Naruto : Venom

Later That Night

"Hey Tsunade. How's it going?" I casually say. Don't act like I ran away from you earlier today. That never happened.

"L-Lady Tsunade!" Jiraya is cowering away from her. Great he's scared we got caught.

Okay I need to diffuse this, I need to throw her off the scent. Something like, "Don't mind Jiraya, he's remembering your disciplinary actions for when he peaks in on the bathhouses."

Tsunade laughs, "Good! I'm glad the lesson's have finally sunk in." Thank the sweet merciful Kami it worked. "Anyways, I need Jiraya tonight. Scram squirt."

Not good. I don't want to leave her alone with him. "Please, like I care. You can't order me around yet, you haven't taken the hat."

She growls at me. "Squirt, the grown ups need to talk. Go away."

"I don't feel like it. In fact, I feel like stalking you two the entire night. That sounds like fun!" I'm not going to let her poison him! I want Orochimaru dead and right now Jiraya is my best shot at it.

"Fine." She turns to the crying Jiraya. "Get up. We're going drinking and little Alvarcus is our chaperon."

Jiraya files to his feet. "Of course my lady!" He bows deeply to Tsunade, "Where to fair maiden? Shall we take a romantic walk through the town? Maybe venture out into the countryside? Perhaps a wonderful moon gazing session?" Wow, he did a complete turn around.

"There's a sake stand around the corner." Tsunade grins to herself, "I even think they will have lemonade or something for the squirt."

"Oh come on, you have to get a better nickname for me than squirt. How lame." I huff in annoyance. Good, now I can stop her drugging him.

We go to the stand and take our seats. They actually do have lemonade there, I'm mildly impressed.

The old people talk about pointless things for a long time. I tune our their conversation. In fact I don't even face them. I have a chakra string extended to the roof of the stand and have an eye on the end of it watching Jiraya's drink. I won't miss a damn thing.

After a few minutes, Jiraya starts to sway on his seat. That isn't right, I've seen him drink way more than that. Hell he drank more than that earlier today! No, I missed it. How did I miss it? I watched his glass the entire time!

"Tsunade, why?" Jiraya falls out of his chair.

I leap to my feet and fall into a battle stance.

"You poisoned him. How?" I fucked it up. Dammit I fucked it up! Now Orochimaru has a better shot at living!

She never put anything in his drink. I know for certain, she never even came close to touching it.

"I paid off the stall owner. I gave him a coated glass to serve to Jiraya. Actually, I gave him four glasses just in case someone tagged along on our 'date.' I'm more curious as to how you are still standing. I put enough poison in each glass to knock out a team of horses."

I smirk, "Knock me out? Via what process? I don't have any organs remember?" Thank you Jiongu, you really came through for me. A pleasant shiver courses through my body.

~You're welcome host.~

"I do remember." A voice says from behind me. "That's why I made this stasis seal."

I whirl around to face the Tsunade behind me. I leap away from her and stand protectively over Jiraya.

"A clone. You had a clone with us the whole time." How the hell did both Jiraya and I miss that?

~Host! That's not the real one!~

A hand falls on my shoulder and grips it ridiculously tightly.

"Wrong. I'm the real one." Effortlessly she picks me up and smacks a piece of seal paper on my chest.

"Shit. You tricked me. You used your clone to scare me into getting closer to the real you."

"Yep." She activates the seal. I'm sucked into it.

...

Everything is black, it's dark. There's no light here at all. I'm in a void of nothing. But the strangest thing is I've been in something like this before. I've spent years, decades, eons here.

"Fan-fucking-tastic I'm back here again. I really didn't miss this place." I grumble to myself. "Fuck me! If I'm here does that mean I died again?"

The void doesn't answer me.

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!" I roar into the abyss.

"What the hell I died to a seal? A seal from Tsunade of all people? What kind of an idiot seals something alive in a seal! Everyone knows that doing that kills people! I didn't even go out in a blaze of glory! I didn't die to a foe of unimaginable power, I didn't even die to Orochimaru. Hell I didn't even make it to Shippuden! And why the hell do I feel tingly all over? That is wrong on so many levels."

~Host?~

"Shut up Jiongu I'm ranting to myself." I bark out. "A SEAL! How sad is that? I'd rather have been burned to death, at least it'd be memorable. Besides, me going out by fire? Talk about karmic justice."

"Fuck, who is going to look out for Sasuke now? I changed too much, Naruto isn't going to do anything for him and Sakura is... here somewhere. I wonder if I'll ever meet her in this abyss? Then I can apologize for not being able to save her."

"Oh Kami what if Orochimaru decides to use me for an Edo Tensi? That would be crazy. Wait, I could work with that! Madara regained control of his body by knowing what hand seals to make! Crap, that idea's out. I don't know how to do the Edo Tensi."

Silence.

"Hold up. Jiongu?" No. No fucking way.

~Yes Host?~

"Jiongu!" My voice is laced with pure elation. "Oh man, I am so glad you're here! I have company this time, I'm not alone! We've got to figure out a way to get back. If you steal a heart while I'm an Edo Tensi zombie -feel free to shuffle through my memories to figure out what that is- will we come back from the dead? I'm grasping at straws here. Sure I've sorta cheated death once but I have no idea how to do it again."

~Host, we're not dead.~

"... Sorry what?" Even I know that you don't seal something alive.

It's been theorized as to the actual cause of death, my two favorites are oxygen deprivation or the human body is just too weak to take the sustained exposure to pocket dimensions. No one has really figured out exactly what happens to cause the death since no one has ever made it back out alive. Even Minato and Tobirama cheated with their Hirashin, they were nearly simultaneously put into and taken out of their seal's pocket dimension. Their exposure time was milliseconds, probably even less. In fact that's how Minato got his title as The Yellow Flash. For that brief moment in time his opponents could see into his pocket dimension which for some ungodly reason is bright yellow.

~We're not dead.~

"FUCK YEAH I'M ALIVE BITHCES!" Talk about a close call. "Wait, how am I alive? I should be dead."

~We would be if it weren't for me. I've formed a protective cocoon around each heart to keep them safe from this void and I'm using heat by friction to keep our skin from freezing.~

"Ah, so the tingly sensation is coming from you? Gotcha, I thought I was losing my mind there."

~You and me both.~

"Cut the sass." That's new, the Jiongu is developing a personality. Good for it! "How am I able to breath then? I do need to breath right?"

~Not necessarily. Because I devoured your lungs I learned how to absorb oxygen and release carbon dioxide. Therefore, by reverse engineering, I learned how to do the opposite: absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen. I am also capable of circulating said oxygen around our body for us since we need it to keep our skin and hearts alive. That's why I got rid of our blood. It is inferior.~

"Wow, this is the most broken thing I've ever heard. When did you figure out I don't have to breath?"

~When we got here. Something had to be done to keep us alive.~

"Jiongu, you're awesome. I want you to know that." I never have to be worried about being strangled to death or drowning. That's a relief.

~Thank you host.~

"So... how long do you think it'll be until someone releases us?"

~How should I know? Does time flow consistently through multiple dimensions?~

"... I take it back you suck. I never would have thought of that."

~I got that from your memories, so you did think of it.~

"Okay so maybe I have thought of it bef-"

POOF

"TSUANDE IS GOING AFTER OROCHIMARU!" I roar the second I'm outside of the seal.

Hell yeah, time is inconsistent through dimensions! I got out super early. I should have been in there for hours if time flowed consistently and I was released right before everyone goes after Tsunade.

"How marvelous! I'm so glad my seal worked, I wasn't sure if you would survive. That makes three experiments you've passed. That has to be a record. My child, you're becoming quite the specimen." I never wanted to hear that voice again.

I quickly take in my surroundings. I'm outside of town in a clearing somewhere. There's one tall blonde woman and a lean pale black haired man who has seen much better days.

"What the fuck Tsunade? You brought me to Orochimaru?" So much for time being inconsistent. I was released before I expected if the still dark sky is anything to go by.

"Ignore his swearing." Orochimaru says from his relaxed position. "When he gets emotional his verbal filter disappears. I find it rather amusing."

She rolls her eyes in irritation. "It was part of the deal Alvarcus. I bring you to him for a nice chat and then I heal his arms and he'll bring my loved ones back. Sorry squirt, you've got spunk but they mean more to me than you."

"Are you a fucking moron?" I yell at her face. "The dead don't come back!"

"Isn't that hypocritical?" Orochimaru asks in curiosity. "You're living proof that the dead do come back."

"Fuck you, you know that was a fluke." I snarl at the insane bastard.

"Are you sure? I believe I can re-create the process." He turns to Tsunade. "Here's my proof, Alvarcus Mar has come back from the dead. I raised him and I can do it for your loved ones once my arms are healed."

"You sick bastard don't you dare!" I roar at the lunatic. "You know exactly what you did! You eradicated the soul of a barely formed fetus just to see if you could and I happened to get sucked up into the space left behind! I will kill you before I let that happen to someone else! You don't even know if you can choose who goes in! I was picked at random!"

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