ALL NOVEL Chapter 35: Worries
“How’d it go?” the wizard asked.
“Couldn’t you hear everything I thought?”
“Nah, I don’t pry,” he said, then threw a tilaberry in his mouth. Small little orbs like grapes, but a bit sweeter, with a raspberry-like taste. One of the priests must have gotten them for him while I was meditating.
“I levelled.”
He scoffed. “Now that I could’ve guessed,” he said, between chewing. “Berry?”
“Thanks,” I said, popping one in my mouth as well. “Fair. Didn’t become an avatar. Picked up an ability to sense other gateways.”
“Smart.” He nodded. “If you don’t run into a proper usurper, that is.”
I shuddered at the thought. “Surely those aren’t that common?”
“Nope,” he said. “Most hide deep into the frontier. Quite a few are stationary, even. But I’d be pretty wary of those that can move if I were you. I’d wager that you’re not the only one with something designed to seek out lost gateways.”
I nodded at that. “I’ll watch out.”
“Sure. Keep your eyes sharp, your senses sharper, and never neglect training your legs. It’s not always wise to fight, but there’s usually little harm in running.” There was a long moment of silence as I stared at him. “Right, fine, if you protect a castle, like I’m doing right now, maybe running isn’t your best choice.”
For a second, I shook my head at his antics. “Alright Orvan. Thanks for your advice. Especially on the avatar thing. Having that freedom means a lot.”
It was the old wizard’s turn to shake his head. “Doesn’t mean a lot. Means everything,” he said, popping another berry into his mouth. There was a somewhat mournful expression on his face, and I imagined it was informed by a past choice of his own.
Not that I pried.
Instead, I clapped the old man on the shoulder. “You’re right,” I told him. “But we make do with what we got.”
He scoffed. “Alright, stop wasting your breath trying to cheer up an old man. Go find your party, maybe that redhead, and enjoy your night. I’ll be there to see you off tomorrow. For now, I need a nap.”
I smiled at the wizard. “Alright Orvan. Sleep well.” The bags under his eyes told a story I did not need to hear.
With him walking the other way, I headed back to the mess hall. Ann wasn’t there, though, so I went to our room instead, where she sat on the bed, idly practicing some magic.
She found a lot of value in fine control, which meant her manipulation was quite good. Sparks of blue light danced across her fingers, little motes of mana assembling tiny magic circles before dispersing and reforming another.
Apparently, she didn’t hear the door, being so focused on her magic. She was also facing the wall, rather than the entrance, so she didn’t see me, either.
I gently closed the door, stepping in just far enough to see the side of her face, and watched her practice, leaning against the wall. It wasn’t much of a lightshow, and felt more like what Matt did when he worked through his stances and katas and techniques and all that. She was practicing a set of techniques very central to her magic, and it showed in the ease with which she handled the mana.
Every motion was practiced thousands of times over, the circles blurring as she sped up, only assembling for fractions of a second before they disappeared again. The motes of mana above her palm turned into a storm, little electric sparkle flitting through the air, standing still only for a moment.
Dim, blue light shone onto Ann’s face, making her skin look even paler than she already was, almost ghostly. Her eyes were fully focused on the task, not leaving the flickering sparks above her palm for a moment, as her lips silently danced through the syllables of unspoken chants.
Did I look like that when I practiced, too?
Minutes passed, the flickering only growing more intense, until Ann pressed her lips shut into a thin line and the mana extinguished. Sweat was beaded on her forehead, and she wiped it away using the blanket, turning to see me as she did so.
“Hey there, hot stuff,” I said, smiling at her.
“Fio!” She almost jumped then and there, but still stayed on the bed. “You’re uh… back. I didn’t notice you come in.” She gave me a crooked smile.
“I noticed. You practicing again?”
“Of course. Gotta make sure I don’t go rusty!” she said, sticking her tongue out at me. I was tempted to kiss her then and there, but sat down next to her instead. She draped an arm around me. “How did it go?” she asked.
“Well, mostly,” I told her. “Turned down being an avatar. Would give me some divine power, but probably fuck with voyage.” Ann nodded at that. “Then I spent my contribution, nabbed a level in each class, as well as a new technique. Means I don’t need to rely on the gods to find us another gateway or two.”
I saw Ann’s pupils narrow, like she was trying to pierce through me with her gaze. “So you’re really committing to this?”
There was a pause of hesitation before I answered. “Yeah,” I said. “Yeah, I will. It’s… well. Complicated, of course. But the gateway will fix itself eventually. I would like it to be as strong as possible by then. Is that the right term? ‘Strong’? Cass?”
Ann kind of stared at me as I asked the air, but the answer soon buzzed through my head.
[By absorbing further gateways, be they broken, or even just pieces of them, into your own, you can strengthen it. Essentially, it doesn’t just help repair the gate, but also makes it harder to move, and allows you to expand the territory in the gateway world. Which, well, doesn’t exactly mean a lot yet, but suffice to say, makes you closer to untouchable!]
“Thanks Cass,” I said with a slim smile, then turned back to Ann. “Essentially, grabbing more broken bits of gateways lets me get my soul and my gateway harder to remove. If I let it just heal over time, then I might just have it ripped out when I try to go back to the… other side. But if we get to enough gateways before then, I might just be able to return without any problems.”
Ann’s crooked smile faded a little. “Right. The whole soul-tearing bit.” She laid a hand on my cheek. “I’m worried Fio. When will we know your little portal, your soul, is strong enough to not just be taken?”
I placed my hand on top of hers, squeezing it. “I’ll be okay, love. For now, I think, we should focus on repairing the gateway. When it’s close to fixed, I’ll head back to my fam, let them know I’ll be gone. Overseas, something like that. Then I’ll stay in Eden as long as it takes until it’s safe to cross again.”
There was the ghost of a smile back on Ann’s lips. I leaned forward and kissed her once. “We got this,” I whispered.
She nodded, and wrapped both her arms around me. I revelled in the comfort, despite it probably going against the rules. Too much attachment, too much love, rules one and two. I should really meet Ann on the other side at some point. Make some memories, ones that would last.
I sighed, and squeezed her more tightly.
So many things to worry about. Rule five. Don’t get greedy. This one also applied to power. If you were obsessed with becoming stronger faster, you would take risks, and risks got you killed.
I had to worry about my memories, whether I would lose them, whether this would all fall away like some fleeting dream. Worry about my family, about whether I was giving them enough time. Butterfly needed me, after all, and despite not admitting it, mom and dad did, too. Worry about the keepers and the usurpers, and even the divines. And at the same time, I knew that distrusting too much could also eat you up inside.
With a great sigh, I closed my eyes and leaned onto Ann, squeezing her as she squeezed me back.
“We’re gonna make it,” I whispered. Didn’t know if it was to myself, or to her, but I whispered it. She nodded silently.
No matter what, I was surviving this.