Prophecy Approved Companion

It was several hours later by the time they’d finished clearing the Evil out of the house. Qube stood back as she watched the fancy place burn to the ground, the flames bursting through the large windows.

Curiously, none of the houses around it seemed to be affected in any manner. Even the ones on either side didn’t seem to even have their paint peeled by the heat, or their windows darkened. Their suspiciously large windows. Qube narrowed her eyes at them.

The Saviour of All Living Things, Hero of the Ages stood next to her.

“Well that took longer than I thought it would.” He said. “Good work on the skellies, you.” He said, clapping Qube on the back.

“You threw me in the pit with them.” Qube said flatly.

The Hero looked at her with interest.

“Are you actually mad about that?” He asked. There was no censure or self righteousness in his tone, more mild curiosity.

“I understand why you did it.” Qube answered.

“That’s a yes, then.” The Hero nodded to himself. “Interesting. Good to know you can hold a grudge.”

Qube was figuring out how to disabuse him of this strange notion that she would hold a grudge against the most important person in existence when the Sewer Bard provided a welcome distraction by strumming his lute.

“A beautiful sight,” The Sewer Bard sighed, watching the house crumble. “I shall compose an ode to our first adventure together. I think I shall call it ‘Fire Solves Problems’.”

The Hero grimaced slightly at that before turning back to the house. His expression became solemn as he watched the hungry flames.

“So much loot lost…” He said mournfully. “We didn’t even have time to go through all the drawers.”

“Do not worry, Noble Patron,” the Sewer Bard hummed, still strumming. “There will be much loot on our journey. I feel it in my bones.”

“I know.” The Hero sighed, finally looking away from the rapidly falling house. “Well, time to move on, I suppose.”

“Should we perhaps go see what those figures wanted?” Qube asked hesitantly.

The Chosen One rubbed his nose as he looked at her. He seemed to be calculating something.

“Sure,” He said eventually, much to her relief, “We’ll leave the other houses for later. It’s pretty clear we’re not supposed to be getting into them at this level. I just need a few quick stops first though.”

At this level? Oh no. They were going to have to go into the sewer again, weren’t they? Qube thought. At least now they could finally see what those figures wanted. It had seemed really urgent.

It turned out “a few quick stops” meant visiting each and every shop in the town and clearing them out. As the Chosen One engaged each shopkeeper in small talk, asking the blacksmith about the basics of smithing and the exact location of various precious metals for example, Qube dutifully took everything not nailed down and put it in her backpack.

It was after she’d put the tenth pickaxe in her backpack that Qube realised she couldn’t move properly while carrying it. Taking the final pickaxe out and placing it next to the blacksmith’s apprentice, who had been hammering a sword the entire time to no visible effect, she swung the backpack onto her shoulders. She could move easily. Picking up the pickaxe again, though, immediately made her unable to walk.

“Um, Chosen One?” She said, failing to interrupt the blacksmith’s tirade against improper gilding of armour. The Chosen One looked at her, while the blacksmith continued their rant. “This is too heavy for me.”

“You still have encumbrance?” The Hero gave an irritated sigh. “Fine. Hey, shopkeeper, I’m selling pickaxes. How much?”

“Oh good, we have a shortage of those!” The blacksmith said “So I’ll give you a special deal!”

Qube stared at the blacksmith as they happily bought back almost everything she had just picked up. Truly, the generosity of these merchants was not to be underestimated!

As they started to leave she saw the apprentice finally finish hammering his sword and put it in the pile of swords next to him, where it promptly vanished.

“Wait -what was that?” She blinked, unsure if she’d seen that correctly.

“Time to go to the Tavern!” The Chosen One said. Excitement rushed through Qube, the strange sight already forgotten.

“I’ve never been to a Tavern!” She squeaked.

“Finally, the place where all Bards shine!” The Sewer Bard trilled, quickly playing a few notes on his lute. “You shall now see me in my element, Noble Saviour! Be careful not to fall in love with me.” He said, and winked.

As they jogged towards the Tavern Qube felt her heart sing. She was actually going to go inside a real live Tavern! The meeting place of so many Heroes, the place where true love could be found, where you could get a tankard full of juice - she had been waiting her whole life for this!

She was practically dancing by the time the Hero opened the traditional wooden door to the Tavern.

She stood in the doorway and sucked in a deep breath.

It was… perfect.

There was a surly half orc behind the counter with a once-white rag in her hand that she was using to clean a glass. There was a band in the corner, a female Bard (probably a Tavern Bard, Qube thought) singing a husky song about adventure. Next to the fireplace some old men were smoking pipes, eyeing the newcomers with suspicion. Even the steps upstairs looked crooked, worn down by the tread of thousands of feet. Even the rancid smell of vomit and choking smoke added to the place’s charm as Qube twirled around on the spot, taking it all in.

“Looks like a newcomer,” One of the old men growled, “What are you doing - oh.” The Chosen One, having quickly looked around, was already going up the stairs. “Hey!” The old man shouted. The Chosen One stopped, surprised. “We don’t allow strangers upstairs. That’s a private room.”

“I know.” The Chosen One said, before running up the stairs.

Everyone in the Tavern froze in place as the Sewer Bard sheepishly followed the Chosen One. The old man who’d spoken slowly closed his mouth and scratched his chin.

“Oh.” He said quietly, almost to himself. “That’s… that’s all right then?”

Qube shook her head, snapping herself out of her daze. She realised everyone in the Tavern was too busy looking at each other in confusion to pay attention to her.

“He does that.” She explained kindly. None of them acknowledged her, obviously still coming to terms with having been lucky enough to witness the Chosen One up close. “Sorry for the intrusion!” She said, waving at everyone before dashing up the stairs after the other two.

---

As Qube entered the private room of the Tavern she saw the two mysterious cloaked figures had already stood up from the table, their meals untouched in front of them despite the fact the Chosen One had made them wait several hours.

“Oh, Chosen One! Thank goodness you’ve arrived! The world is in terrible - “

“Skip.” The Hero said. The two figures paused, before the taller one laughed scornfully.

“Your hope makes you blind, sister. What help could we possibly need from - “

“Skip.” The Hero repeated. He looked over his shoulder at the Sewer Bard and Qube. “Royals tend to talk forever, if you let them.”

Sewer Bard was looking at the Chosen One like he’d grown another head, while Qube gasped at the revelation.

“The lost Prince and Princess of the Noble King and Beautiful Queen?” Her voice throbbed with emotion as she tried to process this information. She, a mere Prophecy Approved Companion, was in the presence of real, live royalty! It felt… unreal. Technically, yes, she had been in the presence of royalty before when the Evil Emperor had burned down her village but this was different. This was true royalty that had earned the title by being born to the right family, rather than actively taking command. That made them better.

“Oh, let us do away with such cloak and dagger intrigue, brother, please!” The shorter, curvier figure begged. “Though born of necessity, such deeds ill suit our honour in the presence of our Saviour!”

“See?” The Chosen One said to his companions with grim satisfaction. “All those words for ‘I want to take off my cloak’.”

The taller figure (using the process of deduction, Qube figured he was the Prince) gave a harsh laugh. Again. He really did laugh a lot for a royal in exile, Qube thought.

“On your head be it, sister.” The Prince said. “May your childish clinging to our family’s lost honour not have doomed us all.”

“That means yes.” The Chosen One interpreted.

Then the two figures removed their cloaks and all coherent thought fled Qube’s mind.

She had thought Sewer Bard was attractive. And yes, he was, when judged by the standard of regular people. But the Lost Prince and Lost Princess standing in front of her literally glowed with beauty. It was the raw concept of beauty taken form and placed in front of her unworthy gaze. It was - they were - she couldn’t -

She wasn’t supposed to be here. She wasn’t supposed to see this.

She stumbled backwards out of the room, muttering something that might have been an apology. The two royals didn’t even spare her a glance. They hadn’t even looked at her once, for which she was profoundly grateful. She didn’t think her constitution could have withstood such a thing. She shut the door and leaned against it, her legs shaking too much for her to even attempt to walk down the stairs.

She could still hear them though. By the Words, even that was enough to make her head spin. She sat down on the top of the stairs with a thump, and covered her ears.

She knew she should listen. The Chosen One was… so concerned with his Heroic duties that he had little to spare for civil matters. Yes, that explained him. She should be paying attention so she could best guide him. It was her duty as his childhood Companion.

But she simply… couldn’t. In much the same way she couldn’t leave the woods of her youth without permission, she couldn’t stand in the same room as those two powerful figures. It was… too much. It felt different from the iron grip of the Golden Prophecy forcibly keeping her in the correct place, and more as if it had simply swept her off the board.

Naturally, it must have had a reason for removing her from the room. Perhaps something in there was about to happen that would stop her from being a good Companion. But then why had it left Sewer Bard in there? Qube suddenly sprung to her feet.

There was no way, no way, that she was going to let Sewer Bard become the Chosen One’s Prophecy Approved Companion! She had spent her entire life training for this, and she wasn’t going to let some mind crushingly powerful dread stop her now!

She threw open the door to the private room and marched in.

“Sorry about that, I just had to get some fresh air.” She said, then stopped.

The Sewer Bard, Lost Prince and Lost Princess were in the same places, but the Chosen One was currently standing on the table, removing the candles from the chandelier.

“Oh hey, welcome back.” He said, looking down at her.

The other room’s occupants looked at him in confusion, then looked vaguely around the area Qube was standing in. Even the general gaze of the royals threatened to undo Qube’s sanity, but she grit her teeth and braced herself.

“Chosen One,” She said, her best Understanding But Bemused Smile painted on her face, “why are you doing that?”

“They’re worth a copper each.” He said, as if that explained everything. And, to her dawning horror, she realised it did.

“Of course,” She said, silently mourning her deeper understanding of just how far the Hero was willing to go to help fund his saving of the world. Generous as the shopkeepers had been, it seemed their group still needed more than even they could provide. “But perhaps we should listen to their Majesties?” She looked at the Prince and Princess, secretly relieved that they had gone back to looking at the Chosen One. The fact that only their heads moved was slightly unnerving, but it was probably a royalty thing.

“Already did,” The Chosen One said, jumping off the table. She noticed that everything that had been on there earlier was now gone. He pointed at the Princess. “Order Faction,” then pointed at the Prince “Chaos Faction.”

“I scarcely think you can boil down our different ideologies to such a -” The Princess started.

“Chaos is a very limited way to view-”

“But now I know where the forest is and they gave me this epic shield, so we’re ready to go.” The Chosen One said, totally ignoring the rightful heirs to the kingdom.

“So come on! Time to go steal a forest’s heart! Whatever that means.”

On that ‘could have been slightly more heroic’ catchcry, the Chosen One set off on the next leg of his journey, followed by his faithful Companion.

And Sewer Bard.