Portal

I chucked my pillow at him. “Asshole.”

Lab giggled and ducked under the projectile. I opened a door in its path, and redirected it to my bed. “You can’t blame me, Jackson. You’ve been a shut-in for literal years. Seeing you go out is a joy, actually. I’m seriously happy for you.”

I shook my head with a smile. “You’re still an ass. Anna made a bet with me and lost. The cost was buying dinner. That’s all.”

“So you two aren’t hooking up?”

I shrugged. “I honestly don’t know what we’re doing. As far as it goes right now, we are colleagues and friends. She thinks I’m cute, so it may move beyond that, but I’m not gonna get my hopes up, man.” I walked over to my dresser, looking for a decent pair of pants and shirt.

“Makes sense, I guess.” He was quiet as he watched me pull a pair of pants and an old button-down out of my dresser. “Yeah, no. If you’re gonna try and actually woo this woman, you’re not gonna wear that. Throw something on. I’ll take you shopping. My treat. Let’s go.” He turned and walked out of my room, leaving me staring after him.

Knowing that attempting to ignore him was like attempting to ignore the tornado on your front porch, I ran to the bathroom and hurriedly wiped off my legs. I threw on the clothes I had pulled out, then rushed after Lab, who was waiting at the door.

“Good. Let’s go.”

We left, and Lab started walking towards his shop. “Why are we going to your shop, man? You keeping something from me?” I joked.

“Something like that. I have to give this thing a test drive anyway, so we might as well go together.”

“Ah. Makes sense.”

“You just make sure you don’t tell nobody we did this. That’s all. It’s not strictly legal.”

“I understand. My lips are sealed,” I said, as Lab opened the hangar door to his shop.

I heard the distinctive shunk shunk shunk as each massive light over the vehicles kicked on. There were easily thirty or forty cars in there. I watched in open-mouthed awe as he ducked into the office for just a moment, and then walked to a sleek, matte black Jidosha Nightshade.

I let out a low whistle. “A friggin’ Nightshade? You can work on a Nightshade? Do you know how much this thing is worth?”

Lab nodded as he unlocked the vehicle. “Step back, Jackson. This thing needs to be updated to allow you to even enter it.” He got in, and pushed a few buttons on the center panel. “Get over here to the driver’s side.”

Excited, I power-walked myself to his side. He got out and had me sit down. “Okay. Now what?”

“Hang on. I gotta call the owner. He told me to call if I was gonna put anyone else in it.” Lab stepped away, dialing a number.

“Hey Carl. Yeah, it’s Lab. No, no! Your car is just fine. I was actually about to take it for a test drive, and I need to stop and get an outfit for my roommate. Yeah, man. Kid’s actually going on a date, can you believe that? I am. He’s grown a lot in the past few years. You’re good with him being in the vehicle, then? Awesome, man. An authorized user? You sure, Carl? He doesn’t drive. Well, if you insist. Okay. Once I get the notification in the vehicle, I’ll set him up. Thanks, Carl. Yeah, tomorrow at two is good. See you then!”

He came back over and watched the information panel intently. I followed his gaze, waiting for…something… to happen. Shortly a notification popped up.

[ADD NEW USER?]

Lab tapped the screen and smiled. “Follow the prompts, Jackson. You’re getting added as an authorized user to this beaut.”

“Wait, what?”

An automated, somewhat digitized voice rang out. “Please state your name, New User.”

“I..uhhh… My name is Jackson Wernock.”

The voice shifted in tone, becoming more familiar, soothing, even. “Thank you, Jackson. I am Hashimoto-san version 3.7, the AI for the Jidosha Nightshade. Please do not worry. I will assist you in completing the registration process. It is painless and non-invasive, and the questions I will have for you will not compromise your identity in any way, should I be hacked. Know that the likelihood of such an event succeeding is less than 0.00005%.”

“Yeah, listen to ol’ Hashimoto-san. He’ll help you. I’m going to get a drink.”

“Labrador is correct, Jackson. This will take at most ten minutes.”

“Okay, then. Let’s get to it, Hashimoto-san.”

Hashimoto-san guided me through the onboarding process which included a retina scan, several different facial expressions, the recitation of poetry for some reason, and some standard questions that he assured me were kept in an encrypted file that only he had access to. Not even for any other user, even Carl.

“This concludes your registration process, Jackson. Do you have any questions for me?”

“Um, no, Hashimoto-san. I’m honestly a little weirded out about all this.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. How can I help ease your mind?”

“What does the registration process do for me? Aside from allowing me in the vehicle?”

“Hang on, Hashimoto-san,” Lab called out as he walked up. “I need to be in the driver’s seat. Carl would be upset if Jackson were driving.”

“Absolutely, Labrador. Jackson? If you wouldn’t mind getting into the passenger seat?”

The center console dropped away, allowing me easy access to the other seat. Once I had scooted over and buckled myself in, I felt the seat shift slightly, accommodating my smaller frame. Lab had apparently been working on the car from this side. After Lab got in and handed me a bottle of water, Hashimoto-san continued.

“The registration process allows you access to the vehicle and, in the event of my primary user’s untimely demise, marks Labrador my primary user. You are my tertiary user. My ‘backup of a backup’, as it were. Otherwise, due to the nature of-”

Lab cut him off. “That’s enough, Hashimoto-san. That bit of information isn’t needed.” He then turned to face me. “Look, if Carl dies and I die, Hashimoto-san will drive himself to your home location. The car would then be yours, with only a small bit of paperwork to turn in, which Hashimoto-san’ll have printed out on the seat for you. All you’d need to do is sign it and he will take you to the DMV to turn it in. No cost, as the fees have been paid up front. There are also no taxes owed on this vehicle, either. Carl thinks pretty far ahead.”

“Labrador is correct, Jackson. That is what the registration process gets you. Now. Where can I take you gentlemen?”

“I’ll drive, Hashimoto-san. Gotta make sure all the bugs are out of the system. Just keep a text log for me to review once we get back.”

“Of course, sir. I am available if you need.”

Lab pushed a couple of buttons, and the vehicle began moving. I could feel no rumble of an engine, no transmissions shifting, nothing. “Electric engine?”

“Yes, Jackson. I'm equipped with an E-Hybrid dual-turbo V6 engine and a 150 kilowatt electric motor. For city driving, I generally use my electric motor, as it is much more efficient and can provide more than enough power to get you to wherever you need to go here in Chicago. My total system output is equivalent to 600 horsepower. Would you like to know more?”

“No, Hashimoto-san. I’m fine with that. I’m not really a car guy. That’s Lab. I’ve just never been in an electric vehicle before.”

“Very well, sir.”

Lab pulled out of his shop, and pressed a button on the console. Behind us, I could hear the garage door close. Neat. I stared out the window, watching the buildings and people rush by, remembering days from my childhood, before my ability manifested.

Sometimes, it was good to watch the world whiz by.

About fifteen minutes of driving later, we wound up at the local mall. Lab parked in an adjacent parking structure, and we walked in. He made a beeline for Roland Lawson, causing me to balk.

“Dude, seriously? Roland Lawson? I shop at fucking Walton’s for everything!”

“I know. Now you’ll have at least one nice outfit. We’ll just make sure it’s something acceptable for a wedding or a funeral. And no, we aren’t getting jeans. Slacks. And a button-down. And an undershirt.” He turned to me, an odd gleam in his eye. “Dammit, Jackson, you’re going to impress this woman. I mean it.”

I shrank back from the intensity of his gaze. “O-okay, dude. Jeez. It’s just… not someplace I’ve ever really considered shopping. I’ve never even been here, it’s so far out of my price range. That’s all.”

Lab patted my arm and sighed. “Look. I’ve been… keeping something from you, Jackson.”

“Lab? What do you-”

“Hush.” When he was sure I’d be quiet, he continued, his voice pitched low and soft. “I make substantially more at the shop than I let on. I don’t really need any rent money from you. So… I’ve been putting what you give me into a little account, just for things like this. So, I’m not buying you anything today. You are. And trust me. You can more than afford it. So, I want you to get in here and treat yourself.”

“Wait… That whole time?” He nodded and my eyes got wide. “So… there’s nearly thirty-six thousand in there right now?”

“Closer to forty, but yeah. I told ya I’d help ya, kid.”

My heart was thrumming in my chest. He did this for me? I had to scramble every month to get the rent and my share of the food, and he just dumped everything I gave him into the bank? I walked, still reeling from the secret Lab dropped on me. I had money? I would be starting a new job soon for The Cloud making forty-five a year. Should net me about twenty-five hundred a month or so after taxes. I could easily give Lab the nine hundred a month, plus put more into that account. And I’d still have money left over. Not much, but enough to pay my cell phone bill and maybe eat out at better places than Wendy’s on occasion.

“You’re a fucking bastard, Lab. You know that, right?”

“Heh. Love you too, Jackson. Let’s get you suited up.”

We spent the next couple of hours getting me into and out of different shirts and slacks. In the end, I settled on a comfortable pair of black slacks and a teal blue dress shirt. Lab had made sure the shirt was roomy enough for me to move in and that the slacks had enough give to allow me to run, if need be.

Purchases in hand, we walked to a sporting goods store, which left me confused. “ I don’t play a sport, Lab. Why are we going here?”

“You’ll see. Trust me.”

I shrugged and went along with him, knowing that resistance was futile. He walked back to the clothing and started thumbing through some tiny shirts. After he’d found what he was looking for, he tossed it at me.

“Here. Go put that on. Looks small, but I promise it’ll fit.”

I shrugged and wandered off to the fitting room that had a sign that said “Batting Cage” over it. I closed the curtain and slipped my arms into the tiny shirt. Lo and behold they slipped into the sleeves easily, hugging my skin. As I pulled the shirt down over my head, I felt a gentle compression across my entire torso as the shirt hugged me close.

I stepped out and Lab let out a low whistle. “She’s gonna love that, Jackson. Hell, so are you once you get the other shirt on. That undershirt is gonna wick away all your sweat and help keep you cool. Might wanna see about getting a few of them if you like what it does.”

I nodded and pulled my shirt back on, intending to wear this one out. All in all, I wound up spending almost nine hundred dollars on three items of clothing. More than I’d usually spend in half a year, otherwise.

As we approached the Nightshade, the doors opened of their own accord. “Welcome back, gentlemen. I trust your shopping went well?”

“Yes, Hashimoto-san. I got what I needed, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Jackson. Labrador?”

“Yes?”

“Four attempted thefts, sir. They are all with the local police now.”

“Thank you, Hashimoto-san. Taser or something stronger?”

“The first two were dissuaded by the taser, the third needed to be forcibly removed, and the fourth required the gas. I had to restrain him in the passenger seat.”

“Good work, Hashimoto-san. Carl will be pleased. Can you take us back to the shop?”

“Certainly, sir.”

I watched in awe as Lab sat back, his eyes closed, as the car drove itself through the city. It always followed the speed limit and even slowed down for people jaywalking. Jidosha certainly had a knack for programming their AI.

“Labrador? We have arrived at your shop, and I have parked myself in my space. You can wake up now.”

“Hmm? Oh. Thanks, Hashimoto-san. Send the log to my phone, and I’ll look it over. Let’s go, Jackson.”

“Take care gentlemen.”

We left the car and Lab received a message on his phone. Probably the log file. “Jackson, let’s get lunch. Anywhere is fine. I need to take a look at this, preferably over a beer and a sandwich or something.”

I nodded, my stomach rumbling in agreement. “Sure. Let’s just drop these off at the house first.” I opened a door to my room, dropped the bags on my bed, then closed it. I smiled to myself as I knew exactly what I wanted to eat, opening a door to an alleyway in Santa Francesca.

“Let’s get Chinese, Lab.”