My Younger Sister Was My First Love

44. Problematic Profile Picture

It was more burdensome than I thought to have a younger sister of a guy I liked who was excessively pretty.

“Ha…….”

I hesitated for 30 minutes, wondering whether to send her a message or not.

21-year-old Park Min-ju was repeatedly opening and closing the profile of her first love, Lee Jun-ho, like a stalker.

Honestly, I thought that if I sent this kind of signal, a pink atmosphere would flow naturally.

I even suggested we get drunk and go home together, and we could watch a movie together in a cozy atmosphere.

And yet, I was left with no response.

It felt like I was the only one making a fool of myself.

It was probably because of her, Jihee.

Lee Jun-ho’s younger sister, who had just become a part of our family.

I thought I had seen many beautiful people in college, but the girl who suddenly appeared in our club room was on a different level.

If I had entered college, she would have been the top student in terms of looks.

She even had the aura of a model featured in a college magazine.

It was unbelievable that I was living with someone like her, Lee Jun-ho!

I finally understood why he always bragged about his younger sister when I saw her face.

Yes, if someone that cute asked me to study with them, I would do it every day.

But what was strange was Jihee’s attitude towards me.

-“As a friend!”

Her voice still echoed in my ears.

Jihee had drawn a clear line between me and Lee Jun-ho’s relationship.

I should have refrained from answering, but it was a difficult timing.

There were people around, and how could I say, “Yes, I like your brother. We might become a family soon, so let’s get along?”?

Unfortunately, I couldn’t become a character who would say something like that in a drama.

Even if I try to change.

Even if I learn how to put on makeup.

In the end, I’m still me.

This is the lesson I’ve learned through my university life over the past year.

There are parts of a person that can change and parts that cannot.

No matter how hard I try to be bright and sociable, it’s all just an act.

The ideal me I want to be is not the real me, but just a performance.

I’ve tried to improve my appearance and joined the student council, but in the end, I’m still an introverted person.

That’s why whenever I feel frustrated with human relationships, I think of Lee Jun-ho.

He’s the one who got along well with the real me, without any pretenses.

He’s the one who matched well with the real me, too.

So, I thought I’d finally found someone who was destined to be with me, but…

“…A thirsty person digs a well.”

In the end, I’m the one who sent the message first today.

[Hey.]

I agonized over it and sent a single word, but it doesn’t feel right.

Is the expression “Hey” too friendly?

Don’t I need a more affectionate term to show my interest…?

[?]

The response was a single question mark.

He doesn’t treat me like a special someone, either.

Ah, something feels off about this.

I feel frustrated that things aren’t progressing.

What do I need to do to make him want to be with me?

Am I not attractive as a woman?

Is it a problem with my face or my fashion sense?

Since I’ve received several confessions in university, my self-esteem in this aspect has risen quite a bit.

I believe I have the talent to make myself attractive.

[When do you want to meet up next?]

[After the exam.]

[How about next week?]

[Sunday is the only day that’s not good.]

[Why Sunday?]

[Because Ji-hee asked me to.]

Look at this.

Look at how he’s talking.

Again, it’s all about his little sister.

Anyone would think she’s been glued to his side all her life.

[Every week?]

[Maybe?]

By now, I wonder if Lee Jun-ho has become a god-like figure to his younger sibling.

It’s hard for me to accept that he dedicates every precious Sunday to his younger sibling.

Honestly, it doesn’t seem like I’ll suddenly get a stepbrother or a younger brother.

[How about Tuesday, then? Won’t the exam be over by then?]

[It’s nice, but what’s the point of meeting up?]

It feels awkward, like I’m having a conversation with a same-sex friend.

We’re just hanging out, but I’m the only one thinking about what to do… Ugh…

My heart slightly aches and stops.

[We can’t stay out too late, anyway. Let’s grab a meal and go to a café.]

[Good]

…You’re making a “good” sound and just sitting there.

As I continue to receive this kind of treatment, I start to feel a growing sense of unease.

I wanted to see Jun-ho, who was being overly affectionate and didn’t know what to do.

He sends me messages every day, and I want to call him until my voice runs out, even when my eyes are closing in the early morning.

[No. Let’s have a drink on Tuesday. The exam will be over, anyway.]

[Just the two of us?]

[We drank together last time, too. Why? Do you dislike it?]

…What if I really dislike it?

I bit my nails, feeling anxious about the aftereffects.

[No. As long as I get home on time, it’s fine.]

…This time, I absolutely won’t make it home on time.

* * *

The mid-term exam has finally begun.

Today marks the fourth subject I’ve cleared.

Every time I finish an exam, I feel a strange sensation.

It’s because I didn’t study “enough”.

In high school, I always aimed to be the best.

Since there were so many geniuses in my neighborhood, I never actually became the top student, but I strived for perfection with the goal of being number one.

I, who was used to memorizing everything and solving problems, really read through the study materials quickly and took the exam.

“Jun-ho hyung! How was it?”

As the exam ended, Ji-hoon, who was sitting next to me, stretched and got up from his seat.

“I don’t know.”

“Aww, hyung. You’ll do well, X or not.”

“No, I really don’t have confidence.”

“People like you usually say ‘I didn’t study at all’ and get a perfect score, don’t they?”

You’re saying I look like someone who’s pretending to be weak.

“But I really didn’t write a few questions, so it’s not like that.”

“Oh, how many?”

“Two or three?”

“Is it similar to you? But do you think the others wrote them all? There were some questions that I just didn’t understand no matter how many times I looked.”

“Did those who studied hard not get it right?”

“I’m curious about the grades. We only got two questions wrong, but still got a C, right?”

I still thought that B wouldn’t come out.

If it’s a C, it’s… disappointing.

I had made a promise to myself not to get too hung up on grades for the first semester of first year, so I didn’t put too much weight on it.

I got off at the bus stop with Ji-hwan and other friends and headed home, stopping by the mart on the way.

I had to buy some ingredients.

I stood in front of the meat counter, hesitating for a while about what to buy.

It’s been three months since Ji-hee and I started living together.

I’ve already shown her all the dishes I can make.

At least two meals a day, I’d say I’ve cooked over 100 times.

I’m not a professional chef, but I try to make a variety of dishes.

Today, I thought I’d make pasta for the first time in a while.

I bought tomato sauce and spaghetti at the mart, and even got her favorite snack, jelly, and headed home.

-tring-tring

The door unlocked, and the door opened.

The house was quiet as usual.

Ji-hee was still studying in the afternoon.

As a student, it’s natural, but I thought it was impressive that Ji-hee kept her study time diligently even when alone.

The world is full of temptations.

Without a teacher or someone to supervise, it’s easy to get lazy.

Looking at her problem-solving skills, it didn’t seem like she did anything else in her room.

I went to the kitchen, organized the ingredients I bought, changed my clothes, and sat on the couch, fiddling with my phone.

I finished the game quest, prepared dinner, and thought I’d study a bit for tomorrow’s exam before sleeping.

-creak-

As I was making plans on my own, Ji-hee’s door opened.

“Huh? Are you back, oppa?”

“Isn’t it still study time?”

“Did you come out to go to the bathroom?”

“…… Sorry.”

I ended up nagging her for no reason.

“Ha… some people try to comfort you, saying you must have had a hard time on the exam today, while others scold you for coming out of your room.”

Ji-hee didn’t just let it go, as usual.

“Sorry, but why did you come out? If you need to go to the bathroom, go quickly.”

“No.”

“Why.”

“I was just passing by, but you bothered me.”

At moments like these, I think we’re quite like siblings.

Using trivial things as an excuse to bicker, it was like something I saw on YouTube.

“If you keep doing this, I’ll time you and make you do more later?”

“Why are you like this, Park Jung-hae?”

“I’m doing what I want, and I’m having fun. What’s wrong with that?”

“Do you want to control your younger sibling like that, doing whatever you want?”

That felt a bit…

“Rather than that, why don’t we take a 10-minute break and then come back?”

“Hmm, okay.”

Ji-hee, sitting next to me on the couch, just silently watched me use my phone.

It felt like I was being filmed for a reality show.

“……What are you doing?”

“I’m watching you, oppa.”

“Why are you watching me, then?”

“I think it’s fun. I’m watching you, oppa.”

I couldn’t withstand Ji-hee’s burdensome gaze, so I put my phone down.

It would be better to have a conversation instead.

“How was your study?”

“It was easy today. There’s almost nothing to ask.”

“Really?”

“Did you do well on your test, oppa?”

“I guess so? I’ll have to see the results.”

“People from Korea University are all good at studying, so it’s hard to get good grades.”

“Maybe that’s true?”

I didn’t know, either.

“Didn’t you say the test ends tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“Then shall we go out for dinner to celebrate the end of the test?”

Ji-hee’s excited face, suggesting we go to a grilled pork intestines restaurant, made me feel sorry, but I had a prior engagement.

“I have a promise.”

“Huh? With who?”

“With Min-ju. We said we’d drink to celebrate the end of the test?”

Since we’d seen each other’s faces that day, it was easier to talk about Min-ju.

There was no need to explain who Min-ju was, anyway.

And there was no need to deny the strange hypothesis that Min-ju liked me, either.

“Just the two of you?”

“Yeah.”

“Will you come back by 9 pm, then?”

Ji-hee’s mouth was smiling, but her eyes were cold.

It seemed like a warning to give a good answer.

“I told you already. I can’t stay out late.”

“Then can I skip studying tomorrow evening and hang out with the three of us?”

“What are you talking about? You didn’t even take the test, so why are you going to play?”

Jihee blew air into her cheeks like a balloon, then released it, repeating the process of contraction and expansion.

“It’s like I’m being bullied.”

“Did I bully you?”

“It’s not just physical violence that’s bullying. Making someone feel subtly left out is also a form of violence.”

It was pointless to try to take Jihee away with words like that.

If you start to notice these small things and your daily routine goes awry, it’s easy to fall apart.

“If you want to have that much fun with Minju, why don’t we invite her to play together on Sunday? We can see then, okay?”

“Oppa, are you crazy? We’re supposed to spend quality time with family, so why invite an outsider?”

What do you even want to do?

“Anyway, I’ll play with Minju tomorrow, so just know that. I’ll tell her too. Jihee wants to see you.”

“Tch… I’ll tell Auntie about this.”

“Students are supposed to be like outcasts and focus on their studies to do well on exams.”

“Just one favor, please.”

“What is it?”

“I want to change my profile picture.”

“Profile picture?”

“Yeah, my chat profile picture.”

“Change it. It’s your picture, so who cares what others think?”

What picture you put up is your personal business.

“Can I use a picture of us taken together?”

We didn’t take many photos together, but we had taken a few.

“As long as it doesn’t turn out weird, I don’t care.”

“Heh, thanks!”

…I really couldn’t remember when we took that photo.