Monster

The blinding light only lasted a few seconds before I was thrust back inside of my physical body. My eyes ripped open underwater, and I gasped more water into my lungs. My body wouldn’t fall this time. I couldn’t die, not until the beast passed onto someone else.

I swam to the surface, pulling myself up the muddied riverbank. I heaved, puked, and coughed the water out of my lungs. There, on the riverbank in the light of the late afternoon, I stood soaking wet. There I stood, for the first time, knowing there was no end within my sight. I had always looked for Plan B, but for now, I finally knew with certainty. There was no escape.

This was my reality, my purpose. My sole purpose to wait for a name, and then kill them. That’s all I brought with me now… murder, death, and destruction.

Jon said there was a lot more to learn. He said I wasn’t ready for certain answers. I didn’t know everything yet, but I had time. He also said I shouldn’t go it alone. Apparently, from the way he inferred about his own time in this role, he wasn’t always alone. With that thought, I started walking. Left then right, left then right.

After a quick stop, breaking and entering, and a set of dry clothes, I was in their back yard. I walked onto their patio in the darkness of the night. Immediately in front of me, sitting at the counter with two beers in front of him, was Carter. He looked tired. I could tell by his breathing and heart rate that he was at the end of a very long day.

I focused my senses, homing in on two slow heartbeats on the second floor. I leaped from the ground to the roof just beside the window. I looked in and saw her. Eleanor was there… alive. She had made it back. She made it home. There, just beside her, was Autumn. She looked at peace as she slept. The last time I saw her face, it was watching her frozen in time. The pain was so evident on her face for her dying mother. To see her now, like this… it was just what I needed.

I jumped back to the ground, landing a little too fast on the patio outside of the window. I heard Carter’s heart jump and saw his eyes shift to the corners. In only a short second, he had twisted around to the window and was aiming his gun straight at me.

I connected eyes with him. We stayed locked in for a moment. I’m sure he was wondering what to do. I was wondering how he’d react. Then, to my surprise and relief, he lowered his gun and walked to the back door.

He tapped on the security pad at the back of the house, unlocked the deadbolt, and then took a deep breath. He prepared himself for what was coming, unsure of why I was there. He must have been fairly certain I wasn’t a threat because he opened the door very calmly.

“Sam,” was all he said.

“Carter,” I responded.

Neither of us said anything else for a moment, although I could tell he wanted to as much as I did. Fear probably held him back from anything else.

I broke first, “How is she?”

He was relieved, yet still uneasy, “She’s… okay.” He actually started to tear up, “Did you… I know you took her, but… she’s back.” He had so many questions. Some I might be able to answer. Others I didn’t fully understand myself.

I thought he was about to ask me how she came back to life. But he stepped through the doorway and wrapped both of his arms around me.

“Thank you…” I could hear the tears running down his cheeks, my sensitive ears picking up everything about him in such close proximity. “I don’t know how you did it… but thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” was all I could say on the subject. I had a lot of my own emotions on the matter. I would have made the same decision again if I had too, but the facts remained. I gave up my only chance to return to my own life. It was a heavy reality. One I couldn’t dwell on for too long. I was trying to push it down.

He pulled away, “Please, come in.”

I was hesitant, “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.” I had only come to make sure that Eleanor had made it back and was safe. Anything else was… I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that yet.

“Here,” he said, stepping back inside to grab the beers, “I’ll come out here. At least stay and have a drink with me.”

I reached out again with my senses. Eleanor and Autumn were still unconscious upstairs. If I looked either of them in the eyes, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to distance myself as I had planned to.

“Okay,” I agreed.

We came to sit at the large patio table across from one another. I could see the questions racing in his mind.

“I’m sorry, Sam. For what happened that night at the parking garage. We acted too rashly, out of fear and uncertainty. We didn’t understand, and we didn’t approach you like a friend. We treated you immediately as an enemy,” he apologized. “Autumn, she… she never meant to shoot you. It was the whole situation. We were all on edge because we all cared about you, and in our suspicion, we thought you were some kind of threat. We felt betrayed… At least, I did.”

“It’s okay, Carter. I understand. You all thought I was lying to you the whole time. Even to Autumn,” I struggled to maintain my plans, but the more I talked openly about how I felt… it made me want to stay. “I never planned on any of this. I never knew about others like me… well, other creatures. Not until I met all of you that night.”

“With those three vampires?” Carter asked.

“Four,” I corrected. “There was another when I went back after you dropped me off that night.”

“Four?” he asked. Memories were being connected, “Martin thought there were four too. He said that four of them were missing after that night. You went back and killed him?”

“Well, not initially. I only went back to take a closer look at them. I had never seen one before that night, and I wanted to smell them again. They are like,” I tried to describe the vampires, “it’s like the scent of a large crowd. Plus, I wanted to see if they’d burn up like you said they would. I just let the other burn up with the first three.”

He was processing. Trying to connect dots in our past that he had always had questions about.

“So,” he asked, “why did you come with us that night?”

“Honestly,” I thought hard, “I thought I might be able to figure out what I was. You all seemed so well prepared, so educated on those vampires and their weaknesses. I thought you might know more about the things that I never knew about.”

“The bestiaries,” he already had figured it out.

“Yeah,” I confirmed. “I was reading through those things like every next page would have the answers on them.”

“So, do you know what you are? I know I’ve never seen anything like you before,” he asked before admitting his ignorance.

“No,” I admitted the half-truth, “I don’t. I read through almost everything you have here, but I never found anything that I could latch onto.”

He furrowed his brow, “So, why’d you stay?”

“You guys remind me of something. Being around your family… it reminds me of what I thought I’d never have again,” I said before pausing. It was hard to be so honest. “A family.”

“We did think of you as family. Do think of you like family,” he corrected himself. “We just, obviously, have questions.”

“I know you do, but I don’t think I can give you the answers you’re looking for.”

He shuffled through the questions on the tip of his mind, “So you don’t have any idea of what you are?”

“Not exactly.”

“But you understand more about it now, right? I can tell,” he said.

“Yes. But like I said, there are some things I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell you.”

He weighed other questions in his mind. “Can you turn into that form at will, or are you like a werewolf? Do you need something else to happen for you to transform?”

“I’m in control,” I answered honestly. “But it’s a battle sometimes to keep it caged.”

“Hmm,” he thought. He looked puzzled for a while, not speaking at all. He took a deep breath, exhaling as he brought the beer up for a drink. “I have one more question. I guess it’s the only one that matters.”

“Go ahead,” I responded.

“What are you doing here? Why did you come back?”

I tried to make sure the right words came out, “I just wanted to make sure that Eleanor was okay. I wanted to see you all one last time before I left.”

“You’re leaving?” he asked quickly. “Where?”

“Not sure yet, but I’ve caused too much commotion here. I think it’s best if I move on and let your family go back to how it was before I showed up.”

“Sam… you can’t think you haven’t had an impact on us. Our whole family has been changed since you showed up. We haven’t been this close with the Talbots in years, and neither family ever wanted to give Martin a chance.” He explained, “Ever since we met you, whether it was the Sam we knew, or the Sam out there in the shadows, you were doing things that led us all closer together. And then there’s Autumn.” He sighed, “I haven’t seen Autumn this happy in a long time. She’s always struggled to be honest with anyone. Our world can be too much for some. But with you… she’s happy. I started noticing it almost instantly after you started coming around.” He seemed like he was struggling to admit this part.

“But…” I could sense his apprehension.

“However,” he acknowledged his resistance to me, “My instinct is always to protect my girls. I have to make sure they’re safe. I have to keep them away from danger, and you, you are like a magnet for dangerous shit we’re not equipped for. Autumn… I can’t be honest and say I’m okay with you and her. I want a life for her beyond all this killing and fighting. I want her to have a family. I can’t willingly condone how close you got to her…” He exhaled abruptly, “But I have to admit, you’ve kept my family safe in more ways than one. You saved Autumn from those vampires that night, somehow, you’ve brought El back to me, and you’ve even saved me.”

“You?” I asked, unsure of what he was talking about.

“Yeah, even me. Once Eleanor was gone, I didn’t know what to do. I knew I had to be strong for Autumn, but it was only a matter of time.”

“Until what?” I asked.

“Until I let my guard down. Until I lost my edge and let some monsters get the better of me on a hunt. After losing Eleanor, and Allen… I didn’t know if I had it in me anymore.”

“And now?” I asked.

“To have her back…” he looked up to his bedroom window, “it’s like you’ve given me two gifts. Everything felt like it was closing in on me since Allen passed. Then Eleanor…” he was lost in thought. “All I knew was that I still had Autumn. She would be my only light left in this dark life.” Carter looked down and wiped some tears away. “I’m ashamed to admit it but I wasn’t sure if it was enough to keep going. Not the way I had been at least. But then you gave me my wife back. I see a light again. For the first time… I feel like, not everything is going to be ripped from me.” He sat for a moment, “I can never repay you for what you’ve already done for me.”

“You don’t have too,” I assured.

“That being said, as much as I am thankful, I have to protect my daughter from the dangers of this world. I still have questions, and it is going to take time for me to be ready to have you back with us like you were. But you can protect my family in ways I cannot,” he admitted. “If you’re willing,” he offered, “I’d like it if you stuck around. You don’t have to leave. I know it's a shit deal, ‘you can’t be with us, but I still want you around’ kind of thing… but this is my absolute honesty. Work with me… give me time.”

I sat quietly, and I had to think. My first instinct was to run. It always had been. Ever since I was turned into this murderous creature, I felt like I had to run and hide from those I loved. It was the only way I knew to protect them. However, Carter was offering me an open-ended invitation. I could stay. I could be a part of their family but stay just far enough away to not attract the dangers that would follow me. I could maintain a role in their family like Martin. If I took it… what would that mean?

What about my family; Vicky, Caydee, Seth… all of them? It was a lot to stir on at the moment. Yet, I had time to figure it out. It wasn’t like I’d be dying anytime soon.

I laughed inside a little at the thought.

“I’ll stay,” I answered simply, “for now. There are things you won’t understand, things I still don’t understand. You’ll have questions, and sometimes I won’t be able to give you the answers. But, if it ever comes to protecting them, Autumn, Eleanor, or any of the others… I won’t hesitate.”

Carter nodded his head, accepting my intentions, “That’s good enough for me.” He got up from the patio chair and surprisingly came in for a hug. “Thank you,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me.

Surprised at his trust, I hugged him back, “Thank you, Carter.”

We hugged it out for a moment before separating ourselves.

“I’ll come back whenever you need me. Just let me know.”

“Where will you go?” he asked quickly. “The factory?”

Just then, I heard Autumn get up from the bed. She shuffled over to the bedroom window and peered out into the darkness. She saw me and froze solid as a rock. It only took her a moment to read the situation and come barreling down the stairs. She was only quiet enough to escape the room, without waking Eleanor, and then she ran through the darkened rooms until she came through the back door.

I warned Carter, “Autumn is coming.”

“Shit!” Carter said in a hushed tone. He eyed the door and waited for her to get out to us. “Remember what I said.”

Just then, she came through the back door in a rush. As soon as she stepped onto the outer grounds of the house, she stopped. She eyed me from where she stood, assessing what was going on.

“Hey,” I greeted her.

She looked like she had been transported back in time to that last evening I had been with her. Back to when she was still ignorant of my true nature before she knew anything was wrong.

“Hey,” she answered, unsure of what was supposed to happen.

“Everything’s okay, Autumn,” Carter assured.

She looked at her father, thankful but restrained.

We all stood there for a few moments, just staring at each other with an awkward tension. She had a lot of questions for me, and her father.

“Dad… can you give us a minute?” she asked.

Carter looked at me. His question was written in his eyes. He wanted to know if she was safe with me, alone. He needed to know that I understood his view on Autumn’s relationship with me. I nodded at him.

“Yes, but I’ll be right inside. I’m going to go check on your mother.” Carter nodded to me, trusting me with her, and then slowly crept back inside the house.

Then, it was just us in the backyard. Autumn stood about ten feet away behind a patio chair. She held onto it for support as she stared at me from across the distance. I waited for her to start. I wasn’t sure what I could say to make anything right. I didn’t know if I should even try.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked first. She wasn’t looking to pick a fight, she just genuinely wanted to know why I didn’t tell her.

“In the beginning, I didn’t think I’d be around for long. The more I stayed around you, your mom and dad… everything just kind of got away from me. I had no intention of sticking around you all, but you knew so much about things I knew so little about. I thought I could learn from you. Maybe figure out what I was… and then disappear. None of you would ever have to know the truth,” I explained. “While I was doing that… I started growing close to you, and your family.”

“Were you ever going to tell us?” she asked.

“I wanted to, but things happened…” I was careful not to talk about the visions and the names.

We were both quiet for a few minutes before either of us spoke again. I was just brutally honest with her now because I knew things were going to come up that I couldn’t talk about. Not yet. Then, she surprised me.

“I’m sorry,” she said as she slowly paced across the concrete slab. She came up and touched me right in my chest, where the arrow had sunk in. “I didn’t mean to shoot you. It just slipped.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me, Autumn.”

“I do,” she said, her emotions building. “We were so close before… or we were getting there. Then I did that to you…”

I tried to comfort her quickly, “You don’t. I did lie to you all. You’re hunters, and you had some kind of creature lying and getting in close with your family. It’s no surprise to me that things happened the way they did. That’s my fault. Secondly, that arrow didn’t hurt me as much as I probably made it seem.”

She cocked her head to the side, “What do you mean?”

“I was trying to leave a trail for you to follow. I had to keep clawing at myself to keep the blood flowing to lead you all to the river. I wanted you guys to think I had bled out and drowned.”

“What,” she shook her head, “why would you want that?”

“If I was dead, you wouldn’t worry about me as a threat anymore. I thought it was a way to put you all at peace once I disappeared.”

She thought about everything as I told her. She took moments here and there to really process what I said and what it meant to her. We had transitioned from standing to sitting at the patio table, straight across from each other. I sat entirely still to try and make her, and a watching Carter, as comfortable as possible.

“But you came back. You saved all of us. Even Mom,” she said. “How did you…”

I just shook my head because I couldn’t talk about that yet. The details were still too fresh. I needed time before I told them what I gave up to give them Eleanor back. She backed off.

“But it was you, right?” she asked, trying to find a blind spot in my answers. She wanted so badly to know the details of what had happened with her mother.

“Yes.”

“How did you know we were in trouble? How did you even know where to find us?”

“I didn’t,” I answered.

She was confused. She wanted answers, but I didn’t have all of the answers that she wanted. We talked for a while longer about specifics, but I left her with all of the same non-answers that I could conjure up. They weren’t ready for the truths that I had learned about myself. Or maybe it was me who wasn’t prepared.

“What about before?” she asked. “You had a life before all of this, right? Where is your family, your friends? How old are you really?”

“That’s… not something I can’t talk about, but it’s just… hard,” I tried not to think too much on my family. I had enough to deal with without dredging up those memories.

“Well, I’d like to know about them… if you’re willing,” she offered.

I readied myself. I took a slow breath before I started.

“They think I’m dead. It’s been over two years since I disappeared.”

“So, you really aren’t that old.” She nodded to herself as she accepted it. “You haven’t seen them in over two years?” she asked, aghast.

“I’ve seen them. I’ve gotten close but,” I remembered the struggle in me back then, “I couldn’t stay. I didn’t trust myself around them. I was scared… scared I’d hurt them.”

“And what about now?”

“I’m in control more now than I’ve ever been, but I’ve been gone too long. They’ve lost me, they’ve mourned me, and they’ve learned to move on and live with all of that pain,” I explained. “If I were to go back now… I’d just be bringing all of that back for them. So, what’s better? Should I go back and uproot their lives and show them the unnatural thing I’ve become, or let them continue on with their lives. Let them keep the little bit of happiness that they’ve found after everything that’s happened. They could just remember me as I was.”

“You’ve been by yourself ever since?”

“Yes,” I answered. “Until I met all of you. You guys remind me of my family. Ultimately… I think that’s the real reason I stuck around in the very beginning. You all made me feel something I hadn’t felt in a long time.”

She wiped the silent tears that continually ran down her face.

“So,” she asked, “what’s next?”

I searched hard to find the right words. I didn’t want to assume or put anything on her that wasn’t right of me to. Especially knowing how Carter felt about how close I got to her before.

“I care about you. I care about your whole family. I wish things were different, but I can’t change what I am. I’m not going anywhere for now, but I know things won’t ever be the same,” I acknowledged.

“Do you think I care about you being a monster?” she asked, almost angrily.

“Well… you saw me the other night, right?”

She nodded, “Yeah, I did. It was terrifying,” she admitted with a distant gaze. “But I also saw you come in with no fear and fight to save us that same night. I also saw you running right beside me that night in the alley, protecting me from those vampires. I saw you on our camera system, climbing in through the living room window, and taking my mom away from here. Then, she shows back up here with Annabelle… alive.” She shook her head. “You may be something… but to me, that thing isn’t a monster.” She continued after a brief pause, “I don’t know what you are, but don’t you remember what I told you?”

I shook my head, unsure of what she was speaking about specifically.

“Monsters come in all different forms. It’s not your existence that determines what you are, it’s your actions,” she said. “You might be able to turn into that… thing, but to me that’s just a strength you can call on when you need it. I still see you… not just that thing.”

As soon as she finished, I remembered when she said that the first time.

She stood inches before me, having some sort of internal struggle. She slowly looked at me and then stepped into me quickly, placing her lips to mine. It was quick but powerful, given the situation. For the briefest of seconds, I felt what it was like before they discovered me. Back when I was living the fantasy I had created. Then, it was over.

“Things won’t be the same. I’m not sure if they’ll ever be like they were,” she added, “but I’m willing to see what happens. But,” she amended, “you are going to have to trust us. Let us in a little. It may be hard at first, but the more you trust us, the more we’ll trust you.”

She let go of the little edges of my jacket that she was hanging onto and stepped back just as Carter stepped outside.

“Autumn,” Carter warned after he saw the kiss. He didn’t want her to get too close.

“I’m fine, Dad.”

“That’s okay. I think I should be on my way,” I said as I prepared to leave the Chasse house. I stepped away from them both. I had to put some distance between us, like Carter wanted. For now, at least.

“Wait,” Autumn said. “When will we see you again?”

“You all have my number. Once everything settles down… and you’re ready, just call.”

Carter spoke up, “You’re not leaving, right?” He wanted to make sure I wouldn’t vanish completely from their lives.

“Not at the moment. I may have to disappear from time to time, but I’ll always come back. As long as you’ll have me, that is.”

“We will,” he assured.

I looked to Autumn, “I’ll see you again.” I meant it more as a question.

“Soon,” she answered.

With that, I turned to the darkness of the trees and walked out of sight. I turned back towards the house as I heard them step back inside and pull the door closed behind them. They were safe. Locked down inside of their silver warded home that no unwanted creature could enter if they tried.

I continued into the darkness, back towards the city. My life had just started again, and answers had been given. Yet, more questions had arisen. However, time was on my side. I knew names would come, and I’d have to hunt. I knew that evil still crawled across the earth in every corner, just waiting to be snuffed out. I would oblige them.

Even though I was cast into this role, unwillingly, and I knew there was no escape, I was hopeful. For the first time in a long time, I had people that cared about me. The real me. The Chasses knew I was a monster. They knew there were things I hadn’t told them and other things I still didn’t know. It wasn’t perfect, but for the first time, we were all on the same page. In time, who knew, maybe I’d tell them what I did know. Perhaps, one day, I’d tell them about the choice that I had made for Eleanor. They wanted me around, and that’s the one thing I hung onto. They cared about me. For the first time, in a very long time, I had people who cared about the real me. They were family.

I walked into the city to find a new home. I’d never go back to that old factory again. That was from another life. I had just begun a new one, and I had a new idea on how to live it. My story had just begun.

I moved through the forest, the shadows of the towering trees enveloping me as I headed east, making my way back into the heart of the city. The thick canopy above filtered the moonlight, casting eerie patterns on the forest floor, and the crisp air carried the scent of damp earth and pine. Each step felt deliberate, as if the ground itself urged me onward, guiding me back to the urban sprawl.

As the trees began to thin, the cityscape emerged in the distance, a stark contrast to the natural world I was leaving behind. Soon, I was leaping across the rooftops, my movements swift and fluid, like a predator on the hunt. The city below was alive with activity. Cars were honking, people milling about on crowded sidewalks, the distant hum of conversation blending into a cacophony of urban noise. I scanned the streets with sharp black eyes, searching for the familiar signs of chaos, for the predators who preyed on the weak. I had to look for possibilities, both human and supernatural alike. I was back on the hunt. But from now on, I’d have to make sure I left no clues. I knew my mistakes from before, and I’d be smarter.

As I gazed down at the bustling sidewalks, a strange sensation prickled at the edge of my awareness. It was as if something or someone was beside me. I turned my head, scanning the area, but there was nothing there. Yet the feeling persisted, a presence that moved with me, just beyond my sight. I reached out instinctively, my hand slicing through the air, trying to grasp the source of the disturbance. The air seemed to ripple under my touch, like disturbed water, and though my eyes saw nothing, my hand closed around something solid.

I pulled, and the space beside me shimmered, bending light and reality until Jon’s rifle materialized in my grip. It was as if it had been summoned from thin air, emerging from the void itself. The weight of the rifle was familiar, the cold metal solid and real against my palm. I flipped it over, inspecting it closely. The same carvings and etched names decorated the stock, a testament to its history. My predecessors…

But then, as I studied it, a new detail caught my eye. A small patch of unmarked wood on the stock began to glow a bright red, like metal heated in a forge. Lines emerged from the glow, delicate and precise, until they formed a name, 'Sam Roberts.' The sight of it sent a jolt through me.

“Now that’s interesting,” I muttered to myself, the words slipping out as I tried to make sense of what was happening.

Then, without warning, the entire rifle flared with intense heat, the metal glowing orange, but it didn’t burn me. Instead, the details of the rifle’s surface seemed to melt away, the wood and metal reshaping, contorting into something new. The rifle’s form shifted, the barrel thinning, the stock narrowing, until it transformed into a weapon of a different kind. A blade, sharp and curved, reminiscent of the Chasse’s silver blades.

The orange glow faded, revealing the blade’s ancient, weathered texture. The carvings and names that had once adorned the rifle were still there, but they had rearranged themselves to fit the new shape, smaller and more intricate. My eyes locked onto the largest name now etched into the metal. 'Sam Roberts,' standing out prominently, as if it had always been meant to be there.

“What the fuck is this thing?” I whispered, staring at this deadly supernatural weapon.