The Broken Prince's Love

Cedar had to admit that he had mainly kissed his beloved because he wanted to show his mother that he would protect Lucille no matter what. Maybe he had also done it to calm down his lover and himself because they were worried. And maybe he had done it to show Lady Peril to back off too. He doubted that the last part had been successful, but he couldn't look at Jenna to check without making her happy. So, he returned to the other end of the table and stopped next to his chair.

He hated the fact that his first guess had been right. He would sit next to Camille at the short end of the table, where the emperor and his wife usually sat. Cedar would have liked to refuse, but it was too late now. He was glad that his mother had sat down without him needing to pull back her chair, but that was the only good thing about this situation. Now he would have to sit next to Camille and listen to her blabbering for the next few hours. His smile was probably so blinding that it revealed everything.

Theodore and Blanche, who had taken a seat on the long side of the table directly next to Cedar, already gave him pitying gazes.

Cedar held back a comment about them allowing this on purpose and sat down. He hoped for a long silence to follow, but that wouldn't happen. He knew his mother would use every single second to lure him in.

When everyone at the table had taken a seat, Camille lifted her glass with her favorite white wine and spoke up. “I wish to thank all of you for attending my banquet today. I sincerely hope that you will enjoy this chance to eat while having some nice conversations with old acquaintances. Let us toast to Artias before the servants bring the first course. May our glorious nation continue to flourish and become the best version of our country that has ever existed.” She purposefully didn't mention the emperor's reign in any way before drinking her wine.

Theodore seemed like he considered adding something but let it be. He merely refrained from drinking for a few seconds to force everyone else to wait before he offered his glass to his wife. He drank from Blanche's glass, which for some reason had red wine, in return while giving her some red wine from his.

Camille was visibly annoyed by this, but she couldn't speak while drinking.

Cedar had expected his brother to be petty enough to use this chance, but the emperor didn't say anything special. So, he considered adding a ‘Long live the emperor’ before drinking, but his desire to speak to his mother was already nonexistent. He just lifted his glass to gulp down some wine. He didn't like this one much, but as always, he didn't show even the slightest reaction to drinking it. When he finished, he set the glass down while praying for a calm meal. He didn't doubt that the gods would send him something unpleasant again, but it was worth a try.

Of course, Camille already moved a second later. She signaled the servants to bring in the first dish but was already focused on her son. She spoke up as soon as the plates arrived. “Cedar, you haven't contacted me for the past few weeks. I have no idea what is going on in your life. Did something bad happen? Surely, it did. After all, you did not write me a single letter, even though I was patiently waiting. You didn't come here again either. You always spend time with me on my birthday. What prevented you from visiting this year?”

Cedar would have liked to drink the rest of his wine to have a reason not to speak. For now, he would lie straight to her face while hoping that she would be annoyed with him and glare at him quietly. “I apologize. However, I had different tasks to take care of. Some of those were given to me by my brother, so they naturally have the highest priority.” He glanced at Theodore, who gave him a confident smirk. So, he could use this excuse. Good. “I helped Theodore in his office and spent hours upon hours dealing with very important matters there.” They worked for two hours at most per day, and that was the rare exception, especially since Theodore always ran away after an hour.

This reasoning had its intended goal. Camille was upset about the brothers working together but intrigued about Cedar's meddling with politics. Most likely, so that she could delude herself into thinking that her second son was only doing this to betray his brother after winning his trust. “What kind of matters?”

Theodore chimed in with a small smile. “Political ones. Those are confidential though. I fear we cannot tell you. But I can assure you that Cedar is very clever if you allow him to act on his own instead of trying to use him to fulfill thoughtless plots.”

Cedar didn't even check what level of anger his mother's expression showed. He just drank while glancing at the end of the table.

Lucille was sitting there and talking to Fiona. Apparently, she was fine right now. But Lady Peril's grin made it seem like the situation might not stay quiet for long.

Cedar would have liked to interrupt them there, but he couldn't do anything. At least unless he wanted to yell across the whole table. And he would only do that if it became absolutely necessary.

“Cedar.” Camille's voice sounded rather bitter, so he had to look at her again. Unsurprisingly, her face was already scrunched up again. “You didn't tell me that you took part in the minister meetings at all.” So, Theodore had bragged about that.

Cedar held back a sigh and put on the faintest smile he could muster. “Indeed. This matter is confidential after all. Few people know about it.” Most likely, countless people knew by now, and that wasn't important in the slightest. “In addition, I am pretty sure that saying that I do not wish to have contact with you included not telling you about things like that. Does that make sense? It should. Because I told you often enough by now.” He had meant to be as provoking as this had sounded. If Camille threw a tantrum, they could leave.

Camille reacted as expected. She glared at her son and spoke with fury dripping out of her voice. “You can stop this childish tantrum now, Cedar. It's time that you finally wake up and act normal again. I don't have the desire to put up with this any longer. Come to your senses.” This was rich coming from the person who had completely lost her mind over eight years ago and refused to work on it. No one wanted to put up with her for much longer, and she didn't get that. But Camille wouldn't know. She continued without a pause and added sentence after sentence.

Cedar turned his head away from her without listening until the end. He would like to go back now. As long as he could hug Lucille, he would be in a much better mood than now. But unfortunately, his lover had been banned to the other side of the room. He considered sighing and only stopped himself because he didn't want to show how annoyed he was. It still seemed to have shown.

After all, the royal couple already gave him pitying glances in an attempt to cheer him up. Blanche even gave him an encouraging smile. She reached over and patted his hand while mouthing something. “You can endure it.” That was easy for her to say. She wasn't sitting right next to Camille. And she wouldn't be the one suffering because of what she had done a second ago.

By now Cedar could already see the catastrophe. The woman his mother openly compared to Althea had touched him. This wouldn't be left unmentioned.

As expected, Camille's face was overcome with pure rage. “What are you doing?”

Cedar replied before she could offend the empress and be thrown in a cell by Theodore. “Is there a problem, Mother? I don't think that you can order Her Majesty, the empress of Artias around. So, please hold back unless you want to make it seem like you planned on attacking her.”

Camille narrowed her eyes and balled her fists on the table. She would probably ignore the food, which had already been brought, in favor of terrorizing the people around her. She gazed at Blanche with obvious hatred before she turned to Cedar. “You allow her to get extremely close to you. Don't you think that that is a bit much? After all, the two of you have no relationship unless that damned-” There her well-known misogyny was again. She would definitely insult Blanche now.

Cedar didn't want to see how Theodore ripped his mother apart before his eyes, so he intervened. “You're asking odd questions, Mother. Blanche is my brother's wife. I don't understand why us getting along would be an issue here.”

Camille gritted her teeth. She glared at her son and then at the empress. “You use each other's first names? How interesting.” She glanced at Theodore. She was probably hoping for jealousy and was annoyed when she didn't find that.

Theodore just leaned against his backrest and grinned at the dowager empress in the most smug way imaginable. That was odd. He had used to hate Cedar being anywhere close to Blanche, and now he simply accepted it. No, he was even satisfied with it. That was probably because he could upset Camille with this. But he didn't let the short interaction from before do the trick by itself. He even had to add something. “Is something wrong with your ears? Or with your brain? You should know that Cedar is my brother. Obviously, Blanche and I would get along with him. We spend a lot of time together, and he and Lucille often come to visit Aurora. He's good with children. Did you know that? Maybe we'll make him and Lucille Aurora's godfather and godmother. It would be fitting. Aurora adores her uncle and aunt already.” Surely, Theodore was doing this on purpose.

Now Camille was glaring at Cedar. Probably, because she saw this as some sort of betrayal. “You get along well? That is surprising. I remember different interactions from your childhood. Wasn't there a time when-” She obviously wanted to remind the emperor of some unpleasant situation from the past.

Theodore didn't let her get that far though. He put on a surprised expression. “What do you mean? Cedar and I always got along well. We played together regularly. Don't you remember that? I was sure that you noticed it at some point, but it seems that I was wrong.” Now he was showing that smug grin again. “I can definitely calm you. Cedar and I are rather similar and get along quite well. That was the case in the past, and it is the case now. Years ago, Mother played with us two in the courtyard. It's a shame you didn't see that.”

Camille looked like her world broke in two at that. It wasn't clear because this was since Theodore had addressed Althea as his mother or because of the rest. She whipped her head around to Cedar and gazed at her son with a mix of disbelief, fury and panic. It was a nauseating expression that made him want to calm her immediately. “Cedar, that's not true, right? I always told you to stay far away from that...that woman, and you did that. Right? And you never got along with Theodore. You've always hated him.”

Cedar wasn't sure whether dealing out such hard blows so early on was a good idea, but he wouldn't ruin Theodore's efforts now. He showed his mother a blinding smile. “Theodore didn't lie if that is what you are asking about. And what made you think that I hated him? He is my brother, so hating him would be harsh. As children, we loved to run around the palace together to find new locations and examine the things we found interesting. I don't hate him. Did I ever state the opposite?”

Camille opened her mouth to agree in a hurry before she froze. Maybe she understood it now. Her son never told her about him hating Theodore on his own accord. Cedar had always just affirmed what she said by nodding and smiling.

The prince had just been mean to Theodore because his mother had endorsed that and because he had been jealous. Maybe he had been furious at his brother at times and had said horrible things. But Cedar hadn't ever wished for his brother's death. Not when he had always seen how different his mother's views on Theodore and Althea were from reality. But of course, he shouldn't have expected the dowager empress to get that.

Camille had never accepted the fact that she had manipulated her son ever since he had been born and that she was to blame for all of his problems. She was still convinced that Cedar felt about others exactly like she did. So, she narrowed her eyes at him and just lied to his face. “Of course, you said that. You said that often enough. You even swore that you-”

Theodore cut her off there. “He didn't. At least not if you are referring to that conversation after Father's death. You wanted him to swear that he would kill me, but he didn't do that.”

Cedar had in fact done that during two or three of his breakdowns. But he wouldn't revise his brother's statement. Instead, he just spoke before his mother could. “So, you claim that I hate him? If you convinced yourself of that, my words won't reach you anymore. But remember that I know what is going on in my head better than you do. I don't care how you explain it to yourself. Though, we have to continue this discussion. We haven't eaten a single bite yet. Let us begin, or the guests will be confused.” He glanced at Lucille.

His lover was in the middle of a conversation with Lady Peril, and her expression mirrored that. Of course, she was extremely upset. Yet, she didn't stay quiet but talked back despite looking like she would rather be somewhere else.

Cedar would have liked to look at Lucille longer, but he was already distracted again. He noticed that three drops of honey candy had been added to his plate. Apparently, his mother still believed that he would accept it. How naive of her. He put those aside as a demonstrative motion, only to realize that his mother was already busied otherwise.

Camille had forced herself to eat a bit from her salad, and Theodore had done the same. Now all of the guests could eat. Since most didn't listen to the conversation of the royal family anyway, it seemed to be fine for the four of them to talk about everything they wanted to mention.

Unfortunately, Theodore saw that was an invitation to address what Camille would hate most. “You know, Cedar. It's funny. You used to make fun of me for being enamored with Blanche, and now you have Lucille and are as bad as I am.”

Camille set down her fork with an audible clink. Her expression was a mask of fury by now. She glared at both of her sons before she seemed to realize something. In an instant, her rage simmered down a bit, which didn't reduce the iciness in her gaze. “You are addressing Lady Valerian with her first name? I see. That certainly is interesting as well. So, I assume that you are very close too?” She wanted to make Cedar jealous. Really? This was such a cheap way to do it.

Cedar was proud to say that he didn't worry about this at all. He knew that Theodore lived for his wife. And Lucille was always so intimidated in front of the emperor and had even worried about her lover liking the empress. There was no way that she was interested in Theodore. The emperor only called her by name because he had convinced himself of the fact that Cedar and Lucille would marry. The prince would have liked to explain that, but he didn't get the chance.

Blanche showed the dowager empress a radiant smile as she replied. “Do you remember that Cedar always addressed me with my name too? In the past and now? That was because I am Theodore's wife and part of the family. Of course, it's the same for Lucille. Cedar calls his brother's lover by name, and Theodore does it for his brother's lover. That isn't hard to understand at all.” They really wanted to ruin Camille's mood completely, didn't they?

It worked as the dowager empress' expression shifted. Now she had exchanged burning fury with freezing bitterness. She turned her head to the prince ever so slowly.

Cedar ignored how his mother glared at him and drank a sip of the wine, which suddenly felt like the better option. He hoped that it would be over like this, but he knew better.

Camille barely gave him five seconds before she spoke. “Cedar.” Her voice had a warning undertone. “Surely, that is not the truth. There is no way that you would take in a random girl like her as a mistress. This is either a joke or some rather stupid temporary way to busy yourself.” She truly had some nerve. She didn't understand that she upset him more each time she offended Lucille.

Cedar didn't let her interrupt him though. He finished his wine before meeting her gaze. He gave her a faint smile and then replied in a calm voice. “Mother, I kissed Lucille in the middle of a ball. You saw that, if I remember correctly. Why are you asking questions with obvious answers?” It was almost pitiful how much Camille clung to the hope of him not caring about Lucille, but he wouldn't let her tell that to the people around them. He didn't want Lucille to doubt that he was in love with her after all. He couldn't say the words yet, but he would give her everything she desired aside from that. Proving that he cared to others was part of this, or she would worry about him again.

Camille didn't seem to like that answer. She balled her fists and almost looked like she wanted to hit the table. She held herself back from doing that, but she glared at the prince with much more fury than before. “This is ridiculous! Cedar, you-”

Blanche interrupted her in a sugary tone. “I think it's wonderful that Cedar finally found his beloved. After all, he isn't engaged to some annoying person already and can immediately marry the one he truly cares about.” She breathed out and put on a dreamy smile. “How wonderful it is to see young love blossom. I will definitely bless your marriage as both your friend and as the empress.”

The prince would question whether they qualified to call each other friends, but he didn't point that out. After all, it was just supposed to upset his mother. And that worked like a charm.

Camille's expression was scary. Her well-known raging fury had come back. She looked like she would grab a cup and throw it at Blanche, but she didn't do that. Instead, she just lifted her hand.

A second later, a maid stood next to her and handed over a cup with some clear liquid, which was most likely water. She also put something else into the dowager empress' hand.

Camille took both before opening her hand so that everyone could see the pills that were lying on her palm. She put those inside her mouth and swallowed them with some water. Then she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. That was odd to watch. Normally, Camille always believed that her anger was justified. She didn't try to hold back. So, she obviously did this with some specific goal in mind.

Theodore watched her with a complacent smile. “You are taking medicine? Is that against your hysteria? Finally. It was about time.” Normally, this would have earned him a death threat and at least five insults.

Today, Camille just glared at him for a bit before replying. “I do not have any issues of that sort.” Surely, she didn't. “These are against the ailments that I suffered from. I may have been able to cover up most things with powder, but the past months left their mark on me. I could barely sleep and have been suffering from colds and more serious sicknesses for weeks.” Thanks to Leon. “Ever since Cedar left me, it has been this bad. I have not been able to sleep for five hours at a time, and this may influence my emotional stability. I have become much more sensitive and weak in general. I have countless ups and downs full of dejection or anger.”

Cedar had planned on listening to the very end. He really had. But he already knew what would follow. He would be blamed for everything that had happened. He didn't need to listen while his mother tried to make him feel bad because of a completely logical decision. So, he gave up after a few seconds and just chimed in. “I'm pretty sure you had that before I left too. The mood swings, I mean. You had hysteric fists ever since I was born and probably before that too.” He only realized how sensitive his mother was after he said that.

Camille's mouth fell open as if he had offended her. She blinked at him before replying with audible indignation. “Your breakdowns were far worse than everything I ever did. You seriously hurt people when you lose your self-control. How can you-” Now she wanted to push the blame onto others again.

Cedar found that a bit annoying. He just smiled at her while correcting the most important part. “You push people down the stairs when you get angry. That does hurt them too. Much like grabbing servants by their hair and shaking them hurts, but that's beside the point. You want to talk about my mental state now? That's interesting. I could try to ask you about how my breakdowns developed and who was at fault for triggering them in most cases, but I doubt that you would understand that. You probably won't understand that I consoled you far more often than you consoled me while I still had to listen to you hurling my triggers at me either. So, I will just be direct. When was the last time you saw me break down?”

Camille wanted to reply immediately, but then she froze. She didn't remember. She hadn't seen the last few times he had seriously gotten angry. She had just told herself that he still needed her help to keep him from breaking down, but she hadn't understood that he didn't need her anymore. “That...was...” So, she had no answer.

Cedar grinned at her while he began cutting off some of the small piece of chicken that had been served with the salad. “That was before Father's death. At that point, I could already hold myself back so that I could withdraw into my room and vent my anger there. After we had spent three months in confinement, I completely controlled everything that made me angry. You didn't pay attention to that, did you? You always act like I would be vulnerable and dangerous without you. But it's been eight years, probably nine, since I seriously hurt someone during such a breakdown.”

Cedar was pretty sure that threatening Jenna had been the last time that he had ever lashed out because he had forced himself to work even harder to hold back after that. And the last time he actually attacked someone while his mind was clouded had to have been when he had been twelve at most.

His mother's last fit had most likely happened less than a few days ago. Who was she to compare herself to him? She had never put effort into controlling her destructive tendencies.

Cedar had purposefully confronted himself with things that hurt him over and over again just so that he wouldn't injure others afterward. He had hated that so much that he had almost given up in the beginning. But then, he had finally managed to gain complete control over his emotions, and he was content with that. Still, he hated the fact that his mother disregarded all of those efforts. He hated the fact that she compared their issues. He wasn't like her. Not in the slightest.

After all, he had the desire to protect, and that part of him was much bigger than his will to destroy had ever been.