Souls Unlimited Online: A Free Unique Skill For Everyone!!

"Kyaaa...! No! Get away! Get away!"

"Krrraaaaeeehhhhh...!"

"Scraaaeeehhhh!!"

Gothra and I were currently sitting on a still unburnt tree as we watched Valkjure running away for her life in the fire-lit night.

5 ghosts were chasing her currently, and without even being able to touch them, she's been running around helplessly.

"Gahahahaha!"

"Pfftt--! Bahahahaha!!"

And we were just watching her do so, sharing a drink and enjoying the show. She's been at it for a while, and it's still weirdly entertaining. Is that because she's a streamer?

Oh, the drinks we are having were kindly provided by the Valkjure in question, by the way. She just took them out of her inventory when I asked, and then promptly got back to running away for her life.

Can I also have her as my Mommy!?

No, no. That'd be weird. It'd be weird to even bring up. But then why is Gothra already like that with her!? So fast! Very unfair! I want a Mommy too! One who buys me bigger and biggest hammers!

"Sigh..."

I looked towards the idiot in question and saw her heaving a sigh.

Oh? Does she feel some remorse for it? You better! Hmph, hmph!

"Fira..." she started, "You are such a heartless, evil man..."

"...What? Eh!? I thought you were supposed to be repenting!"

"If the priest is handsome, I'll confess anytime. But that aside, the problem is you. Valkjure's doing her best, you know? Yet forget helping her, you're even laughing at her efforts. As she gives it her all. And she does her best. Is it that funny, to see someone fail so miserably? So pathetically. So unsightly. Is it!? Is it humorous!?"

"Uuuuhhhhhh..." Valkjure stammers. Go on Valkjure! Stand up for yourself! Put Gothra in her place! "Graah! Stay away! N-not there! Wait-- Not anywhere else either!!!"

But she was not able to stand up to Gothra after all!

"Do you even have a heart? How can you be so cruel, Fira!? I bet you cut up cute bunnies and flay them alive outside your mansion!!!" Gothra theatrically brought a hand up to her eye, and flicked her pretend tears away!

"Oi! You're doing the exact same thing!!" I protested! "You were also laughing at Valkjure's valkiant efforts!"

"Yeah... Just the kind of excuse I'd expect from you."

"It's not an excuse! It is true! You were laughing too!"

...

Gothra seemed to have a thoughtful look, realizing she might not have thought this through enough. But then her expression suddenly perked up as if a light bulb went off inside her head!

"Aha! So this is that thing! A logical fallacy!"

"What logical fallacy? You're clearly just being a hypocrite! Stop being such a sore loser!"

"I am not a hippopotamus, silly."

"I said Hypocrite!"

"Right. Hippopotamus."

"Sigh."

"Anyway, back to your fallacy. I believe it's been coined by famous greek philosophers of old, in a language dating farther back than even the first philosopher's stone." Gothra took a deep breath, as if she's just about ready to drop a serious piece of wisdom. "Platos Sockrates once said: 'whataboutism!'"

"...It's not--! Okay, maybe it is a whataboutism. But you're still a hypocite! If a killer tells on another killer, they're still both killers!!"

"No, that's called being a fucking snitch!"

"Pfft! Bahahaha! That's not what I meant! Fuck!"

As we chatted, the figure of Valkjure now dancing caught our eye. She was still surrounded by ghosts, but now she's moving to some kind of rhythm.

Frankly, she sucked.

"Bahahahahaha!"

"Hey! Now you're the one laughing!" I admonished.

"But how can I not!? Is it not the point of her dance?"

Oof. I don't even think she's doing it on purpose, but damn. Poor Valkjure's about to cry over there.

"H-hey, you two! This is for my stream! I've been running around for a while now! Are you sure I'll even get that haunted skill!? Are you not messing with me?!"

"No, no. It's totally true I swear!" Gothra gave her a big thumbs up.

Valkjure didn't seem convinced and turned to me for a second opinion.

"Yeah, it's true."

"Well, all right..."

"Wait, something is wrong here," Gothra narrowed her eyes, "something is very wrong..."

"What is it this time...?" I sighed.

"Well, I'm sure it's just my imagination, but for a moment I thought Valkjure trusted your word more than mine."

"Ah, yeah. That is exactly what happened."

"Ahahaha. Silly. You trust me right, Valkjure? Way more than this scaley here?" She shouted at the streamer still desperately evading the ghostly ghosts.

And I... will just ignore that last part.

"Huh? Uhhh... Yes...!" Valkjure replied, just as she ducked and then spun below her untouchable enemy. Nice moves.

"See, Fira? She does so!"

"No, no. She's just trying to be nice, Gothra. Read between the lines."

"That's not it. The ghost just distracted her."

"Ah, she was distracted, so that's why she said 'yes'."

"No! That's what I meant!"

"Hahahahaha!"

...

"Wait!" I called to Valkjure, realizing that she is streaming, "Me being a Scaley is a lie! A big fat lie by big fat Gothra!!"

"I was wondering why you didn't say anything! Ahahahahahaha!"

"Grrr...! I told you I wasn't!"

"Hahaha!" Her voice turned into a whisper, "Oh, oops... sorry. I forgot."

"Oh no, no. I told you I was fine with it. It just bothered me when it wasn't just a joke and you actually thought..."

"Oh, well, with your look I bet Valkjure assumed the same thing, so..."

"Eh? That can't be. Not everyone is a pervert like you."

"Nor like you."

"Meh. Whataboutism."

"Hahahaha. Touche. But her chat definitely thinks you're a scaley."

"What...?"

"Yep. I peeked over a little earlier, and that was their reaction to your look."

"Why can't it just be a cool thing!?"

We were suddenly interrupted by Valkjurre, "Hey Fira! MeiserVeater says that they figured out from the start!"

"Figure what out!?"

"That you're a scaley? I... think it's okay though, Fira. We won't judge." She even managed to give me a big thumbs up in the midst of her unending chase scene with the ghosts.

"See? Told you so." So says Gothra.

"Okay, viewers of Valkjure! I swear I just think it looks cool! If you wanna know what I'm really into, look at Ciraphim, my System Avatar! Please do not lump me in with this asshole!" I pointed at Gothra and Bereo specifically!

"Guys! He's just a tsundere! Whahahaha!"

"Fira, I do not think it warrants shame. In fact, I too think reptilian features can be beautiful! Like a cute tail or scales. Though a full-on lizard face..." And Valkjure's still trying to cheer me up. It's nice, but she's totally got the wrong idea!

"Thanks! But I said that's not it! I don't like full-on lizardmen either!"

As our stupid banter continued, I noticed that Valkjure was getting hit a bit more often.

"Hey, what happened? You need help, Valkjure?" I offered

"Hmm? Oh, no. My chat suggested to let myself get hit on purpose. Maybe that'd speed up the acquisition of the skill."

"That's..."

"That's exactly how it works!"

Oi, oi, Gothra! Why are you encouraging her!?

"Don't listen to her! We didn't do that!"

"I was tricked!!" She exclaimed in regret!

"Oi Fira! Why'd you ruin it! Sheesh!"

"Gothra... how could you!? Waaahhhh!!" Valkjure cried!

"See? You made her cry! Tsk tsk!"

"I... that's on you!"

"Whoa, whoa! Why is this getting thrown at me?"

"Hey guys... I'm not actually-- crying!! Oh, that was a close one." She was back to dodging the ghosts, clearly getting more and more annoyed. Yeah... she's been at it for hours now. "Don't worry about it Gothra!"

"I wasn't!" Gothra replied

"Guh! Great mental damage!"

As Valkjure kept on running around, some familliar faces appeared. Or well, lack thereof. These spirits didn't have faces, yet somehow they are able to have such a vivid look of disappointment as they stare at me, the forest fire illuminating their backs.

"Yes spirits! It was all his fault! I don't have anything to do with this!" Gothra immediately distanced herself from me!

"Hey don't be like that! We are friends! Good friends! The best of friends!"

"Stop doing a global warming you fiend!"

"You were born post-system, why the fuck do you even care about that!? It's solved!"

"Yeah, but still! Such blatant disrespect to nature! I cannot imagine!"

"Says the one who's always beating up literal corpses!"

"That's me processing the fertilizer! You know nothing Fira! Nothing!"

"Yeah... then mine is a controlled burn!"

"And when I punch you in the face, it'd just be a controlled confrontation!"

"Uuuuhhh... I also--- have nothing-- to do with him!" Valkjure interrupted, just to cut ties with me!

"Hey! Hey! The betrayal! You guys are partially responsible too!"

"Now that's... a bit too much of a stretch!" Valkjure swung her weapon, and the ghost's HP wavered a little!

"Hear hear!" Gothra didn't notice and was still having fun dogpiling on me!

"Wait, guys! I got it! Finally, the [Haunted] skill!"

"Ooohhh! Nice! Let's finally kill these fuckers and moved on then!" I readied a handy fireball to incinerate the ghastly ghosts.

"Wait! Don't Fira! Do you mean to cause another wildfire!? I'll take care of this myself!"

"Hear! Hear! Fira bad!" Gothra is really enjoying herself...

Valkjure readied herself in a practiced stance. It was... I'd say some bullshit about her footing being masterful, but I know nothing of swordsmanship, hahaha.

Still, I couldn't help but ask, "Do you practice the sword?"

"Hmm? Well, there's spinning beyblade on Toxic Legends, and then the samurai that loves shouting his own name..."

"Ah, you just learned it from games then."

"I guess. But more importantly--" she spoke in between slashes, "My Valkjurlings gave a great idea. Go do a seiza in front of the spirits to apologize."

"Eeeehhhh?? But it was an accident!"

"Dude..." Valkjure frowned, "You literally burnt an entire forest..."

"It's not an entire forest! Just some trees!"

"Now, now," Gothra grabbed me by the back of my collar, "Don't be scared, Fira. Mommy will apologize with you, okay? Do not cry."

"Oi! I'm not crying! In fact, I have nothing to apologize for!"

"Sigh. Whatever will I do with you," despite my supposed superior strength, for some reason, I was dragged by Gothra towards the spirits as they repaired the trees. She pushed my head down and force me to recite a 1 thousand word apology. Apparently one of Valkjure's fans wrote it for me...

"I want to crawl under a tree and cry."

"Don't you mean burn it?"

...

"I am terribly sorry to anyone who might have been offended by me burning down an entire forest and ruining the local ecosystem. It was a severe lapse in judgment. I did not mean to cause offense to anyone. I always think of my actions with great responsibility. But this time, I made a mistake. I am a young 'say your age' boy. As such I am still learning. It is normal to make mistakes. I am sorry really. But please don't think that burning forests is my entire person. I am so much more than that. Is it really fair to cancel culture me just because I burned down a forest or two? How about the context? People just jump to conclusions and create an evil version of me in their minds. I am terribly saddened by this, and my mental health is suffering. 'Start crying here.' I made a mistake, I know that! But that's why I'm apologizing! Do you know how hard this has been on me? I have been feeling really really guilty, and everyone's bullying comments have been clawing away at my sanity..."

And I continue on and on and on.

Meanwhile, Valkjure has been taking care of the ghosts on her end.

Gothra... is laughing at me. Sigh. Ignore, ignore. I react, I lose.

Let's just go back to Valkjure. She runs around slashing the ghosts, they chase her around in turn. Then when they finally all cluster together in the same spot, she unleashed her doppelganger as both their sword glowed an eerie red.

SLASH!

There was no shockwave like last time, but both she and her clone immediately readied another attack filled once more with the destructive red energy!

SLASH!

Still not dead.

So being the nice person that I am, I offered, "Hey need any help?"

"No! You go back to begging for forgiveness!"

"Yes Maam..."

Even while this exchange happened, Valkjure did not let up on her attacks and readied another attack enhanced with the red energy!

SLASH!

"Berate me too, Mommy!"

"G-Gothra!?"

Now she falters! Hahahaha!

But Valkjure didn't let it affect her for long and resumed her onslaught unto the ghosts. There was no red energy this time, but she and her clone kept on slashing away regardless.

Go Normal Slash!

Slash! Slash! Slash! Slash! Slash! Slash!

Her clone disappeared, along with a majority of the ghosts, but there were two left which Valkjure had no problems taking on herself.

Slash! Slash!

And with that, all ghosts are dead. Well, for real this time.

"...And that is why I am very sorry for burning the trees. But it is not entirely my fault. A lot of the events were taken out of context. To begin with, I would have not done it if it wasn't for the toxic culture that compelled me to do so. I just had to do it to keep up, and I was stricken by great fear at what would happen if I don't. The pressure from my peers is immeasurable. I am weak. And as a weak person, I succumbed. So please stop bullying me! 'Sob uncontrollably, and look directly into the camera with tears flowing down freely and ruining your makeup, making a mess of your face to sell that distressed and depressed look'. I don't even know when I will post next... I need to take a break. And just when I launched my new merch line too. I worked so hard on that, and now no one will buy it. It's so hard! I'm having such a hard time. And it's very stressful! So I'm taking a break. Goodbye. And sorry. For 'everything' that I did. I hope you're happy now."

For some reason, the spirits were not pleased.