Romantic Gangster

#30

It continued like that afterwards. When the fried food came out, when the tteokbokki pot was placed on the induction stove, when they scooped out the ramen noodles from the boiling pot first, when they fried the rice – he couldn’t really taste any of it. He was completely distracted by Ji-woo’s face, no, his lips, no, the tip of his tongue, as he kept exclaiming how delicious everything was while eating bit by bit.

Though he wasn’t sure what he had eaten, they left the restaurant feeling quite full and stopped by a convenience store to buy an ice cream each. Hyun-joon chose a chocolate-coated ice cream, while Ji-woo picked a tangerine-flavored one.

“That place was really delicious.”

“We can go again next time.”

“Will you go with me?”

“Yeah, well… What’s difficult about going together? We just go. But doesn’t Choi Young-jae like places like that? You said you’ve wanted to go there for a while, why didn’t you go with him?”

“Ah, Young-jae likes it too. He likes it, but… those places are a bit expensive, right? He knows I work part-time jobs and that my situation isn’t great, so whenever we go to places like that, Young-jae always pays and never lets me pay. So I feel bad always getting treated, and that’s why we end up not going to places like that.”

Hearing this, Hyun-joon thought it made sense. It’s not that Choi Young-jae pitied or sympathized with Ji-woo, but from Ji-woo’s perspective, it was understandable that he’d be concerned about it. Especially since they were close friends.

“…But you did the same thing earlier. I said I’d pay, but you went ahead and paid first, and just now you bought the ice cream too.”

“So you feel uncomfortable going with me too?”

“If you keep doing that, it does feel a bit…”

“Don’t overthink it. I just bought it because I wanted to, and Choi Young-jae probably bought it because he wanted to as well. There’s no need to think about the reasons. If we didn’t have money or didn’t want to treat you, we’d ask you to pay.”

Ji-woo bit into his tangerine-colored ice cream with a crunch and let out a small laugh mixed with a sigh at this overly simple interpretation.

“And it’s better than some asshole who’d ask you to pay knowing full well your situation isn’t good.”

“Your example is too extreme.”

“It’s just that I want to spend money because I like you. If I didn’t like you, would I spend money? I’d be annoyed just seeing what goes into your mouth.”

“Then do you like me too?”

Crunch. At the moment he bit into the chocolate coating, Hyun-joon froze at those words. He couldn’t move even as the chocolate coating that brushed his lips fell to the ground.

“…What?”

“You don’t dislike me, right?”

“…Would I be hanging out with you if I disliked you? I can’t be around people I don’t like. I can’t manage my expression and it shows all over my face that I dislike them.”

Hyun-joon, having surrendered the chocolate to the ground, bit into just the exposed vanilla ice cream and secretly took a deep breath. His heart ached from being hit squarely by the sudden question that gave him no time to prepare mentally.

“I thought it was a strange thing to say, but the more I hear it, the more I think you’re right.”

“About what?”

“That there’s no need to overthink. You’re doing it out of consideration for me, but I’m just feeling too sorry and if I keep saying it’s okay, Young-jae might feel embarrassed and hurt too.”

“That’s what I’m saying. So just accept what’s given. If you’re really concerned, you can treat them sometimes too. Buy something to eat on the way home so they can’t say anything, or order from food delivery apps when you’re together.”

“Yeah, I should do that. Thanks. I’m really getting a lot of help today…”

Even though he knew Ji-woo was looking up at him, he couldn’t easily lower his head to meet his eyes. If he met his eyes now… he felt like he wouldn’t be able to control his expression. He felt like he might reveal that his feelings weren’t just casual enough to buy a meal, but something more.

“Ah, it melted…”

Feeling Ji-woo’s gaze shift away, Hyun-joon finally lowered his eyes towards him. The bottom part of the tangerine-colored ice cream had melted and was dripping down Ji-woo’s white fingers. Seeing this, Ji-woo lightly licked the melted ice cream off his little finger with the tip of his tongue.

Shit, the tongue again… It was also the first time he thought someone’s tongue was sexy, and while he felt ridiculous, he couldn’t take his eyes off it.

“…”

Ji-woo tilted the ice cream diagonally and bit into the bottom corner that had become blunt from melting. Hyun-joon could see the ice cream melting a bit more between his lips. After sucking on the melted, sticky part and crunching into it, Ji-woo did the same with the opposite corner, sucking in the melted part before biting and rolling it in his mouth. Hyun-joon felt something melting in his lower abdomen, just like the melting ice cream. He felt like masturbating again. It was really troublesome.

Busy multitasking between sneaking glances at Ji-woo and trying to calm his lower half, before he knew it, they had reached the alley in front of Ji-woo’s house. Normally, he would have thought about buying cigarettes while he was here, but today he didn’t even notice the corner store.

“Maybe because you come with me to my house every day, it feels so natural now to come together like this. This isn’t good.”

“What’s not good about it? We can just keep doing it.”

“It’s hard for you. Coming in the morning, and in the evening too…”

“Hey, listen. I’ll say this just one more time.”

“…”

“Doing this a hundred times isn’t hard at all, and me coming to your house every day… it’s just because I want to. It makes me feel at ease, and also…”

Because I like being with you.

Because I want to be with you even for one more minute.

He had things he wanted to say, but they wouldn’t form into words, which was frustrating. Hyun-joon let out a heavy sigh instead of speaking. He was usually the type to say whatever he wanted, so why couldn’t he properly say anything he wanted to say to Ji-woo? It was so frustrating he felt like he might die.

“…Well, it’s exercise too.”

Thinking he’d rather die than spout such nonsense, Hyun-joon looked up at a streetlight that wasn’t even lit. He felt like it would be less embarrassing to show the eccentric behavior of climbing up the streetlight.

“Okay. I won’t say you don’t have to come with me anymore. It’s not because I don’t like coming with you. It’s because I feel sorry.”

“I told you there’s nothing to be sorry about.”

“Okay. Then I’ll just think of it as natural.”

“…Yeah.”

Hyun-joon, who had been looking down at the toe of his sneakers, took several deep breaths to calm his ticklish insides before finally raising his head to meet Ji-woo’s eyes.

“Before you go in, why don’t you try that…”

“That?”

“What the teacher talked about earlier.”

“Ah… Okay, sure.”

“I’ll release a little bit of pheromones.”

“Okay.”

Controlling pheromones wasn’t difficult at all for Hyun-joon. Being dominant, he had this ability far superior to other alphas from the start, so he could freely control his pheromones as needed. But today, this easy task felt incredibly difficult. It was because he knew that even a small mistake could hurt Ji-woo with his pheromones.

Remembering the school nurse’s words that what he thought was weak might not be for Ji-woo, Hyun-joon opened up his pheromones very slightly. He felt his body warming up.

“…It smells nice.”

Ji-woo slowly inhaled the pleasant scent spreading around and unconsciously took half a step closer to Hyun-joon. If he stepped any closer, they would be close enough to touch.

At that moment, Hyun-joon’s heart wavered at Ji-woo’s approach. It was then that his weakly flowing pheromones suddenly intensified.

“…Hah.”

Hyun-joon’s intense pheromones enveloped Ji-woo’s entire body. The pleasant scent that entered with his breath seemed to pool in his stomach and made his head fuzzy. Ji-woo quickly grabbed Hyun-joon’s arm.

At that moment, Hyun-joon snapped back to his senses and quickly reined in his pheromones. Seeing Ji-woo’s face, mouth open and panting while holding onto his arm, he felt a strange excitement and guilt simultaneously.

“…Sorry, I lost control for a moment. Are you okay?”

“…Haa… Ha… I’m okay. The level at first, that was, the best, I think.”

Watching Ji-woo whose words were interrupted by his breathing, Hyun-joon couldn’t say anything. He felt strange feeling a sense of satisfaction while hearing that voice, seeing that flushed face, and looking at the hand holding onto his arm as if for support. He felt like he needed to get away from this situation quickly. For both his and Ji-woo’s sake.

The sound of Ji-woo catching his breath spread through the quiet alley. As he stabilized, the strength in the hand gripping Hyun-joon’s arm slowly faded. He felt endlessly regretful about that.

He wanted to be closer to the breath coming from between those parted lips. When he even thought about wanting to fill in the lacking breath himself, he had to fully acknowledge it.

That he liked Ji-woo.

* * *

After showering, Ji-woo applied his skincare and packed the things he needed for school tomorrow in his bag. Although it was far too early to sleep, he turned off the lights and got into bed.

Usually sleeping around or a little after midnight, trying to sleep before nine o’clock made him wonder if this was okay, and he felt like he might be wasting too much time. But thinking he might have trouble with his daily life if he didn’t rest well, he planned to rest without thinking about anything today.

‘Lean on me completely. I won’t let you fall, trust me.’

But contrary to his resolution not to think about anything, as soon as he lay down, Hyun-joon’s voice floated in his mind.