ALL NOVEL 396. That's Impossible
E'livia frowned when Shen interrupted her ritual. The frown only deepened at his question. It upset her enough that she stopped pretending to be afraid of him.
"What's your play here?" she asked straight.
Once more, her straightforwardness was refreshing. Instead of trying to guess his reasons or investigate in a roundabout manner, she asked and expected a clear answer. Shen still thought the Gardener Sect's definition of politics was too inflexible, but it was nice when it worked in his favor—he would answer honestly, and she was more or less expected to believe him, even if with some reserves.
Of course, her openness only made him question why she would pretend to fear him. The obvious answer, that it was a real fear, was too outlandish for him to believe. He would need to keep watching out for other signs that might give him the answer.
On a different note, he wondered if being in a culture where manipulating her was against the rules made her more likely to struggle to deal with her feelings, like when she attacked him. Maybe even hiding emotions or going against them was considered some sort of politics in her sect. Something to investigate later.
"There's no play," Shen replied. "I forgot everything about cultivating. I know the realms and what they represent. I know I need to master my Laws to reach B-rank but not how to do it."
Her frown deepened, which he had thought impossible. Her face had a wider physical range of expressions than the drow. It was almost cartoonish.
She asked, "Do I look that stupid to you?" and didn't give him a chance to answer before adding, "No one can forget everything they know about cultivation. It would break them. Your cultivation history is like... Like the stones that set your Path's foundations. You cannot forget everything you know and live. That's impossible."
Shen knew the tribulation didn't want people to know about it, and it might end up with him punished instead of any listener, so he gave her the same information he had given the guards in Alaans. That hadn't caused any issues that he was aware of. "I lost most of my memories. I'm looking to figure out my Will; I think I'll recover at least most of them when I do. But what if it takes too long? I'd rather restart cultivating now."
In theory, she knew he was undergoing a tribulation because her father had revealed it. Still, he wasn't sure if directly revealing his state was because of the tribulation would break some sort of rule. He'd rather be less than completely honest with her and risk her sect's ire than the Heavens'.
E'livia was still visibly doubtful but eased her frown. "I guess I can't see what you have to gain by lying about that. You should ask my father to check... Oh! The tribulation!"
So, she wasn't stupid.
Unfortunately so.
Shen found out he had, indeed, broken some sort of rule.
The Heavenly Lightning in his Path went haywire, ravaging through his True Core. The divine electricity went to and fro his Path, which was his soul, body, mind, everything. It pierced everything he was, everywhere, nonstopping for long moments. It left minuscule but painful holes whenever it passed. His domain, which held his Path together and kept E'livia from crushing him like a bug, was useless in protecting him from the very Heavens.
And yet, Shen didn't lose himself despite all that damage. Not yet, at least. Every memory, no ability, and personality trace was kept; any hole was quickly replaced with thousands of "stitches" made of more lightning. The Heavens could destroy as much as they could keep him alive.
In the end, about twenty percent of his True Core had been obliterated and replaced by Heavenly Lightning.
The tribulation held him together for now, but the warning was clear: do not reveal the tribulation to anyone else. The Gardener and E'lemer had found out by themselves, and that was allowed. He, however, couldn't even tangentially lead someone to find out the truth.
On top of anguishing over the pain, Shen was upset. He hadn't talked about the tribulation to her. As usual, he swallowed it down. Getting angry at the Heavens was useless until he reached S-rank.
The pain was excruciating, and yet Shen didn't show any signs of it. Not because he didn't want to, but because the lightning also forced him to stay still. He also couldn't reveal that he wasn't supposed to tell people details of his tribulation, though at least the Heavens were merciful enough to stop him from breaking that previously unknown rule.
Shen still tried to tell her not to speak of his tribulation to anyone, but his mouth didn't move. Just to make sure, he thought about giving hints about the subject being touchy, but he was kept frozen.
When he thought of attacking her, though, his body moved freely.
The Heavens were sending a clear message: kill whoever you shared the information with or be prepared for any consequences of letting them know. This tribulation wasn't about soft skills. It wouldn't allow him to use them in any way whatsoever.
Alas, Shen couldn't kill E'livia even if he wanted to. Simply put, he was too weak to accomplish it. His chance had passed in their first clash when Big Bad Dad saved her. She was always keeping her guard up around him now.
As a last resort, he thought about asking her to accompany him to a random place or help him apply to the Gardener Sect. The Heavens didn't block him from moving his mouth to potentially speak those words. So, misdirection and very indirect control were allowed as long as they didn't touch any subject related to the tribulation.
A small mercy, at last.
All that happened in a few moments. E'livia was still looking at Shen, waiting for him to give any sign of her being right. She took his uncomfortable halt as confirmation and smiled, glad for connecting the dots.
"Alright." She placed her hands behind her back and puffed up her chest, looking at the horizon like a ridiculously hot female sage. "Listen well, student. I'll only speak once; how much you understand the secrets of cultivation will depend on your talent." She sneaked a glance at him from the corner of her eyes and showed her tongue. "Kidding." She smiled, winked, then reverted to the sage pose.
"To cultivate is to seek Truth. The Truth of yourself. The Truth of the world. The Truth of Truth itself. Forget about power and immortality; they are but consequences, the marks of those who walk the Path—"
"Bullshit," Shen interrupted. "The Path is also power and immortality. You can't dissociate one from the other. To deny that truth is to deny Reality itself."
He couldn't stop himself from correcting her because it touched on beliefs deeply rooted in his own Path. He expected her to get upset, but she smiled excitedly instead.
"Very well, student! I, E'Livia, shall defeat you in a Truth and Axiom Debate!" She was so happy she closed her fists and softly punched the air. "I love them! No one debates with me anymore because I defeated everyone! I call dibs on starting! Student, tell me, what is power?"
Shen didn't want to get into a damn Truth and Axiom Debate, whatever it was. He only wanted to cultivate! Yet, her question resonated with him. He knew power was part of his Will, and he wanted to make sure she didn't twist at least that concept.
He answered, "Power is power. It's strength, technique, talent, status. The ability to achieve one's goals."
She raised an eyebrow at that, surprised. His answer was simple but precise. Power could be more or less than that, but he had defined what he believed power to be. Unless she meant to find fault in details, there was little to be said against it.
"I concede this topic to you," she said almost solemnly. "What is your question in this Debate?"
Shen refused to engage further at that time sink. "How do I cultivate my Laws to master them?"
"What? No! That's not a valid question! You must ask something grand. Philosophy, the mysteries of life and death, souls, Axioms! That stuff!"
He sighed. "Look, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I think you're getting caught up in your own world and ignoring reality. You need to get rid of this Void orb before it spits another Prophet, don't you? And I feel humiliated by my weakness and want to grow powerful, not waste time measuring my beliefs against yours. You..."
Shen trailed off as he finally understood her. Everything he had seen made sense when seen from a simple perspective, "You treat everything like it's some sort of play. Inconsequential." Even her fear made sense; she had never felt real fear of death before he almost killed her and was stopped by her dad. "It's not. This is the real world. My weakness means anyone like you can kill me if they want. It defines my priorities and how I interact with the world."
He didn't want to admit to his fear, but her fear of him hadn't made her flee from him in when she woke up. So, he had nothing to gain by pretending to be almighty before her. Moreover, if he wasn't sincere, it might be considered politics later and bite him in the ass.
He continued, "I don't have anyone to depend on. Even if I did, I don't recall them, so I can't call for help. My life is in my own hands. There's no Gardener Sect, no father, no safety net. I want this Void orb gone so I feel safer. I want to grow stronger so I feel safer. That's what people do when faced with the inexorable reality of their inadequacy in a world where power dictates what is true or false, good or bad, who lives and who dies. So forgive me if I don't want to get into a debate right now. We can do that after the Void orb is gone and I have finished my cultivation session."
In fact, if he wasted enough of her time in the debate—and insisted they do it on the move while he explored that world—he might prevent her from getting back to the sect or interacting with anyone she might talk about his tribulation to. He was pretty sure he could lead a sheltered girl around with a few complex questions. Unless, of course, she hadn't lied about being a good debater. Shen doubted that was the case; more likely, people refused to debate with her nowadays because she wanted to do it at the worst time possible, like now.
He was a bit dry at the end of his speech. A bit condescending, too. But she just flushed in shame and slightly lowered her head like a berated child.
"Sorry!" she half-yelled and bowed.
Her earnest and childish response made Shen feel uncomfortable at the way he had been admiring her physique. She looked like a drow who had reached adulthood a few years ago, but was she mentally that old? Some races matured physically much earlier than others. He had no memory of how everyone was supposed to deal with that, but, personally, he would only interact intimately with anyone if both their mind and body were mature enough.
Well, he didn't need to guess. This was a "free question world," wasn't it? So he asked, "How old are you?"
E'livia frowned at his question. "Old enough to marry!" she replied bluntly. "Why? Do you think it's shameful to admit to one's mistakes?! You kileng moron! Only a weak-willed idiot would think admitting to one's ignorance and allowing oneself to grow is immature! To protect one's ego in the face of reality is to protect the false before the Truth! No cultivator can get far in the Path if they only care about protecting their public image!"
Her answer was interesting and reflected her view on cultivation well; she was pursuing Truth. But Shen had to throw her hypocrisy at her face to see what happened. Would her ego speak louder? Or would she admit to her mistake despite her emotional state?
"Wasn't protecting your public image and ego exactly what you did when I called you Arrogance Incarnate?" he poked. "You almost killed me for it."
E'livia opened her mouth to say something. Nothing came out. She closed it, opened it again, closed it, became furious, then just waved her hand. An info cube materialized from her spatial treasure—which wasn't visible—and flew his way.
She turned her back to him, looked at her ritual runes, and quietly said, "I'm not perfect, but at least I try to improve. And I succeed where others fail. Constantly. If you remember anything about True Paths and how power cements oneself, you'll know how impressive I am. Think about what that means, then call me a child again if you dare."
Unfortunately for her, Shen did not, in fact, recall anything about power cementing oneself. He only knew he shouldn't be able to directly affect his True Core as he had done during this tribulation, for which he paid a hefty price, the hole in his chest.
So, he just ignored her and checked the info cube's content. It contained a lot of information about cultivation, from philosophy, research, statistics, hard data, race-specific knowledge—which didn't include the drow—and the universal steps anyone had to walk to progress.
Shen also ignored most of it and went straight for the last part. He was done absorbing that content within seconds.
He found out he had to use his insights and guesses about his Laws to connect to Reality and grow stronger. Currently, he had none of those. At least none that he recalled. But at the same time, his "blank state" made it very easy for him to see and question things that others might ignore as he analyzed his Laws and their purpose in the world.
So, he sat with his back to E'livia and started watching the world.