Tell Me That You Like It

A year ago.

 

“My left ear is humming and I can’t hear well. I couldn’t hear you properly even when I talked to you from the left.”

 

Anna couldn’t hear conversations well even at work all day, as if she was deaf. The sensation in her left ear was also unusually strange.

 

Anna went to the otolaryngologist, the closest to her studio, due to unusual symptoms.

 

“Let’s take a look.”

 

The doctor, who shone a light and examined the inside of her ear, murmured. A middle-aged female doctor in a white coat clicked her tongue with a tsk tsk sound.

 

“Oh, your eardrum is torn. It usually doesn’t tear easily.”

 

“What? Eardrums?”

 

It sounded like a bolt from the blue.

 

It seemed that the cause was the slapping she received yesterday from Min-seok, her younger brother. Min-seok, who was drunk and having a fight at a bar, asked Anna for money, saying that he had to pay the settlement money.

 

Already, she was paying most of her salary to her parents in the name of living expenses. Her parents were running a small supermarket in the neighborhood, but their income was small, and even that was spent on Min-seok’s education.

 

Min-seok was a fourth-generation only son and had been revered like a king in his family since he was young.

 

Min-seok received tutoring that Anna had never received since elementary school. However, Min-seok’s performance had never stood out. It was Anna who always won first place, not Min-seok who had private lessons.

 

“Anna, Min-seok should have won first place, not you…”

 

No matter how good Anna’s grades were or how many awards she got, her parents never praised her. Rather, she felt sorry for Min-seok, who was not good at studying. Anna, who was thirsty for the love and affection of her parents, always tried her best in everything to be a good daughter, but to no avail.

 

Since the day he was born, just because he was a son, the scale of the balance had been heavily tilted. No matter how hard Anna struggled, she could never achieve equilibrium. 

 

She wanted to go to college in Seoul, but Anna couldn’t leave home and had no choice but to enroll in a nearby national university with affordable tuition fees.

 

“What should I do… I hope Min-seok gets away without being punished… Anna, do you have any money you have saved?”

 

Tearful and restless, her mother lashed out at Anna.

 

Anna always had to pay money to cover Min-seok’s small accidents. The New Year’s money she received as a child naturally went to Min-seok, and even the coins she saved in her piggy bank were freely taken out by Min-seok for his own use.

 

When Anna, who is dissatisfied with him, says something to Min-seok, her parents rather scold her.

 

“Your child is greedy! How much money does she have in her piggy bank, how can she be an older sister and not give it to her younger brother? She should know how to share it with her brother!”

 

It was worse when her grandmother was alive. Min-seok was the first to eat delicious food such as braised beef ribs or grilled Korean beef sirloin, and then her father. There was no amount to return to Anna due to insufficient family circumstances. Min-seok, who has a good appetite, used to eat everything delicious without thinking about his sister’s share.

 

When Anna’s chopsticks went to delicious food, her mother criticized Anna.

 

“You fix that craving for food. Who the hell do you resemble?”

 

Still, Anna, who got a job after graduating from college, could not resist her parents asking for her salary in the name of living expenses.

 

She managed to save about 5 million won for several years while saving money on transportation and meals.

 

The five million won was saved for the first trip during the upcoming holiday season. Anna never dreamed of traveling abroad when she was a college student. She didn’t know how envious she was of her friends who went backpacking every vacation.

 

Anna always had to tutor or work part-time during vacation to earn her tuition. She studied hard, but it was never easy to get a full scholarship.

 

Even if you receive a scholarship, a part-time job is essential to pay fixed expenses such as meals, cell phones, and transportation expenses that you spend every day.

 

Anna, who had never spent money properly for herself, was saving money by saving transportation expenses to go abroad this time.

 

Anna was planning to go on a trip without her family knowing that she was going on a business trip. So this time, Anna insisted that she didn’t have any money.

 

Even after becoming a college student, Anna was sick and tired of her younger brother, who only caused accidents. And Anna, who had always been thirsty for her parents’ affection, had reached the point where she no longer felt thirsty.

 

Min-seok searched Anna’s room and found her precious bankbook.

 

Anna tried hard not to lose her bankbook, and Min-seok cursed at her and slapped Anna hard on the cheek with the palm of his hand. She was struck so hard that a spark popped out of her eyes for a moment. Her slapped cheek hurt so much, Anna couldn’t even remember when the eardrum was torn.

 

“I’m going to have to put on artificial eardrums.”

 

“Until when? Are you going to put on a prosthetic eardrum for the rest of my life? No, I’m not going to be disabled, am I?”

 

Anna, overwhelmed with anxiety, asked the doctor in an almost tearful voice.

 

“The eardrums will regenerate. If you put a thin sheet of paper on your eardrum, it will regenerate well. Don’t worry, the paper will fall off on its own when it’s all healed.”

 

The doctor kindly explained about eardrum patching.

 

Could it be because the cheek was slapped too hard? The eardrum, which didn’t feel painful when it was torn, hurt so much when it was attached.

 

Just as it stings when the earpick accidentally went deep while digging the ear, it hurt so much that the body naturally shrank when the artificial eardrum was attached to the eardrum.

 

“Can you hear me well now?”

 

After attaching artificial eardrums, she could hear the confident doctor’s voice clearly. It sounded so good as if she was in a dream.

 

“It will fall off naturally after a month or two. You can remove it then, so don’t drink alcohol in the meantime. Also, don’t blow your nose and don’t lift heavy objects because the pressure can cause your eardrum to fall off again. If water gets into your ears, the pasted ones will fall off, so be careful not to get water into your ears.”

 

The doctor kindly explained, “See you in a week.”

 

Anna came out of the hospital with a prescription. She had to take the medicine for three days.

 

She was out of her mind and the treatment process was painful, but she was most upset when the doctor said that her eardrum would not tear so easily.

 

Her throat was hot as if she had swallowed a hot iron.

 

Who could she go and tell? She heard that her eardrums were ripped because her brother slapped her. It wasn’t her fault, but she was embarrassed to tell others. She couldn’t even tell her close friends. Having a family like this is like one’s own fault.

 

Yesterday, her parents saw her lose her bankbook and get beaten by Min-seok, but they only clicked their tongues. Her mom wouldn’t take her side even when she saw her red cheeks.

 

“You’re a strange child. You say you don’t have any money. You were so greedy for money when you were young and you didn’t want to give it to Min-seok, but you couldn’t fix it even when you grew up?”

 

“You don’t have any money, and you’re out there swindling people like this?”

 

Rather they accused her of being a liar.

 

Anna was shocked to hear that.

 

Why would she make money working like that?

 

How did you save that 5 million won? That’s not that big for someone.

 

It was money she had saved by walking for an hour after work in the hot summer and cold winter to save on subway fare.

It was the money saved by saving thousands of won for lunch by enduring the desire to eat a proper lunch and eating triangular kimbap or sandwiches at a convenience store.

 

She was tired from working overtime until late at night and it was so dark that she had no choice but to take the subway. On those days, she felt comfortable because she could ride the subway, but she felt sorry for not being able to save money.

 

Anna had always worked hard.

 

“I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you, Anna.”

 

When she got her first salary after getting a job, her mom smiled brightly and her dad tapped her on the shoulder. On that day, Anna was able to eat chicken legs that were always occupied by Min-seok and her father. Anna had her father’s share of chicken legs.

 

Anna craved the affection of her parents as her discrimination with Min-seok grew. She wanted to be praised, so she never complained. She always gave her salary for her family. She was then sensitive to the occasional drop of water.

T/N :  Occasional drop of water it is used to convey the idea that something is happening or should be considered despite difficult or unfavorable circumstances. It suggests that even in the midst of adversity, there are still valuable or meaningful things to be found.

 

She didn’t even think it was a sacrifice.

 

If I do well, my mom will praise me, and she will love me, just like Min-seok. Someday… 

 

So thirsty for the affection of her family, Anna was blinded by her need for approval.

 

Anna actually wanted to major in vocal music as she loved singing and actually sang well. However, vocal music was a costly and luxurious dream for Anna.

 

Even with Min-seok, the fourth-generation only son, the family was not interested in Anna’s dream. They simply wished for her to graduate from university as soon as possible so that she could earn more money. In fact, Anna’s parents were not pleased with her going to college either.

 

“How should Min-seok study when you go to college? We’re not rich enough to support both of you. Anna, don’t you know the family situation?”

 

As soon as she graduated from high school, she begged her parents who encouraged her to get a job, so Anna only received tuition for the first semester. She was not even supported and she was able to get it on the condition that she pay it back because she worked part-time.

 

From such a young age, Min-seok was treated as a precious son and monopolized the love of the family, so Anna was jealous, but on the other hand, she was giving up because she couldn’t help it.

 

Yesterday, after being hit by Min-seok, she somehow came to her senses. Her mother’s criticism and her father’s rejection came as a great shock to her.

 

In the meantime, she did not know when she was obedient. Even when Min-seok beats her, her parents still take Min-seok’s side.

 

Anna was shocked because her mother treated her as a liar. Even though her brother slapped her, she didn’t scold Min-seok at all and was tired of her father standing by her side. It was the moment when she realized the reality.

 

No matter how hard she tried, the only thing her mother loved was Min-seok. It wasn’t until after she was beaten by Min-seok that Anna realized that she had a finger that hurt even more when she bit it. Compared to Min-seok, the affection given to Anna was less than the flesh attached to leftover bones.

 

Five million won was a small beacon of hope for Anna, who was dreaming of going abroad. For the first time, it was money only for herself, not for her family.

 

“I don’t want to live like this anymore.”

 

Anna, who couldn’t sleep all night, left home on her way to work in the morning and went to the bank first. Min-seok took away her bank book, but it was an installment savings account anyway and the bank business was over, so Min-seok or her parents could not take out the money.

 

For the first time in her life, she took sick leave from her job. Her throat was hoarse from crying under her covers all night, so it was easy to show pain over the phone.

 

“Are you canceling?”

 

“Yes.”

 

She cancelled the savings account at the bank. And that way, she hurriedly contacted her real estate agent and found a small studio in a place far from her home. Anna, who had used up five million won as her deposit, planned never to enter the house again.

 

She didn’t bring any clothes from home, but she was fine. She didn’t even have a few clothes anyway. Like clothes, shoes, watches… All good things and new things belonged to Min-seok.

 

Anna came out of the hospital and walked helplessly towards a small studio apartment.

 

It was evening, but she had no appetite. There was nothing to eat inside the studio, which was empty. Anna lay herself on a small single bed. It was a shabby bed with only a mattress without a blanket, let alone a bed cover.

 

“It’s empty. It’s really…”

 

Now she was without her family. People worse than dead. That was Anna’s family. She intended to cut ties with her family and live alone in the future.

 

“I’ll have to change my job, too…?”

 

Without her salary, her family would have no means of living. The thought of being tormented by Min-seok or her parents, who might come to the company and ask for her money, made her feel like she was in a terrible nightmare. She had to leave her current job as soon as possible and find a new job.

 

She lay there for a long time, staring blankly at her ceiling, then Anna barely got up and left the studio. She bought a small pot and ramen, and after the obligatory eating, she took her medicine. She then fell into a deep, death-like sleep.

 

And a year had passed since then.