Self Insert as Spider-Man MCU

Fucking SHIELD! The idiot was a SHIELD agent! I shouted in my head as I crawled out of the dark apartment's bathroom window that I had entered the building through, and crawled near the next building and jumped across to it. How goddamn stupid do you have to be to try and commit crimes while being an agent for an agency DESIGNED to stop crime?!?

I ran across the building's roof and jumped to the next building, then the next, before I paused in my running and sat down on the roof. I took several deep breaths at the very close call I just had at getting caught. I was ecstatic that my decoy plan had worked and I had let my spider-sense tell me when to move. I had gotten clean away and I also had a laptop and the password for it.

I knew I would have to disable the wireless components to stop it from registering back with SHIELD. They were paranoid bastards and would have lots of backdoors and compromised software, especially with all of the other agencies working both within it and outside it and trying to get at their information. I was just glad that it didn't have a shield logo on it anywhere.

With luck, it would be a personal laptop and not have stringent programs and protocols on it that an official laptop for a spy agency would. Of course, considering the luck I had with where I found the damn thing, I was going to bet heavily on it being severely compromised and I would probably have to wipe the hard drive and reset the memory.

Once I thought that, I immediately thought about resetting the motherboard's control program, the main computer chip if I had to, and I really should pop out the backup battery and let the charge run out. Being cautious was not a bad thing when dealing with things like this, so I had a lot of work to do to make the laptop usable.

I chuckled at that thought, because I would have to scuff it up and maybe break the outer case slightly. I needed an excuse to say that I bought the thing cheap at a pawn shop... and then I smacked myself on the forehead for being so goddamn stupid. I hadn't checked the pawn shops and I could have avoided this whole thing.

I let out a sigh and stood up, then started to run and jump. I let my spider-sense guide me and went back to my apartment building. I crawled down it and changed in the alley behind it, dirtied up the laptop appropriately and put it back into my backpack with my work safety equipment, then I walked around the building to enter the front door.

May was asleep on the couch again and I smiled at her slumped form. She looked like she was waiting for me to carry her to bed, so I went up the stairs, took off my work clothes, and had a quick shower. I dressed in pyjamas and went back down to the living room to collect May into my arms. I carried her up the stairs and she muttered something about loving me just as much as she loved Peter.

“Thank you, May.” I whispered softly and kissed her cheek as I tucked her into bed. She didn't say anything else, so I left her room and went to my own.

I took out the laptop from my backpack and stared at it. I knew I shouldn't open it. I knew I shouldn't play with it, especially considering I was at home. I had to fight against my needs and I had to let my instincts dictate my actions. Surprisingly, it was harder than I thought it should have been. My need to get my web shooters constructed and operational was fiercely opposed by my desire for practicality.

I took several deep breaths before I reached for my mechanical engineering tools. I had made a bunch of them, fully aware of what I was going to need to work on things at home. I slowly and methodically took apart the laptop and the various components that were inside. A lot of them were easily identifiable, like the hard drive and the network card that allowed both a cord and wireless signal to have access to the laptop.

Some of them I had no clue about. When I approached them with the micro-screwdriver, my spider-sense went off and I sighed. I needed some way to block any transmission before I fiddled with it, so I took out the robotic parts I had gathered from class and worked at putting some of them together. If I was fast, I could short out whatever it was that was trying to set off my spider-sense.

I attached the improvised circuit board and I knew it wasn't going to last long, so I needed to work fast. I quickly popped the network card out of the laptop and then jammed the small screwdriver into the thing that had been discreetly mounted underneath it. A bright spark lit my room and then my spider-sense stopped buzzing and I relaxed.

I quickly popped out the battery backup that was underneath that, pulled the computer chip, and then hit the reset button on the motherboard. There was still some charge in the main battery, so it should still work. I sat there and waited for several minutes as nothing happened. That I could see, anyway.

I let my spider-sense tell me when it was safe and I put the things back in place, except for the network card. I left that out, just in case some of the software in the operating system tried to reinitialize the network protocols when I turned it on. I pulled the rest of the laptop apart and searched for anything that didn't fit into the standard definition of computer parts, and found three things.

One was a memory stick that didn't match the others. They were always applied in pairs to work in tandem, so having a single one stood out to anyone used to computer layouts. Another was a micro-SD card that was embedded inside a small receptacle next to the hard drive. It could have been a normal expansion port, except that it wasn't accessible externally, which meant it wasn't supposed to be found.

The last I might have missed, if I hadn't studied practical computer design in the library. It was a secondary microchip that was mounted in a different spot than the main processor. It even had its own power supply and battery back-up. When I followed the circuit pathways, it went right to the SD card I had already discovered.

Oh, those sneaky spy bastards. I thought with a mental laugh. I pulled the chip, the extra power, and the SD card. I would have to pick up an external drive to access it without compromising the main computer. I even used my screwdriver to snap the soldered connections to the physical broadcasting device for both wireless and bluetooth.

With it as secured as possible from outside influence, I reassembled it and sat there as I stared at the blank screen. I was sure that I didn't want to turn the thing on, even knowing I did everything I could to stop any signal from leaving the laptop. My spider-sense didn't activate and tell me it was a bad idea, so I sighed and hit the power button...

..and nothing happened.

I actually laughed and then clamped my mouth shut, because I had forgotten to charge the battery. I plugged it in and reached for the power button once more. My spider-sense didn't activate, so I hit it and waited. The loading screen appeared and I immediately hit the diagnostics button to bring me into the loading screen.

It let me choose where to boot from, what hard drives to use, how to set the physical memory usage, and a few other things. I went through the options and saw the missing parts that I had removed. The memory card, the bootstrap it had been set to, the network protocol that automatically sent an update to a secured server, and the battery back-up that was no longer available.

I set them all to 'disable' and then restarted the laptop. When the loading screen appeared, I went back in and saw that all of my chosen options were still active and nothing had overwritten them. I restarted again and let the computer load up in 'stupid' mode, so that everything had to be loaded by hand after the computer started and wouldn't load automatically.

I almost groaned as a Stark OS logo appeared on the screen. I would have to reformat the hard drive after I looked through it, because that OS was an absolute pig on resources. Nothing besides the operating system would work well, so it had to go. I wasn't sure what I could install that wouldn't be just as bad, so I would have to do some online searches.

When the laptop finished loading almost five full minutes later, the screen was filled with different icons. I actually did groan at the sight, because I would have to go through each one to see what programs they were connected to and what the laptop was actually meant to do. The colors were also muted, which meant it was running on basic video drivers and not the advanced ones.

Before I checked the programs on the screen, I opened a file folder and went to the hard drive itself as I called for a full directory. Surprisingly, there wasn't a lot on the thing. There were a few documents regarding SHIELD protocols, a training schedule, and an equipment requisition form.

I almost drooled at the last thing, because it was a blind drop for delivery and it didn't require any authorization for basic equipment. I could order uniforms, headgear, microphones, cameras, sensors, and a few other odds and ends that wouldn't send up red flags in the system. It even had flashbang grenades, handcuffs, batons, and pepper spray!

I was going to have so much fun with it, because it didn't need anything but a basic text list of the equipment index numbers sent to a specific phone number, as long as it had the proper drop point reference coordinates at the end. It didn't even need a confirmation text sent after pick-up.

So! Much! Fun!

*

I spent the morning in classes and was almost fidgeting out of my skin. I had been right and my civil engineering teacher adored my report, especially with the modern references, locations, and the restructured use of 'waste' concrete to reinforce the city's infrastructure. It was my first A+ on a report and I was about an inch away from hugging the woman.

She saw my reaction and laughed under her breath. “Keep up the good work, Ben. You earned that mark.”

“Thank you.” I said with sincerity almost literally pouring out of my mouth. “Thank you very much.”

She turned her head towards the board, so no one could see her mouth, and she whispered. “If we weren't in public, I might have let you.”

I couldn't stop my grin and whispered back. “Thank you.”

“See you next class, Mr. Parker.” She said and turned back to face the class as she passed me the report.

“Yes, ma'am.” I said and accepted the report, carefully put it into my backpack, and left the classroom. I didn't wait around to listen to the results on the reports of the other students.

I only had one more class that morning, lunch with Liz, and then it was mechanical engineering class and the lab all afternoon. I had a few parts to refine for my immediate plans and then I needed to send a very important text after I picked up a cell phone from somewhere. I considered buying a cheap one, then scoffed at that idea. It would be easily tracked, so I would need to use a phone that was not related to me at all.

I made it through business economics, had a great lunch with Liz, Betty, and Cindy, where the latter two pretty much squealed with delight that Liz and I were officially a couple, and I went to mechanical engineering.

When I entered the class, Mr Simmons gave me permission to make parts and components for the robotics course and for the club specifically. That had been a godsend to hear before class began and I let out a happy giggle, which made the teacher laugh and wave me over to the side of the room to start working.

Obviously, I couldn't take out the parts I wanted to in front of everyone and test fit them, considering they were for my own secret project, so I had to rely completely on my reworked designs, measurements, and my spider-sense. I assembled them in my mind and had to admire my handiwork, because I was doing two other projects at the same time.

It was relatively easy to make extra parts and not be noticed, especially with so many other students around. I even managed to set up and program the CNC machine with the new designs Mr. Simmons said Mr. Kinneson had given him. Getting professionally machined parts for the little bits I would normally have trouble making, sure was great.

I placed the two mechanical engineering projects on the teacher's desk, put the pile of other parts for the robotics teacher beside it, and added a quickly written report for both teachers with the changes I had to make for the pieces to fit and still accommodate the electronic parts they would need. I deleted the extra changes from the program before also including it.

I left the class a very happy young man and Mr. Simmons looked just as happy with all of the work I had done. I really was getting quite good at the finishing work and the metal projects gleamed in the overhead florescent lights.

I left the school and I was a little surprised when Val walked over to me. “Hey, you.”

Val gave me raised eyebrows. “You just started dating Liz and you're already trying to distance yourself from her friends?”

I chuckled. “No, I wanted to see your reaction.”

“Did it live up to your expectations?”

“That depends on what you came over to tell me.” I said and motioned to the bus stop. “Are we walking over there or what?”

“Or what.” Val said and nodded in the other direction.

I nodded and we walked across the school grounds and onto the sidewalk. “So, what's this about?”

Val didn't say anything and kept her face blank. I took the hint and fell silent as we walked down the street. My spider-sense didn't warn me of anything, so I kept pace with her.

Ten minutes later, Val came to a stop and turned to look at me. “Do you like me?”

“No, I walk away from public areas and witnesses with people I hate.” I joked.

“Ben, this is serious.” Val said and gave me a bit of a glare. “Answer the question.”

My spider-sense wasn't going off, so I was sure she wasn't a danger to me... until I thought about her question. Depending on how I answered, I could hurt my relationship with either Liz or Val.

“That depends on if you're really asking me or if you're testing me.” I said and she lost the glare.

“What do you mean?” Val asked and I let my senses 'see' all of her. She seemed a little nervous and her hands were still inside her jacket pockets. The odds that her cell phone was on were pretty high.

“I mean.” I stepped close and looked right into her eyes. “If you are genuinely curious if I like you or not, I have no problem answering.” I said and then smiled. “If you are only asking to see if I'll say something that could damage my relationship with Liz, then I'll tell you how I really feel.”

Val tried to keep her face neutral; but, I could see the subtle twitches of her eyes and the slight tightening of the muscles around her mouth.

“So, which is it?” I asked. “Do you want me to answer or do you want me to tell the truth?”

Val opened her mouth, paused, and her hand moved slightly in her pocket. The beep of a call ending was quite loud. “I want the truth.”

I gave her a bright smile. “If that was Max on the phone, you can tell her that I'll finger her the next time I see her, no matter where we are.”

Val gasped and shook her head.

“If it was Liz, then you are either a good friend for risking my anger like this, especially if it was your idea to set me up, or you are extremely stupid.”

“E-e-excuse me?” Val asked. She looked both shocked and angry at the same time.

“Did it not occur to any of you that this could completely backfire? That I wouldn't know that something was up when her best friend, who has a reputation for teasing the guys Liz tries to date, approached her new boyfriend all alone, on a practically deserted street, and asks him if he likes her more than Liz?”

“I... I didn't... it wasn't my idea.” Val said with a soft voice.

I could somehow tell that she wasn't lying. “I'm glad you're not stupid.” I said and reached for her hand. She didn't stop me as I pulled it out of her pocket and her cell phone had Gina's name on the 'end call' screen. “I don't need to ask who else was there, do I?”

Val shook her head and she caught her breath as I hit the dial button and the speaker button. “No!”

I moved it away from her reaching hand as it rang, then it clicked.

“What did he say?” Gina's voice asked. “Val? You there?”

“Val! We all want to know.” Cindy's voice said. “Tomorrow's broadcast is light and we need content.”

“Give us the scoop!” Betty said next.

“This just in!” I said like a newscaster and Val sighed as several gasps came from the phone. “Ben Parker was angry about being tricked and lured into a verbal trap. There was only one viable answer for him to give. Screw you.”

There were several groans and someone gasped.

“B-Ben.” Liz said, hesitatingly.

“Liz! Oh, no! You were in on it, too!” I fake exclaimed and she sighed.

“It... it's not like that.” Liz said. “I can explain.”

“Of course you can.” I said sarcastically. “Who came up with the idea and who convinced Val to be the scapegoat?”

No one said anything.

“I'll give you until lunch tomorrow to make up an answer, shall I? Bye bye!” I said and hung up.

“Ben, please.” Val said as I handed her the cell phone. “It's not Liz's fault.”

“I know.” I said and she looked surprised. I checked my watch. “We've missed the bus. Do you want to share a taxi or should we wait for the next run in another hour?”

“I... ah... have a ride waiting.” Val said and looked embarrassed.

I could almost read her thoughts by the expression on her face. “A date with his own car?” I asked and she nodded. “Wonderful.” I said and started walking back to a more popular street to find a taxi. “Thanks for making me waste time I don't really have today.”

“I could ask him to drop you off.” Val offered as she followed me.

“Yeah, that'll go over well.” I said and saw a flash of yellow up ahead, so I started waving. “Hey, guy. Can you drop off my best friend's supposed boyfriend after I tried to trick him into betraying her?”

Val stopped walking and sighed. “Ben, don't.. don't overreact.”

“Don't call me, I'll call you.” I said as the taxi driver saw me and stopped. I ran onto the street and opened the back door. “It was nice knowing you.”

Val didn't respond and stared at me as the taxi drove past her.

The words of the clerk at the hardware store came back to me. I might not even make it to Christmas with this relationship. I thought with some amusement and a lot of annoyance. Why couldn't things just stay simple?