Somebody Stop the Pope

Chapter 3

To cut to the chase, the emotional reunion I’d been anticipating did not come to pass.

Instead, there was something else.

“Inwook-ah. Can you make three more packs of ramen for me? Leave the water just a little simmering, you know my taste, right?”

There was an emotionally moving meal.

The blend of ramen prepared by my younger brother and grandma’s fermented kimchi was nothing short of touching for me.

Even in Eden where I led a luxurious life as the Pope, I never experienced this kind of taste.

The ramen I ate upon returning home after struggling for 10 years in another world was truly indescribable in its novelty.

“You honestly can’t believe it?”

Inwook, who had been silently cooking ramen for quite a while, looked at me and spoke.

“What can’t you believe? That I came back?”

“That’s one thing, but I can’t believe the whole situation.”

“Why?”

“My brother, whom I thought was dead, returns after 5 years, starts to explain his disappearance, and then abruptly devours 10 packets of ramen. Don’t you think something’s wrong with the sequence of events?”

Ah, so that’s what it was.

I handed Inwook the chopsticks in my hand as I replied.

“Are you sulking because I ate by myself? Whether in the past or now, you can’t stand the sight of me eating alone, can you? Alright, you have some too.”

Inwook has always been quite gluttonous.

But it seemed that wasn’t the reaction Inwook was hoping for.

After staring intently at my offered chopsticks, Inwook sighed and nodded.

“…… Seeing you act so clueless, you really are my brother. Sigh. So, why don’t you continue from where you left off? You said you lived in a world called Eden for 10 years, which equates to 5 years here on Earth?”

Though I thought I had explained all about my experiences in Eden, it seemed far too insufficient for Inwook to grasp.

I took a sip from the glass of water beside me and shrugged my shoulders before answering.

“As long as I’ve returned safely, isn’t that what matters? What are you curious about?”

“Everything. If you spent 10 years there, what did you do? How did you come back? That’s the most important part, yet you glossed over it entirely?”

“Because it’s not a cheerful story.”

How the world had been consumed mostly by demons, and how much blood had stained my hands just to survive in such a place.

On a joyful day like today, I really didn’t want to burden Inwook with such depressing and gruesome tales.

Unlike Mr. Dongsik from the Ability Management Bureau, who had interrogated me earlier, Inwook was family.

They were the family who bore much emotional hardship because of my disappearance.

It would be unpleasant to see their worried and sorrowful faces even when I was finally back.

So, after pondering for quite a while, I slyly smiled and spoke.

“It’s not particularly interesting.”

“Hyung. Do you know what the worst kind of person in the world is?”

“What kind of person?”

“Those who leave you curious but don’t tell you anything.”

“Then, am I that kind of person?”

“I hope not.”

Judging by his cheeky words, Inwook was undoubtedly the same as ever.

However, seeing the darkness in his eyes, it was clear that behind his words, he was deeply concerned for me.

“I’ll tell you just this once, so listen carefully.”

After saying that, I started recounting the story I had told Mr. Dongsik in the morning to Inwook.

Of course, I censored some parts.

I dulled the gory details like how many pieces I had cut the Queen of the Incubi into, or how exactly I extracted the Dragon Heart of the Dragon King.

In simpler words, I summarized it as a tale of ‘becoming the Pope in another world and saving it,’ adding in the narrative about my experiences upon returning to Earth this morning.

I probably talked for about 30 minutes.

After listening to this condensed real-world summary that even the top instructors at Daechi-dong would marvel at, Inwook gazed right at me and said.

“Do you think that’s too scant for 10 years, hyung?”

“Of course.”

“And why’s that obvious?”

“I spent 7 of those years just fighting. Do you want me to recount who, where, and how I fought in every instance? If I do, you’ll be too scared to sleep tonight.”

With that, Inwook shook his head, sighed, then poured me a glass of water.

“So, in summary, you fought demons in a world called Eden for 10 years and eventually became the Pope? That Earth time translates to 5 years?”

“It might be hard to believe, but……”

“I believe you.”

“Uh?”

I was more flustered by his confident response.

Earlier, Mr. Dongsik, who listened attentively, and now Inwook.

Why were these stories, which would have led to confinement in a psychiatric ward five years ago, so easily accepted now?

“You can’t lie, remember?”

“You’re dead meat.”

“And there are some returnees anyway… It’s not entirely unbelievable. Just.”

“Just?”

“It’s just hard to believe you’re really alive.”

Inwook said, his expression scrunching slightly.

Not an expression of annoyance, but rather, moisture gathering at the corners of his eyes suggested it was to hold back tears.

This kid, as if he’s actually family…

I was about to tear up as well, following his lead, but he abruptly shattered the emotional mood.

“Haa… If I knew this would happen, I should have taken out a contract on the tree burial for 5 years. I went for 10, thinking it safer….”

“Tree burial?”

“A tree with your name is growing well, do you want to see it? Shiyeon decorated it nicely. She even pulled out weeds around it last week.”

Ah, that tree burial?

So they even held a funeral for me? Haha.

“Ah, I don’t care. You can handle the refund issue. Also, be sure to call grandma and the relatives… And do we have to return the condolence money? Ugh, this is a big problem. We don’t have money to return the condolence money… What should we do, hyung?”

“Sorry. This is also my first time returning from the dead.”

Just as Inwook and I were speaking, mixing half-jokes with sincerity…

Beep-beep-beep-.

Someone was urgently pressing the password on the front door lock.

Thud!

A young girl entered the house, bursting through the door with great vigor.

Upon seeing her, Inwook quickly retreated into his room and said,

“…… Hyung, you handle it.”

“Inwook, wait.”

Bam!

Despite my desperate gaze, Inwook unhesitatingly slammed the door shut, leaving me to force a bright smile as I turned my head.

Standing there, with a face on the verge of tears, was Shiyeon, who had grown much taller than I had expected.

“Big… oppa?”

“Haha, our Shiyeon! You’ve become so pretty! Did you miss oppa a lot? On such a good day, we’re not going to cry… right? Hm?”

I must not let her cry.

“Shiyeon, just….”

“I thought… sniff. Big oppa was dead… sniff…”

“Si, Shiyeon. Smile! Huh? Oppa was wrong. Today is such a good day meeting oppa again, so….”

If Shiyeon properly started crying.

“Heueeeeeee!”

“Shiyeon, shh! Okay?”

“Heueeeeeeeeeee!”

“No….”

……a call to the police was the standard follow-up.

Haa.

This was bad.

***

Fortunately, Shiyeon’s wailing was concluded not with a call to the police but through the home visits of the neighbors from upstairs and downstairs.

Had it been late at night, the police might have actually come.

But the neighbors were very kind.

They came not because they were disturbed by the noise, but because they worried something had happened to Shiyeon.

It turns out Shiyeon is so polite and lovable usually that all the apartment neighbors cherished her greatly.

Anyway.

Shiyeon’s wailing show in celebration of my return eventually concluded due to physical exhaustion.

In simple terms, she cried herself to sleep.

She would likely stage a second assault once she woke up, but what did it matter?

We’ll deal with that later.

“Whew.”

After confirming that Shiyeon had fallen asleep on the bed, I sighed in relief and quietly entered the living room.

“Kim Inwook… you rascal.”

He knew, better than anyone, how impossible it was to calm Shiyeon when she was crying, yet he acted oblivious to his brother’s return after a decade?

Such impudence.

After scanning the neatly arranged living room, I entered Inwook’s partially open room.

The first thing I noticed was the desk with two monitors, followed promptly by Inwook’s voice, who sat in front of them.

“Is Shiyeon asleep?”

“She is. I almost died. Why is comforting Shiyeon as hard now as it was before?”

“It’s been a long time since Shiyeon cried like that.”

“When’s the last time?”

“Three years ago at your funeral. She cried so sorrowfully that it’s hard to explain given her young age. Aunt and Grandma had quite the time calming her.”

“I disappeared 5 years ago, from this time, right?”

“We believed, during the first two years, that you’d return.”

Inwook, with a nonchalant voice, tapped at the keyboard, leaving me silent.

Hearing those words brought back the guilt I’d been trying to ignore under my sense of hope.

Just as I strived to return, my family surely strived to find me.

Us three siblings were quite close-knit.

Especially after our parents passed away in a car accident, during my senior year of high school.

Tadadadak.

The sound of Inwook tapping on the keyboard gradually filled the room.

“Thanks.”

Inwook spoke in a casual tone.

“For what?”

“Thanks for coming back safely.”

When I didn’t answer, Inwook seemingly felt embarrassed and quickly changed the subject.

“Did you have anything in mind you wanted to do when you came back to Earth? What’s your plan?”

“Well. Still thinking.”

“Didn’t you have anything you wanted to do?”

“There were many things I wanted to do.”

Saying that, I discreetly glanced at the message window floating before my eyes.

『Proceed with the Main Quest.』
『Time remaining: 89 days, 14 hours, 32 minutes』

I had deliberately ignored the system message while reuniting with family.

In truth, I hadn’t even thoroughly checked my state upon returning to Earth.

This main quest was the foremost issue I needed to resolve right now.

Gather believers.

It sounds simple. In Eden, just meeting me would prompt people to shout Lemen’s name and accept the doctrine. I never had to do much; my subordinates spread the faith on their own, so I never actually evangelized.

I had been pondering it for a while, but I still hadn’t found a clear way on how to secure believers.

While I was trying to gather my thoughts, planning for the future…

-Orcs are the most common monsters found in dungeons, gates, and waves. In that regard, today I’ll tell you about their weak points.

On Inwook’s monitor screen, a man in a suit was holding a sword, looking at me.

A suit and a sword.

It was as awkward as seeing a wyvern clinging to Mapo Bridge, yet it was familiar to Inwook.

As though it was the most natural thing, Inwook checked the video, and through an unfamiliar program, he began working.

I quietly asked Inwook.

“What are you doing now?”

“Editing a MeTube video. After you disappeared, I started making money from this. I actually found I have a knack for it. I get a decent amount of work, too.”

I remember he had an interest in video editing. So he pursued it to this point.

I’m glad to hear it suits him well.

MeTube, the video platform, was a big trend even before I was abducted to Eden.

But what on Earth was this content about?

A game? It seemed too real for a game.

“In a way, you might not be familiar with it, hyung.”

Judging by my puzzled face as I stared at the monitor, Inwook started explaining.

“Did the Ability Management Bureau not fill you in on how Earth changed?”

“They just mentioned there are returnees and monster appearances, gates and such. They promised to explain more from tomorrow.”

“Hmm.”

Inwook nodded before continuing.

“Do you remember reading a lot of web novels?”

“Yeah.”

“The raid ones, where gates, monsters, and dungeons appear? Just think of Earth as more similar to those web novel stories now. And accordingly, the MeTube trend has changed.”

Inwook stopped the monitor display momentarily, pointing at the man on screen with his finger as he carried on.

“These days, folks like that are the content. They’re called Players.”

“Familiar term, huh? Do they use system windows and skills too?”

“Seeing all those web novels gave you quick adaptability, huh?”

“Ah.”

Of course, quick adaptability.

I was using that very system myself.

Could it tie somehow to what Lemen said about ‘bringing it from Earth’?

I nodded slightly and kept watching the video.

And shortly after…

“I’ve got it.”

“Got what?”

“How to secure believers.”

A pretty decent idea just crossed my mind.