Surviving Arkadia

The three men in the middle of the road were trying to look intimidating and, to be fair to them, had I met them when I first arrived in Arkadia I would have been intimidated. I probably would still have been fairly intimidated if Jethro and I had run into them on the road to Uln.

Recent events had left me all intimidated out, and perhaps that’s why I could see through their front. They were nervous, they kept looking towards their concealed friends, if I hadn’t already known where those friends were I would have worked it out very quickly.

All three of them wore patched leather armour and carried blades. None of their weapons looked as handy as my old Messer, never mind the runic Damascus blade I had at my side now. The tallest one had salvaged metal plates bolted onto his leather jacket but it honestly looked like it was more for the apocalypse chic than for actual protection.

I was standing just outside of easy grabbing and stabbing range and they seemed unsure if they should talk to me where I stood or close the distance first. In the end they settled for staying where they were.

“We’re collecting tolls,” said the tallest of the three.

“How much?” I said. I was genuinely considering just paying them to leave us alone. We could take up a collection from the whole group.

“Five gold,” he said, then his eyes flicked towards Amris. “Per person.”

I sighed. I was so tired. “I really wish you hadn’t said that,” I said, as I shrugged a couple of times, working some of the kinks out of my shoulders and upper back. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Amris surreptitiously stretching his hamstrings.

“We are a large group. We can’t afford a per person toll. As a counter offer I’ll pay you a total of 10 gold. That’s one for each of your crew.” The tall one looked a little worried when I said that. He must still be under the illusion that his plan was working. “I’ll even put in a good word for you with Agnes.” That was a mistake.

The three men scowled the moment I mentioned Agnes. The tallest one spat on the ground at my feet. “I don’t want no good words for that monster. She is not the boss of the woods no matter what she says.”

There was a high pitched yelp and a female gnome dressed in dark leather popped into view behind the three men. She was in the process of spinning round, looking for someone standing behind her. I don’t know what the Mayor whispered in her ear but it was certainly effective.

From my right came the sound of breaking glass followed by screaming. I risked a quick glance. It looked like Ursula had dropped a kinetic shield over the Alchemist right when he tried to throw a particularly nasty splash potion. I sincerely hoped he had some kind of antidote.

“When you’re ready to surrender, be sure to shout it nice and loud,” I said.

The tall man unsheathed a short sword with a blade so notched that Jethro would have repurposed it into a saw. He lunged towards where I had been standing but I was already over the wall and scrambling up a tree.

When I got up into the branches the archer was lining up a shot. I threw myself towards him, feet first. I caught him under the chin and he overbalanced, dropping out of the tree like a stone.

The other man in the branches was several feet away, dancing from branch to branch, dagger in hand, and looking down. It looked like he was lining up for a drop kill on the Mayor.

I was tired, and probably not thinking straight, and worried about the people beneath me, which is why I didn’t just stab him or shoot him with my crossbow. Instead I leapt to the branch he was standing on and grabbed his dagger arm. I twisted the arm to lock up his elbow and shoulder so he couldn’t stab me but my momentum carried both of us off the branch. He hit the ground first with all my weight on top of him.

The dagger dropped from his now limp fingers and skittered across the cobbles. I scrambled after it as my ears were assailed by a series of the worst sounds I’ve ever heard. Some of it was the screams from the people that Amris was slashing with his claws, some of it was the moans and whimpers from the Alchemist but the loudest component was the noise the Mayor was making.

I got to my feet, unable to take my eyes off the Mayor and the big Orc who’d got over the wall and onto the road before the Mayor hit him with whatever the hell it was that he was screaming. The Orc was cowering against the wall with his hands clamped over his ears and tears streaming from his tightly closed eyes.

The human who’d been hiding with the Orc was standing on the other side of the wall. He’d got his sword free of his scabbard before being caught by a little of the sonic attack and dropping it. It had fallen, point down, and remained upright, partially embedded in the ground. He shook his head, seeming to break free of the Mayor's scream. I braced to leap over the wall and take him down but he ignored his sword and shouted, “We surrender!”

The Gnome woman on the road, who was in the process of dodging away from Amris joined in, “Yes. We surrender, don’t we, lads.”

There were a couple of vaguely affirmative groans from those others still capable of making noise.

The Mayor stopped screaming, cleared his throat, and said, “Excellent. Petra, you know the locals, you can deal with this.”

Having known some of the locals in the past is not the same as currently knowing the locals, but I decided not to point this out.

The scattered group of Murder Hobos came together with the Gnome woman in the front. They seemed reluctant to say anything. Possibly they were worrying that if they said the wrong thing we might change our minds.

“The way I see it,” I said, “You’ve got two choices. You can come with us or you can fuck off. I don’t know what sort of beef you’ve got with Agnes but if you think she’d take you in then you’re welcome to come along with us. If you’re not doing that then you need to fuck all the way off. If you’re within sight of our column then somebody will go after you. In fact I’d suggest that you get right out of the woods because the Ostians are after us and they might want us more than they’re scared of the woods. If they find you in the woods they’re not going to care whose side you’re on they’ll just kill you.”

###

The Murder Hobos left. They picked up their wounded and headed off in the direction of the town of Boblingen. I hoped that they would at least have the good sense to warn the town that the Ostians might be coming in force.

As soon as they were out of sight we resumed our walk to the campsite. I felt too burned out to be properly on edge. I worried that if there was anything else waiting in the woods I would be in no state of mind to spot it coming.

Fortunately there was nothing else to fear on the road that night. We came, at last, to the same old camp site. Now many times larger and, against all good sense, lit up like Christmas.

A shout went up as soon as someone from the camp spotted us and before I knew it Jethro came bounding out of a tent and bundled me up in a familiar hug that I hadn’t known I’d been missing until that moment.