My Ex-Girlfriend Regrets Dumping Me

36 – Hair (1)

[They say the person who hates is more burdened than the person being hated.]

Why did my mother’s words shake my heart?

Was it because I empathized with those words?

My mother cautiously continued her advice in a solemn tone.

“[Your mother also used to hate your father a lot, right? Honestly, she had every reason to. Your father.]”

“…Yeah.”

Unlike Ha-yeon’s family, our father didn’t pass away.

Our father created a new family, abandoning us behind.

Because I was still young back then, I hardly had any memories of my father.

But from my mother’s perspective, it must have been a great betrayal.

…Maybe it was a bigger betrayal than what Ha-yeon did to me.

[But hating and hating again. Resenting every day. It only makes things harder on your mother.]

“…”

[So I asked the pastor. Why am I the one suffering when it was them who did something bad.]

Each word from my mother held sincerity within.

Whether it was from experience or insight, I couldn’t tell.

[…But the pastor said that. The person who hates is inherently more burdened than the person being hated.]

“So, what did you do?”

How did my mother cope with it?

In situations like mine, did she just endure as if it didn’t matter?

[So I decided to forgive. If I don’t forgive, your mother would suffer alone. Wouldn’t that person not understand the pain I carry inside?]

“…I suppose.”

[At first, forgiveness wasn’t easy. I wanted to forgive, but the next day, the resentment flooded back again.]

If forgiveness came so easily, then it wouldn’t be such an absurd thing.

Then there wouldn’t be any conflicts in this world.

[Still, I managed to gather my courage and hang onto my heart. Your father must have had his own reasons for doing what he did. I didn’t want to spend my life hating him.]

How much determination did my mother make?

She spent a deep, unspoken time with me.

[And like that, once your mother acknowledged forgiving your father, her heart became at ease. It wasn’t as difficult as before.]

“So Yul, I want you to forgive Ha-yeon too. That’s the only way you can find peace.”

Is that really true?

Moments of pain and struggle after breaking up with Ha-yeon come to mind.

Most of those moments were spent drowning in alcohol, expressing resentment towards her.

Days filled with insulting, mocking, and blaming her.

Asking if she thought she could live well without me.

Was the moment when I unleashed my pent-up sorrow from within my heart the most painful moment for me?

“Is that right, mom?”

“This is just my thought, Yul. The choice is yours.”

“…”

“But I hope your mother could have that as well. Even if she can’t go back to how things were before. I just wish Ha-yeon had a good life.”

Maybe for my mom, it feels more like a big fight between siblings.

“…And sometimes we could all hang out at home just like before, with Ha-yeon. Mom also wants to see Ha-yeon after a long time. This child.”

“…Alright. I’ll think about it.”

“Okay. Get yourself together. I have work tomorrow, so I need to sleep now. Goodnight, Yul!”

“Yeah, okay. Sleep well.”

The call abruptly ends.

Many emotions intertwine within my heart.

Honestly, when I hated Ha-yeon, it was true that I was the one who suffered.

It was difficult to avoid her and every time I saw her, negative emotions surged.

That’s why I tried to avoid and push her away.

…Maybe being friends would be alright.

Going back to being lovers like before might be difficult, though.

But the memories we built over 16 years didn’t disappear completely.

Those were actually quite good memories for me.

She also promised not to be greedy towards me.

Maybe we can go back to being long-time friends.

And by restoring our relationship, perhaps one day we can go down together to visit mom with a smile on our faces.

Just like before.

“Sure. Let’s give it a try.”

I brightened up the dark screen of my phone.

Hayeon might be asleep now, but if I hesitated, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to move forward.

I began typing very slowly.

[I’ve thought about the favor you asked earlier.]

The keys that used to be easy to press didn’t work well.

I took a deep breath and refocused on the message.

[It’s okay if we’re just friends.]

That was my first step towards forgiving her.

*

Back at home, Hayeon lay on the bed, tightly grasping the edge of the bedsheet.

Meeting Jia had left her with great discomfort.

“…Audacious girl.”

Jia’s words turned into daggers, unsettling Hayeon’s heart.

– …We will soon become girlfriends.

– At least better than being on the receiving end of hatred, right? Don’t you think?

Who would be the girlfriend of whom?

A foxy smile from the PC cafe came to mind.

Had she twisted Gyonyul around with such an innocent expression?

Compared to that, the expression she showed herself was more like staring at an enemy.

In reality, it was almost as if they were having their first conversation.

She spoke openly about her relationship with Gyonyul without any hesitation.

It felt a bit impolite.

“…What’s so good about a girl like her?”

As Hayeon thought about Gyonyul, who had been by Jia’s side, anger surged within her.

It was obvious that she was masking her dirty personality.

If Gyonyul were to find out about that girl’s true nature, he might lose interest.

“Let’s calm down.”

To extinguish her anger, Hayeon thought back to the sleeping Gyonyul from earlier.

The sensation of his hand that she had felt while he slept.

And the breath that seemed to touch. And even the lips just before touching.

… If Yul had woken up a little later there.

Thinking that way, it felt like the heat in my body was changing into something else.

Then an alert sounds from the cellphone.

Hayeon opened her cellphone without much thought.

And she shook for a moment when she saw the owner of the message.

It was unexpected because it was Gunyul.

Just a while ago, the atmosphere between her and Gunyul wasn’t good.

[I’ve been thinking about the favor you asked earlier.]

……Favor?

He must be talking about what she begged him to do, even if he knew her.

Could it be a refusal? Then it seemed even more gloomy.

Honestly, she knew too. The possibility wasn’t that great.

But she believed that she had to gather the courage from her side.

She opens her eyes and barely checks the contents of the next message.

[If it’s just as friends, it’s okay.]

“… Huh?”

An exclamation of surprise bursts out of her mouth.

A bewildering feeling.

It felt like finding money on the street while walking.

With an unexpected permission, her hands and feet trembled.

… And he’s not even someone she knows, but a friend.

It was an outcome she didn’t expect at all.

What kind of change was there in his state of mind?

Did he appreciate the care she had sincerely given to Gunyul?

Or maybe time passed and his heart also cooled down a bit.

Either way, it didn’t matter to Hayeon.

“… A friend. A friend, huh. hehehe.”

Just those two words made her mood soar infinitely high.

A senseless laughter flowed softly.

The heart raced, and the hand instinctively clenched and opened.

“We weren’t in a relationship with him yet. There’s still a possibility. Ha-yeon.”

I was honestly very worried.

That was the most hopeful news for her.

The biggest gain from today’s conversation with Jia.

The fact that Gun-yul and Jia were still not dating.

Now that they had become friends, if she approached him cautiously and could change his heart.

There was enough potential for herself as well.

It was a triumph created by her own courage.

“…Phew.”

Ha-yeon, filled with excitement, couldn’t easily fall asleep and tossed and turned.

*

Several days had passed since the day Ha-yeon and I agreed to be friends.

But in reality, there hadn’t been any significant changes between us.

Sometimes, Ha-yeon would send me messages, and I would reply appropriately.

If things continued like this, it might be an appropriate distance between us.

[Oppa. You know what today is, right?]

It was a text message sent to me while I was lying down at the back of the classroom.

I could roughly guess the content of Jia’s message.

Today was my birthday.

[Yeah, I know. I’ll wait for you in front of the school.]

Jia said she would come to our house as a birthday present and cook for us.

It was quite a special gift.

I had never heard about Jia’s cooking skills, so I was a bit worried, but…

At least she wouldn’t be worse than me.

“We’ll end the class here today. Let’s prepare well since the exams are coming up soon.”

The tired and low voice of the male professor echoed, and I quickly got up from my seat.

I was excited at the thought of seeing Jia soon.

We agreed to meet at the main gate of the school, so I had to hurry.

I excitedly walked out of the classroom.

[Yura. Are you busy right now?]

At that moment, a message came from Hayeon.

I briefly contemplated and replied to her.

[Why?]

[I have something I want to give you. Where are you at the moment?]

Something to give me?

Could it be that Hayeon also wants to give me a birthday present?

[I’m near the Humanities Building.]

[I’m nearby too. Then I’ll come over there.]

How much time has passed?

And as I descended the stairs and stepped out of the Humanities Building, Hayeon came running towards me in the distance.

I asked Hayeon, who was catching her breath right in front of me:

“So, what is it?”

“Huff… huff… Here, this is a birthday present.”

She fumbled around in her bag and pulled out a beautifully wrapped box.

Then she handed it to me.

“Oh. Okay. Thank you.”

“…Yeah.”

Hayeon smiled brightly at my thanks.

Is it really that great?

I had a sense of unease, but I couldn’t push her away like before.

Regardless of how I felt, I had made up my mind to go back to being friends with her.

It was uncomfortable to see her right now, but maybe if we spend more time together, Hayeon will become comfortable with me too.

“…Yura. It’s my birthday today… Do you have any plans by any chance?”

Hayeon glanced at me subtly, asking like she wanted us to spend time together if I had no plans.