RE: Filthy Gamer In Narutoverse

A/N: Okay, so this chapter will wrap up the ethical dilemmas and differences of the Shinobi world with the rest, including what lines are on the grooming level and what isn’t. That said, I want to express that this is a fictional world’s fanfiction, and I do not take things seriously. And I rarely write about things that make me uncomfortable, including actual children. So, the fanfic should be pretty safe from all that. Legal Loli, like Rebecca from Cyberpunk, is always welcomed. However, many know I tend to age other characters up for the sake of it, like the Avatar Cast in my other fic.

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Hentai Shinobi Rule 28: There are seven days in a Harem Lord’s week—Moanday, Tongueday, Wetday, Thirstday, Freakday, Sexday, and Suckday.

***

Kai was wrong. He should not have dismissed the idea of becoming a Genin. The prospect of being child soldiers sent to wars and other skirmishes sounded fun if it didn’t get in Kai’s peaceful moments with Mito. Now? Kai wished he skipped all the classes and become a Genin in the first month of the academy!

[D-Rank Quest: Prepare Wood

Summary: Cut the logs for Kenshi Yaji so he can prepare his furnace and combat Konoha’s chilly weather.

Rewards: 2000 Ryo; 2 SP

Failure: Tsunade’s Disappointment; A Red Mark For Insubordination In Host’s File Within Konoha’s Administration; Words of Encouragement From The Third Hokage.]

2 SP!

Being a Genin implied Lord Third’s orders, and by extension, the missions sanctioned by the administration under Lord Third’s authority formed into quests for Kai to complete. The existence of D-ranked missions rewarding more skill points than his daily quest meant one thing—he was about to be the wealthiest fucker in Konoha’s history! Nothing could get in Kai’s way to complete these missions.

Not a single soul.

“K-Kai-chan—”

Despite bearing the weight of his enhanced training undershirt, Kai swung an ax on the log and split it in half with a resounding thud against the splitting block. His grunt echoed in the snow-capped lawn as the boy barely contained the feverish look in his eyes. He immediately grabbed another log under the gazes of the remaining trio as Mikoto called out with worry.

“It’s a joint mission, Kai-chan. Let us help—”

“Too inefficient!” Kai punctuated his dismissal with another grunt as he split another log. His muscles tightened when he brought up a log for the umpteenth time.

He wasn’t wrong. Despite raw prowess, Kushina lacked the technique to cut logs quickly. Kai couldn’t waste time. He had to lock in and finish things as soon as possible since time was the key to his greatness!

“Sensei,” Mikoto looked at Tsunade imploringly. However, Tsunade was more amused than she let on. Kai’s sudden enthusiasm for missions came about without any rewards from her side, and the Senju planned to motivate Team 9 for D-ranked missions since almost all the genins refused to take them seriously. The former Team Hiruzen wasn’t any better. So, Tsunade planned to use Kai as an example.

Instead of trying to curb Kai’s zeal, Tsunade looked at the worried duo. She couldn’t understand what Mikoto and Kushina were worrying about. Using his mesh shirt implied Kai was also training, so Tsunade had another reason to let the boy continue. “Why don’t you two complete the mission?”

“How?” Kushina frowned. “Kai-chan is hogging the splitting block.”

“Transform one of the rocks into a splitting block,” Tsunade rolled her eyes and advised. The answer was so simple. Yet, Tsunade’s job was to make her team understand that the basic jutsu learned in the Academy were sometimes more practical than most jutsu in a Jonin’s arsenal. One of the motives of D-rank missions was to hammer this point into recently graduated genins.

“But the transformation dissipates once hit,” Mikoto protested with an annoyed tone.

“It happens ‘cause you two don’t practice it enough,” Kai answered in Tsunade’s stead between his rough pants as the boy momentarily paused while pulling the edge of his shirt to wipe his sweaty chin. Each breath out of his lungs condensed into a cloud of vapors as Kai ran his slightly worn fingers through his matted hair. Seeing that he had his besties’ attention, Kai smiled as he leaned on his ax. “Did my transformation ever end when I fought you guys? It only happens when the transformation is too different from the original target. For instance, transforming wood into clouds won’t work for long.”

“Or you could let us help you,” Kushina pouted and crossed her arms.

Kai smirked as he swung the ax single-handedly before chopping another log. “Then train your transformation jutsu. We’ll be completing another D-rank Mission today.”

“What?” Mikoto and Kushina snapped at the boy with alarmed and panicked looks. They hadn’t even begun their first mission, but those two were so done.

“We are?” Tsunade lifted an eyebrow as she questioned the boy. “And how exactly do you intend to accept the mission for all of us.”

The woman wouldn’t lie. Kai had been the most pleasant the last week or so. Sure, there were times when Tsunade offered Kai free reign, but Team 9 turned out to be what the blonde Senju hoped for.

“It hasn’t even been an hour,” Kai shrugged without bothering to meet her gaze. “I want to complete two D-rank missions a day.”

He began splitting logs as Kushina and Mikoto bristled.

‘That, alongside my daily quests, would earn me 5 SP daily. I’ll also have enough time to train by merely adding two missions.’

Kai’s shoulders tensed when he felt something amiss. He briefly slowed down and looked at grumbling Mikoto and Kushina, who transformed modest rocks into splitting blocks and axes before using them to complete the mission. Of course, they failed most of the time, so it became a training session for the girls. Then, Kai met Tsunade’s gaze and noticed the hint of irritation and thoughtfulness in her amber hues and the subtle furrow of her brows.

Kai raised an inquiring brow before shrugging. Sure, he didn’t mind playing along. However, he refused to let anything get in the way of managing his Trait. The prospect of finishing two D-rank missions was too good to be ignored—one less, and Kai would be underutilizing his potential; one more, and Kai would unnecessarily bloat his schedule with tiring tasks that could barely transition into hybrid training sessions.

However, the look on Tsunade’s face made Kai understand that she wanted to steer him in the right direction.

Welp, so much for hoping to pursue Tsunade. Kai didn’t know how his need to complete two D-rank missions a day would turn out since he was willing to drop out of the team and join the Genin Corps if that’s what it took to realize his goals. So, Kai didn’t bother sneaking peeks at Tsunade because he didn’t plan to budge on the issue.

<<<>>>

Things took a surprising turn for Tsunade when Kai all but commanded her team to accept another mission. Tsunade could stop Kai right away. However, she knew it would be a thankless task since her team finished the mission in less than two hours, and the only one who bore the highest burden was up and at ‘em after a few bowls of rice and curry. So, her team wasn’t tired, too. Besides, Tsunade had no real need to stop her team from accepting another mission. She’d hoped Kai would just explain what had gotten him so confrontational.

The second D-rank mission was no less tedious, as it compelled Team 9 to clean the public bathhouse. Again, Kai surprised Tsunade with his apt use of Transformation Jutsu. The boy turned into an oversized falcon to sprinkle the soap powder from above before transforming his broom into several unique cleaning items, which cleaned the bathhouse until the polished rocks reflected sunlight.

These two missions allowed Tsunade to examine the distinct lack of awareness within Mikoto and Kushina compared to someone like Kai. He acted like a man possessed to complete the missions, as his surprising disregard for the girls also bummed out the Uchiha and Uzumaki. They’d never seen Kai act so driven in training or sparring.

However, Kai didn’t end the surprise for the day as he approached Tsunade with a pretty standoffish attitude.

“I want to talk about something, Tsunade-Sensei.”

Tsunade examined Kai’s expression before nodding, not knowing the source of the aggression she noticed from the boy ever since the first mission. If anything, Tsunade expected Kai to be in high heavens since he pretty much planned for the missions and completed them with a surprisingly admirable zeal.

So, Tsunade asked the girls to go ahead and wait in the restaurant.

“What is it, Kai?” Tsunade questioned. She hadn’t used the suffix that annoyed the boy for a while. She was glad about the change since looking down on someone like Kai and getting on his shit list wasn’t Tsunade’s idea of being older and wise, not after seeing his fluency with Transformation Jutsu. The Senju realized Kai’s mastery of the basics surpassed the only other genius she had known for years—Orochimaru. The pale, slit-eyed youth hadn’t been so skilled in such jutsu when he was around Kai’s age.

“Well…”

Tsunade watched Kai briefly hesitate before affirming.

“I’d like to complete two D-rank missions daily. It’s good for training, and I don’t plan on stopping without a good reason, so you’ll have to deal with that.”

Tsunade tilted her head and offered him a calm smile.

“Understood.” Tsunade nodded before noticing Kai’s surprise.

“That’s it?” she questioned. Was this what got Kai’s pantied twisted for the day?

“Uhm, yeah? I thought you’d be annoyed and try to get me in line.”

Tsunade observed Kai’s confusion and recalled something similar when Nawaki and Mito began spending more time. More recently, she saw the same look on Kai’s face during his birthday party. These were his ‘tell’ for insecurities, or so Tsunade observed after spending enough time around Kai.

“What gave you that idea?” Tsunade leaned against the railing as the duo conversed on the restaurant’s rooftop. A slow, gentle draft picked a few strands of their hair as she watched Kai organize his thoughts.

“Everything?” He answered. “Didn’t you want me to be more compliant? I tried being like that. However, I can’t just—”

Tsunade lifted her hand and gestured to Kai to stop. She heard enough to understand the source of her disciple’s confusion.

“I asked you to be more respectful. However, it did not imply you weren’t already respectful enough. I meant it as a caution for the future since a few good ones tend to rot as they grow.” Tsunade explained and realized it was better to get this stuff out in the open and cleared instead of letting the misunderstanding fester.

“Kai, you’re one of the best genins I could ask for.” She smiled. “Why would I bother stopping you from completing two D-rank missions daily? It’s a better record for Team 9’s Shinobi’s careers. I’d rather see you become an example of dedication to the two girls than an orphan-hating menace that bullied any poor soul that breathed the wrong way in your general direction.”

She watched Kai blank out and continued with a crooked smirk.

“As for the rest?” She beckoned the boy with her curled index as he steadily approached her.

Her whisper may as well dissipate in the soothing draft.

“I didn’t do all that to keep you in line, Harem-chan.”

Ah, the satisfaction in seeing the boy appear so offended at the suffix was unholy, and Tsunade loved every second of it.

Still, the boy awkwardly rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“So, I could have been myself and still hope to get you in my harem later?”

Tsunade’s mind froze as she heard the boy question bluntly.

No.

She shouldn’t.

She mustn’t.

She could control the urge—

“Pfft! Puah-hahahahahahahahahaha!”

Tsunade gripped the railing and laughed hard. However, she should stop—

“Hahahahahahaha!”

Okay, that was enough—

“Hahahahaahahaha! *Wheeze* That got me good,” Tsunade gasped as she rubbed the lone tear from the corner of her eyes before regarding the flatly staring Kai.

“Oh, don’t be so dry,” The blonde grinned at Kai. “I ain’t laughing at your harem and dream. Kushina bitched about it enough to make me have second thoughts about insulting your ideals. No, but you have to admit it’s cute.”

“What?” He crossed his arms.

“Come on,” Tsunade giggled. “You don’t get it? Why’d I get angry over you being yourself? I already said you’re a fine Shinobi.”

Seeing the look on Kai’s face and understanding he still didn’t get her point, Tsunade cupped her chin and pointed out.

“Let me get this straight,” she began. “You like me, correct?”

“Yep.”

“You also have enough knowledge and understanding of harems. So, you plan to like others, right?”

“Well,” he avoided her gaze. “That’s the plan. But I don’t know any other women.”

Tsunade blinked.

Oh, no.

Kai was also an idiot.

No wonder Kushina and Mikoto keep squishing his cheeks—because he won’t return the favor!

Tsunade cleared her throat and decided against opening that particular can of worms—she’d only handle one issue a day.

“Furthermore, you’re expected to kill as a Shinobi, and the case studies revealed various things about the tortures a Shinobi suffers. Not only that, but you also possess developed libido, correct?”

Kai nodded again, his expression as unsure as ever.

Tsunade hummed. “You know what a few of your classmates did after graduation, yes?”

“They had sex,” Kai grumbled.

“Did you know Jiraiya slept with a 40-year-old widow when he was 14?” Tsunade inquired as Kai blinked in surprise. She continued with an annoyed huff. “We all told him it was a bad idea. That woman almost killed Jiraiya in his sleep since she had mental issues.”

“What does all of this have to do with anything?” Kai spoke with a frown as Tsunade smiled.

“What’s the difference between you and a 30-something-year-old chunin when you both are to kill on command, allowed to drink alcohol, have peers that engage in sexual relationships, and have developed libido?”

Kai fell into a daze as Tsunade’s expression turned sad.

“I’m sorry to say this, Kai. However, every Genin ceases to be a child the second they wear the forehead protectors. You’re an adult now. Any mission outside the village could be your last. So, I hope you don’t mind me treating you like one.”

She reached out and pinched his cheek with a cold smirk. “Besides, you want to be treated like a man after the shit you pulled, right?”

<<<>>>

‘Ah, I’m an idiot,’ Kai didn’t mind his cheek getting pinched as he met Tsunade’s appraising gaze.

He had failed to consider the drastic change of traditions between civilians and Shinobi. Why did Dekai and others start fucking like rabbits? For one, they were three years older than Kai and felt comfortable around each other. Secondly, they feared death. It was partly stress and the recognized tradition that had them bumping uglies.

Meanwhile, Kai barely feared death. So, it never clouded his decisions. Not only that, he misunderstood Tsunade to cosmic proportions. He wasn’t at fault.

For the first time, someone from fairer sex saw him as a man, unlike Mikoto and Kushina, who barely registered him as a boy.

So, he was also wrong about putting Tsunade on a spot due to his age.

Nah, it was all in his head—a classic case of overthinking things.

“So, you meant my being taller as a literal requirement?” Kai questioned as Tsunade let go of his cheek.

“Huh? Yeah. You’re cute, Kai. However, I wouldn’t want to be in someone’s harem that can’t even be the big spoon.”

Kai fell into a daze.

“So, when you were adjusting your clothes…”

She shrugged.

“I was just adjusting them. You could be less cheeky and stop looking. However, it’s not the most damning thing you ever did. So, I didn’t bother calling you out. Besides, you always trained harder after a peek, so I let it be.”

“Does this mean you like me?” Kai gaped.

“Not enough to do the things you’d like,” she tossed him a crooked smirk. Tsunade ruffled his hair before stopping. “Oh? You got taller. Good for you.”

Kai’s shoulders sagged as he felt drained.

Why was he excited about getting emotions?

Emotions are hard to comprehend.

“Huff,” he exhaled defeatedly. “Making a harem will be hard. I’ll probably take Kushina's offer and let her help me find prospects.”

He felt Tsunade’s ruffling hand pause another time as he looked up.

“What?”

He noticed the deeply incredulous look in Tsunade’s gaze.

“Nothing,” she shrugged. “Come on. Let’s eat, Harem-chan.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“You better grow up and make me,” she snickered.

“You know what? Here’s another notice. I’m going to touch myself for three hours thinking about you!”

“Yeah. You might think it sounds incredible… but it’s sad.”

“Guh!”

“Besides, I also want to learn your massage technique.”

“I’ll only teach with practical demonstration!”

“Sure. I’ll create a clone for ya.”

It simply wasn’t Kai’s day today.

<<<>>>

“Sit down,” Mito instructed, adopting a stern tone in contrast to her kind, affectionate one. Kai was familiar with this tone. The woman assumed such an unforgiving tone when teaching anyone. Kai and Kushina weren’t different in this aspect, as the boy did what was commanded of him after offering a small bowl of custard.

Kai and Kushina usually sat on the floor when practicing seals. It was convenient, and they didn’t mind the spot since Mito’s room was never dirty. So, the duo sat next to each other and looked at Mito.

“What I’m about to teach you two today is the foundation on which the Uzumaki Clan built itself. You two have only learned about the Sealing Matrix. All it provides you is the combination to understand and develop personalized seals. However, there are a few advanced practices, like converting your chakra into seals, that I cannot teach you.”

Mito’s gaze wandered beyond the duo’s expression as she released a pent-up sigh. “So, this seal is incredibly advanced and will require you two to develop your unique keys to prevent it from overlapping and getting accessed by a stranger.” Mito avoided explaining her lack of drive to teach the duo about converting their chakra into seals.

It was an advanced concept they had to tackle eventually. Mito was also a stickler for gradual progress. So, it was unusual for her to skip a topic. Such a suggestion left an ominous warning in the duo’s minds as their heads dipped low.

However, Mito continued unperturbed. “This seal is called the Four Symbols Seal and will remain Uzushiogakure’s true legacy. I will teach you two about forming its sealing matrix and creating your sealing keys.”

Just like that, Kai got a peek at another locked Skill Tree related to the Uzumaki Clan, with the base skill being—

[Four Symbols Seal (B) (1/10): A fuinjutsu of four directions and the unending vortex seals it all. This information-granting skill informs the host about the unique sealing matrix involving a few unique and private symbols known only to the Uzumaki Clan, which remain unknown to the rest of the world to this day. Mastering the seal allows the user to seal what they desire in whomever they wish.

Next Level: Perform the seal 0/20 times or 12 SP.]

The most disappointing thing about all this would have been that the unknown skill tree only had this one skill if Kai didn’t know any better. Evidently, his drive to understand his trait compensated for his knack for misunderstanding a total babe like Tsunade since Kai realized the only difference in this seal was the scant few unique sealing symbols invented by the Uzumaki Clan. So, the General Fuinjutsu Skill Tree probably covered the rest of the needed knowledge for the seals.

Kai swiftly realized there would also be other Fuinjutsu not recorded in the Sealing Matrix Skill due to the development of unique symbols unknown to others but were most likely recorded by his Trait.

However, Mito’s words left a bitter taste in Kai’s and Kushina’s mouth. He’d promised Tsunade a special serving of cream tonight.

Alas, it truly wasn’t Kai’s day today—from having his thoughts of being a genin changed drastically to Tsunade revealing how hard he almost fumbled by somehow mixing the expected societal values of his previous life in this one and Mito’s further warning of her eventual demise.

All of it just tempted Kai to switch off his emotions.

However, he didn’t.

Kai didn’t commit the suicide of a lifetime to falter from the newfound fears stemming from slight confusion and misunderstanding. Fuck that.

‘I’ll just practice the seal.’

He grunted and sat on his bed.

All this distress was new.

However, Kai soon calmed down after a while as he trained.

He observed a few high notes recently.

First, [Overdrive] functioned smoothly. This unique skill was the reason Kai bounced from exhaustion to wanting to complete another D-rank skill.

Second, Kai knew for sure he hadn’t been weird for Tsunade. Nope. The rest of the Shinobi World was the weird one. Then again, Kai wouldn’t have hope for a harem if it wasn’t a weird world.

Third, he loved the news about Jiraiya almost dying at the hands of a widow. How the man managed to sleep with such an age gap would have confounded Kai before having this chat with Tsunade and realizing how it meant little around here.

Fourth, he had an express acceptance to leer at Tsunade whenever she experienced a wardrobe malfunction.

Fifth, Kai knew he could score Tsunade if he played his cards right. For instance, teaching her the massage technique would be a start. Of course, such skills are only ever taught through practical demonstration.

Sixth, he expected a boost to his height soon enough.

And seventh, earning 5 SP daily.

How can Kai feel remotely bad after recalling all these things?

Let those kids have their fun! Kai’s all about the grind until he gets taller.

‘Oh,’ Kai frowned. ‘I should also seriously take a step back and consider who else is a possible candidate for a harem.’

It wasn’t a worrisome topic. Maybe some girls from his classroom will grow into total babes. Kai hoped so.

He decided to ask Kushina and Mikoto if they knew anyone. Kai smiled as he recalled something before glancing at his nightstand. On top of it was a framed portrait of Team 9. Unlike usual, Kushina was adamant that Kai stood in the center. So, the picture displayed the image of Tsunade patting Kushina and Mikoto from behind while leaning down right behind Kai.

Yep, Kai loved how his Sensei’s melons felt against the back of his head.

<<<>>>

Meanwhile, unknown to Kai and the Greater Gods.

‘Am I going to do this?’ Mikoto swallowed to wet her dry throat as she looked at her team’s portrait.

‘Kai did it, too. Why can’t I?’ The Uchiha rationalized with a blush as she recalled how in-depth Kai’s description was. It was annoying and so incredibly sweet how Kai genuinely saw Mikoto as one of his best friends since she didn’t expect her Kai-chan to express his fears of paper cuts.

Ugh.

Kai should pick a lane and either be snobbish and arrogant or kind and gentle. Why’d he have to be a freaky hybrid?

Mikoto nibbled her bottom lip before staring at the picture of the boy standing in the middle.

Of course, the boy sported a pompous smirk and crossed arms. His somewhat narrow eyes, which expressed many other things, including sincere affection—as Mikoto noticed during his birthday—intoxicated the Uchiha Princess.

She can do this.

There was nothing wrong with this.

Why does someone like Dekai and Yuna get to have fun but not her?

Sure, she wished Kai would get his head out of their Sensei’s ass. Did he believe she didn’t catch him peeking at Sensei when she had to adjust her clothes occasionally?

Mikoto knew Kushina also noticed it but ignored them, thoroughly riding the harem wagon.

Ugh!

Why was Mikoto surrounded by idiots, perverts, or idiotic perverts?

Then, as if chiding Mikoto for her thoughts, the girl felt a familiar warmth racing in her rapidly beating chest. The things Tsunade-Sensei taught were only so effective for her Sharingan because those practices to control her urges were about vengeance.

Well, who should Mikoto exact vengeance from?

Kai, for his heart of gold?

‘Not him,’ Mikoto clicked her tongue as a plume of smoke covered the framed picture before she saw a familiar boy sitting on her mattress with a familiar arrogant smirk.

‘But you.’ Dark and illicit intentions flickered in the calm, gentle Mikoto since she felt she’d had enough.

The Uchiha Princess double-checked everything.

She would hold this entity accountable for every slight she experienced from Kai until she forced him to look at her.

Tsunade wasn’t the only one who sparred and needed to adjust her clothes. Yet, Kai barely looked at her or Kushina.

Tch.

‘His smile still looks annoying,’ Mikoto walked around the figure on her bed, unwilling to admit she chose this smile.

The figure looked his best when preening.

‘Or when he chops wood and accidentally pulls his shirt to wipe his chin,’ Mikoto flushed as she recalled what she saw today.

***

Alternate Title: Kai *Before*: Shinobi Is So Boring *D-rank Missions: Bonjour*; Kai To D-rank Missions: Anything For My Queen; The Boy’s Focus; The 5 SP Grind; Splitting Wood And Bitches; Kai Thought He Was Hot Shit Only To Realize He Was IN Hot Shit With All The Ara Ara Girls; Training; Kai Won’t Let Anyone Cross His Path For Missions; The Mission Demon; Kai’s Demon Time; Fluent Talent; The Talk With Tsunade; Constantly Shifting Morals; The Only Moral For Shinobi Is To Survive; Jiraiya Followed Hentai Shinobi Rule 24; Surprisingly Chill Tsunade; Better Be a Demon For Missions Than Orphans; Tsunade Put Things In Perspective; Kai *Looking At a Failing Chunin*: I’m You; Insert I’m You Meme; Peak Kaizen; Already An Adult?; Truly, Who’s Stopping The Genins From Drinking And Whoring?; Kai’s Blunt Question; Tsunade Truly Was The Only Adult In That Conversation; Emotions Are Damn Hard; Kai Is Indeed Taller; The Uzumaki Legacy; Mito’s Ominous Warning; Meanwhile Mito: Chilling On The Beach As World Turns To Shit; The Good Things In Life; Kai: A Good Portrait; Mikoto: A Good Portrait; Kai Really Turned Mikoto Into a Coomer; Gooner Coomer Mikoto Uchiha; Mikoto and Kushina: Gets Naked *Kai Still Staring At Tsunade’s Ass*; Kai’s About To Get His Shit Beaten In a Few Days; Mikoto *In Batman’s Voice*: I’m Vengance. Now lose your clothes and On Your Knees *Kai: Confused Screeches*; Mikoto’s Path To Post Nut Enlightenment; Mikoto Gets Hit By The Oldest Rizz In The Book—Sweaty Thirst Trap; Everyone With Uzumaki’s Blood Is Kai’s Bane—Mito, Tsunade, and Kushina

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