Re: Goblin Slayer

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***

Initially, when I came up with the plan, I thought that the goblins already knew about us or guessed, for the wind was blowing at our backs then, and our smells... Especially the smell of the elven girl, which could be smelled by some goblin, there he told another goblin, that one told a third... and so on, down the chain, the information reached the local leader! And he, if he has any brains or experience in such siege affairs, will already know what to do against such invaders, though... I'm not sure.

But I've prepared myself for the possibility.

This cave is a long way from the local villages, and it's in a wild forest. To begin with, goblins are paid a pittance, I don't know how much, but adventurers are so afraid to hunt goblins, and only those who are sick in the head, like 'Goblin Killer', can perform these tasks in packs. But the usual adventurers-beginners (as goblins, mainly, their goal), and even more so veterans, to go to a distant land, and for some pennies, certainly not deign to go.

And here I am standing in front of the entrance to this very cave, preparing to carry out a crusade against the infidel goblins!

Firstly, the expense of supplies. Then, the danger on the road - after all, no one cancelled the usual bandits! Also, newcomers are simple folk, even if they have a hot poker up their arse. A lot of them are looking for real adventure... going up against dragons. How they're going to kill them... I don't even know... In general, they're wonderfully funny people, especially the teenagers who've just left their villages for the big world. They're also very naive, not all of them, but most of them.

The point, I think, is clear... Newcomers can be used to their advantage, especially girls. A plan for the future, or a plan... Ahem, I'm distracted again.

In general, this dungeon can be called 'untouched or innocent', and goblins are such creatures that without an enemy 'man', dumb and become a common beast. Which, by the way, is confirmed by the recent dozen goblins that ambushed us. Maybe in the past, a year - two years ago, adventurers and ran here, but now this place has become completely wild! You can't just call the common people of the village enemies of the goblins. If they steal girls and cattle... hehehe.

So, cautiously moving along the tunnel, I walked calmly, even without straining, though, the silence was a bit unnerving, but my gut was silent as a partisan. Either the goblins had ducked down somewhere and were sleeping peacefully now, as they were nocturnal creatures, or they were in ambush and waiting for me with sticks, daggers and stones. And I don't want to be hit on the head with a stone or a stick. I've already seen what happens when you hit them, and I don't want to die like that again.

Anyway, I was starting to lose my patience, so I stopped acting like an under-assassin and stood to my full height, clutching my two-handed sword but keeping my attention. It was costly to let my guard down, especially here. Even though I could see in the dark, the goblins could be waiting for me behind cobblestones or tunnel bends. That way, I could fight back faster, which was good for my nerves.

Still, my lack of experience was taking its toll on my progress. The tunnels in the caves were, for me, almost indistinguishable, and if not for the mini-map in the interface, I would have been lost in this labyrinth long ago! Now, I had two last tunnels to check, and from one of them I could clearly smell the smell of filth - shit and piss. Even through the rag, I could smell it clearly.

'Is this a goblin shit-hole?' - Facing the two aisles, I didn't know which to choose. The one that stinks of shit, or the one with the faint incomprehensible sounds?

Why should I choose? I came to raise the level, not to look for local treasures! Only, I'll have to pretend to be a dwarf with assassin's skills again.

'Oh... my back' - mentally regretting, I bend down again, and move towards the sounds.

...

The journey was not that long, and after a few minutes, I was already around the corner into a vast room. The place itself looked like the ruins of something: cracked pillars and large blocks of stone, and the worst and the best part - in the dark, without a ray of light in the room were a dozen or so four goblins! They were sleeping soundly on the floor in a disorderly manner, not thinking about any intrusion.

So carefree and such an easy experience... The moment, by the way, is very much like the book, but that's even better.

It was a pity, of course, that not everyone in the room was asleep, and I saw four goblin guards pecking their noses. But even those were slacking off and neglecting their duties - chasing the bald man, and looking somewhere in the direction from where I could hear faint moans, slapping and squelching noises....

Well, it wasn't hard to guess what was going on there, and partly I understand the goblin guards. Why guard such a crowd, when there is no danger, and is not expected, and in the other room something more interesting than silly work is going on? So the goblins decide to warm up before they go in there themselves.

It's disgusting and disgusting.

And if it wasn't my job to clean up this dungeon and level up to 15, I would have watched the lives of ordinary goblins. For educational purposes, of course. To learn about their life, rules and politics. After all, I'm part goblin myself. And this can be used, for example - to capture their nest, and then breed soldiers using local females, and there ...

'Dreams of taking over the world? Hmm, why would I want to take over the world? Build my own goblin sex state like in one black dog hentai?' Use women as things and fuck them everywhere and in public? Why, I've got enough power and harem of my own!' - I mentally grinned, sneaking up on the first guard.

The first guard didn't notice my approach in any way.

'Mmm, it's an interesting and even pleasant idea, but it's too painful and very costly. Not only am I selfish and will take all the beautiful girls for myself... and to share them for the sake of the population! Eh, no, that won't do, let's go without me!' - I mentally cringed in disgust as I imagined it. No, it's too much even for me.

Hmmm, but their necks are weak.....

My whole internal monologue took no more than a minute, and pushing aside stupid thoughts and ideas, I started sneaking over to one of the sentries who was actively racing his cock. Not to say they were in comfortable positions for me, but I didn't spend more than thirty seconds on each one. Stealthily I crept up on the infatuated gobs and twisted their flimsy necks. They were so distracted by their lust that they didn't even notice their fellows dying, and they were staining the walls with their postmortem charge.

Hmm... yeah, I didn't think I'd see that....

When I saw another guard I'd killed die from a broken neck, spewing copiously onto the ground and almost hitting a sleeping goblin, my heart nearly gave out!

I don't know if I would have been able to quietly knock the awake one awake, but he would have been able to raise a ruckus and wake up the other goblins with his outraged scream, or maybe not even outraged.

But I was blown away, and no one noticed my movements. Anyway, I got 60 experience from the guards, which was more than the usual amount!

If I had more time, I would have speculated on the multiplier in the experience gained, but I had sleeping, unsuspecting goblins waiting for me - experience, and the danger of being exposed was something I shouldn't forget...

'One-two-three-four-five, we go to kill goblins. Here we undercut, here we open, experience we cover!'

*Hrum* After snapping the neck of a slumbering goblin and getting my 50 experience, I moved on to the next one.

*Hroom* I almost made a mistake with the second one, the goblin started to stir, sleepily opened his eyelids, and almost squealed when he saw me, possibly scary and clearly not a goblin. Which made me have to look around cautiously. But... nobody seemed to be awake and didn't realise they were being killed, I wiped the sweat off my forehead, gaining a new level in stealth. Growing, though...

I learnt how to break the necks of goblins pretty quickly, but not all of them were easy.

*The fifth one was a bit of a problem, he was fatter than the others, and I wasn't sure I could break his fat neck, and grabbing it was a problem. Even a sword wouldn't help, because it would wake up all the others... I spat and left the fat one for later and moved on to the next one.

And, as luck would have it, I got close to the room where the wet sounds and moans were coming from, which raised (!) a question for me! Should I look in there... er, something stupid I'm up to now.

I've got three dozen goblins behind me, and I've got a hentai to watch. The lights were clearly on in the room, though, and from the shadows I could count a dozen enemies-if not more-that were actively making pelvic repetitive back and forth motions....

These not quiet ahs and moans, shrieks... BITCH, how I want to kill them all, and not out of a sense of justice, but... out of HATE!!!!!

Shit, I've lived to envy goblins.

- Gooey! *Slap* *Stones* *Slap* *Women's shrieks and moans* Gooey! Gooey! Guiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!! - you little shits, I'll put a sword up your arse!

It was only their numerical advantage and possible mission failure that prevented me from rushing in and chopping them up into little goblins! But I remembered and I'll get my revenge!

Mentally spitting once more and slightly sympathising with those females that use such a mob, I moved to break the necks of the other goblins. Yes, I'll avenge you females!

*♪ Crunch ♪

- Goo? Guiii! Enemy! Hkr... - apparently my luck ran out on the twentieth goblin, and the neighbour of the goblin I killed woke up from the crunch and saw me and jumped up with a low scream. Only the strengthening of my legs gave me the necessary speed to overcome the two-metre distance and allowed me to wring his neck before he finally raised all the others with his shriek!

Trouble. Looks like the plan to silently annihilate dozens of goblins, and the subsequent anal punishment of those who mated, failed. And while the others were still up and about, I strengthened my whole body and rushed to mow down the goblins who had not yet come to their senses with my holy sword!

'Oooooh, you subhumans! I'll cut them all!'

My body enhancement was working properly, and I was literally flying around the room like a rocket, slicing through the now panicked goblins. As if in slow motion, I could see their every movement and their sluggish attempts to gather themselves together. My two-handed sword mowed down the goblin bodies like a wheat sickle, agonising blood spatters and limb parts flying all over the room, hitting the newly awake goblins as well.

Ignoring the pop-up notifications, I gradually reduced their numbers until there were only three intimidated goblins left in the room.

None of them could stand up to me.

After a quick glance at the mana bar and noticing that it hadn't dropped much, I cancelled the boost and immediately grimaced at the pain in my muscles. It only took me a minute to take down two dozen goblins, but it felt like I'd been fighting for a week.

- Uggh! - there was a taste of blood in my mouth, and for some reason my head spun in a kaleidoscope marathon of colour.

It was so strange and unexpected that the remaining three goblins managed to escape - I myself was still suffering from glitches and trying to see who was a stone and who was a goblin... there were a lot of goblins! I... killed them... didn't I?

- Guiii! Who dares to interfere with mine! Guii! - A nasty squeaky voice came from the cave of the fuckdrome. From there came out a fat, well, just fat goblin, apparently the main and with his retinue of goblins, but the worst thing - he and his six were naked and with a standing cock!!!!

Just when I stopped seeing goblins instead of cobblestones, I saw... something even more terrifying.....

'My eyes! KHA' - seeing rows of big fat ones... in secretions and blood, I staggered and stepped back, and then fell to my knees from the sudden pain in my whole body and spit up blood. The pain was sudden and stronger than the previous one, so much so that my eyes went black again.

'What the... what the... what the...?' - I vomited blood to the delight of those watching, leaning on the sword stuck in the ground.

...

- Gooey! - the fatty looked round and grimaced at the picture provided, -your murdered useless mouser! Gui! Yours will bow- Guii! Guih-guih-guih-guih! - he rustled nastily with a gurgling laugh, and the retinue of nudists obsequiously supported their leader with nasty laughs- Gui! Thy usefulness, thou hast bowed down to my greatness! Gui! - Whether it was because of the recent rape - and who would volunteer with such... or whether this goblin really thought himself cooler than the mountains, higher than the sky, the fat man pathetically waved his hands.

- Chief! Shall I kill the insolent one? - squeaked the naked goblin standing next to the fatty, while the others just looked bloodthirstily at the alien. No, they didn't feel rage over the deaths of their 'fellow creatures'. They just didn't think of them as anything more than meat, and the goblin that crouched down was considered an upstart for distracting them from what they were doing.

- Gui! Me think! Gui! - thought, and then again laughed nastily, - Guih-guih-guih-guih! Me want to have fun! Gui! If you win my war, you will serve me! Gui-guih-guih-guih! Big Bluth! Gui! She's your gui! Gui-guih-guih-guih! - said the fatty with a nasty squeal and waved somewhere to the side. Not a minute later, a less fat goblin appeared from behind him, but he was much taller than the fatty, and in shape he was clearly superior to all the goblins gathered here. His slightly muscular arms and scarred face spoke of his danger and experience.

This goblin was clearly more dangerous than his fat leader. His potbelly was more of a defence than a hanging beer belly. Strange that he obeyed this fatty.

Meanwhile, the Bliut pulled a metre-long club - which was covered in fresh blood - from behind his back, and smiled grinning as he looked at the crouching upstart.

- Gryh-gryh-gryh-gryh! Big Daddy! Can I eat him? - He uttered a disgusted laugh, licking his lips in anticipation.

- Gui! - gave the man a wave, and happily sat down on one of the goblins, - Gui! Go on! Gui!

- Gruuaaah! - roared Big Bliut, and flung himself at the crouching goblin upstart.....

...

Listening to the goblins talk, I took a breath and took my time getting up from my knees. I even felt funny when I heard the fat goblin leader's conclusions. Things had worked out too well for me. But come on, it's worse for them.

- Gruaaah! - The hobgoblin ran straight at me, swinging his club, clearly intent on smashing me to the floor.

No tactics, just using his strength. I got ready to throw myself to the side, but the hobgoblin managed to surprise me.

*Papuas was running so happily that he didn't pay attention to his feet and before he reached me a few metres away, he stumbled and rolled on the ground, dropping his club at the same time.

This picture was so unrealistic and improbable that the fatty's joyful expression froze, and disbelief along with amazement was splashed in his swollen eyes.

- Grychhhh...' the hobgoblin groaned.

I couldn't pass up such a gracious chance.

Before the hobgoblin could get up, I pulled my sword from the ground and swung it at him, hitting him in the neck.

*I didn't use the full-body enhancement this time, I only used the arm enhancement, which apparently wasn't enough for the blunted sword. So instead of severing the head, the blade only plunged a little bit into the fat neck.

- Geeaaaah!!! - This makes the enemy squeal and scramble in an attempt to grab my legs.

But I don't let him.

*I step on his toes, swing, and deliver a second blow to the fat man's neck. This time the sword plunged deeper and harder into the flesh, staining me with blood. But strangely enough, the hobgoblin was still alive and actively trying to get up and fight back!

'Amazing will to live!' - I admired my opponent for a second, but quickly continued my work.

- Big Daddy! Help! Gooey! - squealed pitifully as he realised he wouldn't be able to get up in time.

No way.

- Guiiiiiiiiiii!!! *Crash* - with a frantic scream, I struck again.

- Klllhhh... pa... pa... pa...' With a weakened, blood-filled mouth, he reached for his father with his hand and tears sprang from his eyes. But as soon as the sword was removed from his fat neck, a dark red fountain of blood spurted from the wound and his hand went limp forever.

- Ooooh, warm it went...heh....

There must have been resentment and bitterness in the hobgoblin's eyes, I don't know. It was honestly the first time I've ever encountered a hobgoblin that cried. Ah, no, I see a second one. Fatty, aka the leader, also felt sorry, there are tears flowing unceasingly! Now his face has become even more disgusting ...

Oh, it's not a good look. I myself probably look like a murderer of a son... or daughter... who was it anyway?

'Alright, whatever, experience is experience, we have to finish this mess,' I took a couple of breaths and shook my head and prepared to piss.

- Gooey! Big Bluth! Gooey! Kill! Gooey! Kill-kill-kill-kill!!! - screamed-squealed the fat man, and his entourage flung themselves at me with bare hands, waving their...

'What the fuck is this?' - I marvelled at the goblins' mental attack.

I took a step back, watching as the goblins ran towards me with tears in their eyes. Although... who cares, the main thing is the experience runs itself, all you have to do is wave your sword. Except... dicks... are they using them as weapons?

'Wha?'...?