Saint, You’re So Vulgar!

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#016 Episode. Are You Pregnant?

The existence of the title “Saintess” has a long history.

It’s a natural thing to say.

After all, the Saintess is the direct representative of the voice of the deity who created this land. The history of that position is as long as that of humanity itself.

If we go further back, we can even see the time when the Saintess was both the king and the priest before the “Church” was established… but that’s not relevant to what I want to say now, so let’s skip that.

The core point is that since the establishment of the Church, there have been many tales related to the Saintess, and one such tale led to the creation of the meeting commonly known as the “Tea Party.”

The Blue Rose War.

It was an incident that occurred when two Saintesses, who dominated the Church at the time, intervened in the election of the next Pope.

These two Saintesses, supporting different factions, waged war to install their preferred candidate as the Pope.

At this point, it’s hardly necessary to elaborate on how much blood was shed during that time in the Church.

If there was a lesson to be learned from that war, it was that power is unnecessary for the Saintess. Additionally, their political and emotional confrontations brought great turmoil to the Church.

After the incident, the Saintesses distanced themselves from the politics of the Church. They reorganized the structure to bring the Saintess closer to a ceremonial title. Subsequently, a mechanism for mediation to prevent their violent confrontations was established.

That mechanism was precisely the “Tea Party,” the meeting of the Saintesses.

And Asher became involved in it.

“What should I do…? If I go alone and get caught…”

“……”

“Isn’t that right? Even if I try to impersonate the Saintess, if I bring up past events…!”

Asher let out a deep sigh.

While doing so, he nibbled on another cookie.

Perhaps it was due to the change in his body or the effects of menstruation, but he couldn’t calm down unless he ate something sweet.

“Saintess, are you listening? Is there any information you could share?”

“Information, huh…”

Asher tilted his head.

For some reason, Bershia’s voice was subdued.

Why is that, he wondered, glancing up at her in curiosity.

And then he saw it.

Twitch—

“…Saintess?”

Bershia was looking down at Asher with a shadowy smile.

It was the moment he realized something was off.

“Knight.”

“Yes, uh…?”

“You’ve finished an entire plate of cookies.”

“???”

What does that even mean?

It was the thought that crossed his mind.

Bang!

“Ughack!!!”

“What is this belly fat?”

“Ugh…! L-Let go…!”

Bershia, who unconsciously reached out, grabbed Asher’s belly.

With his body curled up and his face flushed, Asher tightly grasped her wrist.

For some reason, with his belly caught, his mind went blank, and shame surged to the top of his head.

It must have been because the pressure from her grip reached deep within him.

Shaking free was not easy.

First, Bershia had become accustomed to Asher’s body and could easily handle her strength, and second, his posture was awkward.

There was reproach laced in Bershia’s voice.

“While others have been training hard since morning, here you are like this.”

“Ugh…”

“You promised to help me with my health, and all you’ve done is let your belly get soft…”

“I’m sorry…!”

“Aaah, you used to have such a toned body.”

Asher’s eyes squeezed shut.

While his body trembled, he also felt a bit wronged.

How could he not? Because of the menstruation he had never thought would affect him, everything he did felt so unpredictable.

If he didn’t eat something like this, he would genuinely feel so miserable he could die.

Holding onto Bershia’s wrist, he struggled to break free, but it proved ineffective.

Even if he clawed at her skin, it was all for naught; the training of a first-class knight’s body endured quite well against such trivial wounds.

Of course, that was not good news in the current situation.

“Are you pregnant or something?”

“D-Don’t exaggerate… Gah!”

“Whose child are we talking about? How audacious.”

“D-Don’t say such things!”

“Knight.”

“……”

Asher bowed his head and rolled his eyes.

He had the expression of a dog that had just made a mistake.

Yet amidst it all, he was aware that he was overstepping another person’s body.

Bershia smiled coldly and said,

“You need to lose weight, don’t you?”

Asher’s lips pressed together.

At that moment, his gaze lingered on the empty plate with a hint of longing.

Well, what can I say? Strangely enough, this time her words weren’t logically wrong.

In the end, his head nodded slowly.

His shoulders drooped.

“Yes…”

Asher became sullen.

*

After a time filled with a mix of genuine advice and playful banter, Bershia finally gave Asher an answer.

It was a relief for Asher.

– There’s nothing to worry about. Just like before… you can’t do anything reckless; just need to stay quietly until it’s your turn.

– Huh? There’s nothing to avoid discussing?

– Do you really think I would talk to those guys? If it’s about me, you know more than anyone else in the Church, right?

– Ah…!

– Why is your face turning red? I suppose if you knew how many moles were on my body…

– I wouldn’t know such things!

– As cold as ever. Haven’t you seen me yet?

– I intend never to look! Not even if I die!!!

– Am I that unattractive…?

– I-it’s not like that!!!

…Let’s skip over the fact that she couldn’t hold back and ended up joking again.

Rather, one could think of it as a leisurely schedule without any particular business at hand.

After all, the only important times for the Tea Party are when a new face appears or when international events grow tense.

Asher felt reassured at the notion that he could return after just watching a battle of wits over trivial matters.

And so, on the day of the Tea Party.

Since it was an event held in the morning, Asher did not meet with Bershia today.

Feeling a bit lonely without the person he usually saw every morning, he set out on his journey, lost in thought.

The Tea Party was held in a vast flower garden in the southwest of the Church.

In a fenced area, second-class knights stood guard at intervals, and Asher could spot a few familiar faces as he passed through.

There were juniors who used to challenge him to spar.

He realized he couldn’t even say hello anymore.

Had that friend improved the weak point in the lower left corner?

He thought about it as he stepped inside.

A space filled with yellow and blue flowers.

In the center stood a large tea table with two women sitting at it.

Asher felt a sense of tension.

He composed his expression.

As he approached, reactions returned.

“Look who’s here. That b*tch.”

Rubenna smirked, resting her chin on her hand.

And across from her, there was another Saintess he was encountering for the first time.

“…Sit down. Don’t just stand there like an idiot. Tsk, it looks like that guy will finish last again.”

Judith Haraway.

With her gaze fixed on a book, she said sharply.

Asher examined her appearance.

Overall, she had a tall and slender figure.

Perhaps she was the tallest among the Saintesses.

Her black, straight hair reached all the way down to her waist.

Her corpse-like pale skin and dark circles painted a gloomy picture.

The tips of her drooping eyes were stained red. Her small mouth stubbornly stayed sealed, only opening slightly when she lit her pipe.

Hoo—

Smoke filled the air.

Asher suddenly recalled Marvin’s words.

– They say the rumors aren’t good. That girl is referred to more as a witch than a Saintess!

He could guess why such rumors circulated.

She certainly had a strong aura of gloom and decadence.

Yet, as always, one shouldn’t judge a person solely by appearances.

He decided not to speculate.

Asher managed to maintain a blank expression as he took a seat.

He didn’t respond to their words.

Because that’s what Bershia had instructed him to do.

– If you stay quiet, they won’t touch you. Just keep your mouth shut and wait for your turn.

However, wasn’t it a little too hard to just let it go?

Rubenna chuckled.

“Wow, look, her real face is finally showing a bit? You idiot, pretending to be prim in front of a guy is just gross.”

“…!”

Asher flinched.

Instinctively, his head shot up.

No, it wasn’t that; it was the moment he was about to retort.

“Shut up. You’re annoying.”

Suddenly—

Rubenna froze.

Her glistening gaze turned toward Judith.

The corners of her mouth twisted upwards.

“…Huh?”

“Why is your voice so loud? So brash.”

“What the f*ck…”

“Can you not complete a statement without swearing? Honestly, it’s pathetic that you made it this far just because of luck.”

Judith took a deep drag from her pipe and then exhaled the smoke toward Rubenna’s face.

The derisive and fiery gazes clashed.

Immediately, Judith raised the corners of her mouth in a slight grin.

“I wonder what our parents would think…”

A cold sweat flowed down Asher’s back.

‘Suddenly…?’

Are they really going to fight?

What came to his mind was Bershia’s words.

– Just watch the fight. It’s a rare spectacle.

– …Huh?

– It’s entertaining. They’re both itching to kill each other.

He didn’t quite grasp the entertainment aspect.

But he understood why she had said that.

Asher had thought up until his arrival that such thoughts were unprecedented.

Still, isn’t this a meeting of the Saintesses?

He expected there would be some discussions about the current state of the doctrine and the future.

But to walk in and witness a fight?

Is it really okay for the Saintess Church to be like this?

Asher wondered for the umpteenth time since his body had changed.

Yet, the argument continued.

“You’re such a crazy b*tch that you can say anything, aren’t you?”

“You’re the crazy one. Neither constructive nor rational; just a maggot crawling through life…”

“Hey, you fcking btch, are you done talking?!”

“You interrupted, so how could I finish? Are you brain-dead?”

Should he intervene?

He thought, but Asher ultimately gave up.

Setting other matters aside, Bershia wouldn’t have let such things happen.

It was a torment.

Amidst a flurry of insults and defamations, he had to keep his focus away.

To stay indifferent was no easy task.

‘Maybe I should worry about something else…’

While he was pondering, the cookies on the table caught his eye.

Should he at least grab one of those? Why was Bershia’s body so fond of sweets? He unconsciously twitched his hand.

But in the end, he didn’t extend his hand.

– You need to lose weight, don’t you?

That remark made him feel a sudden sense of crisis within himself.

Originally, Asher was someone who valued restraint and diligence as virtues.

He didn’t enjoy snacking and always made an effort to maintain his body in top condition, brushing off all kinds of desires alongside his prayers.

But what about since his body changed?

He hadn’t been able to focus on his training. He barely adapted to this new body’s reception environment.

While he hadn’t been negligent in praying, he seldom pondered or meditated on the scriptures.

In the end, he even received a remark from Bershia about gaining weight.

‘Endure. You must endure. Asher…!’

Asher glared at the cookies.

He deemed them objects of life-threatening opposition, filled with murderous intent.

And so, he maintained a one-sided stare-off with the cookies.

In that moment.

“……”

“……?”

The surroundings had suddenly grown quiet.

Asher belatedly noticed and looked up in confusion.

He then saw Judith and Rubenna staring blankly at him.

Rubenna asked.

“…What are you doing?”

Asher flinched, his shoulders trembling.

‘Oh no!’

It was a mistake. Bershia would never have stared at cookies and mumbled to herself!

Cold sweat dripped down.

His eyes spun in circles.

He found himself at a loss for how to explain.

Then suddenly, something popped into his mind.

‘Ah, if that’s the case…!’

He had heard in the past that women generally pay close attention to their weight.

He swallowed hard.

And with a hint of tension, he began to move his lips.

“I-I’m trying to lose weight… I’ve gained…”

Admitting he couldn’t exercise self-control was embarrassing.

His voice naturally turned into a whisper, and his earlobes felt hot.

He clenched his fist in that moment.

Thud—

Judith’s pipe dropped onto the table.

Rubenna’s gaze flickered aimlessly.