Chapter 1: FML
Chapter
I
Bullets whizzed past my head as I took cover behind a slowly deteriorating wall. Shit had gone south the second I had taken a step outside of the house I had taken shelter in. I took a deep breath as I steeled myself to run behind a wrecked vehicle. Gritting my teeth I stood and immediately felt several bullets slam into my plate carrier throwing me backwards and knocking the wind from my lungs. Groaning I scrambled to the vehicle and gasped for air as pain from my potentially broken if not bruised ribs sent a chill down my spine. Amidst the crack of near misses from bullets I heard a thump as something landed beside me. Looking down I felt fear numbing the back of my head as I looked at the grenade that had landed next to me.
"Fuc-" I thought as everything went white.
I have no idea how long I spent in darkness, had it been hours, days, weeks, or even years. I couldn't feel my body so I assumed that this had to be the afterlife and I just wanted to laugh, everyone had been wrong. There was not heaven or hell, just darkness, and for some reason a strange almost underwater vibe to everything. Not that I could move around to really check my surroundings. Hell, I don't even know why I was still conscious, being dead and all.
Oh well, it's not like I'm going to be doing anything for the foreseeable future. I thought back to my life before getting blown the fuck up all the way to kingdom come. I hadn't been any special, I had decent grades in school, a pretty average lifestyle, and my family was nothing to write home about, Dad was a career soldier, mom was a psychologist, one of my brothers had been in the Navy, the other was in jail for murdering his girlfriend.
Maybe I should have listened to my mother growing up and went to college instead of following my dad's footsteps and joining the military. In hindsight even though my military career had been successful it was what came after that really screwed me over. I mean who the fuck trusts a spook, I knew something was off when I had gotten paid before the job had been done. I wasn't a greedy bastard, not at all, I just wanted to live a life of comfort far away from the shitty town I grew up in. Nearly four generations of my family had been trapped in that backwater town in the middle of bumfuck nowhere Alaska.
Too late for regrets now, I was dead.
"Being dead ain't so bad I guess…" I thought out loud, or tried to, nobody gave me instructions on how to be dead.
"9,999 bottles of beer on the wall, 9,999 bottles of beer…" If this was my eternity I might as well try to entertain myself.
Many, Many "Bottles of Beer" Later
"278 bottles of bee…" I stopped as I felt the world begin to contract.
Something was happening, I felt my surrounding shift again and I saw a pin prick of light. Why the fuck is the afterlife moving and what the hell is that ligh-
"Oh fuck no, this better no be one of those-" I could only hopelessly gasp as I felt my head get squeezed out of what felt like a small tube.
'Air, I'm breathing air!' I thought.
Cursing my luck I opened my eyes and tried to look around. Everything was still blurry, and I could smell the blood and bodily fluids stuck to my skin. I nearly puked if it hadn't been for an unfamiliar voice that drew my attention to the blurry shape holding me.
"Este un băiat" the shape said
"Copilul meu"
That last voice was feminine, I'm assuming that it was the woman who had birthed me. I shuddered at the thought, shoving the memory of being born as far down into the recesses of my mind I listened again.
"De ce nu plânge" said the woman as I felt myself get handed off like a sack of potatoes.
"Listen woman, I am not a fucking package to be handed aroun-" (just sounds like baby noises to everyone else)
The woman laughed and tickled my belly, cursing my luck again I started uncontrollably giggling. Just as I felt like I was going to puke I finally managed to snag the woman's finger to try to get her to stop but alas I had the strength of a baby.
She pulled me closer to her chest cuddling me close and I couldn't help but to lay on her bosom, I felt as if my head weighed a hundred pounds. My eyes grew involuntarily heavy and I started to drift off to sleep.
Light peaked out of my vision as I slowly opened my eyes hours later, I was still in my new mothers arms as she peacefully napped.
I didn't understand the language they had spoken, but it sounded almost like a mix of Latin and some sort of Slavic dialect.
'Better get my bearings…' I thought to myself
I looked around my surroundings and took in the room I was in. There didn't seem to be any modern appliances, yet the bed was relatively well made. There was a large balcony off to the side that I could just barely see out of from my position in my mothers arms.
I heard a commotion from somewhere off to my right as a door was opened. It almost sounded like someone in medieval plate armor walking.
My breath hitched as I caught the figure of a man from the corner of my eye.
'Fuck. Fuck no…. This can't be happening. No. Why me? The fuck did I ever do. Is this because I didn't send that bumbass email to twenty people all those years ago?'
"Vlad"
The pit in my stomach sank even further as I heard my mother call out to the man.
As they had what I assumed was a loving conversation from the way they looked at each other, I continued to observe 'Vlad'.
The man looked like a younger Luke Evans, Luke Evans an Actor who just happened to play a character named Vlad, in a movie, a fictional movie. My heart pounding in my chest, I closed my eyes and counted to five. When I opened them everything was still there. I screamed in frustration.
My cries seem to have drawn the attention of my parents. My mother handed me to 'Vlad' who I now assume is my father.
I was so fucked, the one thing I remembered about this movie was that Charles Dance was some creepy bald vampire in a cave.
How the fuck was I going to survive in medieval Transylvania, with angry Ottomans, a vampire, and the potential for war looming in the distance.
Surprisingly 'Vlad' was very gentle as he rocked me in his arms. My mother had gotten out of bed and walked over to us slowly, the process of childbirth still weighing on her.
"El este frumos, Mirena"
Mirena, my now named mother, hugged us close and stroked my cheek.
"Micuta mea Casimir"
I felt a pang in my heart as my mother said what I assumed was my name. What was this, I had stopped screaming and now looked at my parents. I felt a warmth emanate from my core, I reached out and took a lock of my mothers golden hair and I grabbed one of my fathers fingers.
Flashes of my memories flew through my vision, I had remembered how their story had ended in tragedy. Vlad still looked relatively young, the events of the movie had taken place later in his life after he had given up being a warrior. He still had his armor on, so I'm assuming that he has yet to do so.
Shitty luck aside, this was still a do over. I watched as my new family drew me closer, sandwiching me between their bodies, engulfing me in a comfortable warmth. High risked or no, this was my chance at a new life, I had a new family that didn't brush me off to the side like my last one.
Their love would not end in a tragedy, hell, if my memory is correct then either way I'd end up as Romanian nobility, but that didn't matter as I knew what was to come. If I could somehow save my new family I didn't care if we were paupers.
The warmth was getting to me, before I drifted back into sleep only one thought echoed in my mind.
'I'm going to save you both, even if it's the last thing I do'