64. No time for a date
So when we first went to approach Max, he was at the center of a barfight, because of course he was. There were enough people in the group that went through that he found someone to hit on, and that led to him getting beat on. He didn't seem to mind much.
I looked for the man in green, but he was surrounded by people that looked really grumpy and didn't want to talk to anyone, so I let him be. I also looked for the douchebags that'd ganged up on me, but they seemed to have gone on ahead, or else were hanging out somewhere else in town.
I didn't feel like waiting in the bar, so we went off to do other things, and figured we'd meet up with Max again in a bit. Susie went straight for the Smithy again, and Louise and I took a walk. I invited Merry to come out, but she was shy, and tired, and also suggested that I should take the time to be with Louise alone. That wasn't a terrible idea, of course, but I thought it would have been nice to have her around.
Anyway, we walked and talked. We peeked in the Disco--and it was empty--and paused outside of the Meditation Room, considering all the peaceful places we could go to sit and be alone, but... I don't know. It felt like just isolating ourselves. It wasn't the nicest place to have a date, really, but I needed it, and Louise seemed like she was... well...
We ended up in a dead-end alleyway where we weren't obvious but we also weren't in a world of our own. And, although I couldn't really explain why I knew, I knew that it was a time to try using Telepathy like I'd suggested earlier.
As soon as I could feel her with the skill, she immediately turned and buried her head in my shoulder. And when my quiet priestess' thoughts crossed over, they were clear, if a little unsteady. You fucking idiot.
I looked down at her, surprised, though somehow, the words matched her in a way I couldn't really put a finger on. So I just put my arms around her and held her. Yeah?
You always do this. Even if you'd won, do you think I wouldn't care?
I couldn't really explain it as I held her there, really, but a smile came to my face, because I knew this was her being honest, in a way she just couldn't find a way to be out loud. I know you care. I know you worry. You don't like to make a fuss about it, but you worry a lot.
Louise laughed into my shoulder a little. And yet you keep doing it.
I wanted to say that it had worked out well for me, but... I had just died, after all. If I were alone, if I were still scared that this was going to be the real thing, the last, final death... like I always was when I was alone, then I would have done it differently.
She shook her head and pulled back. "That's not..."
"In prison..." I interrupted her, but then found the topic harder to talk about than I had expected. "When I killed Ham-hands Joe, that terrible human being who wanted to beat and rape me... I understood afterwards, immediately afterwards, that even if I was right, even if he was an unrepentant monster worth killing, this wasn't how you did things if you were a normal person. Normal people aren't supposed to take another human being who's a threat and just kill them because they deserve death."
"I still don't remember this fight all that well," I admitted, and that admission stung, because a faulty memory seemed like it was something I shouldn't have. "But I know that my willingness to surrender--to try to surrender, came after I realized that I was willing to go all the way to killing people over something stupid. The first two... I didn't care about. The first woman just wanted a spar, and the thief was a jackass, but he was incompetent. When that wizard stuck his dick into it, I wanted to bury a sword in his heart, because it was bullshit, a cheap shot, and he had enough power that he had other options."
"I couldn't dodge all of his attacks, but I could see a path to get to him, maybe cut him down before he won. But it came with this surge of..." I couldn't quite put a word to it. "...hate, maybe, and that made me stop."
Why.
I looked at her. "Because normal people don't do that."
He killed you anyway. Why was it wrong to stop him?
"I don't want to be that kind of person!"
You don't want to be a gods-damned hero?
I bit back a reply. I sat there, thinking about it. Would it really be heroic to strike someone down that I only thought would kill me? I shook my head. There's no good answer. If I killed, it would have been too early. Being late meant I got killed. There might be a perfect answer in the middle, but I wasn't good enough to find it.
Louise, to her credit, sat there looking at me, also thinking about what I said--err, thought--instead of just replying out of pain or fear. You didn't ask for help, either.
I laughed. "The time between when I realized I might need help and when I died was, like, ten seconds tops. It's not exactly an instinct."
Maybe it should be.
"Maybe so." Rather than arguing, since she was right--and I could feel that, in my heart--I reached out and pulled her close to me again. "Hey, Louise?"
She gave both a verbal and a mental hmm? that wasn't quite a reply.
"I like this side of you." I tightened the hug. "You should let her out more often."
I felt a wave of something, maybe fear, run through her. Can't. Like you can't be this easy-going with people. It's not... it's not like me.
But it is you, and this is me. put my cheek against her head, feeling her warmth. Why... is it so damned hard to prove that?
You tell me, telepath.
I just laughed. As natural as this system-granted telepathy skill seemed, I wasn't that good at reading people. It does feel natural, this skill. Like... like back then. Like ghosts.
For a moment, Louise didn't reply. And then... There were a hundred times in my life when I was screaming at people in my mind, but I didn't dare actually say what I felt. I knew what they would say--that I didn't know anything, that I was being paranoid or stupid. But I was right. I was... usually right. They wouldn't believe me, because how could I possibly know? But I knew. I felt it.
I pulled back a bit to look at her. "And what do you feel now?"
"Warm," she replied, and her voice had lost its high, artificially-sweetened tone. It was now just kind of grouchy, unpolished, ...honest. "Or I was warm, and then you stopped holding me."
We both laughed, and held each other for a while longer.
It really didn't seem to be the time to really indulge ourselves in that romantic warmth, and a little later, we forced ourselves to meet back up with Max, who had transitioned naturally from brawling to drinking with--I assume--the same group of people. I figured he might not be willing to just get up and go, but it was worth asking, because I wanted to get out of this damned place.
"Heeeey, Jerry! My man." He didn't bother to hop off the table he was sitting on. "How are you feeling? Man, coming back is always a trip, yeah?"
"Honestly, I just want to get moving, if that's okay." I tried to judge how drunk he was, but he'd seemed pretty sober even after a session of drinking--Dungeoneers had a harder time getting drunk, for better and for worse, but that just meant some people would just try harder and get there all the same. "What happened to the dickheads that did me in, anyway?"
"Oh, those fuckers, man," Max interrupted someone else trying to explain and hopped off the table and pulled me aside. "Yeah, nobody was happy with them, so they got done in the Jail, you know? I dunno what kind of bullshit they do to people in there, 'cos it depends on what they did. Some kinda higher power judges people for dungeon crimes. Times I got jammed in there for being an a-hole, slappin' some chick's ass, whatever, they mostly just yelled at me and let me go, but cheatin' an' killin', well, who knows."
I honestly hadn't even considered it--the Jail was a fixture in every Dungeon town, but there were no cops, and I'd never really bothered to look into it. I had kind of assumed that it was a place that Dungeoneers could just, like... lock people up in, maybe? But wasn't that also prone to abuse? "So, what, the Administrator deals with them?"
"Who knows, man." He shrugged. "They throw you in a jail cell, and after a bit, you appear in court, and some shit happens. Like I said, I always went free. Some guys I think get thrown out?" He made a dismissive gesture. "Anyway, if you haven't seem 'em around, maybe they're gone, or maybe just still locked up for a bit. If we go ahead now you'll probably never see 'em."
"Yeah, hey, about that. Can we have a meeting? I wanna run something past you guys."
Max just gave a whistle, and Louise went out to fetch Susie, and in a few minutes, we were all gathered around a table away from the other drunkards--us three, and Max's group, minus the Wizardess who was all over some other guy from another party a little ways away, though fortunately not banging him at the moment.
"Honestly, I mostly just want to get going, but I'm getting sick of not getting to fight anything. Susie said there's one fight that might be fun ahead that I want to try--and I bet others can, too, from the sound of it. Some old man you gotta fight bare-handed or something."
"Oh yeah, I know that guy," interrupted Amanda. "Max, you fought him a couple times. We went after him together and he spanked us good."
Max just nodded. He didn't seem to care about the memory one way or another.
"Well, I wanna try my hand at that, but I also want to fight, like, one or two small fights before we get there just as a warm-up. After that, you can just drop us off at the tower. Is that okay with y'all?"
"Hey, man, I'm good with whatever," said Max, though maybe he was a little disappointed to be walking away from the tavern when there was still booze and friends to be had here.
"Well, whenever you guys are ready, I'd like to get moving. It doesn't have to be now, but..."
"Hey, man, we're good. I don't wanna see those cheating fucks again anyway." He turned and whistled at the Wizardess. "Amy! You ready to go?"
The woman in the sexy dress got out of her boy-toy's lap and walked away without saying a word, like he meant nothing to her at all. The look on his face showed what he thought of that, and it wasn't a nice feeling.
I looked over at Susie. "I should have asked, but--"
"Let's get out of here," she interrupted, immediately.
I nodded, and we all headed for the exit.