ALL NOVEL I’m Not Jealous!
Scott: Told my parents about the trans thing.
Ryan: Oh crap. How'd they take it?
Scott moves fast when he's got his mind set on something. It's, what's the word? Cool? Admirable? Cute? Bleh, whatever it is, I wish I had that drive to do anything.
Scott: They weren't sure, but once I told them that the Orange Crush would change me back if I wasn't trans they warmed up to the idea.
Ryan: That's awesome, dude!
Scott: I think they are only letting me to prove I'm wrong.
Scott: Anyway my supplier recommended I have a place to stay if they don't get it. Would your dad be okay with me crashing?
Ryan: That should be fine. He thinks you're a good influence on me.
Scott: I'll take that as a compliment. Can ya come over tomorrow? I want a friend with me.
Ryan: Sure thing.
I should be happy for him. I mean he's basically been my guardian angel over the years. He's stood up to dickheads. Dealt with my awkward mumbling and foot in mouth fuck ups. Forced me to make friends. I owe it to him to be happy.
I can't help but feel a little sad though. Becoming a ranger has been a net gain for him, so many things have fallen into place. Today he came out to our friends and everything went perfectly. They all accept him as the guy he is. While I have to hide. There is still something wrong with me and my body that no orange soda or morphing can fix. This is my dream. I thought that things would be better if I was strong but things got so much more complicated. I have two secret identities for crying out loud!
And tomorrow he is going to become everything he wants to be and I'm going to watch and support him of course. He is going to become everything I need to be by drinking a special drink. It shouldn't bother me. In fact, it doesn't bother me. I'm not jealous.
Crawling into bed only makes me feel less jealous. Not only is he getting the body of his dreams, but he's rubbing it in. Who does he think he is picking girls up before even asking? He's gotten so impulsive? Flirty? Aggressive? Sure, he's not meaning to rub it in, but everything got mixed up when I was in his arms. Sure, I crushed on him at some point when we were younger, but those feelings are gone. They faded. The blushing, the heart-thumping has to be caused by Filia’s body being different. There's no way I feel that way anymore. Especially since we are both guys.
---
I wake with a start. A dream and of course Scott is the guy in the romance scenario. This is starting to get annoying.
I need to get dressed. That's a good distraction. I always think that the best thing about being a guy is that you can get away with wearing almost anything. No one judges you too harshly for not putting effort into your appearance because it's expected that, unless you are one of the lucky ones, you'll look like crap regardless. I started learning martial arts, brushed my hair every morning, and even have a skincare routine, but none of it changes the fact that I’m weird-looking, gangly and uncomfortable. So instead, I just throw on a baggy shirt, some jeans and a jacket and I’m ready for the day.
The walk to Scott’s house is quiet. The hustle and bustle of the streets and the honking of cars are usually a nice distraction from thinking. Unrelated to that, I’m terrified of seeing Scott. Last night's dream, the way he treated Filia and his new body all work together to make me shake. What if he recognises me as Filia? What if things go wrong? What if his new body is taller than me? What if I can’t keep myself calm and blurt out all my anxieties about how everything is changing and I’m terrified! Maybe I should call him and tell him I can’t do this. I want to be there for him, but I can't change that I'm a coward. And what if he needs to be alone with his family? Well, then I can go home and talk to him later. I need to remember how to breathe I think. It'll be fine.
“Oh thank god you’re here.” Scott wraps his arms around me. This is the height difference I'm used to. Apparently panicking and overthinking puts your brain on autopilot. I wrap an arm around him. He's comfortable.
“Are you okay, bro?” Affirming him is the first thing I needed to do. Bro speak doesn't come naturally to me. Leo can attest to that, but he needs to know I see him as a guy.
“I’ve been dying of anticipation. This body feels more like a prison than ever and I’m ready to break out. Come in.” We walk through to the lounge room where his mum and dad are waiting. The couches are arranged in a circle, with an empty space in the middle for him to stretch.
“Are you sure you want to go through with this?” his mum asks. The look on Scott's face says she's asked a million times.
“If I’m not sure, it won’t work.” He says.
The can of Clownfish Orange sits on the table in front of him. The only other thing in the centre of the room. It's unassuming for something so powerful. A standard aluminum can printed orange, with a little clownfish on the side. No wonder it fooled so many people when it was initially put out as a trap.
Scott is going to drink it and turn into his ideal self. All eyes were meant to be on him. I'm meant to be making sure he’s okay and taking him home if things go wrong, but I can’t stop looking at the can in front of me. It would hurt if I drank it. From what I’d heard some people passed out, the hospitals were overwhelmed with calls from panicked people who had experienced the horror of having a different body. A wrong one. How would that feel? Could it be worse than what I feel now?
I might be able to deal with becoming the pink ranger but Clownfish Orange is meant to be a weapon. It will hurt me because I’m a guy, a totally cis guy. Scott’s hand reaching for the can snapped me out of my fascination. This is about him.
“See you on the other side.” he laughs, cracking the top of the can and begins drinking. A couple of seconds later and he slams it down on the table.
“Feel any different?” His dad probes.
“Not yet,” his voice cracks. “Oh,” the changes have definitely started. His voice is huskier already. I instinctively grab my own throat. How could he bear this? Why would you want your voice to change like that? “Everything feels wobbly.”
“Sit down, son.”
“You called me son?” This stuff works quickly. If only I’d had this stuff when I started puberty. At least his experience will be mercifully short.
The smile on Scott’s face radiates a joy that I’ve only seen him express while teaching. A sparkle in his eye that makes him look so friendly, so genuine, like a big teddy bear you wanted to scoop you up into a hug. He crashes into the sofa, and still, he smiles. A loud Pop comes from his leg as it gains length. Yet he seems unphased. His other leg does the same, his arms stretch and his shoulders pop as his torso begins to take a more defined triangle shape.
The muscles he built over the years, bulge underneath the once loose shirt he is wearing, highlighting the same strength that his ranger form has. The softness of his old face thins out as the fat is sucked under the skin to fuel his transformation, highlighting a new chiselled jawline. What had been a pixie cut began to look like the short back and sides I was forced to wear by Dad when I was younger. It's like watching Captain America get his strength, or the old Gold rangers first real fight against Gender Vendor. He looked ready for action. Ready to take on the entire world if he has to.
“I doubt calling you my little girl would work anymore,” his dad says with a laugh. He certainly isn't little.
“Do you think you can stand?” his mum asks. I understand her concern. He’s suddenly grown so much.
“I’ll help you up.” I stretch out my hand and immediately realise my mistakes.
“Thanks bro.” He grabs on and I attempt to pull him to his feet. He's heavier. Those couple of inches of height and the more pronounced muscle are going to take some getting used to. He looks down at me and my face warms up. Damn it. He's taller again.
“How do you feel?”
“I’m taller than you.” Ow.
“No need to rub it in.” My face is burning. I come to his house to support him. Damn it! Why is he bigger than me!
“No, it’s just. You were taller than me and now, I’m pretty sure I could lift you a decent way off the ground. Do you know how nuts that is?”
“If you try it I will slap you.” There is not going to be a repeat of what happened with Filia. Especially not as a guy. Thankfully his warm gaze takes on a smug smirk as he turns to his mum.
“It worked, Mum. I hope you can get used to it." He smirks at his mother. Her jaw hangs open. She isn't processing things properly.
"Wa-- well we will know in a couple of hours if it's permanent, won't we?" She's more condescending than worried now that he's okay. I want to shake her.
"Actually, Karen. From my research, he should have been writhing in pain or passing out if he was going to change back. Scott's going to stay like that." Maybe it wasn't the best idea to speak up, but a new bit of confidence hit me. I've done plenty of research into Clownfish Orange and she isn't going to ruin his excitement.
Scott's new laugh is hard to describe. It's much deeper than it used to be, obviously, but there's more to it. The sound fills the room with warmth. I want to bottle the sound. "Let's go to the youth centre, dude. I'll let you know if anything happens, Dad!" He pulls me towards the doors at a breakneck pace.
"Alright, Scott. You two have a nice walk." his dad calls after us. What is Scott thinking?
Scott is unusually quiet as we walk. Which is a problem. I am not the talky talky one. He's the talky talky one and if he's not talking then there's nothing to stop me fixating on him. He's so manly. His chiselled features. His gorgeous tanned skin. His muscles, which I'd only seen in the suit, seemed so much more defined. By the Power. He got scienced into a hunk. He'd gotten all that from one drink? I'm starting to regret not stealing it, maybe the girl ranger powers contaminated me and I could have gotten big and buff as well!
"Hey, Ryan?" My eyes shot up to look him in the eyes. That's what dad used to say is respectful.
"Mmm." I needed a second to snap out of jealousy mode. He's my friend for god sake.
"Thank you. It means a lot, you being here." His voice is like chocolate. How's he meant to keep girls off of him? How am I meant to compete? Why am I even thinking about this?
"Wha? I didn't do anything." Aside, be a jealous asshole.
"I was worried you'd be pissed or uncomfortable around me. Then you didn't show up yesterday and I got worried." Had me not being there really been that worrying to him?
"I just felt sick yesterday. You know with the attack and all," How long can I lie for?
"Dang. I forgot the Anemobots. Fair. Just thank you for being here for me. I love you, mate."
"I love you too, bro."
