Shadow of the First Sin

We talked for some time, from one stranger to another. To my surprise, Iris had become a teacher at the village school at only nineteen. I always imagined she'd be an artist, maybe a painter, but never a teacher. She was never the brightest child—certainly not stupid, but not particularly scholarly either. I guess a lot can change in seven years; a person can grow and surprise you in ways you never imagined. I was proud of her, but one thing weighed heavily on my mind.

"Are you happy?" I asked.

"I was," she answered reluctantly, avoiding my gaze and staring at the ground.

"Past tense?"

"Yes. I'm not unhappy, just empty." She continued to stare at the ground.

"Why do you think that is?"

"Why should I tell you of all people? You're nothing but a stranger!" she snapped, this time meeting my gaze.

"That's exactly why. I am just a stranger. Just as I came into your life, I will leave and never return. Your story would be forever etched in my memory, and your burdens would feel less heavy. You can talk openly to me; I'm just a stranger, after all."

Iris stared at me intently, her hazel eyes lighting up for a moment as she took a deep breath and began to speak.

"If my life were a story etched on the pages of some book and I were the author, I fear some chapters are not of my life but someone else's as if another person had written them. In the early stages of life, I was desperate for love, then I was happy, and then truly happy. That was the chapter I don't remember. I know it's there; I still feel emotions from that time, but I don't remember why I felt that way. It feels like a piece of the puzzle is missing, and I just can't seem to find it, no matter how hard I search."

"When did you start feeling this way?" I asked.

"Seven years ago, and everything started to change since then. Silas left, Mother became quieter, and I..." She paused, lost in thought.

"What were you about to say?"

"Nothing of great importance. Anyway, I've been talking an awful lot about myself. Do you want to get something off your chest as well? Just like you said, we're strangers, and tomorrow we will be a distant memory," she said, deftly avoiding my question and posing one of her own.

I didn't know what to say. My mind was filled with questions that had no answers and thoughts I couldn't speak out loud. My lips remained sealed.

"Come on, say anything! It feels weird being the only one talking. And let me tell you, you were right! I feel strangely liberated. You should try it as well." She pressed on, like the little child I once knew her to be.

"You remind me so much of my little sister back home. I haven't seen her in what feels like forever, but in truth, it's only been a short while since I last saw her," I explained, hiding the truth behind a fabricated story.

"When you love someone, no matter the distance or the time apart, you will always miss them and yearn for their company. To some, a week apart can feel like a year; that's a testament to your bond with that person. Your sister is lucky to have you as her big brother," Iris said, her smile growing warmer by the minute.

"Aren't you wise for your age, Miss Iris!" I teased, gently nudging her with my elbow.

"Oh, shut it!" she fired back, jabbing me even harder, making my skin sting a little.

"I miss her more than anything," I admitted.

"Why don't you return to her then? I'm sure she would be thrilled to see you."

"I wish I could, but fate has other plans for me. It has painted a thorny path, and I'm afraid if I stray from it for just a moment, the whole world would crumble."

"There is no such thing as fate. We use that word whenever we are afraid of something, hoping that all our problems will go away by simply believing our lives are not our own. The whole concept of fate is based on that thought, you know?"

"Oh, do tell!"

"Fate simplifies our lives. Something we wanted didn't happen; oh, it must be fate! It's alright, the next big thing will come, and if it doesn't, fate will have something else in store for me! The idea of that accursed word carries so much positivity when in reality it is a curse," Iris stated, her voice filled with bitterness.

"Why is it a curse? The thought of fate brings people hope when they have nothing else to cling to. When they are alone, or if they messed up; fate will be there to soothe their pain when no one else will."

"That's the problem! Fate reduces our lives to nothingness! We are no longer truly alive if we let it dictate what we should or should not do! What makes us alive are our choices, right or wrong. Those choices shape our paths, not fate. If you continue to follow that idea blindly, I'm afraid you might lose your sister forever," her eyes sparkled as her words delivered a gut-wrenching punch.

"Maybe you're right, maybe it doesn't have to be this way."

"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head as she stood up. "I shouldn't have said those things. You're a grown man, and you're free to make your own choices. I just know that if I had a big brother somewhere out there, I'd love for him to come home."

Once again, she left me speechless. My chest tightened, and my breath became heavier. My heart felt like it was about to burst from my ribcage, and words that should not be said loomed on my tongue.

"Iris, I..." I began, but a familiar voice interrupted me mid-sentence.

"Valerian?" my mother's voice called out to me.