Reincarnated as an AXE!

“I have a feeling this is going to be a fun night, Keith,” Aestas said happily.

“Uh, I think I’d just prefer being called axe,” the axe replied. “But hey, I think you’re right! Let’s go cut a rug! Let’s do the Charleston! And then the electric slide! After that, Let’s crank that soldier boy!”

“I’m sorry, Kei—I mean axe, but I have no idea what any of that means.”

“It means, let’s boogie!”

The Axe spun around happily in a circle as it spoke, amusing the elemental greatly. But then she took a look at the many people occupying the floor and felt her enthusiasm begin to wane.

“Um, axe, I have to confess, this is unfamiliar territory for me,” Aestas said with a nervous smile as they approached the dance floor. “Social engagements of this sort are new to me. My mother and my sisters fare far better in this particular environment.”

“Are you nervous right now?” the axe asked in surprise. “Gosh, I’m the one who should be sweating buckets! If I had any sweat glands, anyway! I’ve got the prettiest girl in the underworld on my arm! Everyone has to be wondering how someone like me ended up with you!"

“Oh, Axe, don’t belittle yourself so! I find you very endearing.”

“Gosh, really?”

“Oh, yes! In fact, I think that you and I shall make wonderful friends from this moment on.”

“F-friends? Just friends?” the axe asked.

“Well, yes! I mean, I, I do find your words charming, and I think you have a, a gracious and splendid manner about you, but I’m just not looking for a romantic partner right now.

“Oh. Okay. Well, you know, you’re just being h-honest. Heck, that’s fine! Let’s be friends! Let’s be really good friends!”

“Oh, axe, I knew you’d understand! Now, shall we try out dancing?”

“Uh, yeah! Yeah! Just give me one moment to collect my thoughts. Heh, I’m not much of a dancer either—ARGH! Hey! What do you think you're--

The Axe went still for a few long moments before becoming animated again. Then it said:

“You know what? Fuck it, let’s just do it. Let’s dance, babe.”

“Ha! Babe? Interesting phrasing.”

“I enjoy the classics too.”

“Again, I have no idea what that means.”

“That’s fine. Ignorance often suits a beautiful woman.”

“I beg your pardon, axe?”

“Keeeeeith. Just Keith.”

“Oh, would you please just pick a name!”

“Shhh, don’t get yourself riled up. Red isn’t your color.”

“Okay, now you’re just being a—uh…”

The axe began emitting a light blue glow that shone with the power of its unique aura; the light gradually expanded around its form and slowly grew in intensity until it was nearly blinding. When it was done, in its place stood a mortal man wearing a prestine white suit with a black shirt and a red tie.

He was thin, with a graceful swimmer’s build, stylishly cut black hair, and a knowing smirk. His shaven face was very distinct looking. He was handsome. He was very handsome. No, he—

By the source of all that is, he’s gorgeous, Aestas thought to herself with slowly widening eyes.

“Felt like putting on my dancing shoes,” Keith said. “Like what you see?”

“Uh, yes?” Aestas replied nervously.

“Thought you might! Most girls do.”

“Which ones don’t?”

“Blind ones,” he said smugly as he took her hand and led her onto the floor.

__

He was a very good dancer. No matter the style of song that was played, he adapted to it and led her accordingly. The touch of his warm hands was a pleasing sensation, and those moments when the music compelled them to move closer together felt electric.

It felt like they’d been partners for years.

Now, during a slow-moving lover’s anthem, he stood behind her with his arm wrapped firmly around her waist and his mouth inches from her ear. She could hear him breathing as they gently swayed side to side, and even his breath was sweet to her.

“Having fun?”

“I am,” she said happily.

“So, what were you going to show me in your room?”

“Hmm? Oh! I was going to talk with you about the responsibilities entailed with being my chosen. That’s what you wanted right? Right? To be…chosen by me?”

“Yeah. Sure. Sounds like something I’d say.”

“Good. Great! I would be a very gracious mistress. You’d be very lucky to have me. It’s a permanent bond, you know. We’d be together for…for…”

“For how long?”

“Um…forever?”

“Interesting.”

“Being my chosen is a commitment. A commitment to me and me, only! Could…could you do it? Could you be mine alone?”

She turned to face him as the music continued. Her eyes were wide beneath the pooled lights of the dance hall, her smile beautiful and unsure. Uncertainty and hope in equal measure shone on her lovely face.

Keith matched her smile with one of his own. You’re in trouble, little girl, he thought cruelly to himself. And then he said:

“I want to meet your sister.”

“What?”

___

“Honest to God, I really thought you’d be some gloomy emo chick,” Keith said with an uproarious laugh, as he knocked back another drink at Winter’s table.

Princess Winter was in fact, far from being a “gloomy emo chick.” She was an exuberant, cheerful beauty who looked like a slightly more heavyset version of her sister, with her long blonde hair styled into classical ringlets. She also wore a lot of pink.

“I get that a lot, I really do!” Winter chortled. “People really have problems keeping our roles separate from our personalities, don’t they Aestas?”

“Hmmm,” Aestas said frostily as she sipped from her glass.

“Yes, I’m the season of death. Yes, by point of fact, my time is when most plants, animals, and mortals kick off their journey to the other side. But you know what else is important about the season of winter? Realizing what matters in life! Understanding that no one is here forever and that’s why we should appreciate what’s important!”

“Damn straight,” Keith agreed.

“Hear-hear!” called one of the large men standing behind Winter. “A drink to what matters most! Family! Friends! Love!"

The last one he capped off by kissing Winter greedily on her lush lips, which she happily reciprocated.

“Hey! Bjorn! Wait your turn, you raiding bastard! I’m the one sitting by her!” snarled an equally burly fellow sitting to Winter’s left.

“Then take advantage of it, you weakling! A woman like this needs to be shown true love often!” Bjorn yelled in reply.

“Ah-ah! Point of order, Bjorn, Nicos has the right of it! You’ll just have to wait your turn.”

“Bah! What if I just carried you off instead?”

“Then I’d cut your belly open and offer your offal to my lady in tribute!” Nicos replied.

“Boys! Boys! Please, there’s no need for jealousy! Winter adores you all!” Winter said merrily.

She turned to Aestas with a pleased smile and said, “It’s tough, isn’t it? Men can be so certain of their own strength, yet so uncertain of the surety of another’s affection. What a strange weakness!”

I can hardly blame them, sister. You play far too many games. And taking so many paramours at once is a little…”

“A little what? Hmmm? Finish your sentence, sister.”

“Well, it’s certainly not what’s expected of women of our standing,” Aestas said primly.

“I like a good rut Aestas, and more than a single pair of hands while I’m at it,” Winter said, and this time she wasn’t smiling. “Why would that bother you, anyway? The only hands warming your bed lately have been your own.”

“Daaaaamn!” Keith snickered.

“Forgive me for not parting my thighs for every little man who asks me politely,” Aestas snarled.

“I say yes to women too, you ignorant bitch!” Winter shouted back.

“Keith, you wanted to meet my sister, and now you’ve met her. I insist we retire for the evening.” Aestas said.

“Awww,” whined Keith. “I was going to teach these guys how to play Euchre.”

“Keith!”

“Coming, Daaaarling,” Keith said with a roll of his eyes. “Real pleasure to meet you, Princess.”

“Likewise,” Winter replied with a knowing gleam in her eye. “You know, as the elemental who stands closest to death, I’ve become quite familiar with your work, Keith. I was quite keen to meet the mind that could devise those remarkable atrocities.”

“Oh?”

“Morrison sends his regards.”

Keith smiled warmly and said: “I have no idea who that is.”

__

“I told you she was a fake,” Aestas fumed as they entered her chambers. “She’s just an animal in heat! Humiliating herself, humiliating our family, with her gross urges! I keep telling mother she should set Winter straight, but she never listens!

“What’s this thing?” Keith asked. “Is this some kind of model kit thingy?”

What he spoke of was an elaborate set of miniatures set over an expansive map. There were towns, castles, forests, and rivers, each carefully sculpted, molded, and carved. The level of detail was remarkable. If he looked carefully enough, Keith could even see the pea sized people moving.

“What? No, that’s my Locas. That’s an area of the land I have to keep special watch over. It changes every night.”

“Oh, so it’s like a mirror that shows you parts of the world.”

“No, the locas is the world itself. Anything I manipulate on that board affects what happens to the manipulated item in reality.”

“Holy Voo-doo board, Batman! So, if I were to break off the head of one of these little figurines, a human being would really lose their head where they stood?”

Aestas frowned. “Of course not! Only my hand can affect the locas. Anyway, stay focused, Keith! I’m talking about my harlot sister! What if Spring starts following her example?”

“That your little sister?” Keith asked disinterestedly. His eyes were still on the locas.

“Obviously! Pay attention!”

“I’m trying! It gets hard to focus when I’m bored.”

“Oh, I’m boring you? You’re the one who wanted to see me, Keith! You’re the one who wanted to swear himself to me!”

“Am I though? Am I really?”

“You sang for me in the earth! You said that I was everything you ever wanted!”

“I did…I did,” Keith said noncommittedly. “And I really believed it too…until I learned I had three other options.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, I mean, no offense, but your mom and your sister both seem like they wouldn’t mind if I started driving in their lanes. Probably wouldn’t be hard to convince your kid sister either. I guess I just have a knack for understanding what people want (to hear).”

“…You aren’t who you pretended to be, are you, Keith?” Aestas asked coldly.

“Yeah, I’m complicated. Is anyone really who they say they are? I wonder about that.”

“I think I want you to leave.”

“I would like to leave. But first I want what I came for.”

“Mortal, I said leave my home,” Aestas said. Her voice darkened as she spoke, and a shadow was cast over the room.

“Whoa! Scary!” Keith said, with his hands up. “Hey, I’m not trying to pick a fight. I don’t do things like that. But I feel I should point out that your mother invited me to stay and play, remember? For as long as I wanted. Isn’t this her house? Seems to me like it would be a big deal if you threw out one of her guests. She might not like that, would she?”

“She’ll understand when I explain to her how you’ve behaved!” Aestas yelled.

“Yeah, okay. Go ahead and tell her, then, Summer. Tell her you couldn’t handle the first guy you brought home in an eternity. HUMILIATE yourself like that! Let mommy know you can't handle anything by yourself! I bet she already wonders why you can’t be more like your sister! She does, doesn’t she? She does!”

Keith stared at Aestas’ stormy face for a long moment, gauging her reaction to his words. Then, he broke out into ugly, uncontrollably screeching laughter as he pointed a mocking finger at her.

“Oh, God! That’s it! That’s it! That’s the face I’ve wanted to see all night! HAHAHAHA! Just look at yourself! Do you still feel powerful? Huh? Do you still feel powerful, you fucking loser?”

“Enough!” Aestas howled. Her hand now crackling with power, she ran towards Keith and swung at him. He quickly ducked and pivoted out of the way, allowing the girl’s momentum to carry her forward towards the table where the Locas was placed.

Before Aestas could stop herself, her hand smashed into the map, devastating mountains and forests, and sending castles crashing into ruin.

“No! No, no, no!” Aestas cried. Before she could rebalance herself, a hand slid on top of her own. “Yep, yep, yep!” Keith chirped. Then he pulled her hand across the map, sweeping it across the surface with such violent force that everything on it was flattened and smashed.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!” Aestas screamed in horror. She backhanded Keith across his face, sending him flying across the room and smashing into a wall.

“Are you a complete MONSTER?” she continued. “The Locas represents the area itself! You didn’t just break a model, you irresponsible fool! There were people, towns, animals, you’ve killed THOUSANDS! YOU’VE MURDERED THOUSANDS!”

“Noooo, noooo,” Keith murmured gently, as he stood up and brushed himself off. “No, baby. I didn’t do that. We did that.”

He smiled at her, warm, dazzling, angelic. Aestas couldn’t believe it.

“Don’t smile like that. Stop laughing at me! Families, cities, so many lives taken and ruined, and I’ll be blamed for it! Don’t you understand? I’LL BE BLAMED FOR IT!”

“Of course, you will, babe. It’s your fault.”

“I…I have to kill you. I have to kill you. They’ll understand if I kill you…”

“You’re talking nonsense, Summer. I’m already dead.”

“You think I can’t hurt you? You think I can’t punish you?”

Keith laughed again. “Oh, I know you can, babe! You’ve definitely got it in you, killer!”

“It was you! You forced me to!”

“I forced you to?” Keith stared at her, aghast. “I forced you to do what? Invite me in? Silly girl, your guards warned you! Even your mommy warned you! The guards said I was corrupt. Your mom said I was a wolf! But you knew better than them, didn’t you?"

Aestas tried to deny him, but Keith continued unrelentingly.

"They warned you, but you let me inside anyway, and now look at what we did together. Like you said, you’re an adult! You make your own decisions! Well, don't decisions sometimes have consequences?”

“Ah-ah…You…!”

“Summer, I know you’re feeling a little shocked right now, honey, but you must let this go. You and I are a team now. We need to make sure we’re on the same page! You won, by the way. I’m all yours now!”

“I…won you?”

“Mmm hmmm. Sacrificing so many lives just to show me how much you wanted me. I’d be a boor not to accept your feelings! And I reciprocate! Lady of summer, my axe is yours.”

“W-what, no I…uh”

A voice cut in.

“Keith” has earned the title “Chosen of the Earth.” “Keith” has earned the trait [Earth Mastery]. “Keith” has concluded receiving his imbuement of Earth Magic and may now return to the mortal realm.

“Oh, would you look at that?” Keith asked delightedly. “It would seem the system agrees with me. Partner."

Addendum!

“Keith” has earned the title “Archfiend.” “Keith” has earned the special achievement [Diabolical]. “Keith” has earned the title “Deceiver.” “Keith” has earned the special achievement: “Unholy Triad.” Keith has unlocked the hidden special trait [Void Imbuement].

"Say whaaaaat?"

Aestas couldn't believe it. This simply couldn't be so!

“Keith…Keith, please, no…” Aestas said, her anger now replaced with stark terror. “Keith, please release our bond. You’re imbued with void magic! You could taint me! Keith, please, please, please!”

Keith held up his hands and stared at them wonderingly. A strange light emanated from them, different from any he’d ever seen before. “The void, huh? The light of the abyss itself. Trippy. How come you’re so scared of it, Summer?”

“Keith, Keith, that’s the light of unmaking, we can’t have that, it’s not meant to be here—”

“Then why’s it unlockable?”

“Keith, I don’t know, but I’m begging you—

“Yeah. Yeah, you are, and I’m really enjoying it. Keep doing it; I’m going to judge your sincerity, and if I like what I hear, then maybe we can come to an arrangement—oh, God damnit. I wasn’t finished yet! Come on, man! I’m not scaring her, she’s into it!"

He tried to take another step towards Aestas, but froze in place, as if being blocked somehow.

“Fine, whatever.”

Keith sighed deeply, then turned to Aestas and said: “Hey, rain check? As it turns out, I've got other places to be.”

His body began to glow again. He gave Aestas one last beautiful smile and then vanished. In his place, once more was the axe.

__

Wow, that was annoying! I know he’s me and everything, Aestas, but I just don’t know about that guy!

“Get out!” Aestas screamed.

Oh, oh! Was he a bad dancer? He was a bad dancer, wasn’t he?! I’m so sorry, he snuck up on me when I was feeling bad about something, it’s the astral plane it lets him exist and stuff, but I’m back now and once I return to the mortal realm, he can’t bother us anymore—

“Get out! GET AWAY FROM ME! I ORDER YOU! BEGONE FROM MY HOME!” Aestas shrieked. “Sentinels! SENTINELS!”

And that was when it was time for me to skedaddle!

Told you I was going to destroy her, said Keith.

You know, you really are a jerk! Work on your issues, man!

I raced across the Astral plane, preparing to will myself back to my body. I’d received the knowledge of how to do that when I received [Earth Mastery]. I’d be back in the mortal world any second now!

Behind me, the sentries thundered in pursuit, roaring in anger, and bent on my destruction.

Gosh, what a horrible ending to such a promising day!

All the while, Keith kept laughing and laughing.

Tch, some people have all the fun.