My Ex-Girlfriend Regrets Dumping Me

42 – Under the Name of Friendship (2)

[Yura, are you going back home this summer vacation?]

I’ve become quite familiar with her messages as well.

Even though we haven’t met in person, she continued to reach out to me from Hayeon’s side.

Now, it wasn’t as awkward or uncomfortable anymore.

However, it didn’t mean that I eagerly awaited her messages like when we were dating.

[Oh, I think I will go down.]

[Really? When are you planning to go?]

[Probably right after exams finish and summer vacation starts. Maybe tomorrow.]

To some extent, I could guess why she asked me about this.

Both Hayeon and I had our hometowns in the same neighborhood.

Her aunt, my mom, and even Hayeon herself still lived there without moving.

[I also intended to go at that time…]

[If it’s fine with you, can we go together?]

It took about 2 hours by express bus to get to my house.

Since we were going together anyway, there was no reason to refuse.

It seemed like rejecting her would make Hayeon more uncomfortable.

If we were friends, we should be able to do such things together.

I made an effort not to attach too much meaning to each action with Hayeon.

After all, it would only tire me out for something that wasn’t a big deal.

[Sure. I got it. Let’s go together.]

[Really? Thank you. Then we’ll take the express bus at the bus terminal, right?]

[Yeah.]

The express bus terminal we were heading to was always the same.

In the first place, there was only one terminal in this area.

And when we were dating, we often went down to our hometown together.

…More than that. Thanks.

She still seemed to feel guilty towards me.

Since she was my friend, she always checked on me.

Actually, there wouldn’t be anything thankful about going down together.

“…I guess it’s better that way.”

Ha-yeon, who always came out with a submissive posture.

It wasn’t entirely comfortable, but it was still okay.

Because my discomfort towards her hasn’t completely disappeared yet.

And if she acted as if nothing had happened in the past and treated me like normal.

I would feel angry for whatever reason.

“Ah…let’s just stop thinking about pointless things and go home.”

I couldn’t be lost in thought everytime I contacted Ha-yeon.

Anyway, we returned to being friends, and we’re going to meet often.

For a moment, I stopped my footsteps while looking at my phone.

*

Two days later, I met Ha-yeon at the express bus terminal.

As the bus schedule was fixed, there was almost no waiting time.

– ChiiIik

A bus bound for my hometown arrived at the express bus terminal.

Ha-yeon and I got on the bus while checking the seats on our phones.

“Where is it?”

“Just wait… Oh, it’s there. The second seat from the end.”

Since she said she’d reserve the seats, I left the task to Ha-yeon.

Bus seats often come in pairs, so we reserved seats next to each other. Even though it was uncomfortable to sit next to a stranger, it was better than sitting next to a weird person who might make us suffer for two hours straight by snoring or tossing and turning. Hayeon went to the aisle seat first, and I sat in the seat next to the window. Ever since before, Hayeon preferred the window seat. She was prone to motion sickness, and she often stared blankly at the outside view. She reached out to me and looked at me as if asking for the luggage. “Ah… Okay.” She had shown me this consideration before, but it felt awkward. Perhaps it was because she felt conscious of trying to show it to me. If it had come out naturally, it would not feel uncomfortable, but I could tell that she was trying to not seem too friendly with me. I handed her the luggage and immediately turned my head to my phone. Hayeon arranged the luggage under her feet and stared at me sitting next to her. I felt her gaze, but I tried to ignore it and looked at my phone. I felt it would be more awkward if we made eye contact here. “Have you eaten?” She seemed to want to start a conversation with me. Bringing up such a trivial subject felt cringey. However, I didn’t really want to talk to her and didn’t know what to say. “Yeah.” I answered briefly, and my indifferent attitude was reflected in my response. But Hayeon didn’t give up easily and kept asking me questions.

After going back and forth several times, Hayeon asked me with a sullen voice. “Yura…do you not want to talk to me?” My shoulders had already stiffened without my realizing it. Although I couldn’t properly see her because I was looking at my phone, she became increasingly upset every time I gave her short responses. “Even if it’s me…it hurts to only get one-word answers and have you look at your phone all the time…it makes me feel sad.” But I didn’t dare retort, so I just mumbled like a five-year-old. It felt as if she wanted me to listen and feel guilty. In the first place, Hayeon wasn’t someone who expressed her emotions much. And there were even fewer occasions where she expressed her feelings through words. So this side of Hayeon was particularly unfamiliar to me. On the other hand, I felt sorry for her…as if she were some sort of prisoner who couldn’t move. “…It’s just awkward and I don’t know what to say to you.” Was it because of how pitiful she was? I ended up confessing my true feelings to her. Then, Hayeon took the opportunity to say something. “You don’t have to think about it that hard. You can just think of me as a guy friend from the past, or just a male friend.” “…But still.” “It’s okay. I’ll accept anything you say. Can’t you just be comfortable around me?” “…” “…I’m more uncomfortable with you doing this…is there such a thing as a friend like this in the world, Yura?” Before I knew it, Hayeon was on the verge of tears. As I watched her struggle to say something to me, I wondered if I had been too harsh. After all, clapping requires two hands. We promised to go back to being friends, but wasn’t I forcing her to put in effort unilaterally? I should have made an effort to endure my own discomfort as well. “I’m sorry. Don’t cry. Your tears have been pouring out too often lately. It wasn’t like this before.” “…” Did she not want to show me her moist eyes?

Ha-yeon, who turned her head towards the window.

I opened my mouth while looking at her.

“I messed up this exam. I spent too much time at the PC bang during the exam period.”

“…”

“You also always told me to stop playing games all the time. Now I have to quit. But it’s not as easy as I thought.”

“Did it happen again?”

Ha-yeon replied to me with a damp voice.

It seemed like she realized that I had the will to talk.

“It’s fun, what should I do? Especially during the exam period, I really can’t resist it. It becomes ten times more exciting than usual.”

“Sigh.”

As I muttered in frustration, Ha-yeon burst into laughter without understanding a word of English.

Seeing her smile from the side, I felt somehow relieved.

My mood was much better than when I saw her resentful and depressed expression earlier.

– They say it’s harder to hate someone than to be hated.

My mother’s advice echoed in my head once again.

I felt a slight urge to sincerely apologize to her.

“Well, I’ll stop looking at my phone now. I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Yeah.”

Ha-yeon wiped her tears discreetly and showed me a smile.

And soon after, she started chattering away, telling me her stories.

I felt a sense of longing.

Because it was a scenery that always existed before I parted ways with her.

The inside of the express bus was particularly quiet today.

As if it was helping me concentrate on the conversation with her.

…

“…So it was really funny, right? Ah, our professor is such a weird person. Seriously.”

“Yeah. Who says that there? Did they drink the night before?”

The high-speed bus has been in motion for an hour now. It was almost an hour since the conversation with Ha-yeon started. I was worried that the conversation would be awkward and cut off, but that was my mistake. Instead, the stories that had been accumulating over the past two years continued to pour out endlessly. The atmosphere gradually loosened, and I felt happy talking to her. … Our conversation code with Ha-yeon was always good. Our upbringing was similar, and our likes were similar. If we hadn’t got along in the first place, we wouldn’t have dated in the first place, and it wouldn’t have lasted this long. “…Sigh.” But was it tiring to continue the conversation inside the bus? Ha-yeon quickly covered her mouth and let out a yawn. When I looked closely, her eyes were already slightly red and bloodshot. “Tired?” “Oh, I stayed up late on my phone yesterday.” “Then do you want to rest a bit? Anyway, we still have more than an hour left.” I was also tired of the conversation. I talked a lot and it was fun, but I wanted to take a short break. “Is it okay?” “Why do you need to ask me that? Just sleep.” “No… just. Then I’ll just excuse myself for a bit.” After glancing at me for a moment, Ha-yeon closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat. After confirming that she had quieted down, I turned my gaze back to my phone. There was nothing specific to do, but it was just a habit. “…How long was it like that? Cute, soft breathing sounds were heard from the side. I thought I might have fallen asleep, but when I looked at her, Ha-yeon’s head, which had been resting on the seat, slipped and fell towards me.

– Tap

Hayan leaned her head against my shoulder for a moment.

Her flowing hair tickled my cheek.

The pleasant scent of soft shampoo filled the air.

I stiffened momentarily.

“…Hmm.”

Hayan mumbled in her sleep, burying her head on my shoulder.

It felt as if I was seeing her face up close after a long time.

…She’s still beautiful.

I seemed to understand why my past self had fallen head over heels for her.

“…But not anymore.”

I gently stroked her hair with my hand.

Carefully lifting her so she wouldn’t wake up, I leaned her against the chair again.

In the past, I would have let her rest her head on my shoulder.

I might have even caressed her hair.

“…But now we’re just friends.”

I wasn’t sure about the clear distinction, but somehow it felt right to treat her this way if we were friends.

It just felt like that.