Shadows of Valderia: An Urban Fantasy Detective Noir

“Come in.”

Conway sighed reluctantly, smoothed out his beard, and then turned the handle of the door.

“Ahhh Lieutenant Conway, thank you so much for joining us.”

Conway stopped in the door and cocked an eyebrow. He knew it wasn’t going to be good news when Captain Mallory summoned him to his office but now he knew for definite it was going to be a long day. Sat in the Captain’s chair was a thick, hulking, grey eyed, lump in a crisp grey suit. Cap’n Mallory was standing awkwardly to one side of his own office, looking displaced and grumpy.

“Afternoon sir,” Conway said, giving the Cap’n a laconic salute and ignoring the lump behind the desk.

“Take a seat Lieutenant,” the pitbull behind the desk said, his voice was a deep jowley growl that promised nothing good. He gave Conway a grin that looked more like a snarl and motioned with one of his thick, scarred, hands. Conway looked to the Cap’n, who gave him a small, unhappy, nod. “My name is…”

“I know. Albert Stubbs, Chief hard ass up in the nut factory,” Conway said, dropping into the seat opposite the desk and running his tongue across his teeth. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

Stubbs gave a dry chuckle, his weighty cheeks spread in a wry smile that never touched his cold eyes.

“I prefer my full title, Chief Whip for the Men Of Now.”

Stubbs had a way of filling up all the space in the room. He was barrel chested with broad shoulders, helped by his stone grey suit, but it was his cold eyes and the way he rested both of his elbows on the desk, leaning towards Conway, that made the room feel claustrophobic. His blunt head and rounded shoulder made him look like a fighting dog staring at a helpless rabbit.

“That’s a mouthful,” Conway said, his eyes meeting Stubbs’ with not even a flicker of fear although he felt a treacherous bead of sweat trickle down his neck.

“Lieutenant Conway, as I am sure you are aware there is an ongoing investigation into the matter of a missing Diamond.”

“Didn’t think street crime was under the purview of the Chief Whip.”

“Don’t you worry about what is and isn’t under my purview,” Stubbs growled, his icy thin facade of geniality cracking.

Conway looked at the Cap’n who gave a cautionary motion of his hand.

“I’m aware,” Conway said.

“I understand you have been aiding Sergeant Nairo in her investigations?”

“She came to me on behalf of the Cap’n for some information.”

“And what information was that?”

“Just to do with the criminal element of our city.”

“Of which you are an expert?”

Conway shrugged his bony shoulders.

“Guess so.”

“You see much of the criminal element in the basement, do you?”

“No. Mainly mice and paperwork.”

Stubbs gave him another unpleasant smirk. He laced his thick fingers and leaned forward.

“And that is all your involvement in this case?”

“Yeah.”

“So you wouldn’t happen to know why the Sergeant is subpoenaing files concerning the Elvish victims of said crime?”

Again Conway shrugged.

“Can’t say the Sergeant shared case strategy with an old duffer like me. But, for what it’s worth, she’s good police. If she’s looking at the Elves then there’s a good reason why.”

“I see. And you’ve only spoken to her once?”

“Yes sir.”

“So why was she seen going down to the basement earlier today?” The accusation cracked like a whip.

“What is this?” Conway said, his eyes narrowing. “Are you investigating me?”

“Why? Should we be?”

“Cap’n what’s going on?”

The Cap’n looked from Conway to Stubbs like a man drowning.

“There’s some… irregularities with the case and the Mayor just wants… clarity,” the Cap’n said without much conviction.

“Well if you're asking me dob in a fellow copper, then we might as well end this little chat right here because I’m no grass.”

“So there is something to ‘grass’ about?” Stubbs growled, a little triumphant smile playing across his lips.

Conway ran his tongue over his teeth again and sat back in his chair with the air of a man who was done talking.

“I understand, Lieutenant, that you yourself were subject of a similar inquiry,” Stubbs said like he was talking about the weather. “And that inquiry found you guilty of gross negligence that led to the death of a civilian?”

Conway said nothing.

“And ever since you have been chained to a desk but Captain Mallory fought to keep your rank and stop you from facing criminal charges.”

Conway’s nostrils flared.

“The Lieutenant was found not guilty…” the Cap’n began.

“Oh come Mallory,” Stubbs snapped. “We all know what happened and we all know that this man isn’t sitting in BlackWater because of your intervention. Which, might I add, speaks volumes about your judgement when it comes to your officers.”

Mallory looked like he had been struck across the face.

“Lieutenant, I should not have to remind you that any criminal charges brought against a police officer is an automatic termination of their role and all the benefits that come with it including, but not limited to, your pension.” Stubbs' demeanour hadn’t changed but the threat dangled between them like a knife tipping from a countertop.

“You ain’t got the authority to do…” Conway snarled.

“Now Albert, hold on a minute…” The Cap’n began.

“I have the authority of the Mayor himself!” Stubbs snarled, slamming his fist so hard on the desk it creaked under his imposing mass. “Believe me, no one will look twice at a bent copper being thrown off the force. So if you plan on retiring off into the sunset with your lovely little pension I suggest you start answering my fucking questions. And Mallory I would remind you who put you in that Captain’s chair and how easy it would be to kick you out of it!”

Conway clenched his jaw so hard his ear popped. He felt the blood rise to his face. His fingers clenched into fists as he appraised the objects around him for what he could use to smash Stubbs’ head in.

“Rod,” Cap’n Mallory said softly from the side of the room. “It can’t go any other way. You know that.”

The silence stretched. Stubbs met Conway’s wide eyes with an almost goading look. As if he knew what Conway was planning and was daring him to try it. They stared at each other, Conway’s heavy breathing filling the space between them. Then the tension snapped. All the air rushed out of Conway’s chest. His fists unclenched and he opened his mouth to let a little groan escape.

“Why is the Sergeant putting in subpoenas for the Elves?” Stubbs growled. “What is going on with this case? Where is the Diamond?”

“I…” Conway flexed his neck and sighed. “I don’t know. She came to me, I told her what I know and that’s that. She came down to the basement today to thank me for my help. I think she felt sorry for the sad old git that got demoted to the basement. If that ain’t good enough for you, then take my pension and stick it up your ass.”

Conway stood up, glared at Stubbs and then the Cap’n before wrenching open the door. Two officers stood outside waiting for him.

“Take the Lieutenant somewhere where he can’t be a nuisance,” Stubbs ordered the officers. “See that he is comfortable but that he is not able to communicate with anyone.”

Conway looked at the two officers and then over his shoulder at Mallory.

“This is the only way it can go?” Conway said to him.

Mallory looked away. Conway gave a grunt of laughter and shook his head.

“You’d think I’d be used to getting shafted by you by now, Mallory.”

Conway walked out of the room flanked by the two officers, the door slamming shut behind him.

Stubbs sat back in the Captain’s chair with a self satisfied smile on his face.

“Call in the next two.”

“Yes sir.”

*

“Wot does the Cap’n want us for?” Wally hissed at Timmy as they hurried up the stairs to the Captain’s office.

“How should I know?” Timmy huffed.

“I’ve never even spoke to him before! Wot d’you think it’s about?”

“Maybe…”

“If you say the word commendation again I swear I will brain you, Timmy!”

“Could be,” Timmy muttered.

“I bet this is gonna be about that bloody bank robbery case again! I told we should never ‘ave got involved!”

Timmy hated to agree but Wally was right. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so ambitious and just kept to himself, life was better… well simpler before he got it into his head that they could impress the brass.

Huffing and puffing, they arrived at the Captain’s door.

“You knock,” Wally said.

“You knock.”

“Why do I ‘ave to knock?”

“Why do I have to?”

“Coz this is all your fault!”

“Come in!”

They froze. After a breathless moment, Timmy turned the door handle and they both tried to walk in at the same time. After a quick tussle they were over the landing and wished they hadn’t been in such a rush. A man sat behind the Cap’n’s desk glowering at them with eyes that reminded Timmy of The Landlord’s.

“Sir?” Timmy squeaked, throwing out a hasty salute.

“Corporal Edgewater and… Washbottom?” Stubbs read from a sheet on the desk in front of him.

“Yes sir.”

“Which one are you?”

“Oh ummm… I’m Corporal Edgewater and that’s Washbottom, sir.”

Wally blanched and gave a little half curtsy as he tried to shrink behind Wally.

“Good,” Stubbs breathed the word like dragon fire. “Take a seat.”

In their haste to obey, they both tried to sit in the same chair.

“Sit there!” Timmy snapped at Wally, pushing him off of his lap.

Wally stood around for a second, threw a half hearted salute and then sat on the very edge of the vacant seat like he was ready to sprint out of the door any second.

“Relax lads,” Stubbs said with a smile on his face. Although, when Stubbs smiled it felt more like he was just showing off his teeth than a display of warmth. “My name is Albert Stubbs. I work for the Mayor.”

Both heads nodded fervently.

“You’re not in any trouble, we just need some routine information about a case I understand you’ve been working on. Am I right in saying you were seconded by Sergeant Nairo to assist in her investigations?”

Timmy nodded but this time Wally held back. His dark eyes flicked over to the Cap’n who was grinding his teeth in the corner of the room, his face a livid beetroot red. Wally may have been as thick as two short planks as far as the world was concerned, but he definitely smelt something wrong here.

“Did you have any prior relationship with Sergeant Nairo?”

“No sir,” Timmy said quickly.

“Do you know why the Sergeant would second you then?”

“Ummm… no not really sir. I think she just needed some officers to assist her.”

“And did the Sergeant explain to you what the case was you were helping her out with?”

“Just that it was a bank robbery, sir.”

“Can you please explain what Sergeant Nairo had you doing?”

“Well we…” Timmy began.

“Sorry sir, ‘ave we done sumfin wrong?” Wally interrupted.

“Wrong? Why do you say that?” Stubbs asked congenially.

“It’s just it feels like we been summoned the headmaster’s office, no offence meant.”

Stubbs gave a low chuckle and shook his head.

“No, no, nothing like that.”

“So, again not to be rude sir, but why are you here?”

“Wally!” Timmy hissed, giving Stubbs a nervous smile. “Whatever reason sir has for being here is his reason and we should just answer his questions.”

“I would listen to your friend’s advice,” Stubbs said, his voice dropping back into a growl. “Afterall, Corporal Washbottom, you are here as a part of your plea deal with the prosecutor’s office, aren’t you?”

Washbottom felt the tip of his ears redden.

“Yessir.”

“Then I would hate for you to lose your position and therefore your freedom out of some misplaced sense of loyalty.”

Wally looked from the glowering Stubbs to Timmy’s drawn and worried expression. He nodded his head demurely and looked down at his lap.

“Yessir.”

“Good. We wouldn’t want to leave Nanny Washbottom on these tough streets all alone, would we?”

Wally looked up sharply at the mention of his dear old Nan. Stubbs smirked at him. The same way every one with power always looked at Wally: like he was just some mutt to be kicked about. Wally lowered his head again to hide his burning cheeks.

“Now as I was saying Corporal Edgewater, what did Sergeant Nairo have you doing?”

“Oh well,” Timmy looked at Wally then back to Stubbs. “Well sir, she sent us to go check on a suspect’s residence, sir.”

“Suspect?”

“The HobGoblin, sir.”

“The dead one?” Stubbs asked, looking at Mallory.

“Yessir.”

“She sent you two to the RatHoles?” Cap’n Mallory asked.

“Oh gosh no, sir. I wouldn’t dream of going there, sir.”

“Then what dead Goblin are you talking about?”

“Well it turned out he wasn’t dead, sir.”

Wally coughed gently and gave Timmy a dark look.

“What are you talking about, Corporal?” Mallory demanded.

“Ohh umm… well we thought the Goblin was dead sir, on account of all the blood, but it turned out it was a ruse.”

“This is the Goblin found in the RatHoles?” Stubbs asked Mallory.

“Oh no, Benny’s definitely dead,” Mallory said, shaking his head.

“Who’s Benny?” Timmy asked.

“The dead Goblin!”

“Oh no, he’s not dead, sir.”

“Who? Benny?”

“No sir.”

“Then who are you talking about? Corporal!” Mallory’s face turned even redder, the hairs of his beard standing up.

“De Woolf, sir.”

“Zimeon De Woolf? The bank manager?” Mallory said, puzzlement overcoming his mounting fury.

“Yes sir.”

Again Wally made a noise in his throat.

“If you’ve got something in your throat then go and drink some water!” Stubbs snapped at him. “Corporal Edgewater, why was Sergeant Nairo investigating Zimeon De Woolf the bank manager?”

“I don’t know sir,” Timmy said, sweat beading down his forehead. “I was just following orders, sir.”

“And what were your orders?”

“To go to Mr De Woolf’s home and see if he was there.”

“And if he was?”

“Bring him in for questioning.”

“But he wasn’t there?”

“No sir. His home was covered in-in… blood.”

“When was this?” Mallory asked.

“Two days ago sir.”

“Wait…” Mallory thought for a moment. “Are you the two idiots that sent off all of those emergency codes?”

Timmy went red.

“Yes sir,” he replied quietly.

Mallory shook his head and wiped a hand over his face.

“But De Woolf isn’t dead?” Stubbs asked, his brow furrowed in irritation.

“No sir. He faked his death.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know sir.”

Stubbs sat back and looked at the Cap’n.

“Do you know anything about this?”

The Cap’n looked at the two Corporals and grinded his teeth.

“No,” he spat reluctantly.

Stubbs rolled his menacing gaze back over to Edgewater.

“And what about yesterday?”

“Yesterday?” Timmy said, licking the sweat from his top lip.

“You were seconded again by Sergeant Nairo, were you not?”

“Oh yes… ummm… we were on a… stakeout.”

“A stakeout?”

“Yes sir.”

“Where?”

“Out West on Furnancers lane.”

“And was anyone there with you?”

Just as Timmy’s mouth was forming the word ‘Lieutenant’ Wally interjected.

“No sir. We were given orders to stand there and watch for De Woolf. ‘E never showed.”

“Is that true, Corporal Edgewater?”

Timmy looked from Stubbs to Wally again.

“Yes sir,” Timmy squeaked, sweat pouring down his body, making him squirm in discomfort.

“And you have no idea why the Sergeant is looking for De Woolf?”

“No sir. She just said he was a suspect.”

“And you don’t know what he is suspected of?”

“Umm… the bank robbery?” Timmy said, licking sweat from his top lip.

“Hmmm…” Stubbs’ cold eyes flicked to Mallory again and then back to Timmy. “And did the Sergeant ever mention Elves?”

“Elves?” Timmy’s eyes went wide and then he shook his head. “No sir, I don’t think so.”

“Okay. Thank you for your cooperation, Corporal Edgewater. I’ll make sure the Mayor himself hears about how helpful you have been.”

“Thank you sir,” Timmy gushed as they stood up.

“Get back to your posts and don’t say a word of this to anyone,” the Cap’n grunted at them as he pulled open the door to usher them out.

“Yes sir.”

They saluted and scurried from the office.

“I can’t believe you sold out the Sarge like that!” Wally hissed at Timmy once they were a respectable distance away from the office.

“What? No I didn’t!”

“You totally sold her out!”

“I just told the truth.”

“Exactly! Who tells the bosses the truth?”

“You have to! You can’t lie…”

“Yes you can, it’s easy!”

“I just made a report…”

“She swore us to secrecy, remember! That includes makin’ reports!”

“What do you care anyway? You don’t even like Sergeant Nairo.”

“Corse I don’t. But that doesn’t mean I would grass on ‘er.”

“I didn’t grass!”

“You’ve definitely stitched ‘er up, mate.”

“I’m police officer! It’s my duty to…”

“Just coz you’re a copper, don’t mean you ‘ave to be a grass.”

Timmy dropped his head and they walked the final flight of stairs in silence.

“You don’t think she’s really in trouble, do you?”

Wally snorted and shook his head in disbelief.

*

“Another dead Goblin? Putting in subpoenas for the Elves. Colluding with bent coppers. Dragging rookies into her deceit. Lying to her superiors. Tsk tsk tsk.” Stubbs hauled his tremendous bulk from the chair and prowled around the desk. “If that was one of my subordinates they’d be missing an ear or the tip of their nose by now.”

“This isn’t like Sergeant Nairo,” the Cap’n said. “She’s good police and she does things by the book.”

“What kind of precinct are you running here, Mallory? She’s gone off the damn reservation and she’s made you look like a bloody fool in the process. No, no more of this! The Mayor is in a very delicate position right now and we cannot afford to upset the Elves right now. If they withdraw their support from Pleasently now… well it would be bloody bedlam.”

Cap’n Mallory eyed Stubbs coldly.

“So what now?”

“Other than considering if you are right for the role of Captain?” Stubbs snarled nastily. “I think it’s time to call in Sergeant Nairo and clip her wings.”

“Yes sir.”