Side Note

Finally, I get to fight Merida. I've wanted to get my hands on her, after all. Why you ask? For one simple reason. Too much fucking soup. I was sick of it, Mel was sick of it, and the others were sick of it. Probably the only person who probably wasn't sick of it was Speedy, but Merida had been cheating since they're married. So yeah, I'm kicking Merida's ass!

"Unfortunately, that is not on the program. I was tasked with being an ally within this gauntlet, not an adversary." God fucking damnit! She's right there… what's stopping me anyways? I stepped forward, only to have Merida hold her hand at me. "No need to enact violence upon me. Unlike the others, I offer essential information about your plight. Remind yourself about my Sacred Power."

"All Seeing Eye…" On the one hand, this could let me cheat. On the other hand, I could be beating Merida's ass. I really want one and also the other… couldn't I just beat her up after she tells me the information?

"Did you forget you voice out your thoughts?" Oh… okay, I shouldn't be voicing out my thoughts now. Let me ask myself again… couldn't I just beat her up after she tells me the information. "Did you forget I can read your thoughts?"

"I don't like this bullying."

"You are the one with the intention to hurt."

"Well… you like soup!"

"Oh my…" Merida faked fainting. "You wound me."

"Hah! Take that."

"Argh…" Merida fake groaned, then quickly returned to a neutral state. "There are fifty floors on this pyramid."

"So, fifty different people?"

"There are some repeats. I am one of them, after all."

"Do I get to beat your ass in that one?"

"I am merely a hostage on that floor, not the obstacle."

"I didn't hear a no there."

"..."

"No no there too."

"Your next opponent is Alexis Lentil, the Brewing Witch and former Queen of Combat. Unlike your previous fights, this one can be easily avoided." She took out a bowl of soup from her drawers. "Present this to her. Its flavour is something she has never experienced."

"Seriously? Soup?"

"Now go." She put the bowl of soup in one hand and a ragged witch hat in the other, and I was quickly sent to the next floor without the chance to beat Merida up. Darn.

Why do I have to dodge so many giant attacks? A giant golem, enormous balls, and now huge flaming arrows! I know I'm supposedly inside a pyramid with a bunch of folks here to either kill or help me, but like, come on, why can't it be normal-sized attacks? I'd like stuff I don't have to use magic to dodge, thank you very much… oh god, is this Mel's influence? Is this how normal people think? Huh.

Anyways, I'm inside a trench I dug with two daggers shaped like shovels, taking cover from giant arrows. Because of my constant acrobatics, the soup is no longer in the bowl. Worse yet, the witch is perched on the high ground! She has the high ground! I can't beat that! Not only that, the high ground is a whole castle! That's so cool… and it also makes things incredibly difficult. Mainly because the maid school doesn't teach you sieges.

I am still trying to figure out what I can do. I'd try to break the castle, but there's a one-way anti-magic barrier, which means she can shoot magic at me, but I can't. Not even earthquakes work… somehow. I have no idea how that works. I also can't use daggers ain't a castle, and Umbrakinesis is kind of hard to use since her giant blazing arrows are lighting up the whole floor. 

What other goodies do I even have? I have… an amulet that lets me fly and a knife that splits anything. How did I forget about these? I can't use the amulet, I'll just get sniped in the air… but the knife might let me take down the entire castle. I wonder if it ignores range like most Sacred Powers? Could I just swipe and see the whole castle split? I'm doing exactly that! Swipe!

…

I think I'll have to keep this knife in the deepest parts of the Shadowrealm and only use it for world-ending emergencies… wait, the world is ending. Huh. As for what the knife did… well, the castle is in half, as well as the barrier, and some other things. What other things? The entire floor, the fake sky, the pyramid itself… I can see the outside world right now. The sky is red… it's also split in the middle. Huh.

"What the actual fuck did you do, Maddy?" I turned around to see a familiar bunny girl. 

"Hey, Myka." I sent her a friendly wave.

"Don't fucking 'Hey, Myka' me!" She exasperatedly threw her arms at the split. "What the fuck is this?"

"I… uhh…" I showed Myka the knife. "Have a very sharp knife."

"Fuck you." She snapped her fingers, making the knife disappear and repairing the damage I did. "I'm confiscating that and sending you to the next floor."

"Oh, coolio."

"Don't say Coolio." Myka snapped her fingers again, turning my legs transparent. "He's fucking dead." 

"There's a person named Coolio?!" And onto the next floor, I went.

It's… dark. But a comforting dark. The kind of dark I like… wait… I recognise this dark rock. It's my favourite dark rock to sit on in the Shadowrealm. That must mean I'm in the Shadowrealm! Do I get my Shadow Clones back? 

Chapter namesake: Blazing Arrow by Blackalicious