Sunshine Shower

“You must have gotten hurt while playing. Kids are always reckless.”“That’s true.”Even now, Woo Yeonjae’s family home felt big. When they were little, the spacious garden must have seemed like a vast jungle. It wasn’t unusual for two lively boys to fall and get hurt while running around.There must have been a scene from the past that came to mind because Woo Yeonjae glanced around briefly before speaking.“I think we also dyed our nails with balsam flowers.”“Oh… right, we did. I remember your mom doing it at your house.”Moon Seoyoon smiled and fiddled with his nails. The emptiness he usually felt when recalling faded memories of his mother wasn’t there, likely because he was sharing the moment with someone beside him.“She said the color would set if we left it overnight, but I tried to stay up and ended up sleeping in.”“Yeah, I remember that too. I think there’s a photo from that day. Did your aunt take it?”“Let’s look for it the next time we go to my house.”“We should.”He vaguely remembered being fascinated by his orange-stained nails. His mother had smiled while touching his tiny nails, which were barely half the size of her pinky.‘If it snows before this color fades, your first love will come true.’‘What’s first love?’‘Hmm, the first person our Seoyoon and Yeonjae like the most?’‘Wow, I hope it snows soon.’Did it snow before the faint orange hue completely disappeared? The memory was too fragmented to recall much beyond that moment.“When did it snow back then…?”He didn’t really believe in the romantic notion about balsam flowers, but he was suddenly curious. Even though he knew his first love wouldn’t come true, he still wondered.“Snow?”Woo Yeonjae responded, having heard his unconscious mumbling. Thinking it would be odd to brush it off, Moon Seoyoon answered straightforwardly.“You know, the story that if the balsam flower color lasts until the first snowfall, your first love will come true.”“Did you meet Kim Dajeong?”As he lightly tapped the steering wheel with his finger, Woo Yeonjae squinted and mentioned an unfamiliar name.“Kim Dajeong? Who’s that?”“Kim Dajeong from the Sunflower class. Your first love.”“Kim Dajeong from the Sunflower class?”Sunflower class? That sounded like something from kindergarten. Did he have a friend like that? Moon Seoyoon frowned.“You don’t remember?”The car smoothly changed direction following Woo Yeonjae’s hand.“How could I forget?”“Were they close to us?”Moon Seoyoon naturally included himself and Woo Yeonjae. Since they had been inseparable since kindergarten, if Woo Yeonjae remembered someone, it was likely the three of them were close.“No.”“Then?”“She was only close to you.”“She was close to me?”No matter how hard he thought, he couldn’t recall the name.“Yeah. So, Moon Seoyoon didn’t play with me and only played with his girlfriend.”“…She was even my girlfriend?”In those days, a friend made in the morning could just be a friend by the afternoon. Having a girlfriend in kindergarten? Moon Seoyoon asked back, puzzled.“I remember her taking my place when we played house. She said she would be Moon Seoyoon’s wife.”“Really?”Unsure if it was a joke or a real memory, Moon Seoyoon looked at Woo Yeonjae skeptically. From his expression, he could usually tell if it was a joke. Contrary to his expectation of it being a joke, Woo Yeonjae’s face was completely serious.“You don’t believe me?”“I really don’t remember.”“Next time we go to my house, let’s look through the albums. There should be a picture.”“There’s even a picture? I really don’t remember.”Though he knew Woo Yeonjae’s memory was impressive, he didn’t expect him to remember a friend Moon Seoyoon himself had forgotten.“It was just that significant.”The light tapping on the steering wheel stopped. Woo Yeonjae’s tone became relaxed as he dragged out his words.“So, Seoyoon.”Their eyes met as Woo Yeonjae glanced sideways.“Don’t be hung up on things like that.”Moon Seoyoon couldn’t blink. Contextually, “things like that” clearly referred to first love.Don’t be hung up on first love. He never imagined hearing that from the person who was his first love.It wasn’t a sharp remark like calling it dirty, nor was it a sarcastic comment questioning the normalcy of being attracted to another man. It was just Woo Yeonjae being his usual self. The words, tone, and voice were all just Woo Yeonjae’s usual. Yet, for some reason, his fingertips tingled.“Something like a first love…”The words were spoken without any emotion. Yet, he felt as if his feelings were being invalidated by the childhood friend who knew everything about him, by the person he had liked for seven years, by Woo Yeonjae himself.Even though these feelings were something he kept to himself, it still hurt.“It doesn’t mean shit.”His feelings weren’t that insignificant.“I never…”Moon Seoyoon, who had been fiddling with his nails, suddenly stopped. His fingers, which had been moving restlessly, now hid inside his cardigan pocket. If he kept fiddling with his hands, it might reveal his nervousness.“I never hung up on it. Talking about the old days just made me think of it.”Since Woo Yeonjae was driving, he probably wouldn’t pay attention to every little thing Moon Seoyoon did, but even small movements seemed to be restrained. He realized that his habit of lying might give him away. Moon Seoyoon still didn’t know exactly what it was that Woo Yeonjae had seen that made him realize he was lying. He could only guess it was his habits.“Well, that’s good then.”Woo Yeonjae’s dark eyes briefly met his before looking back at the road.“And I don’t even remember that friend.”Moon Seoyoon denied it again, trying to hide his feelings that Woo Yeonjae treated so lightly.He denied having mistaken Woo Yeonjae as his first love, not the feelings themselves. Even so, he felt oddly miserable. It was like realizing anew that his feelings were something he should be ashamed of.It felt dirty and confused to have such feelings towards a friend who had been with him for most of his life, especially since that friend was another man. Admitting this unclean emotion to himself made him feel like he was being dragged into a pit.By now, the car had smoothly come to a stop in front of the dormitory.“Usually…”Woo Yeonjae rested his head on his arm, which was draped over the steering wheel. He looked at Moon Seoyoon.“Only the hurt ones remember things like that.”His neatly shaped eyebrows drooped.“It was really sad back then, even with a child’s heart.”His lips curled up slightly, expressing his sadness.“Even though she pushed me away, you just stood there.”“…”“And I was sulking, but you didn’t even notice.”Moon Seoyoon just blinked. He didn’t remember the friend named Kim Dajeong, nor the friend taking Woo Yeonjae’s place in their playhouse game, nor Woo Yeonjae sulking because he didn’t intervene. He was too young to remember all that.Of course, he had some fragmented memories. Most were happy and good memories, whether they were about his family or Woo Yeonjae. Especially with Woo Yeonjae, most memories involved playing together, without any trace of hurt feelings.He didn’t know what to say to a friend who claimed to have been hurt by his younger self. So, Moon Seoyoon clumsily offered some comfort.“But you had lots of friends to play with, even without me. It seemed like you had more friends than I did back then.”Woo Yeonjae made a peculiar face, then smiled faintly and sat up straight.“You really don’t remember anything… So don’t dwell on things like first loves. You’ll forget them anyway.”“I get it.”Moon Seoyoon forced a smile. It seemed like the most natural expression he could muster.In this situation, where he had to agree instead of denying, he felt both bitter and envious of Woo Yeonjae.Being able to dismiss a first love as nothing special was probably a privilege. He couldn’t treat his own feelings so lightly, yet someone else could. And that someone was Woo Yeonjae, which made it even harder.Should he be happy that Woo Yeonjae didn’t care about first loves? Moon Seoyoon thought bitterly as he turned to get out of the car. They had arrived at the dormitory, so he had to leave.“See you.”As he lifted his hand to wave, a small package fell out of his pocket.