Sunshine Shower

“…You want me to pat your back?”Moon Seoyoon had quite a few friends who confided in him. Many seemed to find comfort just from him listening quietly. His way of comforting others was to listen, express empathy at the right moments, and gently pat their back.That much was okay. Even though they were both guys, friendly physical contact like that wasn’t unusual. Patting someone’s back, especially for a friend like Woo Yeonjae, wouldn’t be strange. He just had to be a bit more mindful of his expression.“Oh. So now I’m just like the other guys?”The words sounded harsh, despite the pretty smile on Woo Yeonjae’s face.“You’re pretty harsh to your only childhood friend, aren’t you?”“No… So, have I ever done anything different just for you?”“Only I remember…”Woo Yeonjae’s arm slid across Seoyoon’s thigh and touched his waist. Seoyoon brushed the hand away as he recalled a memory.“Like sleeping together?”The sudden memory made Seoyoon frown. They didn’t do it often, but even up until high school, they sometimes slept in the same bed. It happened when they spent time in Woo Yeonjae’s room, chatting about trivial things until they fell asleep.Usually, it happened without Seoyoon realizing. If he woke up in the middle of the night, he often couldn’t go back to sleep.“Yeah. Let’s sleep together for old times’ sake.”Woo Yeonjae grinned, resting his face on Seoyoon’s thigh like a playful puppy.“If not you, who else will comfort me?”Woo Yeonjae’s eyes blinked slowly, as if melted by fever.Seoyoon lay stiffly, staring at the ceiling. He had pulled the blanket up to his chest, clasped his hands over his stomach, and stared straight up. He wondered if his posture seemed unnatural, but he couldn’t figure out how to lie down naturally.It should be fine. He’d been told he slept neatly even in the military, and he usually slept straight, so it shouldn’t look too odd.“You still sleep in the same position.”Woo Yeonjae chuckled as he climbed into bed. His voice was soft and lazy, as if warmth from his fever had mixed with his laughter.“You can see?”“Unlike someone, I have good night vision.”With a soft rustling of the blanket, Woo Yeonjae settled into bed. The bed was big enough that they weren’t touching, but the dark room and the intimacy of the setting heightened Seoyoon’s senses. A familiar scent reached his nose.It was the scent of Woo Yeonjae’s skin. He hadn’t noticed it while drying Yeonjae’s hair, but now he was acutely aware of it.Seoyoon felt it would be strange to shift around, so he tensed his feet under the blanket. He was afraid that a nervous breath might escape.“It’s been a while since we slept together.”Woo Yeonjae’s voice was close, forcing Seoyoon to turn his head.Unlike Seoyoon, who was lying on his back, Woo Yeonjae was lying on his side, facing him. Though the room was dark and his expression couldn’t be seen, the intensity of Woo Yeonjae’s gaze felt piercing.Luckily, Woo Yeonjae preferred to sleep in the dark, so even if Seoyoon’s face flushed, the darkness would hide it.“It is a bit weird for two grown men to sleep together like this.”“Weird, huh?”“…People would think it’s strange.”“Who would?”Maybe not. Seoyoon was silent for a moment. Imagining himself sharing a bed with another guy like Kim Hyunseung didn’t seem particularly odd. He felt a twinge of guilt for reacting so sensitively.“What, are guys in the military not men?”Why was he suddenly bringing up the military? And what? Men? It took Seoyoon a few seconds to understand Woo Yeonjae’s point. Before he could frown at the crudeness of the comment, the absurdity of it made him chuckle.“When was that? These days, even in the military, everyone has their own bed.”Woo Yeonjae chuckled along.“Really?”“Yeah.”“Good… Just the thought of it is gross.”As Seoyoon’s eyes adjusted to the darkness, Woo Yeonjae’s face became faintly visible. Seoyoon considered turning his head away but decided to keep looking at his friend lying beside him. It seemed okay for now.“Even if you put the two beds together, they wouldn’t be as big as this one, right?”As Woo Yeonjae guessed, the beds in the military weren’t that spacious. There was barely any room to spare with one person.“That’s true, but…”“Then there’s nothing weird about sleeping with me.”It was a ridiculous argument, but Seoyoon couldn’t help but laugh. If Woo Yeonjae said so, then it must be true.“Alright.”“So stop worrying about what others think. We used to sleep together all the time as kids. Why draw a line now?”“Because we’re older…”It was more about the feelings Seoyoon had been hiding.The summer he was sixteen, Moon Seoyoon had dismissed his crush as a mere infatuation. He told himself that the fluttering feelings were just a phase that would pass, especially since Woo Yeonjae had been there for him during a tough time. Even when Woo Yeonjae touched him without hesitation, it was fine. Despite his racing heart, Seoyoon had never been overly conscious of it.It took Moon Seoyoon a full year to realize that his feelings weren’t just a youthful crush. It was around then that he became conscious of Woo Yeonjae’s every action and began seeing him as a romantic interest.“What does age have to do with it?”Woo Yeonjae propped himself up on his elbow, as if lying on his side was uncomfortable due to his shoulder.“Just…”Moon Seoyoon hesitated.Realizing that his crush, whom he thought he just liked a bit more than others, had become an object of romantic attraction was an incredibly distressing realization. If Woo Yeonjae had been a girl, Seoyoon might have dismissed it as a natural occurrence, but Woo Yeonjae was a man like him, making it all the more painful.Only then did Seoyoon begin to grasp the weight and guilt of his feelings.The problem was that, unlike between opposite sexes, there was no clear line between two people of the same sex. Woo Yeonjae naturally engaged in physical contact, as he always had, and every time he did, Seoyoon felt uncomfortable. It was nearly impossible to push him away without arousing suspicion from his long-time childhood friend.Maybe that was why, even now at twenty-three, Woo Yeonjae could comfortably hug him and share a bed.It was ultimately Seoyoon’s fault for not putting a stop to it sooner.He felt foolish, his mouth tasting bitter.Even now, it was the same. Despite knowing it would be awkward, he lay in bed with Woo Yeonjae. Had Woo Yeonjae not been ill, Seoyoon would have avoided the situation somehow. But he couldn’t just turn his back on a friend burning with fever.Whenever Woo Yeonjae was sick, Seoyoon’s resolve softened. That’s why he accepted the suggestion to sleep together or the silly jokes about the military.“It just struck me that it’s been a long time since we slept together. Wasn’t the last time when we were in our second year of high school?”Seoyoon barely managed to continue his faltering words. Although it had been five years, it felt like a recent memory. He vividly recalled the anxiety of being so close, afraid that his feelings might show.‘Even after five years, I still worry.’Thankfully, they weren’t lying too close to each other.Seoyoon kept wiggling his toes. The familiar scent of Woo Yeonjae’s skin, not designed to be as noticeable as a perfume, was overwhelming his senses.“Moon Seoyoon.”As time passed and Seoyoon’s eyes adjusted to the darkness, he still couldn’t make out Woo Yeonjae’s expression. But somehow, he felt as though Woo Yeonjae was smiling at him. The way he called Seoyoon’s name made him think that.“Do you think that was the last time?”“What? It wasn’t?”Seoyoon tried hard to recall. Had they ever talked in bed and fallen asleep since that night? Since he couldn’t remember, it must not have been a night where he stayed awake.“It wasn’t. Why don’t you remember?”“If it wasn’t, then it wasn’t.”The oddly drawn-out tone made Seoyoon feel a bit embarrassed.“Just go to sleep. You said you’re sick.”Seoyoon turned his head and, feeling embarrassed, reached out to push Woo Yeonjae’s face. Although he didn’t push hard, Woo Yeonjae made a small sound and collapsed. The warmth of his skin felt hot against Seoyoon’s palm.“Your fever seems worse.”Concerned, Seoyoon propped himself up on his elbow and touched Woo Yeonjae’s cheek.“I took medicine. I’ll feel better after sleeping.”Thinking he should check more closely, Seoyoon started to get out of bed to turn on the light, but suddenly Woo Yeonjae grabbed his wrist.“Keep touching me; it feels cool.”Woo Yeonjae’s action of rubbing Seoyoon’s hand against his cheek felt natural and familiar. Seoyoon’s fingers trembled slightly. A long eyelash brushed against his index finger.“It’s not that my hand is cool; you’re just hot.”“You’re being so stingy…”Woo Yeonjae’s fingers moved from Seoyoon’s wrist, interlacing with his own fingers.