ALL NOVEL Cycle 9 (4)
Dear Diary,
Kimi and I spent today trying to figure out how the memory fade thing works. Cuz like, I don't really remember how I died. Neither does Kimi. But Y sure as heck does.
All of my relationship memories are gone. As far as I know, Avi was the first person I ever dated. But Kimi remembers having a fiancé who controlled everything she did. She doesn't remember his name or what he looked like, just that she couldn't do anything without asking him first and she was trapped.
Things like recipes and math and writing and chemical formulas haven't faded at all. I don't remember where I learned all the recipes I use, but they’re there. Kimi says those might be stored in different parts of the brain from regular memories, so they might never fade, or they might fade last.
We think the memories we still have are of things that seriously impacted our lives for a long time. Like, we both know we were from California. The California flag has a bear on it. We saw it and the name a million times growing up. It’s stuck with us. But neither of us remember what our jobs were.
We also remember things we’ve told people here. Like, I remember telling Avi my old name was Rachel. I can't remember ever using that name, or anyone calling me Rachel, but I remember the conversation when Avi and I shared our old names. And Kimi said she remembers the conversation where Y told her a lot of things about him, so that’s probably why when Fire asked about his family he remembered.
It kinda makes me wish I’d talked about my family more. But we all had those “don't talk about it” feelings, so we couldn't. Not really.
Oh, the reason the subject came up was cuz Kimi wondered if the Admin could erase Y’s memories of how he died and the first whole cycle. We kinda decided it wouldn’t really help, because he would still have the memories of freaking out about being a half-dragon, and he might remember the nightmares.
Plus I’m worried that if we ask the Admin to erase one part of Y’s memory, he’ll go ahead and erase everything. We don't want that.
So yeah, Kimi just needs to talk to the Admin about things. See if this whole situation can be made better.
Anyways, we left Lex and Tim with the gingerbread people. Everyone was happy, even if it means I don't have anything to snuggle for the next day or two. That’s ok. If I desperately need to snuggle something, I'm sure Kimi wouldn't mind.
I'm kinda really enjoying spending time alone with… with my sister.
It’s good to spend time with family.
If there are seven more cycles where we have to be in parties of two, it might be good to spend a cycle with everyone. Just to get to know them better.
…Yes, even Lily. I don't particularly want to get to know her better, but I'm sure something good would come of it. Like, I'd get to see her die a bunch of times! That would be fun.
Sorry, that was mean.
I'll stop now.
Goodnight, Dungeon!