No Such Thing as Good and Evil

Faylen looked over at the oddly quiet Shade as they walked down the gravel road, heading north to the town of Johnsonville. It was the next and closest human town that was also under attack by some form of monster Shade assumed was being controlled by a captured dragon. “Are you ok?” She asked.

“Fine.” He replied monotoned, not even sparring her a glance.

She continued to look as his visibly annoyed face and couldn’t help but think he was mad at her for something, but she couldn’t figure out what. She thought back to her short fight with the griffons. Before she was knocked out by what she was told was an explosion Shade created, she could remember his face as he looked at her on the ground, pinned underneath the griffon. He looked angry, but why? When she first woke up, he had seemed his usual sarcastic self, but in the days after that all changed. It had now been 3 days since the fight with the griffons. Her concern was only amplified by the fact that during those three days, he had very clearly been avoiding her at all times. It became quite obvious to her when she tried to corner him in the only standing tavern the town still had to offer, just for him to do the most shocking thing he could do, leave and remain sober. This morning was the first time they had spoken since she had woken up, with him simply saying it was time to move on and head to their next destination. Since then, he had been quietly walking beside her, not even glancing over once.

“Are you mad at me?” She asked.

“What could he possibly be mad at you for?” Lilah said, and Shade visibly sneered at her voice. “He sat there and watched you be eaten alive by a griffon while he drank.”

Faylen, having noticed his visible annoyance at Lilah, internally asked for her to remain quiet, which Lilah reluctantly agreed to after a short argument. “You are mad at me, aren’t you?” When he didn’t respond still, she stopped and turned to him, forcefully grabbing his arm and pulling on it, making him turn to her as well. She took a serious look with her tone matching. “If you’re mad at me for something, I want to know for what.”

With a completely straight, yet clearly angry face, he stared right back at her. “I don’t believe you. I don’t think you give a shit about what I think at all to be honest.”

“What does that mean?” Faylen asked.

“I think the only thing you care about nowadays is that cunt of a bow you keep wrapped around your shoulder.”

“Excuse you!” Lilah said offended, deciding to ignore Faylens pleas to remain silent.

Shade looked at the bow wrapped around her shoulder. “Excuse is your favorite word isn’t it Lilah. What excuse do you have for what happened in the fight? You have some fucking gall saying I sat there and watched her be eaten. What exactly did you do?”

“I did everything I could to keep her alive, don’t you even dare compare my efforts to yours, watching her being eaten like it was a spectator sport. Only stepping in when you’re anger at a fellow dragon being involved outweighed your willingness to intervene.”

“You did everything you could, did you? Is that so? Why don’t we review really quick.” Shade replied. “If I remember correctly from the previous fight with Greg, you have some sort of golden shield you can use to protect her. Yet both when she was blown away and when she was caught in the beak of the griffon, you failed to create that shield. Which thinking back on that memory I have of running into you for the first time, you didn’t create that shield for the last carrier as well, before I sent her to the grave.”

“Well…I didn’t….it happened…” Lilah began to stumble.

“Back to this fight though, after that failure, you followed it up by using some odd self-destruct power, though unfortunately it didn't completely kill you.” Shade continued. “What it did do was tear through everything it touched. While I didn’t see any of the beams hit Faylen, I assume that was pure luck and nothing more.”

“I…had no other choice…she was going to die.” Lilah continued to stumble.

“Really? No other choice? You could’ve floated up to the griffon eating her and shot it in its eyes, or hit its wings with a barrage of arrows, causing it to fall to the ground.”

“It’s easy to look back now and say what I should have done while you sat there and did nothing.” Lilah shot back.

“No.” Shade replied. “That’s what I was thinking in the moment as well. You see, I joke about it, but I’m dead serious right now. I have no clue if you’re actually the soul of Lilah or not, but I’m leaning towards no. Whoever or whatever you are, you are a complete and utter failure, and if you are the former queen, then gods know how that kingdom remained upright. You would have died yourself, got your last carrier killed and almost got her killed as well.”

Lilah huffed. “This is all rich from the drunk who hasn’t done anything in either of the last two fights.”

“That’s exactly the point.” Shade responded raising his tone a bit. “I’m not sure what isn’t getting through. When she goes to the knight academy, and if she becomes a knight, I won’t be there. But you most likely will. She for some reason has seemingly put some misplaced trust in you even though she has known you for all of like a week. Yet you have shown yourself completely incapable of deserving that trust. When her backs against the wall, when she has lost her head and needs you to bail her out, you failed. You got lucky Greg wasn’t trying to kill her and also wasn’t that strong. You didn’t get lucky against the griffons though. Your shortcomings as a fighter shined brighter than any explosion you could make. Your reactions are slow, decisions flawed, and attacks weak. You might not think I’m a good partner for her to learn from, but I guarantee you I'm far better for her then you.”

Lilah began to stutter out a response again, but Faylen interjected. “That’s what your mad at?” She asked.

Shade though shook his head. “I’m mad at a lot of things.”

“Then tell me.” She said.

“If I started to tell you all the things I was angry at, I would, well, get quite angry.” He said, audibly holding back some pent-up rage.

Faylen steeled herself. “I don’t care, I want to know what you’re so mad at me for. If you think I made mistakes, I want to know. No, I need to know.”

“Ok then Faylen.” He replied. “Let’s review your side of the fight, if we can even call it that. As the Griffons approached, you jumped directly into the air to fight them, why? Griffons are strongest in the air, the way to fight them is to get them on the ground.”

“How was I supposed to know that?” She countered. “I didn’t know anything about Griffons other than what you told me.”

“THAT’S THE FUCKING POINT!” Shade yelled, causing her to flinch. He turned around, clenched and unclenched his fists a few times while staring at the sky taking deep breaths, before turning back to her and speaking in a calmer, yet assertive voice. “That’s the point. You didn’t know. I may joke around a lot, but advice given in any form, is still advice. I’ve tried telling you, hinting to you so many times that you aren’t ready. But you keep wanting to jump right into things. I understand you have a shit past. I understand you’re desperate to help people from having to share those scars with you, but you need to stop and think about what you’re doing. We came to that town for you to become an adventurer, to pick plants and fight mice as you have so kindly said in the past. Yet within moments of entering the town, you volunteered us to fight a bunch of griffons. Then you say you lost because you didn’t know anything about griffons. See the problem? And why didn’t you know anything about them? It’s because you didn’t ask, or do any research at all. I could’ve told you anything you wanted to know about them, but you barely seemed to care when I went over the basics of their species. You seem to think you can just blow everything away with some fucking arrows, which we will get to later. Power though is just one part of fighting; many people would argue it’s the least important part. Many people think information is the most important part of a fight, followed by strategy and decision making. I’m not sure I believe that, but it has some merit. It’s true that you had no info, but that’s the problem. You seem so desperate to play hero for these people that you jump headfirst into every situation, but that is how you get yourself killed. So is Lilah right that I sat there and did nothing while you got torn to shreds? Yes, because you need to understand and fear the reality of your mortality. You seem to act like you’re playing with house money, like dying doesn’t matter.”

“You’re right.” She replied as she took in what he was saying, and came to the conclusion that he was indeed right. “After spending so many years powerless, I want to save as many people as i can. But I was naïve in this fight. I’ll be more careful going forward.

“It’s all well and good to say that, but you actually have to do it.” He paused for a moment, clearly trying to calm himself down again. “But none of that is even close to what I’m the angriest about.”

Faylen steeled herself again. “Tell me, I want to know what you think I’m doing wrong.”

“Do you though, because once again I’m not sure I believe that.”

“Why?” She asked.

“Why you ask? Funny, that’s what I’ve been asking myself about you these past few days. Why? Why with the bow? I don’t understand.” He said in an angry yet sad tone.

“Didn’t you already go over your issues with Lilah, or….”

He cut her off. “No, not her, though obviously I’m not a fan. I mean the bow in general. Why do you keep using it?”

“You want me to use the staff, don’t you.” She replied.

“Its not just about the staff!” He said in a raised tone, his eyes radiating with echos as he stared directly into hers. This time though, he didn’t attempt to calm himself down. “We trained for 6 fucking months Faylen. 6 MONTHS! And not once did you ever use a bow. Never. I’ve seen you create tornadoes; I’ve seen you create balls of ice that could blow up mountains. I’ve seen you create enough fire to burn down entire villages. By the time we were finished, you were tossing Elmyra around like she was a practice dummy, and she’s quite strong for her age. If you showed those humans any of your true abilities, they would kneel in front of you and revere you as a god. That’s how naturally strong you are. Yet for some unknown goddamn reason, you choose to now use a bow, that you can’t use, to shoot dainty little light arrows at monsters you should be blowing away. I just don’t understand it. I feel like I’m losing my goddamned mind. Did I waste my time training you? Am I wasting my time right now? Should I just go off and drink somewhere while you and Lilah go and get yourself killed playing archer? We have all seen she can work on her own, you could have her float around and shoot light arrows, while you with or without the staff blow shit sky high. Recently I’ve been thinking bringing you to the basement was a horrible idea, as now you run around in skimpy armor using a weapon that you can’t use. I’m not sure if you’re trying to hide Lilah, and that’s the reason you keep using the bow, but if hiding Lilah gets you killed, it’s not worth it!”

Faylen clenched her fists in frustration. Once again, as had happened already a few times in the past, Shade was admonishing her for her failures. And once again, like in the past, she wanted to say something, but couldn’t, as she knew he was right. It wasn’t just frustration with herself from failing in the fights though, or failing to properly use his trainings. As she stared into his angry eyes, she could see his own frustrations. She felt like she had let him down, that she had disappointed him. Ever since their rocky start together, which is a nice way of putting it, she had slowly grown to like and respect him, even if just a little. She had also grown to understand him, and how he acts. He hides his true feelings on life behind sarcasm, jokes, and alcohol. But recently he had been showing his true emotions more and more, whether it be about his past, or what was happening around the continent in the present. This right in front of her, was his true self again. And his true self was staring into her eyes with the disappointment of a parent who felt like their child had strayed off course, and they didn’t know what to do about it. She had never had a parent-like figure, and she felt Shade was the closest thing to one. She didn’t want to tell him that though as she thought he might make some awkward incest jokes she didn’t want to deal with.

After a few seconds of staring at each other that felt much longer than that to her, all she could muster was a soft. “You’re right again, I’m sorry.”

“Being sorry isn’t good enough.” He replied, calming down a bit as he noticed her visible frustration with herself. “As Lilah so nicely mentioned before, hindsight is rather useless. Its especially useless when you’re six feet under. So, here’s what we’re going to do. I got this map from Alisson.” He said taking the map out of his bag, and handing it to Faylen, who took it and looked it over. “I had her mark every single town on here that is currently under siege by some monsters. We, and by we, I mean mostly you, are going to liberate them. But you are not to use that bow in combat. If you want to listen to whoever that is in there on politics, ethics or some other royal bullshit, go right ahead, but in combat if I even see you shoot one light arrow, I’m going to break that thing in half.” He then grabbed her by both shoulders and looked even deeper into her eyes, which caught her off-guard. “Listen Faylen, that thing claiming to be Lilah has many reasons to not like me. But those reasons are why you need to trust me, if only a little. I was one of the youngest knight commanders ever, one of the youngest obsidian adventurers ever, and one of the most wanted criminals ever. This really isn’t something you should brag about, but I will here. I promise you Faylen, when it comes to killing, fighting and surviving, there are very few, if any, who are better at it then I am.”

She pulled back from his grip and took a determined face before responding, wishing there was something she could fight right now so she could show him what she could truly do. “I know. And I understand, I promise I’ll do better next time.”

“Good.” He said, then turned and continued down the gravel road, while looking up at the sky. “Because if Merellien is truly behind all this, and Aerith gets her way dragging me into this mess, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll have to get you ready for whatever bullshit is to come.”

She didn’t follow him, instead she stood in the same spot and watched him start to walk down the road. “Shade!” She called after him. He turned and looked at her again. She steeled herself once more, ready to ask a question she wasn’t sure what the answer would be, and was worried it would be something she didn’t like. But having seen how mad he was at her, and how determined he seemed in wanting to help her, she had to finally ask it. The simplest question there was in their relationship.

“What is it?” He replied, looking at the suddenly nervous Faylen.

“I know you brought me to Aeriths to break the curse because you felt bad about what you…we did together while I was your…. slave. But why…?” she trailed off.

“Why what?” he asked.

“My curse is broken. Why do you keep helping me now? Why are you going to help me get into that knight academy? Why are you going out of your way to help me train? What’s in it for you?”

He smiled at her. “You know, Alexis and Aerith once asked me the same thing while I was traveling with them. I’ll tell you the same thing I told them. Because I see a bit of myself in you. Though I’m not sure that’s what you want to hear. Especially not what that bow wants to hear, that’s for sure.”

She stood there staring at him again, thinking about what that meant. What did he see in her that was like him? She couldn’t figure it out for a moment, before her eyes went wide as she compared herself, and her life to his. It wasn’t a specific aspect of herself, but herself in general. What she was, and who she was. She was an extremely powerful being, who has been alone for most of her life with nobody to confide in and nobody to trust, just like him. She wants to use her overwhelming power to change the world, save people in need, and from what she has heard about him, so did he. But that led him to do many things he now regrets, and caused him to become the broken shell he is today. What he was trying to do in training her was trying to get her not to make the same mistakes he did. He saw his a bit of his past in her, and was trying to stop her from becoming his present. She smiled back at him. “Thank you.”

He turned and continued down the road. “Now then, its going to take a long time to get to Johnsonville with you standing still. Infinite amount of time actually, I know you forgot about all of your other abilities, but don’t tell me you’ve now forgotten how to walk as well.” She giggled, shook her head and chased after him.