RE: Filthy Gamer In Narutoverse

Hentai Shinobi Rule 15: You must be flexible and compromising for your harem’s comfort.

***

Tsunade’s ‘annoyance’ regarding Nawaki’s stunt fizzled. Oh, a boy had a crush on her? Big deal! Hundreds had their thoughts occupied with her. However, she never expected Nawaki to challenge their grandmother’s most favored student. Indeed. Kai was only a maid in name. Mito wouldn’t have forced any chores on the boy had he not been adamant about helping her.

And what happened next? Nawaki got his shit kicked! Tsunade asked about it from Mito, who revealed that Kai studied chameleon species and others to transform into them. How about that? Tsunade was notably impressed. Kai must have focused solely on this species to perform such an impressive Transformation. Of course, these tricks soon become meaningless compared to the actual invisibility jutsu or the like used by other chunins and jonins.

Studying every species within this vast world was impractical.

But her surprises did not end there.

Tsunade never expected Nawaki to visit Mito with his face beaten and swollen—something Mito promptly healed. It was… it was a pleasant day, given everything.

Nawaki’s birthday would arrive in a month, and Tsunade was happy that Mito wouldn’t be away from him then.

You see, the Uzumaki were always selective about whom they cherished. Their emotions were fierce, and their wrath after said emotions were ridiculed was fiercer. Tsunade recalled a few rumors about Mito’s rage once the latter heard a few demeaning rumors about the First Kage with… someone.

Kushina was like Mito, openly declaring ‘spots’ for Kai’s harem. It was funny. But Tsunade was still peeved at the redhead calling her a virgin in a whole fucking classroom! Sheesh! Kai and Kushina were meant to despair together. The former had the emotional cues of a potato, and the latter WAS a potato-faced airhead.

Maybe Tsunade got some prominent Uzumaki genes from her Grandmother’s side since she was more than selective. Aside from her professional network of doctors, Tsunade barely cared for strangers. Her ambition to help others through iryo-ninjutsu wasn’t as much about putting smiles on strangers but uplifting Konoha’s quality of life. She wanted to contribute to her Grandfather’s legacy.

Why else did she remain friends with Jiraiya after all the perverted pranks he tried to pull if she wasn’t selective? Sure, she broke the man before he stopped, but she was still protective of her two best friends.

Huh.

Kai was like Orochimaru in his density of social cues. And they were geniuses, too.

To be fair, Tsunade tried having a shot with Orochimaru. However, he was never interested in her. Tsunade almost chuckled at the recollection of her friend making a document and listing concise reasons why she didn’t suit him.

On top of that list was her being loud.

LOUD?!

It took Hiruzen-Sensei to stop Tsunade from delivering the same treatment to Orochimaru that she dished Jiraiya once he tried kissing her—broken ribs, thighs, pelvis, and collarbones. Sure, Tsunade healed everything, including the trauma to his nervous system. After all, she was concise and made clean breaks—not that her assurances helped Jiraiya at the time. But that man had it coming for a long time.

Sure, she didn’t care about his habits. But he could try to treat her with respect, right? Was it so hard for Jiraiya to understand she didn’t like being a subject of another’s perversions… openly? Sure, Jiraiya was handsome and all. However, Tsunade made it clear that day she was his best friend.

Similarly, she was fierce about Dan despite their minimal meeting. But that also blew to hell, didn’t it?

She could stay with her friends after most stupid or weirdest issues but not with her lover.

See? Selective.

Tsunade stopped herself from losing down the memory lane.

The point was, she was grateful to the little harem-chan. Of course, she wouldn’t laugh at the boy’s dream.

Did he want to bang hot babes? That’s admirable in the eyes of the Legendary Sucker, who wanted to bag the best billion-ryo bet of the century!

Game recognizes game!

Besides, Tsunade believed Kai might pull it off. He’s skilled and talented. He’s cute for the girls his age, too.

If only Kai stuck to the girls his age.

The boy looked at many, MANY women, but Kushina, Mikoto, or Tsume wasn’t one of them. Again. Tsunade wasn’t annoyed by Kai’s preferences. He liked them ripe. What was wrong with that?

She also recognized his crush on him the day he became her guardian. Tsunade never outed Kai because she expected him to get over it, not eye her for his harem.

Pfft.

Harem! Hah!

As if!

Someone bragging about it was bound to be either a fool or capable.

Now, Tsunade would ignore the former.

‘Say,’ Tsunade blinked. ‘Why didn’t Grandpa just get a harem if he felt so testy of trying things outside?’ She would be beaten red and blue by Mito’s stick should Tsunade’s grandmother become privy to her thoughts. However, it was an idea. Just find partners willing to be in a harem, and boom! No cheating involved!

There had been cases of men and women possessing straight or mixed harems since before the warring era. Why didn’t Grandpa just sack up and get one of those?

Tsunade idly touched the green crystal locket around her neck. This locket belonged to her grandfather. She got this from her father weeks before he died.

Tsunade sighed, feeling tired.

That’s why she was here.

Tsunade looked around the room. It was like the rest of the quarters within the Uzumaki residence, only smaller. The wooden shelf beside the single mattress bed was the source of a distinct smell that the busty blonde Jonin pointedly ignored.

“You don’t decorate your room, do you?” Tsunade smirked and questioned as the boy continued looking at her as she sat on his bed.

She was right. Kai wasn’t the one to decorate his room. He didn’t have many precious or sentimental gifts in this world aside from one portrait that… he had been defacing for weeks with sheer focus and commitment.

Tsunade almost laughed at Kai’s stifled reaction. He was more than bold about claiming a woman in his classroom but barely looked at her as she sat on his bed. It was cute. Annoying geniuses like Kai would undoubtedly become her best pass time if she had any to spare.

The blonde Senju wasn’t here to tease her guardian. She was here to show her appreciation and talk with Kai about what she noticed—aside from the fleeting scent she picked from different corners of the room through her sharper nose.

And the ceiling?

Just what was Kai doing in his spare time?

“Why are you here?” Kai groused.

“I thought you would be happy to see me,” Tsunade tilted her head. “Or was I wrong, Harem-chan?”

She snickered as Kai’s expression soured at the new nickname. He glared at her before puffing.

“Is it about Nawaki?” annoyance laced Kai’s voice. “I thought it was water under the bridge after I got him to Mito-sama’s room. Isn’t Nawaki here to meet Mito-sama again?”

Tsunade nodded, observing the boy’s annoyance.

“Did she stop teaching you?” Tsunade questioned as Kai blinked before shaking his head.

“And do you still cook for her?” Tsunade smiled.

“I do,” Kai nodded.

“So, Nawaki must have taken up your massage time with Grandma, right?” Tsunade smirked as Kai’s expression froze. His shoulders sagged, and he didn’t meet Tsunade’s gaze.

“I’m sorry for being so ungrateful.” Kai frowned. “I don’t mind things if Mito-sama is happy.”

Tsunade observed his face before slipping her feet out from her sandals.

“Grandma says you like the chores, and I believe her. How about I replace her, and you can massage my legs.”

Tsunade appreciated Kai’s actions. She couldn’t have brought Nawaki to Mito. So, the blonde felt like rewarding the kid in some manner. It wasn’t hard to notice Kai’s jealousy over Nawaki ‘hogging’ his time with Mito. However, Mito and Nawaki had years of distance and wanted to spend more time.

Kai was more than understanding. His complicated emotions aside, Kai saw what was the right thing to do for one of the most admirable women in his life and calmly wanked off for an additional hour to her likeness.

Hey.

He can be understanding and twisted.

Meanwhile, Tsunade was confident that offering her feet would be a good reward.

However—

“Oh? No, thanks. I’d rather train,” Kai grinned. Training always made him happy. It was the one constant that did not care about external parties or emotions.

Pure grind was always satisfying!

“Huh?” Tsunade blinked. “You don’t want to? After everything you said in the classroom?”

“What about it?” Kai sniffed haughtily. “Did you believe you’re Mito-sama? Get your stinking paws off my bed. Tsk. Getting massaged by me is a privilege. Got it? I’d rather massage Kuromaru since he’d be grateful at least.”

Tsunade’s mind buzzed as she refrained from knocking the boy’s head. No. It would be wrong to hit the boy after his help. She owed him a debt of gratitude.

Kai stared at her before raising an eyebrow.

“What? Do you need an invitation to leave my room?”

Tsunade worked her jaw. That’s it! The boy was rude—

She sighed. The boy wasn’t rude. Kai was probably just annoyed about how things turned out.

“Thank you, Kai,” she interjected. “For Nawaki and Grandma. I’m sure Grandma is more than happy with you.”

Tsunade recalled her conversation with Nawaki as she made him spit out what transpired between him and Kai. One phrase stuck in Tsunade’s mind that spoke the most about Kai’s current feelings.

“Come here,” Tsunade beckoned the boy.

Kai looked guarded and only moved once Tsunade rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to eat you.”

Tsunade held the boy’s shoulder and smiled reassuringly.

“You are more precious to Grandma than you can imagine, Kai.” She looked into his eyes. “And nobody, not even Nawaki and I can replace you in her heart.”

Kai nodded. He knew all that. It was effortless to rationalize all this. However, it felt good to hear it from someone like Tsunade.

“I know,” Kai nodded as his gasp muffled against a pair of warm and soft bosom. Tsunade hugged the boy and cradled his head. Her soothing scent did wonders for Kai as he relaxed before questioning.

“You know what… I can make an exception and massage your feet.”

“Oh?” Tsunade mischievously smirked while pressing his head further. “Can you now?”

Kai was her guardian and was bound to have resounding accomplishments, given his talents. Tsunade wasn’t above making a young genius cozy up to her. She could fork out a few betting seed money from the future Jonin with some luck.

“Yep,” he breathed against her cream top.

“Hmm. Sure. But you won’t get handsy with Onee-san, right, Harem-chan?”

Kai pulled back with a scowl as Tsunade grinned before lying on his bed. “Get to work, dear. I’m tired after spending all my time standing in the hospital.”

She wasn’t physically tired but mentally stressed after treating several patients.

So, Tsunade didn’t notice the inquisitive twinkle in Kai’s gaze. He climbed onto his bed and settled near Tsunade’s feet.

Kai began drizzling some essential oil on Tsunade’s pale feet, eyeing her painted and trimmed toenails.

“So, Guardian-chan. How long did it take for you to learn about chakra chameleons and transform into them.”

“Less than you can imagine,” Kai muttered, focusing on the task ahead. He did not get any Quest from Tsunade since she wasn’t his superior in any capacity yet. “It’s annoying how the jutsu cannot transform our chakra network.”

“Ah, you mean the kekkei genkai,” Tsunade exhaled in relief as she placed her hands under her head. The act pushed her momentarily resting breasts up, making them appear more pronounced despite her lying on her back.

“Do you know something?” Kai glanced at the forbidden peaks before looking at Tsunade.

“Of course I do. The academy doesn’t delve deep into chakra and its mysteries. However, there are several shinobi who uncover its beauty daily. You have already met one such researcher, right? I’m talking about Orochimaru.”

Kai began pressing into each toe, allowing Tsunade to coo. “I can’t believe Grandma had this experience every day.”

“Told you it was a privilege,” Kai shrugged. However, he planned to try something he never did with Mito.

“So?” Kai huffed. “Will you tell me more about Kekkei Genkai and how we cannot copy dojutsu using Transformation Jutsu?”

“Nope,” Tsunade grinned. “But I will do you a favor and let Orochimaru know about your queries. He was the one who helped me understand these things.”

“He would be willing to teach me?” Kai blinked.

“Given your record, even Hiruzen-Sensei would be willing to teach you,” Tsunade smirked before grunting. She was still a little annoyed at the man. It wasn’t that Hiruzen sent someone from the seduction corp her way, but the man’s gall was in thinking Tsunade would never land a man and have kids to pass her lineage.

‘Fuck him,’ Tsunade scoffed. ‘I have plenty of years ahead to have children!’

Ordinary shinobi would feel betrayed by such an act. However, Team Hiruzen knew better. After all, Hiruzen had an intimate connection with this corp since his wife, Lady Biwako, seduced the man before they eventually talked it out and married. Many didn’t know about it. However, Tobirama Senju was more than willing to use pragmatic means to ensure the perseveration of Konoha’s lineages.

‘But Biwako-san was honest within a few months. Dan wasn’t despite three years!’

Tsunade’s mind momentarily short-circuited as a weird squeak left her lips.

Kai instantly stopped and met Tsunade’s gaze.

“What was that?” The boy blinked.

“N-nothing,” Tsunade frowned. Yeah. What was that?

She stared at Kai as he began massaging again. Being a kunoichi with a ‘super’ pervert as her best friend, Tsunade grew cautious of Kai and suspected the boy did something weird. However, he continued with a practiced motion.

His fingers lathered her feet before pressing her and there. He didn’t try his luck by placing his hands on her thighs or trying to slip into her skirt. He kept his hands under his knees.

Yet!

Tsunade flushed as she leaned back and schooled her expression.

Kai smoothly pressed his hands into the sides of Tsunade’s left legs as his fingers slid on her toned flesh.

See? Kai was a thorough bastard.

Would he let such a chance go and not try the effects of his [Ero Hands]? Who told Tsunade to call him ‘Harem-chan’?

He was observant of Tsunade’s reaction. You see, Ero Hands offered a how-to guide for male and female orgasms. Kai ignored the former parts and focused on the latter. One didn’t only have orgasms through rubbing cocks or slits. Kai was fascinated to learn that female ejaculation and orgasms sometimes differed.

Kai touched Tsunade’s curled toes before pressing them again as she fidgeted. His expression did not betray his scummy glee. The thing about Ero Hands wasn’t targeting some sensual points. The creed of erotism is that every body part can lead to sexual tension and release. [Ero Hands] allowed Kai to understand more about a human’s body and how pressing different regions with varying intensities would elicit pleasing results.

Tsunade’s luscious thighs clenched as Kai sat around her ankle and focused his thumbs on her soles. He intentionally offered his back to Tsunade to delude her into believing Kai did not know what was happening.

Kai felt Tsunade’s skin turn clammy. Her breathing sounded muffled and ragged as Tsunade bit her bottom lip.

Kai calmly moved onto other feet. He wanted to look at Tsunade’s face. He wanted to try touching her. However, that would be sexual assault, right? The last part, at least. Kai refused to stoop so low.

Sure, he terrorized his previous world. But professionals have standards.

How can he become a Haremkage if he acted so rashly?

Kai knew any hint from his side may alert Tsunade, provoking her to kick his ass.

However, Senju’s Guardian refused to end the massage until he provided the most alluring Senju her deserved relief!

Tsunade couldn’t keep her hands under her head as she had one of them clench Kai’s pillow. Meanwhile, the other covered her forehead and eyes. She kept a pointed glare on Kai.

The second she finds out the little shit did something—

Tsunade’s body suddenly arched as Kai almost fell off her foot.

“Hey!” Kai scowled like the innocent boy he was. He glared at the woman. “Can’t you hold still?”

The boy was on his way to mastering the gaslighting jutsu before the Transformation Jutsu.

“Keep your eyes forward!” Tsunade snapped as Kai blinked before grumbling.

“And here I’m doing you a favor. So much for being thankful.”

Yet, he held the urge to smirk once he turned away. The look on Tsunade’s ripe red face was… arousing.

It was hard not to pop a boner—

Kai and Tsunade’s body froze the next second.

Tsunade felt something thick and hard poking her ankle. Meanwhile, Kai glanced down at the shaft aching and rebelling against the confines of his trousers with a troubled expression.

Still, Kai didn’t say a word and continued professionally.

Tsunade’s amber hues also looked away from the back of Kai’s head as she felt strange.

“Huff,” Tsunade suddenly exhaled as she schooled her expression. Something was wrong—that she knew. Tsunade didn’t feel any drugs in her system, and Kai’s oil wasn’t a suspect. However, she couldn’t stay in a boy’s room while feeling her panties dampen. It wasn’t sweat.

“I-it’s enough, Kai,” Tsunade moved her leg, accidentally touching a round head with her toes as they froze again.

“Yeah,” Kai muttered as he got up and sat on the bedside with a blank expression.

Sitting up, Tsunade looked around before clearing her throat.

“That was nice,” she complimented.

“Thank you,” Kai nodded as they both refrained from looking at his crotch—until Tsunade did. It was a medical curiosity. She knew of a few cases where the genins positively interacted with Chakra to enter their physical peaks quicker than before and sustain it longer. Jiraiya was one such case, and Fugaku Uchiha was another. Compared to them, Tsunade hit her physical peak later than ordinary teenagers.

However, Tsunade’s mind wasn’t into this piece of knowledge. She wanted to return home and do things.

The blonde hesitated before smiling. “Well, focus on your studies. Uh, and—”

Tsunade suddenly recalled something before glancing at Kai’s nightstand.

She leaned down. Tsunade’s scent almost made Kai swoon where he sat as she brought her lips to his ear and whispered.

“And this will remain between you and me, Harem-chan.” Tsunade’s warm, almost ‘wet’ breath tickled Kai’s ear as she continued. “And a few wipes of vinegar mixed with water do wonders for the smell that sticks around. I would know.”

Kai’s expression froze as Tsunade leaned further and planted a chaste kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for helping Nawaki and Grandma.”

Kai glanced at the woman with parted lips. She smirked and winked before leaving his room with an unconscious sway of her hips.

Kai touched his right cheek before calmly walking to the door and locking it before dropping his pants.

‘Yeah. I think I can mix between Tsunade and Mito. Maybe both.’

‘Damn you, Nawaki! Why you gotta have Mito and Tsunade? At least value them, ya bastard!’—The Bastard who had yet to value others around him, too.

***

Alternate Title: A Happy Tsunade Is a Less Destructive Tsunade; The Selective Uzumaki; Jiraiya Really Got Beaten Into The Friendzone, Bruh; Orochimaru: Imma Get Vengeance For My Boy; Jiraiya Liked Tsunade, Tsunade Liked Orochimaru, and Orochimaru Liked The Grind; Grind Is Your Best Friend and Lover; Grind Doesn’t Ask Anything; Jealous Kai; Twisted and Rational?; Emotions Do Be Hard; Tsunade Got Bamboozled; Tsunade: Here’s Your Reward *Shows Feet* Meanwhile, Kai: Stinking Monkey Paws; Kushina’s Opening Spots For The Harem; Tsunade Would Like To Apply; Mr. Never Miss an Opportunity Kai; It Ain’t Harassment If It’s a Massage Under The Knees; Kai Gets The Chest; Kai and Frieren When They Look At Chest: Fwuhouuu!; Erotism; The Ero Shinobi; Hokage? I Wanna Be Haremkage; Tsunade’s Appreciation; Damn, Hiruzen Got Sexed Up; Tobirama Really Had No Chill; Sex Squad; Tsunade: I Wanna Gamble; Kai: I Wanna Bang; Kushina’s A Threat To Every Virgin; The Boner; Vinegar Wipes; Tsunade: I Had To Clean My Sheets, Too, Boy; Tsunade Is A Trove Of Ero And Knowledge; Kai Under Orochi? Oh, No. Anyway.

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