My Younger Sister Was My First Love

9. Not a Human.

I’ve never been good at expressing my difficulties since I was young.

It wasn’t that there were no difficult times.

I had witnessed my mom getting flustered several times because of my careless words.

[Sorry, Mom. I should’ve been more considerate.]

[My mom will go ask the aunts tomorrow and find out. She didn’t know Junho was having a hard time… Ah… I did it again…]

If I showed even a hint of struggle, it would no longer be my burden alone, but my mom’s as well.

So I had been keeping my mouth shut for about 10 years.

The concept of “comfort” was really unfamiliar to me.

Not only was the concept of comfort unfamiliar, but the question “Do you want me to comfort you?” felt like a completely new experience.

For some reason, my younger sister (step-sister) Jihee’s face turned slightly red.

Jihee was approaching me with the gaze of a carnivorous animal, as if I were its prey.

…Ugh.

It didn’t seem like comfort was something you did with that kind of expression.

Jihee’s eyes seemed excessively ominous, and her slightly raised lip corners formed a faint smile.

“……Comfort?”

“Oppa, didn’t you just get really upset and punch your pillow a while ago?”

“That’s just something I did because I was lacking, why do you need to comfort me?”

“No, Oppa.”

Jihee, who had been supporting her weight with both hands on her knees, slowly extended one arm forward, like a four-legged animal.

My instincts sensed danger.

I quickly rolled backward and pressed my upper body against the wall.

The combination of “Jihee” and “bed” wasn’t very good.

It was because of the vivid memories of our past fights that still lingered.

“Don’t families comfort each other when they’re going through tough times?”

My sister was getting on her knees on the bed, offering comfort.

I felt like I’d seen this somewhere before.

No matter how I looked at it…

Ah… I’m trash again.

“Sorry! It’s not that hard!”

I quickly dodged.

I was like a human escaping a disaster, as I threw my body from the bed to the floor with all my might.

Jihee was equally startled by my sudden movement, her eyes wide with surprise.

“Is it really okay if I don’t comfort you?”

“……Did you dive to the floor because you hated my comfort that much?”

“No! That’s not it at all.”

I just didn’t want to bend my waist like a boy who had caught a whale, that’s all.

Jihee’s eyes turned cold, and her face became sulky.

“So what about Oppa? Can’t you apply again? You can’t attend classes?”

“It’s not a big deal, I just can’t get the schedule I wanted from the start, that’s all.”

“Hyung, is your schedule out?”

“Let’s take a look at the possible ones among the remaining ones and confirm them.”

Haa…

So, what’s the plan.

I barely regained my composure and ignored Jihee, sitting in front of my laptop.

I’ve already taken care of my major required courses, but the electives are uncertain.

Even after a long delay, there are still classes left that are generally avoided, and there’s a reason for that.

With a cluttered mind, I stared at the monitor.

It’s settled then.

Let’s just take it easy this semester.

It’s a semester I’ve already decided to slack off.

What’s the point of risking my life for electives?

“Hyung.”

Jihee was still sitting on the bed, showing no intention of leaving the room.

“Huh?”

“Hyung, so there are days with no classes too?”

“No classes? If that’s the case, Tuesday will be a day off, I guess.”

“Tuesday? Got it. I’ll remember.”

“If you say I’m disturbing your studies, I’ll leave. Don’t worry about that.”

“Eh, you’re not disturbing me. I think it’s better if I’m at home, actually.”

This is quite unusual.

I believe that studying requires a calm and focused environment.

If someone is wandering around at home, can’t you focus?

I extremely dislike those who repeat coming and going in the study room or library.

However, this is a personal preference.

It’s a world where some people think cafes are the best place to study.

“Even if you tell me to leave the house, I’ll probably come back around evening anyway.”

Currently, the latest class ends at 4 pm.

If I calculate the time it takes to get back home, it’ll be around 5 pm.

That means I’ll arrive in time for dinner.

Of course, I don’t think Jihee will eat at home every day.

Sometimes, they’ll buy maratang with friends or eat tteokbokki.

There will be days when they order takeout at home.

But I’m worried about this for one reason.

It’s because of our ‘promise’.

I promised Jihee that I would fill the void left by their parents.

A warm, home-cooked meal on time is the foundation of family!

This is the most basic welfare service I should provide.

In fact, I rarely had the opportunity to eat a home-cooked meal on time, but if my mom were here, she would definitely cook for Jihee.

As a student, they need to eat well, so she would make an effort to cook this and that, even with her mediocre cooking skills.

I’ve always thought that eating together is important when studying, so I wanted to take good care of it.

“Jihee-ya.”

“Yes?”

“Do you have any food you don’t eat or dislike?”

“Suddenly?”

I pushed the chair around with my pinky toe.

“I have to cook for you.”

The cold atmosphere melted away.

Jihee’s eyes sparkled like they had been ignited.

It wasn’t a particularly moving or special phrase, but the response was a bit excessive.

“Does oppa always cook for you?”

“Don’t you eat out or order takeout?”

“…Really?”

“As your mom’s substitute, it’s natural that I should do it, right?”

My younger sibling’s face turned red with excitement, their mouth agape.

“Wow…!”

The reaction was so good that I felt embarrassed.

“No, it’s not like that. Don’t expect that level of service from me… I’m not a celebrity who takes photos for Instagram, and that’s not my level…!”

I needed to control my expectations.

After all, the only thing I can do is simple home cooking.

In fact, I usually only cook for one person, so I’ve never even tried cooking for two.

“Thank you, oppa!”

Jihee sprang up like a spring, came around to the back of the chair, and wrapped their arm around my neck.

“I get to eat real home-cooked meals, not just frozen ones? This is amazing!”

My face flushed red from the surprise hug.

My face is easy to read, and I started to resent this trait of mine.

This wasn’t a problem that could be solved with self-control.

My brain wasn’t responding; it was my instincts.

Ahh, but if my younger sibling is going to hug me like this, what am I supposed to do?!

They didn’t seem to have any ulterior motives, but my mind was filling up with suspicious thoughts.

I needed to shake this off, but I didn’t have a good reason to push away someone who was genuinely happy to hug me.

“I don’t dislike anything I eat! Ah, I don’t like yuja, but that’s it!”

“……Yuja is delicious, though. Why?”

“Ugh, but I really don’t like yuja. Even just smelling its scent makes me feel sick.”

I didn’t even have any recipes that used yuja.

“Alright, I’ll prepare something without yuja.”

“Okay, thank you.”

The sound of their arm releasing, and I couldn’t bear to look back at my bright red face.

“Instead, if oppa cooks, I’ll do the dishes!”

“Like that, I’ll do it.”

“Ah! We agreed on that earlier!”

Jihee turned her chair around, as if telling me to look this way, and I…

“What’s wrong? Oppa, why is your face so red? Are you sick?”

Jihee’s face, bent down, was getting closer and closer to mine.

Her palm, facing my direction, gently landed on my forehead.

“Is it really painful? Do you want me to get you some medicine? Should we go to the hospital now?”

Ah, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“No! It’s not like that! It’s fine!”

I pushed Jihee’s worried face away and chased her out.

For a moment, I locked the door and wiped away the sweat droplets that had formed on my forehead.

The heat was still there.

My face, reflected in the mirror, still had a faint pink color, like a shy kid.

Do I have to live like this every day?

At least for a year or more?

…My heart might not be able to take it.

* * *

There are many ways to prepare for re-taking the exam!

A boarding school that solves everything at once, with a dorm and meals provided.

The schedule is packed, with classes all day, and it’s a comprehensive program for re-takers.

You can take individual classes, focusing only on what you need.

Each has its pros and cons, but the most difficult is ‘independent re-taking’.

It’s not for nothing that students pay a lot of money to attend a school.

The facilities and group setting provide things that individuals can’t achieve on their own.

It’s not just about lectures or high-quality mock test questions.

What’s important is the concept of ‘chool extension’ itself!

A peer group studying together in a similar atmosphere.

Regular mock tests, just like in high school, following strict rules.

These are elements that those who study alone can’t enjoy.

I, too, judged that I definitely needed that, which is why I worked hard for a year in the comprehensive program for re-takers.

Having benefited from the school, I found it difficult to diagnose Jihee’s declaration of independent re-taking as a good choice.

Honestly, I thought it would be better to wait a bit longer, and maybe register again later if I felt like it.

“Have you organized your schedule?”

If it were a school, it would be 2 pm on a weekday afternoon.

Jihee was snacking on potato chips in front of the TV.

Although it was still February, and there was plenty of time left until the exam…

This was an environment that couldn’t be found in a student’s tense atmosphere.

“What schedule? Are we going shopping for clothes with Oppa?”

“No, I mean studying.”

“Studying?”

Jihee put down the bag of snacks and pressed the mute button on the TV, as if the sound was annoying her.

“What’s wrong?”

“When are you going to decide?”

“Hmm… like that?”

“If you’re going to study on your own, it’s better to create a routine and stick to it. You know that, don’t you? The basis of self-study is thorough self-management.”

He looked like a nagging older brother, but since he was right next to her, she couldn’t help but feel uneasy.

It wasn’t just about her own position; her mom would also remind her of her study schedule whenever they talked on the phone.

“You should take care of yourself as an older brother, and help me with my mental and physical health management,” and so on.

“Then, can you make a routine for me?”

Jihee seemed to be nagging, but she smiled slyly and patted the couch next to her, as if saying “come here”.

“I want to make a routine with you, oppa. Help me!”

I sat down next to Jihee.

“Do you have a planner or something?”

“Do you still have the one you got last year?”

“Bring it out.”

Jihee went to the bathroom to wash her hands and came back with a lavender-colored planner.

“The basics are ‘what time to sleep and what time to wake up.’ Most people optimize their schedules to fit the exam time.”

“So, should we set it to around 7 or 8 am?”

“Yeah, that’s the most common, so I recommend setting it to that.”

“And then?”

“We need to decide what time to sit down at our desks and start studying. Usually, right before the exam, people study according to the exam schedule, divided by subject…”

Based on my personal experience and what I learned at the academy, I carefully planned out Jihee’s schedule.

“If we do it like this, it won’t be much different from those who attend academies.”

“Hmm… it’s tough.”

I thought that if we didn’t make it tough, there was no point in retaking the exam.

Time is money, and money is money.

In this world, there are countless people who redo their studies and still get poor results.

“What can you do? Everyone does it that way.”

“If we do it like this, where can we go?”

“Well…”

Even famous instructors who are known for guaranteeing college admission don’t dare to promise that.

It all depends on how the student does on the day of the exam, and the teacher can’t guarantee anything.

“Oppa, didn’t I tell you why I’m retaking the exam?”

“Didn’t your dad tell you to try again?”

“Yeah, that’s true… but…”

Jihee seemed to be bothered by something, tapping her thigh with her index finger.

“Is this schedule weird or something? But this is close to the standard of retake academies, so we should be able to do this much.”

“No, it’s not that you did anything wrong, oppa.”

“Then?”

Ji-hui turned her head towards the window, looking embarrassed.

“……I got a 6th grade level on the college entrance exam…….”

Her voice was too soft, so I couldn’t hear it properly.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“……6th grade level.”

“What do you mean by 6th grade level?”

What was she talking about?

She continued to speak in a low tone, making it hard to understand.

Ji-hui mumbled to herself, then bowed her head deeply.

“I……got an average of 6th grade level on the college entrance exam…….”

Ah, I see.

An average of 6th grade level, that’s right.

Yeah, that’s right.

“Are you even human?”

“……Huh?”

It was as if she had spoken her mind out loud.