fingers.

“Oh dear, I’ve let my true feelings slip. What should I do?

Hey, everyone, it seems the lady’s feeling a bit tired. Let’s give her some support.”

Her words were less “let’s support her” and more “let’s restrain her.” It felt like being dragged away by the police.

“Hmm, what should we do?

I can’t think of anything good.”

Lydia taps her chin with her finger for a while before asking me a question.

“Lady Erica, I’m curious. When you made a mistake as a child, what kind of punishment did you receive?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve never done anything wrong, so I wouldn’t know.”

It’s true.

Neither my father nor my mother ever punished me.

Hearing that, Lydia’s eyes curve into crescent shapes.

“Is that so? When I made mistakes as a child, my mother would lock me in a closet.

For a foolish little girl who doesn’t know her place, it’s a fitting punishment, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Ha, haha, haha.”

“What’s so funny?”

“It’s just funny. You wouldn’t get it even if I explained.”

Wouldn’t it be exhausting to live like that?

Running around like a bat, flitting from one place to another, seems awfully tiring.

Even picking and choosing whom to look down on seems like a lot of work.

But I guess it’s none of my business.

As expected, she doesn’t miss a single word or phrase, and she’ll gladly spit out the most unwanted words.

“You really don’t know your place, do you?

Then again, you’re handsome— Oh wait, I’m supposed to say ‘was handsome’ now, huh? Anyway, didn’t your dear brother lose his head for the same reason?”

Did my expression harden?

Lydia reached out, pinched the corners of my lips, and forced them upward.

“Staring like that is scary.

Smile, smile. Smiling makes life worth living, right?

Whether your family’s dead or your house has collapsed, you’ve got to smile to keep going.”

Lydia and her cronies drag me toward a locker.

A small, cramped locker that’s too short to stretch my legs.

My body starts trembling.

I’m scared.

Being confined has always been a source of terror for me.

And if it’s in a space so narrow that there’s no way to escape, it’s even worse.

The fear of being trapped is beyond imagination.

“Since I can’t find a closet, I’ll just have to use this.

Ahaha, don’t shake, don’t shake.

A small, cute girl like you will fit just fine.”

Lydia’s laughing face turns cold in an instant.

Her next words are only four syllables.

“Put her in.”

“No, I don’t want to.”

“What will you do if you refuse?”

I twist and squirm as much as I can, but I can’t budge.

The kids lift my body, fold me up, and shove me into the locker.

My face ends up buried in my knees as I’m forced into that cramped space.

Then the door shuts.

It’s dark, and I can’t move.

“You can’t do anything, can you?”