Pink Ranger Problems

¹

Those monsters won't get out of my head. The way they looked at me sent a shiver down my spine. I'm meant to be a hero, the successor to my rescuer, but instead, I can't get those glowing tendrils out of my head. The Anemobots from today, and the heavy bags heading for my head when I was little mixed together. An unfamiliar voice kneels down in front of me after the incident and reminds me that I shouldn't cry about those monsters. It's not real. I know it's not. I'm grown. 

'It wasn't that scary,' the voice says. It's not the pink ranger, it's not Dad, but it sounds so familiar. A rough squeaky voice filled with warmth. He's right. I can beat them. I know I can. I felt them shatter. It's not changing anything. My lungs hurt and heave. No one will save me. I can't make out a memory of the face. Everything is blurry. I can't think straight. I can't see straight. The pictures usually stop after Pink saves me. They've been so much less frequent. I thought I'd be okay.  My legs are moving, I'm running. I think. Being led by someone. Probably someone I trust.

We stop and a pair of arms wrap around me. My vision dissolves into pink and then into a blurry picture of the command centre. They can't get me here right? 

"Filia, take your helmet off. You need to breathe." Why am I so small? My tiny lungs struggle to keep up with my need for oxygen. I even feel like a kid because of this weird body. Nothing is getting through. I'm meant to be grown, but I've lost control of my thoughts. I forgot I was even wearing a helmet.

I hear a clipping noise and a rush of air hits the side of my head. My face is cold. My eyes blink open. The visor is gone.  And I see Summer, holding my helmet. I reach up to my face to make sure this isn't a dream. A tear lands in my palm. I cover my face. 

"Don't look at me." I beg. She isn't listening. Why isn't she listening?

I've been crying. I forgot how this felt. My helmet. I grab for my helmet but Summer pulls it out of reach and I slump over. This body isn't controlled, it's  making me do weird things. I can't cry. 

"Hey, it's okay." She's treating me like a wounded animal. She wraps something soft around me.

I must look pathetic to her. An eighteen-year-old man in a girl's body, crying on the ground, surrounded by blankets. Why did she take my helmet from me? She can't see this. I need to stop sobbing. I need to get a hold of myself. I'm not a crybaby. What is happening to me?

"Filia, it's okay, they aren't going to hurt you."

"Why do you keep calling me that, Summer? You know who I am" The girlish sobs sting my ears. I can't let her make this worse. 

"You chose it. By the power, of course, you'd be a girl. Your broody schtick doesn't quite work." What is she saying? I heave as the sobbing gets worse. It just keeps getting worse. "It's gonna be okay, Fi. The Anemobots can't get you here." My muscles begin to relax. Did she give me a nickname? This isn't how things are supposed to be. She should be recoiling. Or laughing at me. I'm not meant to look like this.

"I got the hot chocolate you asked for, Summer. As well as some comfortable clothes for Filia." Kepler came in quietly. When did Summer ask for that?

"I don't need it!" I shout. It's like I'm having a temper tantrum. A wave of guilt washes over me. Damn it! What's happening to me? Why do I sound so wrong? "Sorry." It comes out as little more than a whisper.

"Will she be able to wear them while morphed?" Wear what?

"Astrus said she should be able to take off the whole suit without unmorphing. If she chooses to." I don't get why they keep treating me like a girl. They know who I am. Why can't I put the helmet back on? I must look gross right now.  I need to unmorph. They'll stop coddling me and my body will stop letting me cry.

Summer scoots closer to me carrying the hot chocolate in one hand and using her other to slide under the blanket and around my shoulder. This is wrong. I need to push her away. A girl and I shouldn't be allowed to touch. 

"It's okay. This must have been really hard." I snatch the hot chocolate from her hand. 

"How did you know I'm Ryan?" My breathing is returning to normal. My voice isn't. The girly voice sounds so meek. It's gross that it's coming from a man.

"Your phone, your clothes and the way you blushed whenever we talked about--," she gestures with her free hand at me, "--this you."

"Why are you doing this?" She's still treating me like this. Why is she treating me like this? Why is she so different? Is this another nightmare?

"You should have a drink. You're terrified of those things right?"

"Yes. Ever since I was little." My face is still soaked with tears. I try to wipe them away with my arm but I just end up messing up my face and hair more. I should keep my mouth shut. 

"Yet you went straight out there when you saw Scott in trouble. Does he seriously not know?" I keep choking back my sobs. Is this a sadistic ploy? Is she playing with me?

"He doesn't know. Please don't tell him. I don't want him to see me as a girl." I'm desperate. Maybe he'd be okay with this, but I wouldn't be. He needs his male friend. He needs the real me and I can't deal with those dreams being anything like reality. Maybe if I can plead with her she'll get it. 

The hot chocolate warms me up. I didn't even know I was cold. Maybe if I look pathetic and stop panicking I can say what I need to.

"I won't. Are you feeling any better?" 

"I think so." The sobbing has stopped, that's good enough for now.

"Good girl." What is that? I feel like I'm going to explode. "I'd like to do the girls night thing if you are up to it. I know it might be sudden and your guy side was invited to the guys' night, but another girl would be nice to have around." I choke on my drink

"But, I'm a guy? Remember?" I stumble over the words. What is she saying?

"You don't have to pretend to be a guy around me." Maybe she's forgotten?

"Power down." I shout. The pink light that had been so gentle earlier rips through my disguise. My waist explodes out. My arms stretch and crackle. Filia's body disappears, ripping apart as I expand to take it's place. 

"Filia what the hell?" That was the reaction I was expecting. "Kepler, get her a vomit bag or something." My body was back to it's fucked up normal. Everything feels the right amount of uncomfortable and distant again. She can't see me as a girl like this.

Then again maybe it's not quite normal. I wasn't sobbing anymore. I wasn't hyperventilating. I'd been reset. I want to respond. Maybe explain the situation, but this thing heaves. It's trying to expel any food it might have eaten. Gross. This is gross. I'm gross. 

"Ay aye." Kepler waddles out. It's robotic footsteps clang against the ground.

"Astrus. What is happening to her?"

The ground in front of us lit up. It's Astrus right? He'll know what's wrong. God what is wrong? This should have fixed it. I should be fine now. Why is everything wrong? I need to hide. I grab the blankets and tightly wrap them around me, covering up every inch of skin. Damn it, why are my hands so big? The fingers are like sausages with hair stuck to them as a sick joke by a butcher. I heave again this time over a bag that Kepler hands me. Is this a morphing malfunction. Everything feels worse than usual. 

"I don't know, Summer. She should be fine. Her body shouldn't be this low on energy. Unmorphing shouldn't cause this sort of reaction."

"Then it has to be unrelated to her body." Summer says. 

"I'm fine, Summer." The hoarse voice is like a blow to the head. Is this what I always sound like? "Just need to--Eugh-- readjust."

"What you need to do is morph."

"What?" 

"This only started after you unmorphed, Filia."

"That's not my name."

"Ryan. Whatever. We can figure out what's wrong so you can unmorph again soon, just morph so you don't spew."

This only happened because I morphed, because she caught me. None of this would be happening if she'd just let me run away when I needed to. Why does she even care? 

"I'm not going to --Eugh-- spew?"

"Why did you unmorph in the first place?"

"Because you needed--," I gagged again. I need to get this under control. Being back in my body shouldn't do this to me. "A reminder that I'm a guy."

"You don't have to keep hiding it from me, Filia. It's okay to be trans." Wha??

"Wha?"

 "Good. At least you've stopped dry heaving."

"What do you mean, Summer?"

"You are trans aren't you?" She looks confused. I can't help but smile a little. Good. 

"I'm a -- bleh-- guy." Why can't I stop heaving?

"Then why does your morph turn you into a girl?"

"We do not know." Astrus can take over. I need to get this under control. I try to breathe in, but end up retching. "Scott is a man so it made sense. Ryan however is insistent they are a man." Insistent? It's not insisting. It's true.

I drop the blanket and stand up. "Do I look…" The world is wobbling. I'm going to be motion sick. "like a…" Another heave. Am I sick? "girl to you?"

"Scott was still a guy before he drank the Clownfish Orange." 

"I'm not like him." I yell before falling on my ass and backing away from her. 

"Summer. Let them be." 

"Okay, but he still needs to morph." She still looks confused. 

"I'm fine."

"Agreed. Kepler, can you prepare a stretcher to take them to the infirmary?"

"Right away, Astrus." The bot shuffles off again. 

"I'm not morphing again." I'm standing my ground. I am not turning into a girl again. Not until I know this won't happen again. I can't be seen like this again. I just can't.

"Then I'm sorry." 

"What do you--" A familiar pink light envelops me. Tendrils reach out from my Morpher as weightlessness takes hold. He's forcing me to morph. 

"This is a violation of my rights!" I scream.

-----

"How is teleporting him meant to make him feel less sick?" She sounds mad. I wish I had the energy to be mad. I want to sleep. And eat. And sleep. "Shoot, Ryan are you okay?" I'm laying down now. That's new. I was angry about something. I was angry at her about something but I can't really figure it out right now. 

"I'm fine." I reach out to grab her outstretched hand. She's not going to hurt me at least. Probably. Wowza, my hands look pretty like this. Nothing like sausages. These are more like very thin carrots. The nails are pretty too.

"Are you sure?"

"Just tired." I hum. This voice is pretty. I shouldn't like it. It's not my real voice. But it's like a song. A pretty song. What happened to it? It wasn't this nice earlier.

"What is wrong with him?"

That seems wrong. Looking down at myself I am definitely more feminine than masculine. And if someone that isn't her saw me, they would assume I'm a girl. Isn't it a bad idea to let her call me a guy when I'm being Filia. That makes sense.

"Call me a girl while like this please." I say. 

What am I saying? I was just mad about this. I'm a boy. Meant to be a boy at least. Why can't I think right?  

"She's using too much energy during her transformation and not eating enough." I'm not hungry. I want sleep.

"Ryan?" I slump into her. Wow, she's strong. She is carrying my weight effortlessly. That's cool. She's cool. I wanna be like her when I grow up.

"I'm Filia. Girl mode now." This is a secret. This isn't right. Girl mode is a disguise. Filia isn't real. So I shouldn't pretend.

But again, what if someone else comes? I mean she shouldn't call me Filia, but being called Ryan when I look like a girl is weird. And if someone saw we'd both look weird. And maybe other people would find out.

You know what? I can be a girl, just for a bit. As a treat.

"Oh. Okay. Uhh. Filia?" She looks all blushy. Isn't she meant to be cool? "You need to get on the stretcher."

"But you're comfortable." Somewhere in the back of my mind, there is a loud screaming. Probably best to ignore it.

"Astrus? Is she drunk?" 

"I have never drunk, ever." I clarify, with much grace and genius.

"The ranger form is preventing her from succumbing to exhaustion. That apparently means emulating some of the common symptoms of alcohol intoxication." Summer is staring at me. Does she think I'm weird? 

"What's wrong, Summer?" 

"N-nothing," she squeaks. Never thought of her as cute before. What is she doing? She's being weird. "Please get on the stretcher."

"M'kay." I lay down. It's surprisingly comfortable. Kepler looks over me with their funny robot visor. 

"She's on the warmer side," Kepler explains as they place a cool hand on my head.

"A fever?" Summer sounds worried, but I honestly feel great. This bed is comfy.

"Getting there. Summer can you bring the clothes and blanket? We are taking her to the infirmary." I feel rumbling under my feet.

"Of course." Summer shouts from behind me.

The infirmary beds are comfortable. Way too comfortable. I don't want to get up. Not ever. Not ever-ever.

"Her fever has gone down. She needs sleep and food." Kepler instructs. "Hey Filia, can you get changed into the pyjamas, they should help cool you down a bit?" This robot is very gentle. But that sounds bad. Getting changed as a girl. This is bad, but they made my pyjamas and the spandex is gross. Why shouldn't I change?

"Okay." I start stripping off the outer layers of the ranger outfit. The jacket and the gloves and the boots. The easy stuff. 

"You should go to the bathroom to take off the rest." Kepler sounds embarrassed. Robots can feel embarrassed! Interesting. I try to reach for the zipper on the spandex part of the suit.

"I can't reach. Summer." I whine. Even my whining sounds cute. Why am I mad about this again? Girls have it easy. They can just be cute. We guys have to try hard to look cool, but they can just be cute. Not that I want to be cute.

"Can you take her to the change rooms, Summer?" Kepler asks.

"What?"

"Summer I need help." I still can't reach it. Damn these puny arms. 

"Fine."

"Yay!"

I lean on her all the way to the change room. She's warm. Comfy. Nice. Does her coolness melt around girls? 

"Ryan." I shush her. This is secret business. I'm undercover as Filia. "Are you okay?"

"Yep!" Peppy, oh. I like peppy

"You are acting completely different." I am, aren't I? What's wrong with me? Maybe I'm just a good actor. 

"No, you are Summer."

"That's because I'm worried about you. You were so sure of being a guy earlier and now you are acting all cute and silly."

She opens the door to the changerooms and I waddle in, while my brain tries to process. Those last words. 

"You think I'm cute?" My face warms up.

"That- that is not the point! Ryan-"

"Filia! I am incognito."

"That's my point. Filia, you were mad earlier cause I kept calling you that but now you are correcting me."

"Filia is my disguise." I do a twirl, for emphasis. "The others can't know."

"Ugh. Look I'm gonna unzip you and then you can get changed."

"Okay." She does as she said she would and I'm alone. And about to get naked. The screaming in the back of my brain gets a little louder.

As I take the spandex off, I'm surprised to find a bra and undies. Did the power give me these too? That made getting outfits easier. The bra doesn't seem to be hard to take off. I pull it over my head and it comes off without a problem. Easy! Under the bra, I find my boobs? I have boobs. This should be more of a revelation. I should be freaking out, but they are just there. I give it a squish. Yep, definitely boob. As a guy, it makes sense I'd enjoy having boobs. Beyond that my body looks like a normal girl. My chest and arm hair was gone. The manly muscle I tried to build had melted into a more toned and sleek form. I sway my hips from side to side as an experiment to see how it would look and it's weird, but I can't help but like it. Why was I worried about this? It's so plain and nice. Not an extraordinarily hot body but Summer is right. I am cute. Cute as hell.

I throw on the pyjamas that Summer and Kepler left for me. They are pink, like my ranger colour, and frilly. The fabric is soft and cool against my skin. I want to curl up in the infirmary bed again, but I need to do one more thing.

In the mirror was me. Everything I like about me anyway. My big ol' eyes, my long eyelashes, and my button nose. The bad things like everything else were gone. I was pretty. Cute. Wow. Is this what I would look like if I drank Clownfish Orange? Realistically I know I can't be a girl. I'm a guy. But just wow. A small tear forms in the corner of my eye.

I need to tell Summer about this. 

I throw the door open with all my might. I need her attention. "Summer!"

"Is something wrong?" She looks panicked. I'm not sure why. "I know it must be shocking as a guy to see yourself like that but--"

"Why didn't anyone tell me I'm pretty?" It's a betrayal! A mutiny! I could have looked in the mirror much more if I knew. I have been hoodwinked, bamboozled and let down. 

"What?"

"I'm so pretty!"

"Firstly, yes, Scott and I have both told you this. Secondly, shouldn't that be a bad thing? I thought you wanted to--" She doesn't get it.

"I need some Clownfish juice. Scott could think I'm pretty all the time. That's a good way to make him happy?" I could be a thing that makes him happy and he wouldn't have to defend a boring idiot anymore. And I'd be pretty. A win-win.

"Changing your entire identity to make him happy? Filia you're not making any sense. Didn't you say you're not trans? Wouldn't Clownfish Orange just hurt you?"

"But being a girl."

"Are you sure you're not trans?"

"I'm a guy. But Summer."

"Filia, you need to sit down. Keplers making you some food."

"Summer, I'm pretty."