ALL NOVEL 407. Too Many Red Flags
E'livia opened her mouth to reply but thought better of it, nodded, and replied, "This is a restaurant. An average one." She blushed. "Dad said I shouldn't go to one of the cheap hedonist ones but that you were unlikely to like anything too classy. And you're paying. It'd be impolite to ask for anything more."
Shen smiled. He appreciated the lack of "hedonism" more than anything. He didn't mind visiting places of mindless fun in the future, but he needed few distractions now. He would like nothing more than to enter that restaurant right away.
However, hurrying too much would be detrimental instead of helping him. Avoiding politics was one thing, but being ungrateful was another.
He said, "Elder E'vania was generous to me, and through her generosity, I earned the right to talk to you. I have seventy-five high-purity spirit stones, and it would be my privilege to spend everything with you. I doubt I can afford your sect's very best restaurant, but please take us to the best I can afford."
The spear Un'Re was priceless. During their talk, Elder E'vania had been either delusional about the Gardener or lying to Shen, but her gift was at least indirectly connected to the Honor Duel and had helped him win. Even if the old lady ended up not liking Shen spending some money on E'livia, she was unlikely to get upset. E'lemer was the same—
Shen frowned. Actually, it might very well upset the man, who didn't want his daughter to mingle with Shen.
He was about to tell her he had changed his mind, but she was smiling excitedly at his words and said, "Yes! I always wanted to visit the Blue Lagoon, but Dad never gave me money for it! Come!" she jumped on the sky and flew away with her six wings, which had been healed by now.
Shen, on the other hand, was still not healed from Death. T'onir's Path was still inside him, being automatically fought against by his own Path. He was slowly pushing the guy's Path away and healing himself. The process had halted during his unconscious hours in the volcano, and it would take another few hours for him to get rid of the guy's influence.
Really, Shen had no idea how that Law invasion had worked; he hoped he could at least get E'livia to explain that to him even if she refused to come with him.
The holin led him to a doorframe made of sparking blue water, perpetually running. Shen's Law of Stream resonated with it. He was almost sure he could improve his mastery over his Law just by observing that frame if his tribulation wasn't blocking him.
That mere doorframe showed how the Gardener Sect treaded its members well. Standing in front of the portal was free for any sect member, and this was merely the Garden City of a C-tier world. He could only imagine what the headquarters E'livia had mentioned could provide the sect's disciples with.
The flowers writing the portal's destination above were lotuses, and the words were larger than most portals. Shen was beginning to recognize some of the local language's characters after visiting places he knew the meaning of, like the Armory, the Arena, and now this Blue Lagoon. It would take a longer time to learn the language, though—which he had to work on if he planned to disguise himself.
E'livia landed before the portal, looking even more excited than before. "The Blue Lagoon is real expensive," she said after Shen landed. "Are you sure you want to go in?" Her smile was mesmerizing.
Shen might've paid even for a random girl he knew nothing about if they asked it of him with so much hope in their voice. It was too cute, and he realized he didn't care about money. He could always get more money, but disappointing E'livia might devastate her.
He frowned at that thought, though.
Why did he care so much about not disappointing a random girl? Even if it marked her life negatively, she would overcome it and maybe even grow more mature from the experience.
Was this a matter of public perception? Female perception? He certainly wouldn't care so much about a man in E'livia's place.
Shen wondered if he was weak-willed when it came to women or just more interested in the opposite sex than he ever noticed. He didn't feel aroused; at most, he was curious about certain things E'livia's body might reveal, but nothing that should be pushing him.
Did he feel lonely, then?
Well, yes.
Yes, he did.
As soon as Shen noticed his loneliness, it spread throughout his soul. Or rather, it had always been there, but now he fully recognized it. Shen was utterly alone in the entire world. He had few memories of who he was. He was almost like a dog, fulfilling his instinctual needs to keep living and growing, or a purposeless plant growing just because. Why did the Power of his Will matter if he had no reason to wield it except to acquire more Power?
Sure, enough Power would allow him to do whatever he wanted, but even as he considered forgetting himself in pleasure, he knew he'd ultimately be left with an emotional void he couldn't fill up.
Shen needed a reason to live. That reason wouldn't be women, but maybe a woman of his age or older. Potentially, there will be a few younger ones, too, and some boys: offspring.
Shen yearned for a family.
The realization was strange. Illogical, even. His Will should be his sole reason to move forward, his ultimate goal, his absolute fulfillment. How, then, could he want something else for his life to make sense?
He smiled as the answer came easily to him: that's what it meant to develop a Realization.
His Will made him be. One day, he would form a Realization to make his existence worth it, to push the ambition of the Path he had forged and walked into the universe. His future Realization was unlikely to be related to the family he wanted right now, as the latter was merely a desire born of his loneliness, just like a starving man would seek food and a broke man would seek money. Even if possible, which he doubted, making such pursuits the Realization of his very existence, of his Path, would be unwise, to say the least.
Anyway, his Realization was a matter for the future. It required mastered Laws to even start considering from the correct point of view. Shen could, however, start working on his loneliness. A thirsty man might drink even acid in desperation; he shouldn't pick a wife while desperate for companionship.
Shen had to satiate his loneliness with healthy relationships before seeking anything more profound. In fact, he needed that more than anyone else because he couldn't recall a single friend he had ever made. He understood how friendships and relationships should work in theory, but experiencing things always mattered.
He had thought everything quickly, but E'livia was a stronger C-rank than him. Her face had gone through a range of emotions as he frowned, then smiled, then showed purpose.
At long last, he chuckled and said, "I'm sure." He gestured to the door. "Shall we?"
E'livia smiled again and even gave a slight jump in elation. Then, she patted her clothes—she was back to the juxtaposed pieces of cloth—and stepped in with a straight, expectant back.
Shen followed, also smiling. Her forthrightness was really refreshing. So was her disregard for acting somewhat childishly. Shen was getting endeared to it despite liking mature women better. Then again, she would grow mature one day, right?
Not that he'd get into a romantic relationship with her. Too unstable, that one. Too many red flags raised—like trying to murder him twice.
It was simply a matter of being honest with himself. He had to admit that the unpretentious, free self-confidence E'livia showed when she was just herself, showing her emotions regardless of the public option, was attractive when found in an adult woman. It made a relationship with her seem like one where both parties could just relax and accept each other, relaxing instead of always being worried about emotional plays. It might work as long as he withstood her excessive cuteness here and there.
Well, and as long as it wasn't E'livia, too.
Shen laughed self-deprecatingly, decided not to dismiss anyone with a similar personality to E'livia in the future if he became interested in them, and stepped through the portal.
Blue Lagoon was a hundred-yard-wide A- blue lake in the middle of an endless red desert. The skies were yellow, and the air was stale. There were no tables or chairs anywhere, nor guests. A single B+ black stone pedestal shaped like an arm and hand held an A- crystal-like glass right after the portal.
E'livia was looking at the glass like a child looking at a lollipop. She turned to Shen and grabbed his arm and started jumping excitedly. "You're not joking, right? We're really doing this, right? You swear you pay, don't you?"
Shen hated having realized how lonely he felt because her skin felt amazing to the touch just now, and gravity was really favoring her assets. He considered cutting his feelings down—
—and failed to even start doing it.
The Heavenly Tribulation didn't want him to stop any emotion. Not fully. He could control or even forcefully suppress his feelings with willpower, but they had to remain there.
So, an emotion-filled Shen felt like the most weak-willed and immature drow to ever walk the universe as he forced himself to look away from E'livia rather than allow himself to feel tempted.
The next instant, he discovered a new low.
He failed to look away from her assets.
That moment shook his entire True Center. He had failed to control himself despite being in complete control of his mental faculties. He was absolutely sure this was a first since he had reached C-rank. It didn't even make sense because he was more than a True Path Walker; he was a True Center holder, or whatever it was called. He was one singular entity with himself. He couldn't fail to control his desires.
His own self answered him right then.
Shen's Will was shaking in his True Center. To deny himself anything he wanted because of "considerations" was to deny his Will. He should use his Power to fulfill even his desires despite any of them potentially leaving him feeling empty.
His Honor tried to hold it tightly—and it was partially his Honor for his Will itself. He couldn't gain more and more Power if he was distracted by his base instincts. That was common sense. At least, it would take much longer and make this Path much more dangerous.
Shen's Will and reason were fighting, and unfortunately, in this specific instance, his mind was weakened by loneliness. His based instincts were acting up. Moreover, evidently, his experiences in his forgotten past, whatever they had been, had been so full of treachery and complications that the simplicity implicitly promised by E'livia was growing too much on him, weakening his Honor's reasons not to do it.
In fact, things had to have been way, way too terrible for him to have reminiscent impressions of it despite the inexistent memories. It was to the point that potentially having to deal with an angry E'lemer didn't counter-balance things enough.
Thus, his Will won.
The experience was a wake-up call. Shen couldn't survive like that. What if something like this happened in the middle of a fight? He had to change himself before figuring out the entirety of his Will.
Although he recalled E'vania claiming the Heavenly Tribulation was weakening his willpower, he refused to be such an unbalanced existence that he had to impose himself against his own self to survive in a damn battle. He couldn't be his own enemy for his entire life. That was unthinkable.
One possibility was changing his Honor. He hated the idea. Changing his Will was impossible; he'd just die if he tried. His Will was the most fundamental building block of his existence. It's how he had come to be. He couldn't touch it at all.
That left finding a way for the rest of his Path to support his Honor. Maybe more of his beliefs could be connected to that strong block of Honor. Perhaps his very Laws had to be involved with his Honor—though it sounded too much like something related to Realizations.
Whatever the case, that was a consideration for later.
Now, Shen just basked in E'livia's bouncing beauty for a moment, then stepped up, grabbed her by the waist, and...
...embraced her.
He had meant for a kiss initially. He desired it. But the moment he gave in to his Will, he freed his reason from fighting against it and used it to direct his Will. He could slow down his "Willed acquisition" for a while. It would give him time to know E'livia better, hopefully noticing many things that made him not want anything with her. If that happened, his reason could fight his Will better.
For now, he reasoned a kiss would mean too many things, and he couldn't offer them to E'livia before sorting himself.
Shen hated himself for giving in to his own desire even that embrace—and he cherished the warmth and softness of her body and skin even more. In fact, it further weakened his reason further. He embraced her more firmly.
He hated and adored everything even more when she reciprocated the hug after less than a moment of hesitation. It was worse and better when she also tightened the hug.
Then, she turned her mouth to him, softly kissed his cheek, and made to step back. The stupid, childish, wet peck was enough for Shen to almost go crazy. However, the moment she tried to disengage, his entire Honor flared with the fury of a billions suns. Shen would not force anyone into anything romantic with him. Not ever.
He released her and also stepped back.
E'livia was smiling. She started saying something in her language. When she noticed her mistake, she was flustered and changed to Stangue, "I didn't know you looked at me like that. I feel silly for being afraid of you now. But everything makes sense in hindsight." Her smile softened in a weird way. "When we met, you were just provoking me like E'forion does! And I overreacted. But now I know the truth. From now on, I'll look after you as if you were my little brother! Trust your big sister Liv!"
Shen opened his mouth to say something but just stared at her speechlessly.