Chapter 72: A Talk With Myselves
Hiral sat in one corner of the room, a half-eaten ration in his hand. With the storm in full swing outside, the option of moving had vanished, and Fitch’s words—even if he knew they weren’t true, after some consideration—still rattled around in his head. It had just been in that moment, when all his old fears surfaced again, that he’d believed them, but they wouldn’t go away so quickly.
Around him, the others made small talk, snacking like he was, and chatted about the skills they’d picked up in the last dungeon run before they’d been forced to flee. It was an odd break, a tension from feeling like they had to move, along with a relief that they couldn’t.
For Hiral’s part, he knew he should use the chance to test out that Mold Crystal skill he’d picked up—he even had a couple ideas for it—if he could just force the lingering doubt out of his head. Problem was, he couldn’t. The things Fitch had said went round and round in his head, the words themselves discredited as bitter resentment, but leading to more genuine questions.
Namely—what would happen after they got to the Asylum?
There was no doubt things would change. They’d be safe.
There’d be no need to run dungeons anymore, or fight for experience to get stronger just so they could take another step toward that safety. So, what would they do? Wait out a rotation until Fallen Reach came back around, then head for a jump point? And then what?
Hiral would go back to being an Islander and they’d go back to being Nomads? He’d promised not to tell anybody else about the dungeons, and after his time with the party, the simple thought of breaking that promise clenched up his chest.
Or, would Seena and the others let him keep coming down to the surface with them to explore the mysteries of the dungeons and get stronger?
If they did that, somebody on Fallen Reach would take notice of his growth—even the fact he’d returned to the city would raise questions. How would he answer them? Then there was the whole issue of the Enemy, and what they’d do about it now that they knew.
“…and now my Gravity Wells have these snake heads that come out of them and constantly spit fire and lightning,” Seeyela told Seena, making small snapping gestures with her hands like mouths.
“…no, no, you hold it like this, twist, and then lunge,” Yanily instructed Balyo, both of them holding large forks like spears. “Think of it like the name suggests, a dance. An intimate, sexy dance.”
“…needs salt,” Vix said to Picoli and Wule.
“…and they’ve been gone a long time. Don’t you think they’ve been gone a long time?” Cal asked Nivian, while the tank glared at the food complaints.
“I’m sure Lonil is just giving him time to cool off. It hasn’t been that long,” Nivian said, flattening out his scowl.
“At least half an hour. And I checked outside the door… they aren’t in the building anymore,” Cal said. “I’m getting worried.”
Hiral dropped the half-ration in the pack beside him, then pushed himself to his feet and walked over to Nivian and Caleon. “Lonil and Fitch?”
“Yes. I’m not sure where they went,” Cal said, her fingers twisting around each other as she wrung her hands.
“The storm is pretty bad,” Nivian said. “I’m sure they didn’t go far.”
“I’ll take a look for them,” Hiral said.
“What’s that?” Seena’s voice cut over the low hum of conversation, then she came over to join the trio.
“Cal is worried about Lonil,” Nivian told her.
“Yes… and… uh, Fitch too,” Cal said, a little awkwardly.
“Yeah, so I’m going to just go check on them,” Hiral said.
“Maybe you’re not the best choice,” Seena said slowly.
Why? Because without me you can’t get into the dungeon? a voice in his head asked, but he stamped it out quickly.
“Seeing you again won’t calm Fitch down,” she went on.
“Maybe not, but I know the town the best since I was looking around. I have a couple ideas where they might’ve gone to get out of the rain.” And, maybe, if he was being honest with himself, he just needed a few minutes alone.
“Somebody should go with you,” Seena said, reaching for her hanging raincoat.
“Somebody will,” Hiral said. “Left and Right. They’ll watch my back. Don’t worry, I won’t do anything reckless or be gone long.” He turned and exited the room before anybody could speak up.
Cool air washed over him the moment he left the crowded space, and the hammering of the rain echoed though the building. “Maybe they stayed out here just because it’s so warm in there,” Hiral mumbled to himself, and activated Foundational Split.
As soon as Right formed on his side, the double cuffed him on the back of the head.
“Seriously?” Right asked.
“I know,” Hiral said. “I know I shouldn’t have believed him even for a second. He just… pushed all the wrong buttons.”
“You can’t keep doubting them,” Left said from his other side. “They are your friends.”
“I know that too!” Hiral said, louder than he should have, before glancing back at the door and walking away from it. “Just need to clear my head.”
He looked out at the pouring rain. Would they really have gone out in that? A hallway to his right was another option, so he turned that way to look before heading outside.
“And in case it needs to be said—again—we don’t think they’re using you to get into the dungeon,” Right said. “Fitch was just being a jerk.”
“I have to admit his barbs struck dangerously close to home. He’s more intelligent than I gave him credit for,” Left said.
“You’re complimenting him now?” Hiral asked, glaring back at the double as he walked down the hall. The left wall had a couple of windows set in it—long since broken—and rain splashed on the sill and dripped into puddles on the floor. No wet footprints through them, but just as Hiral evaded the pools of water to get around them, the others could’ve done the same thing.
“Not so much a compliment as an observation,” Left replied, likewise skirting the water.
“I’m kind of annoyed with him at the moment—could you maybe observe something more negative?” Hiral asked, reaching the end of the hall.
The remains of what had to have been a kitchen stood to his left, the large stone stove a pretty good clue, and rain poured in through a massive hole in the roof. Going that way would be just as good as going outside, and to the right was another hallway, with more rain falling at the far end.
“His nose is disproportionally large for his face,” Left said.
“That somehow makes me feel better. Thank you.” Hiral gestured in both directions. “Both ways lead to getting wet. Any ideas?”
“Maybe they went out before it got really bad?” Right offered.
“I don’t know, it was pretty bad when we came in,” Hiral said.
“We should split up and search,” Left said. “We’ll cover more ground that way. Right, you stay with Hiral.”
“We should stick together,” Hiral said immediately. “It’s too risky for you to go off alone.”
Left and Right exchanged a look, then both turned to Hiral. “Okay, I guess it’s time to have that conversation,” Right said.
“I know where babies come from,” Hiral said, but the glares his doubles gave him told him they knew he knew that wasn’t what they were talking about. “You’re not expendable. I’m not going to put you at risk if I don’t have to,” he said, the words spilling out of his mouth in rush.
“And neither are you,” Left pointed out. “Yes, dying was… unpleasant. But, as you can see, I got better. Can we say the same if it happens to you?”
“I…” Hiral started.
“As long as you’re around for us to come back to, we’ll be reborn again and again,” Right said. “So, in a way, if you want us to survive, you need to take care of yourself first and foremost.”
“But you felt yourself die,” Hiral said. “You can get hurt, you can feel pain, and I saw the look in your eyes—it was traumatic.”
“Yes, all of those things are true,” Left said. “Getting hurt. Feeling pain. Trauma. You know what they call those things?”
“Life,” Right answered. “Living does that to us just as much as dying does. What you felt when Fitch spoke back there, was it any less painful or traumatic?”
“It’s not the same. Dying ends all that…” Hiral said, then cut off as both of his doubles smiled.
“Not for us, it doesn’t. For us, it’s just another part of living,” Right said. “We want to keep living. To keep existing. Even though we know we’re nothing more than concentrated solar energy.” He looked down at his hands as he opened and closed his fingers. “We want to keep… being. To do that, we need you to keep living.”
“Let us protect you,” Left said. “Even if we’re selfishly protecting ourselves at the same time.”
Hiral reached out to the wall, the cool stone rough under his fingers, and let the sensation ground him. Let the image of the roiling emotions in his chest flow down through his arm and out his fingers. It wasn’t perfect, but it gave him at least a moment of clear thoughts.
“I don’t think of you just as concentrated solar energy,” he said.
“We know you don’t,” Right said.
“You’re just as much my friends as Seena and the others,” Hiral went on.
“We are,” Left said.
“But, I understand what you’re saying, and I respect your opinions…”
“You should; they’re ultimately your opinions,” Right pointed out. “We’re just better at expressing them.”
“Why is that?”
“Less filters.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Wonderful,” Left said. “Now that we’re all on the same page, we really should get back to looking for Lonil and Fitch.”
“You’re right,” Hiral said. “Like you suggested, we’ll split up. Be careful, though.”
“I will. However, before I go, I have too much solar energy. Resummon me with only about three percent.”
“What? Why?”
“Because dying taught me a few things. The big one was that I remember what happened before I was killed, even if I don’t know how. I kept my memory. Right and I can be used as scouts without putting you at unnecessary risk. By only giving us a small amount of solar energy, you’re lowering the investment and making it more sustainable to keep summoning us.”
“This still involves you dying,” Hiral said flatly, not at all amused with this plan.
“Or,” Left said, holding up a finger, “we can burn through all our solar energy and disperse ourselves. Either way, we come right back to you and can give a report on what we’ve learned. Another good reason to have very little energy.”
“What if you run into something you need to fight?” Hiral asked.
“Have we fought anything since we left the dungeon?” Left asked. Before Hiral could answer, he said, “No. If there’s anything out there, it’s something I can’t fight against and win by myself anyway. Better I get as much intel as I can and get back to you.”
Hiral looked at his double, part of him wanting to contradict the reasoning, but he couldn’t. It made sense. “Try not to do anything reckless,” he said flatly, then absorbed and resummoned Left with just a tiny amount of solar energy.
“I’ll be careful,” Left said, starting back down the hall. “I’ll go back and head out the front door, so to speak. Why don’t you two head out from here?”
“Listen to him, trying to sound like he’s the boss,” Right said. “It’s a good plan, though.”
“It is. Good luck,” Hiral said, waving at Left before turning to gaze out into the pouring rain.