Red Mansion

Chungrim panted heavily. Now, even with Chungrim in front of him, Kim Sung-kyung kept calling out for Chungrim. He was clearly out of his mind. A few days in the Red Mansion, where he so desperately wanted to go, should wake him up, damn it. Chungrim gritted his teeth so hard that the muscles in his jaw twitched.White bare feet, bandages wrapped around his calves, bruises spreading darkly over him, a dry thigh half-covered by a shirt. Everything about Sung-kyung irritated Chungrim’s nerves.With brute force, Chungrim shoved Sung-kyung into the car. The shirt rode up, exposing half of his thigh. Chungrim clicked his tongue and pulled the crumpled shirt down.As the engine started and they exited the parking lot, Sung-kyung clung to Chungrim’s elbow, pleading continuously.“If you give it to me, I’ll tell you right away. I don’t want any misunderstandings.”The hand carefully holding his arm had been trembling terribly for a while now. Chungrim knew well what he was so afraid of.“Hey.”“Yes?”The face that looked up in response was just like when he used to sit at register 3 in the store. A dumb face that secretly ogled, twitching the corners of its mouth at the slightest touch. He could almost hear the pen scratching across the notebook.The distance between the manager of the Red Mansion and the register 3 clerk was neither far nor close. In less than half a year, it had all collapsed. Chungrim hadn’t hesitated, and Sung-kyung had been pleased, making it possible. But now, Kim Sung-kyung has completely escaped his control. No matter how much Chungrim reached out, he couldn’t grasp Sung-kyung’s hallucinations and delusions.“Gwon Chungrim abandoned you a long time ago.”“…What?”Sung-kyung’s voice trembled uncontrollably. Chungrim pressed the accelerator harder.He was uneducated and had never received love or affection. He had no idea how to comfort and calm a panicking person. No, even if he knew, he couldn’t do it.The only way he knew to bring someone to his senses was to shock him more. Cut off a hand, torment his family, push him to the brink. Then anyone would wake up and realize where to turn for help. That was the only method Chungrim knew.“We’re not going to get money right now. We’re going to dump you.”The hand gripping the shirt fell limply. He felt a bit disappointed as the subtle weight disappeared.“Dump…me?”Who did Kim Sung-kyung see him as now? That drug addict bastard? Or that burly guy he often hung out with? Or maybe some lackey whose name he didn’t know? The important thing was that it wasn’t Gwon Chungrim.“The owner has already changed? Let me call, let me… Did I lose it?”His already pale face turned ashen. In a panicked state, Sung-kyung fumbled around, desperately searching. Without shoes, there was no way he’d find a phone.“Even if you call, it won’t help.”“No! It’s different! He let me off, treated me specially.”Seeing Sung-kyung yelling, Chungrim let out a hollow laugh. He must have been too soft on him. To say so confidently that Gwon Chungrim treated him specially. Chungrim turned the steering wheel. Just one more block and they’d see the Red Mansion.“He wouldn’t…even if he had ten truckloads of someone like you…”He should have said that Gwon Chungrim didn’t need or want him. But strangely, his lips felt glued together. Sung-kyung stared at him intently, hoping for some words, but Chungrim remained silent. Even as he parked the car, unfastened the seatbelt, and pulled Sung-kyung from the passenger seat.“Let go! I won’t go!”“Why? You made such a fuss about wanting to go.”Terrified, Sung-kyung made one last desperate struggle, starting to cry. Tears continuously fell from his wet cheeks and chin. The thin shirt fluttered, revealing his skin each time he struggled. It was annoying, but at this hour, there weren’t many people around. Only after carefully surveying the surroundings did Chungrim pass through the back gate.“Let go!”“Ah—”Realizing that force wouldn’t work, Sung-kyung collapsed, using his weight to resist. Chungrim, who had let go of his arm, raised an eyebrow. When he wanted to go so badly, now he didn’t want to go in. A large hand sliced through the air and struck Sung-kyung’s cheek.“Just follow quietly. Got it?”At the low voice above his head, Sung-kyung flinched. His intimidated body easily followed.“Where do you want to go? Home? The store?”“No. I need to go to Kwon Chungrim. I have to meet him.”Even with Gwon Chungrim in front of him, Sung-kyung resisted being dragged away, planting his feet firmly. On the gray cement floor, the spots where Sung-kyung’s tears had fallen left stains. Gritting his teeth, Chungrim yanked the frail body along. For someone so skinny, he was quite rebellious.Inside the mansion, the familiar corridor unfolded before his eyes. If you turn left here and go straight, you’ll see an open corner on the right. At the corner, there were stickers messily stuck and an aluminum door with a lock.Passing that, a square corridor would appear, with an ice cream freezer and a refrigerator. There was also a cash register, closed off with a sliding door like those seen at old bus terminals. Chungrim could now easily picture store 3 in his mind. Even the owner’s body, every nook and cranny.“You said there’s money at home, right? Let’s go, to the 4th floor.”“Let me make a call!”Screaming, Sung-kyung’s voice cracked miserably. Ignoring him, Chungrim kept his eyes straight ahead as he climbed the stairs. Even as the one clinging to him tripped and crawled, he remained focused only on moving forward. The sobbing grew louder.“If we don’t pay the hospital bill soon, they’ll take him. That quack doctor…”The emergency exit smelled of dry dust. Sung-kyung’s bloody feet were smeared with cement powder and dirt.Chungrim pulled out the key to room 422. He had found it in the car the day he dragged Sung-kyung back, drugged and out of his mind after being with those black-hearted bastards. Not realizing he had it, Sung-kyung had babbled nonsense about losing the key and not being able to enter his home. Finally, the stiff key turned with a creak, and the rusty hinge groaned open.The room, empty for so long, hit him with a musty smell as soon as it opened. Moonlight spilled in through the half-open window, stretching across the middle of the room. Chungrim pulled Sung-kyung inside without hesitation, not caring about the footprints left on the linoleum floor.Thrown carelessly, Sung-kyung immediately lost balance and fell over. Chungrim’s sharp gaze lingered on the semi-transparent shirt and filthy feet, fueling his anger once more.“You’re home, where you wanted to be so badly. Now find all the money you want, got it?”Even if left here for just a day or two, any crazy person would come to his senses. No more nonsense about wanting to go to 422 or open Store 3, or needing to go home. They wouldn’t dare utter such nonsense again.Chungrim, leaving Sung-kyung motionless on the floor, turned around and locked the door again. Of course, it would be easy to open from the inside. But even in a disoriented state, he always locked the door. Once he realized the key was missing, he wouldn’t think about leaving.Having locked Sung-kyung in room 422, Chungrim retraced his steps alone. Footprints and water droplets sporadically marked the floor. It was the first time he’d ever felt this disgusted. But Chungrim didn’t dwell on these minute disturbances.“Why do crazy people always talk nonsense?”Everything was Kim Sung-kyung’s fault. Constantly getting on his nerves, searching for the Red Mansion when locked in his own home. Despite being given something cool, expensive, and nice, he kept recalling squalid places, which was infuriating. Eventually, erasing Chungrim from his memory. That’s why it happened.“Damn it.”Irritatingly messing up his hair, Chungrim headed toward the back exit. He passed the dusty store that hadn’t been touched by human hands in a while. Frustration boiling over, he kicked the store door. The loud noise echoed through the quiet hallway.Exiting the mansion’s glass door, he saw his crookedly parked car in the distance.“Sigh.”He could go straight home, wash up, and sleep. He could lie in a clean, cozy bed and close his eyes. After a few nights of being on edge and not sleeping well, a good rest would clear his mind.Then he could come back for Kim Sung-kyung. By then, he’d recognize him again. After coming to his senses, he’d never talk about wanting to go somewhere else. He’d stop looking for room 422 and the Red Mansion every night.Despite thinking this, Chungrim’s steps kept lingering around the back door. Standing under the faint orange glow of a streetlight, he thought about smoking but found only the key to room 422 in his pocket.Chungrim kicked a pebble on the ground irritably before finally heading toward the car. His steps were heavy and noisy, full of irritation and frustration. The car quickly drove away from the Red Mansion.＊＊＊Sung-kyung was kneeling on the floor, head down. Tears pooled on the damp linoleum. With every breath, familiar scents filled the air. The fragrance of parents he thought had vanished from this world lingered still.“……”He wept silently, overwhelmed by the reality sinking into their skin. His frail back shook violently. His parents were gone, and Chungrim had abandoned him too. Left alone in the dark room of 422, not even turning on the light.He was sure to die like this, unable to reopen the store, unable to make deliveries. With Chungrim selling the mansion, he’d likely spend their days dying slowly, struggling to pay rent under a new owner.“Chungrim has left you.”“What did I do wrong?” He thought he’d followed orders well, done everything asked of him. Why had he been discarded? He was curious but couldn’t ask. Chungrim would change owners soon, and Chungrim would never set foot in the Red Mansion again.“No one…”There was no one. Kim Sung-kyung had no one. No matter how hard he struggled, he was alone. Sung-kyung began to sob, consumed by the gnawing emptiness. It was unbearable. Even breathing felt like a burden, as if the room were filled with water.“Ah…”Why was he alone? Why did no one care? Would anyone mourn if he died? Who would…He squeezed their eyes shut until their vision darkened. The last of their tears fell. In their blurred vision, Chungrim appeared, just as he did behind the store counter.Chungrim had always been a tantalizing presence, lounging in a cheap plastic chair, eating an ice cream. That ice cream, incongruous with their opulence, had been enviable. Back then, their hair and shirt fluttered in the tepid fan breeze, making Sung-kyung’s heart flutter.Everything about Chungrim was stimulating. He was envious, wanted Chungrim, and wanted to watch forever. Should that have been the limit?“In the end…everyone leaves.”Even their parents, despite their desperate clinging, left quickly. Two years might have been a good run, according to the quack doctor.Despite being pathetic and crazy, he’d hoped to be needed. But Chungrim had discarded him too. He wanted to cling to Chungrim’s pant leg but couldn’t. In the end, he was abandoned. Left in this pitch-black room with nothing.“In the end, everyone…”He couldn’t be someone important to anyone. Kim Sung-kyung, who could do nothing alone, who no one loved, was useless. Would anyone notice if he rotted away here?After lying down in despair for a long time, Sung-kyung slowly lifted their head. He rubbed their swollen, red eyes. Breathing was difficult, with no one to help or a way to resolve it. Even hitting their chest didn’t remove the crushing weight.He knocked over a fan that wasn’t needed this season. A piece of paper taped to the bottom caught their eye. Sung-kyung tore off the tape and picked up the paper.Unfolding it revealed two pills. His father had hidden him for dire financial straits. He thought he was for selling, but now he understood their father’s true intention.Sung-kyung swallowed the green pills in one gulp. A bitter taste spread in their mouth. Soon, the drug would take effect. Then, the pain would end.“…Ha.”No matter how much he cried, there was no one beside him. He was alone. That was reality. His vision blurred and refocused, feeling both distant and near.He opened their mouth and took a deep breath. A concentrated scent filled their throat. As the drug’s effect spread, he finally found the courage to act on what he’d only imagined.The space, having been unoccupied for a long time, immediately filled with a musty smell as soon as it was opened. Moonlight streamed through the half-open window, stretching into the middle of the room. Chungrim, dragging Sung-kyung, walked inside without hesitation, indifferent to the sound of his shoes marking the linoleum floor.Sung-kyung, thrown with a dry body, quickly lost his balance and collapsed. Chungrim’s sharp gaze lingered on the shirt, which exposed his skin, and his messy feet. Anger flared again.“Since you’re in the house you were so desperate to come back to, find the money as much as you want. Got it?”Even if left like this for a day or two, any madman would come to his senses. He wouldn’t talk about going to Room 422 or opening Store No. 3 or going back to our house ever again.Chungrim turned around, leaving Sung-kyung, who was motionless and staring at the floor. He locked the front door again with the key. Of course, Sung-kyung could easily open the door from inside. But since even in a muddled state he always locked the door, realizing he didn’t have the key would keep him from even thinking about leaving the house.Chungrim retraced his steps alone, back from locking Sung-kyung in Room 422. His eyes caught the occasional footprint and droplets of water on the floor. He felt a kind of frustration he had never experienced before in his life. But Chungrim did not listen to such trivial disturbances.“Why do you keep spouting nonsense, you crazy bastard?”Everything was Kim Sung-kyung’s doing. Kim Sung-kyung kept getting on his nerves, so he barely managed to confine him in his own house, only for him to seek the Red Mansion. Despite being provided with something cool, expensive, and nice, he kept thinking of shabby places, which irritated Chungrim. Ultimately, he erased himself from Sung-kyung’s memory. That’s why this was happening.“Really, what a shitty mood.”He irritably messed up his hair and headed towards the back door. Passing by a dusty shop untouched by human hands, he kicked its door out of sheer irritation. The loud, shattering sound echoed through the quiet hallway.Stepping out of the mansion’s glass door, he saw the car parked crookedly in the distance.“Whew.”He just needed to get in the car, go home, wash up, and sleep. Lying in a clean and cozy bed, closing his eyes, he would sleep deeply, having been unable to sleep properly for a while due to his frayed nerves. Then he would retrieve Kim Sung-kyung again. By then, Sung-kyung would recognize him. After coming to his senses, he would never mention wanting to go anywhere again. He would stop seeking Room 422 and the Red Mansion every night.Even thinking that, Chungrim’s steps kept circling around the back door. He stood under a streetlamp emitting a faint orange light. Thinking of smoking a cigarette, he searched his pockets but found only the key to Room 422.Chungrim kicked a stone on the ground in frustration and headed towards the car with determined steps filled with annoyance and irritation. The car soon moved away from the Red Mansion.＊＊＊Sung-kyung knelt and lay face down on the floor. Tears pooled on the damp linoleum. Every breath brought a familiar scent. The lingering smell of his parents, whom he thought had disappeared from this world, was still there.“…….”He continued to cry silently, suddenly overwhelmed by the reality pressing against his skin. His dry back heaved steeply. His parents had left, and Chungrim had abandoned him. Alone in the dark Room 422, without even turning on the light, he was left.He would probably die living like this. Unable to reopen the shop, unable to make deliveries. With Chungrim planning to sell the mansion, he would slowly die under a new owner, struggling with the rent.“Chungrim abandoned you a long time ago.”What did he do wrong? He seemed to have done everything asked of him. Why did he say to abandon him? He was curious but couldn’t ask. With the owner changing, Chungrim wouldn’t step into the Red Mansion again.“No one……”There was no one. No one was there for Kim Sung-kyung. Even if he struggled to hold on, he was ultimately alone. Overwhelmed by emptiness, Sung-kyung started to sob. It was painful. Even opening his eyes was burdensome. It felt like the room was filled with water, making it hard to breathe.“Ah……”Why was he alone? Why did no one look at him? Even if he died like this, would anyone mourn him? Would anyone…?He closed his eyelids tightly until his vision turned black. The rest of his tears fell. Through the vision blurred like a mix of paints, he vaguely saw Chungrim. Just like when he used to sneak a look beyond the counter.Leaning on a cheap plastic chair, eating ice cream. The 1000-won ice cream didn’t suit the wealthy Chungrim, which he envied at that time. The hair and shirt fluttering in the weak breeze of a fan. That scene had shaken Sung-kyung’s heart many times.The scent carried by the breeze barely reaching the counter. Everything about Chungrim was stimulating to Sung-kyung. He envied him and wanted to possess him. He wanted to steal glances at him forever. Should it have ended there?“In the end…… everyone leaves.”Didn’t his parents pity their struggling son? He left so quickly. Or did he endure well for two years, as the quack doctor said?Even if he called him a pathetic madman, he wished to be needed. But even Chungrim had abandoned him. He wanted to grab and cling to his pant leg, but he couldn’t. Ultimately, he was abandoned. Left in this pitch-black room with nothing.“In the end, everyone……”He couldn’t become someone needed by anyone. He couldn’t do anything alone, and no one loved him. Kim Sung-kyung, who was not needed by anyone, was now useless. Even if he rotted away here, would anyone notice?Lying there crushed by depression for a long time, Sung-kyung slowly raised his head. He rubbed his swollen, tear-soaked eyes. He couldn’t breathe properly, and no one was there to help or any way to resolve it. Even pounding his chest couldn’t dislodge the stone weighing it down.He knocked over a fan that wasn’t needed in the current season. At the bottom was a piece of paper taped on. Sung-kyung forcefully tore off the tape and picked up the paper.Unfolding it revealed two pills. He had hidden by his father to use when he was really short on money. Until now, he thought it meant to sell him to raise money, but today he felt he understood the hidden meaning behind those words.Sung-kyung put the green pills in his mouth all at once. The acrid taste spread in his mouth. Soon the medicine’s effect would spread through his body, freeing him from this pain.“……Ha.”No matter how much he cried, there was no one by his side. He was alone. That was the reality. His vision blurred, and then slowly returned.He opened his mouth and took a deep breath. A stronger scent crossed his airway. As the medicine took effect, he felt courage to do what he had vaguely imagined.Sung-kyung painfully crawled to the kitchen. It was just a step away. The room was so small that if he lay down, there was barely space for a small table.He stood up shakily, leaning on the sink. He opened the upper cabinet and took out a basket. He had placed sharp objects in hard-to-reach places, worried his parents might have bad thoughts when he was away. Knives, scissors, forks, syringes, and the like.It was a mistake to have placed them here. They should have been placed even higher, beyond his reach.His legs gave way as he took out a kitchen knife. The knife fell to the damp linoleum without even making a sharp sound.“Ha… Hoo.”Sung-kyung gripped the knife handle and crawled to sit by the window. From there, he could see the front door and the small window facing the hallway. The hallway window, covered with rusty bars, let in the blue moonlight.Did his parents wait here all day for the door to open? Just like he was now? Were they waiting for their son to come in? The shadows passing by the hallway must have been clearly visible. When their son, who reached the front door, didn’t come in immediately and pressed his ear against the door, holding his breath for a long time. When he hesitated to open the door. What were they thinking then? Come in, Sung-kyung. Hurry. Did they murmur like that?“Ah.”He curled up, hugging his head with his arms. It was too painful. Every moment of breathing and opening his eyes was painful. The sense of loss he barely endured with Chungrim around now surged uncontrollably. The sickly scent of his parents still lingered in the room. There was no longer any reason not to die.“I shouldn’t have come here. I should’ve just lived outside even if people pointed fingers at me.”His tearful sobs continued. His shoulders shook with sorrow as he spat out complaints no one would hear.“Why did you come here? Why did you give birth to me?”Why did you get sick and hand over the shop to me? Why did you make me see Chungrim and give me a chance to steal glances at him? Because the cheap ice cream in his hand suited him, I had hoped I would suit him too.“Ah, Hoo—.”His hands, clutching the back of his head, trembled. His injured feet twitched several times, unable to endure the pain.Even with medicine, the pain didn’t go away, the awaited person didn’t come, and the desired scene wasn’t visible. Only darkness remained. Breathing heavily, Sung-kyung reached for the knife with trembling hands.“Hoo, hoo—.”He roughly wiped his soaked cheeks with the back of his hand and gripped the knife handle tightly. He pressed the dull blade against his thin wrist, now bare without chains or a watch.Even when he gritted his teeth and pressed hard, his skin didn’t easily tear. It was laughable how there wasn’t a proper knife. Was it hard to die even when poor?“Agh! Ah!”He screamed as he slashed his wrist. Tears flowed into his mouth, but he didn’t stop screaming. When his wrist felt hot, he threw the knife. Dark red blood streaked across the damp linoleum, and at the end, the dull knife lay.“Huh, Mom… You held my hand, saying it would be okay.”His voice trembled pathetically, and his vision wavered. The surroundings blurred, enlarged, and distorted into bizarre shapes. As he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, a fishy smell came. His left arm felt hot, like a burning lump was wrapped around it.The watch Chungrim had given him and the chains once wrapped around his wrist. When they were entangled on his wrist, he couldn’t scratch even if he wanted to. Feeling the pain now, he realized he was truly abandoned.“It was hot, Dad. You said it was nice and cool.”For the last thirty minutes, why didn’t he hold his father’s hand lying weakly on the blanket? If he had known it was the last, he would’ve held it constantly. Ah, should he not have sent him to the hospital? Should he never have accepted help from Chungrim?Whether it was drugs or sex, the suppressed sorrow erupted uncontrollably. The tears mixed with blood flowed and seeped into the damp linoleum.“I don’t… remember.”Sung-kyung’s front was entirely stained red. He struggled to reach the folded blanket. The nostalgic scent reached his nose. But the sound of his parents’ groans and breathing, heard nightly in the small room, was gone. Sung-kyung panted and cried.He couldn’t remember his parents’ warmth. Since he hadn’t written it down, it was harder to recall. How they breathed, what they said, what expressions they made—all were vague. He had taken the medicine, so he should see what he wanted to, but why not?“Ugh, huh—.”Nothing went his way. He buried his face in the blanket and sobbed. Still, the lump pressing his chest didn’t disappear. Sung-kyung shed tears with his heavy eyes closed. And he spoke words that wouldn’t reach anyone.Next time. If we meet again as a family in the next life, let’s live happily and normally. It’s okay if we have no money or house. Let’s live in a normal place, not the Red Mansion.Ah, then I can’t meet Chungrim? That won’t do. Even in the next life, I must meet him. I need to be in his eyes and spend time by his side.But… was the time with Chungrim real? Did I go mad and hallucinate after losing my parents? Did I really share warmth and kisses with Chungrim…? Did he really…“Ha…”His tangled thoughts gradually loosened. As his strength waned and pain swept over him, a subtle sense of liberation emerged.Thump, thump. His rapidly beating heart’s slowing was clear. His dry back heaving against the blanket gradually settled. His breath, close to sobs, flowed slowly and sluggishly.The square moonlight filtering through the rusty bars illuminated Room 422. No more sick parents, no more lying Sung-kyung, no more whirring fan, no more suffocating heat.Only the dark red breath exhaled by Sung-kyung lingered.