Surviving as a Useless Bard in a Game

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The end of the North.

A dangerous place where only the “real” adventurers, mad for money, women, and fame, are said to tread.

Adventurers who haven’t visited this city earn the label of “fake,” but since the number of adventurers coming to this city is so low to begin with, that term is hardly even used anymore.

Where did I hear such rumors, you ask?

Well, while waiting for Skylar and Nisha, the drunken man sitting next to me wouldn’t stop yapping.

“How did it come to this?”

Right? I can understand.

I asked for “everything” regarding available requests.

Did Skylar or I do that? Of course not. Are we crazy?

That pesky girl clinging to Skylar was the one asking for it.

“Is that really platinum?”

If that brat had mentioned her acquaintances earlier, she could’ve let us know in advance. How does she have acquaintances on the same level as a nobleman, a platinum adventurer?

I figured the weapon was something unusual, but… I never expected it to be this much.

Assuming the setting is the same as the previous work, a platinum adventurer corresponds to a noble of the honorary rank of Baron among the five ranks, and is also evaluated as part of the nation’s military strength.

It’s like comparing military power between countries; counting how many tanks or aircraft carriers they have, that kind of thing.

In this world, it’s measured by how many platinum adventurers or mage tower heads there are.

“Anyway, they won’t come until they’ve read everything.”

When the nun lifted that enormous pile of requests with her thin arms, I doubted my sanity and wondered if I was hallucinating.

But more importantly, why was I left here to read the requests by myself?

We’re going to complete the requests together anyway. I have a right too!

“It’s unfair. It’s unfair.”

I felt gloomy.

Let’s just waste some time with a decent drink.

*

Skylar and Nisha looked at each other.

The Adventurer’s Guild had a vacant room only available to certain special individuals. Its existence is unknown to anyone other than the guild master, and entry is impossible for anyone but platinum members or select VIPs.

Nisha and Skylar were in that room right now.

Holding a pile of papers lightly in one hand, Nisha tossed a question to Skylar.

“Skylar, do you have a boyfriend or something?”

“Well, I don’t know.”

“I see. With your personality, you probably don’t have a boyfriend, let alone friends. I know everything.”

“…Nisha.”

“Anyway, what’s her name? What kind of person is she? What’s her job? Her adventurer rank? What’s up with her?”

“Is this an investigation now?”

“Don’t be so on guard. I’m just purely curious.”

“Selina. An ordinary rural bard. Just starting her adventurer rank as a rookie. A reasonably honest… easy-to-use person.”

After Skylar finished speaking, Nisha immediately threw the pile of papers on the ground.

Skylar was momentarily surprised but then quickly managed her expression and action.

Her face and body stiffened, as if she was wearing a thick mask.

Nisha began to scrutinize Skylar again with sharp eyes.

Before long, she was holding a cross-shaped spear in her hand.

…The wind brushed against my skin.

“Let’s get to the point. What is ‘that’?”

“It’s not a thing.”

“Right. It’s a person. But there’s something more valuable attached to her life. And not just that, I wonder how many curses and blessings she has… What’s her identity? That woman.”

“…Let’s just say she’s a companion.”

Skylar immediately understood the meaning behind Nisha’s words.

“They’ve probably already noticed. In that case, it’s safe to assume Propertyius has too. More importantly, hasn’t this person uncovered the types of curses and blessings yet?”

There were certainly hunters collecting divine bodies, but the woman before me and Propertyius had no interest in the body.

And of course.

They were at the scene digging up the divine body.

There was no way they could feel greedy about it.

No one who witnessed the fate of those longing for a body would dare feel envious in that place.

“The damned king has already stolen your heart, and other forces are moving significantly.”

“What’s the reason?”

“You know. Bodies attract each other like magnets, and eventually, they scatter. Anyway, what I want to say is that in this situation—”

“I know. I can’t help but know.”

“You were there, and yet you’ve changed quite a bit. You look younger.”

“Do you have to poke at such painful truths?”

“I’m not going to ask how you found another body without your own or why the divine eye that wasn’t there is on her.”

“…”

“But if what you’re plotting is related to gathering all the bodies… I will stop you.”

The wind swirled around Nisha.

The air was as sharp as a blade. Just brushing against it could tear flesh, open wounds, and blood would flow. This was… Nisha’s physical ability.

Achilles’ heel.

The tendon that does the hardest work, causing trouble at least once in a lifetime.

Despite such a whirlwind, Skylar calmly continued her words.

“I don’t gather all bodies. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. If you’re suspicious, you can make a contract. I’m not lying right now.”

“Okay. I’ll believe you.”

“And don’t try to waste one of your precious chances on me. Seriously…”

“I’m doing it because it’s precious.”

“…”

The wind stopped.

They selected an appropriate request from the requests.

The request clearly stated “Gold.”

Skylar glanced at Nisha briefly.

“What are you thinking? We’ve already discussed her, and now she’s a rookie.”

“It’s fine. I’ll make her a novice within no time.”

“Huh?”

Skylar couldn’t comprehend.

Though it was unfortunate for Selina, it didn’t take long for Skylar to understand what Nisha’s words meant.

*

It’s uncomfortable.

Dark, damp… yet comfortable. I was sitting still, realizing how nice it was to take a break.

However, that comfort didn’t last long.

I felt dizzy as if someone was forcibly grabbing and shaking my body.

When I opened my eyes in what I thought was a cave, a beam of light entered. I slowly blinked and looked around.

I saw two familiar faces and familiar ceilings and scenery as well.

“You’re finally awake. Skylar, your friend really sleeps a lot, doesn’t she?”

“…I guess.”

“More importantly, you don’t need to bother with the uncomfortable scroll now.”

“Oh, Selina. Your eyes have already been caught.”

A familiar voice.

Only then did I realize the situation.

‘…Narcolepsy.’

Ah, I fell asleep again.

Caught? So I don’t have to hide my perfect appearance with that uncomfortable scroll anymore.

But I still had to use the scroll when normal people or other adventurers were around, but at least it meant I was fine in front of these two.

More importantly, the fact that those two came to the first floor meant they finally chose a request. I hope it’s a request I can at least help with.

No, realistically, that nun, being a platinum adventurer, would be okay on her own… but just sitting still and getting rewards doesn’t sit right with me.

Yeah. I want to do something adventurer-like and honestly contribute at least a bit. That’s the feeling.

“Is it done?”

“Yeah. I picked one.”

“…?”

She showed me the request, and at the same time, my brain froze. No matter how much I thought about it, it made no sense.

–

[ Rank: Gold ]

[ There’s a voice at the lake in the dark forest. ]

[ Reports have come in of a voice coming from the lake. There is no set time limit for the request, and rewards will be given to the first one who defeats it. ]

[ The water in the lake is alive and movements with strong acidity. However, it won’t dissolve bone or metal. ]

[ Confirmed characteristics include being immune to magical or spirit-based mental attacks, physical attacks, and absorbing the corpses of dead adventurers to roughly mimic their abilities. ]

[ 10 Denarion ]

–

10 Denarion.

Ten silver coins… two and a half gold coins… an amount that’s hard to refuse.

But the problem is.

‘Why on earth is the rank gold?!’

Does this person not know that I’m a rookie adventurer? Didn’t Skylar tell her? They chose together, for crying out loud! Does this even make sense?!

No, sure, I could think that it’s a simple misunderstanding regarding the ranking.

But immunity to physical attacks? Mimicking the abilities of the killed? And mental attacks too?

‘No matter how I think about it, this request screams mid-boss characteristics.’

If I simply follow along with this request, it seems like the only future is me dying. Should I just politely decline and tell them to handle it together?

Sending Skylar and that pretty nun to handle the request…?

For some reason, I felt my body sink down. My heart felt tight, and each breath made me feel like something was stuck in my throat.

Since I stayed quiet, Nisha was the first to speak.

“What misconception are you having? Obviously, it’s impossible for you with your current ability. Aren’t we on the same level? You don’t even have the authority to accept.”

“Then why…?”

“I will make you a silver-ranked adventurer within a week.”

At that time, I still didn’t know.

What kind of hell awaited me.