The Broken Prince's Love

Lucille had probably asked a hundred servants before she received a response from a guard. Few people had seen Cedar, but now she finally knew where he was. He was in the winter garden. That was where she first admitted that she saw him in a romantic light. She hoped that that location symbolized the same for her and him, but in the end, that didn't even matter. She had gathered the courage to speak to her lover, so she would need to find him quickly and talk to him before she got uncertain again.

She barely noticed what was going on around her and almost ran into a few people on the way. But she made it to the balcony anyway and already prepared to rush forward again when her eyes fell on her lover.

Cedar blankly stared into the distance as he approached the staircase. He came directly toward her, but it looked like he hadn't noticed her yet.

For a moment, Lucille considered waiting until he was right before her, but she quickly lost all self-control. She hadn't seen him for the past few days, and that was already enough to make her desperate for his presence. She wanted to be closer to him again, and she wanted him to tell her that everything was fine. Her mouth opened before she could stop herself. “Cedar!”

When Cedar looked up and made eye contact with her, it felt like all the air was pushed out of her lungs. Lucille couldn't understand why this little gesture had such an impact on her, but she didn't have to either. She was just content knowing that her heart felt so warm was because she finally saw the person she loved again.

Without thinking, her legs began to move on their own. Lucille unconsciously wanted to be with Cedar as soon as possible again, and she didn't try to fight that urge. She just rushed down the staircase. She tripped after the third step or so and fell forward with full force. Lucille braced for the impact, but she knew that she wouldn't end up on the floor.

Instead of crashing down, she collided with Cedar, who seemed to have jumped to catch her, and almost knocked both of them off the stairs. She vaguely noticed how he stabilized them after swaying a little, but she was already distracted.

Lucille threw her arms around her lover and held onto him. Suddenly, everything seemed fine again, just because she could hug her lover again. She had missed embracing him and feeling his arms wrapped around her body. She didn't even care that they were still standing on the stairs in a rather unstable position and just clung to him.

Cedar had probably had a heart attack due to her sudden accident, but he was as reliable as always and kept them upright even while she leaned her whole weight against him. “Lucille...” His voice was so silent, and yet, hearing him was all she needed. She had even missed the way that he said her name.

Lucille lifted her head to make eye contact and almost froze again upon seeing his face so close in front of hers. But instead of holding still to watch Cedar, she allowed her instinct to overcome her. She lifted her hands to grab her lover's head to pull him down to her and crashed her lips onto his. It might have been the first time that Lucille had been the one to initiate such a passionate kiss. It had been a bit sudden, so she wouldn't have been surprised if her lover had pushed her away because he hadn't expected this.

But Cedar did the opposite. As soon as he understood what was going on, he returned the kiss fully while holding her against his chest.

At that moment, Lucille felt wonderful again. She could barely keep herself from leaning even more into Cedar's and only held back because she feared that they might really fall off the stairs if she did that. But a few seconds later, she quickly forgot thinking completely. The kiss demanded all of her attention, and she gladly focused on that. She wanted to think about Cedar and nothing else. Even that the air in her lungs became sparse didn't stop her.

They stood there for an eternity. When Cedar eventually had to lift his head to let them breathe again, she still refused to let go of him and held him close. This location was more than unfitting, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Not when her Cedar was in her arms again.

Lucille's heart beat so quickly that she felt like it might jump out of her chest, but that only gave her more willpower to say what she needed him to know before anything else. She could barely get enough air into her lungs at the moment, but she forced herself to speak anyway. “I love you.” She knew what those words meant to him, and this was what Cedar needed to know more than she could imagine.

It almost seemed like Cedar's brain stopped working for a moment. He froze and stared at her without hiding behind his smile right now. Then he moved so quickly that she couldn't follow him and kissed her again.

This time, Lucille was the surprised one, but she quickly melted into his embrace. She felt like she was limply hanging in his arms by the end of this kiss. She didn't even care about that even if she knew that making Cedar balance both of them was difficult when she didn't want them to trip and fall down the remaining steps.

But at least it seemed like Cedar had more control over his body than she had. He managed to stand upright and hold her without threatening to stumble. When he released her lips, he rested his forehead against hers and just stayed silent for a few seconds to give them both time to calm down.

Lucille needed that, so she was grateful. She forced herself to pause for a moment instead of beginning to babble on immediately. She would only trip over her own tongue if she spoke now, so she might as well try to collect herself first. And she didn't mind that at all. She was close to her lover and hugged him again, so everything was calm enough for her to be patient.

Both of them remained quiet for a bit before Lucille managed to press out something. She chose to start with what was important and just repeated it again. “I love you.”

This time, Cedar didn't kiss her. He responded. “I adore you too.” That was much more direct than what he normally said. It wasn't that sentence yet, but by now, he only exchanged one single word. He sounded genuine too, not pained like he had to force himself.

A smile spread on Lucille's face. She looked up at her lover, and her chest felt warm all over. Cedar was back with her. He was in her arms again, and she didn't have to worry about him slipping away. She didn't know what to say at first when she wanted to tell him so much. So, she just stayed silent and enjoyed being in her lover's presence.

Cedar didn't say anything either and just lifted his hand to stroke over the back of her head. That motion alone was so soothing that she could have fallen asleep from that. She had lain awake in her bed for the past few days, so this wasn't surprising at all.

Lucille closed her eyes for a moment and relished in the blissful feeling of love that slowly warmed her. It was the perfect moment, and both of them could only think about each other as they stood there in silence while showing their feelings without words.

But, of course, someone had to interrupt that. “Are you done blocking the staircase now? You may have enough free time to do this the whole day, but some people have to work.” That voice definitely belonged to Harris, the male servant Cedar was friends with. He had come at a very unfitting moment.

Cedar stayed still for a moment, letting out a small sigh, before he lifted his head and turned to the person behind them. “Have you noticed one of the other staircases that are around here, or was the area next to us too small for you? If you're going to spend your time bothering others, you might as well make yourself useful and help your colleagues. Maybe you can go clean out the west cells downstairs. Those always need to get taken care of.”

Normally, Lucille would be embarrassed to hug her lover like this when others were watching, but today, she didn't care. She refused to let go, and Cedar did too, so she cuddled against him while lifting her head slightly to see the other man.

Harris stood next to them and definitely had enough space to move past them without any issues, which suggested that he had addressed them for another reason. He didn't have the arrogant smirk one would have expected on his face. Instead, he just smiled normally as he watched the couple. His reply wasn't as smug as it could have been either. “I never thought that I would be content with you being so petty. It's good to see that you are doing well again. The last time I saw you, you ran right past me because you were walking around like a corpse. It's better to see your creepy smile than to have you in that depressed state.”

That made Lucille's heart hurt. If even a person who had only walked past Cedar once saw that he had felt horrible, it truly had to have been bad. And she had felt horrible at that time too. They should have met earlier, and then it wouldn't have been so hard on either of them.

Cedar ignored everything the servant had said and just said something else. “If watching a couple makes you unhappy, go to your beloved person and stop bothering us. I'm sure that he will be happy to busy you so that you don't have to say such nonsense.” He didn't check whether the other man complied and turned to Lucille again. His normal smile was back while he spoke in a gentle voice. “Let's go talk somewhere private so that no one can interrupt us again.”

Lucille immediately nodded. She wanted to continue to hold her lover after this, so they would have to discuss this unpleasant matter to forget it afterward. “Yes. Let's go to...” She didn't know where they should go. She looked around for a moment but found nothing suitable.

It seemed like Cedar had an idea though. He gently pulled her to the other side of the terrace.

Lucille didn't hesitate to follow him while still keeping her arms around him. She refused to stop hugging him, which might have slowed them down quite a bit. But at least Cedar hugged her back without any intention of letting go. She allowed him to lead her toward the hedges, where they followed a small path that was surrounded by bushes. She only recognized the pavilion when she saw it in front of them.

They were surrounded by enough plants that obstructed the view, so they had some privacy here. If someone came closer, they would hear it in time. Lucille was content with that.

The two of them sat down on the bench in the pavilion and were quiet for another moment. None of them loosened their embrace while they waited for the other one to begin.

Lucille grew more uncertain of whether she should speak up first and gathered her courage while trying to figure out what she should start with. Apparently, she took too long.

Cedar already spoke up in a whisper. “I'm sorry for not coming to see you. I...thought that you would want to process all of this before we...before I ask you to talk about it. So that you wouldn't be so upset anymore.”

Lucille might have been a little sad after finding out about this, but by now, that was already over. She remembered little aside from her desire to cuddle with her lover. “I wasn't upset. I was just...surprised.” She met Cedar's gaze and fought the urge to kiss him again. There was enough time for things like that later. For now, she needed to do something else. “And I was a bit emotional because I was surprised. I didn't mean to react coldly or to push you away. I'm sorry. Please forget what I told you that day.”

Cedar was silent for a short moment before he replied. “Why are you apologizing? I was the one who messed up. I have to apologize to you a dozen times. You didn't even say anything bad.” Since he was used to his mother insulting him to his face, he might be a little biased when it came to things that were bad or not.

Lucille knew that both she and Cedar could have dealt with this topic better. So, she would apologize for that. “But I might have reacted with less grace than I should have. I love you, and I know that you love me. So, there was never a reason to delay this conversation.” As she said that, he had completely forgotten about the significance of the word ‘love’ for Cedar, so she was confused when he tensed for a moment. But then she understood, and the soft smile he gave her seemed so much more meaningful just a second later.

Cedar leaned down to her to press a small kiss on her head. Then he rested his head on hers. “You didn't say anything wrong. It was my fault for doing something stupid in the first place. You have the right to be mad.” He was silent for a moment before he continued. “And I should have told you. It had been obvious that my mother would try to use this upon being cornered. She...told the truth in general, but she obviously sneaked in countless lies. Maybe I should have clarified that from the very beginning.” He didn't even give her a break before continuing in a hurry. “First of all, I do care about you. In the very beginning, I thought that you were a young woman who had my sympathy because of your difficult father, so I talked to you a little. But as soon as you spent more and more time with me, I began to like you. I completely denied it back then and told myself that it didn't mean anything, but it did. I should have seen that too. After all, I worried about Mother targeting you, and I wanted to protect you from your father's anger then already. That wouldn't have happened if I hadn't cared. And as you know, everything only got more serious after.”

“I do know.” Lucille nodded to underline her words. “I trust you fully. I was sure about that even when you told me for the first time. You showed me that you care often enough. I'm not the most intelligent person in the world and maybe a bit naive, but even I can tell the difference. You always kept yourself hidden behind some sort of veil, that fake personality that you always show in public. But after we spent more time with each other, you slowly stopped hiding as much as before. I noticed when we got closer.” Hopefully, this would calm him down a bit in that regard. She couldn't be sure whether she had managed to explain it properly, but maybe he believed her now.

At least Cedar didn't seem to be upset because of what she said. He just kept her in his hold and whispered. “That's good. Because I can't... I don't know whether I'm good at showing affection. I'm not used to doing anything like that.”

Lucille replied without skipping a beat. “But you are doing it all the time. You are even doing it right now. When you kiss me and hug me, that's showing your affection. When you tease me and make of fun of me blushing, that's affectionate too. Much like asking about my day or just sitting together to drink tea. And in addition, you also explicitly told me that you care often. That's how I know that you like me. And because you keep sleeping in my room. And because you help me with cutting my steak when I can't get the bone off again. And because...” She had so many things she could list here. “It's because of everything you do. All of that shows your affection, even if you don't notice it.”

Cedar remained silent for a moment too long. He was still uncertain about this, but at least he replied in a somewhat positive tone. “I am happy that you see it like that. Then I guess that I didn't mess up completely.”

Lucille was already prepared to argue and remind him that he hadn't done anything bad, that he had always tried his best to convince her of the fact that he cared.

But Cedar already continued. “I began to like you very early, but something else might matter even more. You also need to know that I never wanted you to get hurt. I mean, originally I hoped that I could hide in your estate without alerting anyone, but I also didn't plan on doing something that could hurt you or others. Even in the beginning when I thought that I might have to convince you to stay quiet about my presence, you were never supposed to be involved in anything. I would have left your home after the attack, which should have ended with only me being injured, and I wanted to make it seem like I had only been there for a few days in secret. After that, I would have stayed in the palace, so I wouldn't have met you again either. Neither you, your father, your servants or anyone else should have been hurt.”

Cedar had told her that already after she had heard about this first. He had said that the plan had been to create a disturbance to attract the royal guards. Lucille believed him. She had seen Cedar's reaction upon finding out that those assassins had tried to kill the people inside the mansion. She knew that her lover wasn't the type of person who would sacrifice human lives when it wasn't necessary. He would have avoided all deaths if he could have, and his mother had ruined that with her own order.

“I know. But she...” She didn't finish that sentence, and she didn't have to.

Cedar already replied. “Mother got involved. That was because the informant in your house, that maid, told her that you had spent a lot of time in the annex. Since Mother knew that I was there, she concluded that we had to have been together during that time. So, she asked Reeve about you, and that coward answered immediately. After that, she knew about you and saw you as someone who could treat me with more kindness than her, which would lead to me not caring about her as much anymore. She remained right with that assumption, but back then, she thought that this attack could prevent that as long as she killed you.”

It made sense. Camille was so dependent on Cedar that she wouldn't let anyone get too close. She had always wanted all of her son's attention.

Lucille didn't say anything this time and just listened.

So, Cedar moved on with the narration. “I obviously didn't know about that and thought that it couldn't be so bad. But then the attack happened, and she aimed to kill you in silence before I would notice. I still tried to stick to the plan with the only exception being that I would keep you safe. That's why I stopped at the designated spot and waited for the assassin so that the arrow could hit me. You probably...remember that that didn't work.” He almost sounded a bit dejected while saying that.

Lucille slowly moved her head, which forced him to lift his head and allowed her to look at her lover. “That wasn't your fault. I suddenly jumped in front of you. I...I'm not happy about being hit with an arrow, but that was because of my own rash actions.”

Cedar's reply came immediately while his bright smile revealed that he didn't like remembering that. “I wasn't happy either. Especially not since I would only have been hit in the shoulder, which could never have killed me. But you were seconds away from death. That was why I forgot most of the plan. I just wanted to get you to the royal doctor. As expected, he was one of the few people here who would be able to treat such a wound. After that, I was rather upset with Mother, so I was happy that I could avoid her in the palace.”

Lucille could imagine that. She remembered how angry he had been while telling her father that he wouldn't forgive the perpetrator. He hadn't lied then, even though he had still cared for his mother.

Cedar scanned his lover's expression and noticed how she still listened to him without even the slightest bit of resignation in her eyes. So, he resumed his story. “Then we spent more time together, and I fell for you. I quickly understood, but I denied it because I refused to accept that I would ever have something like a romance. But of course, that was just me ignoring the truth. I did accept that I cared about you a lot at some point though. And then...we got a bit more intimate. At that point, I also...spoke to Theodore a bit more often, and my already lacking desire to overthrow him disappeared completely. Mainly because I realized that I wanted to be with you and not support the woman who kills someone if she believes I might care about them in the near future. So, I wrote her a letter. I said that I wanted to meet her.”

That was the completely new part. Lucille had grasped a bit during the trial here, but she needed more details.

Cedar took a moment to watch Lucille's face, and when no strange reaction came, he continued. “Of course, Theodore had someone follow me at that time, so they noticed I was meeting Mother. He probably wanted to know what I would tell her, so he let her travel here while acting like he wouldn't notice. Apparently, Leonard eavesdropped on that conversation. In any case, I used that meeting to tell Mother that I wouldn't become emperor anymore and that I didn't want to see her in the future. Seemingly, I made myself clear since Theodore trusted me afterward and stopped having someone watch me. And days later, Mother burned down her house in confinement because she wanted to follow me to the palace. Ever since then, she has been in denial about me truly caring about you and keeps telling herself that I am using you and that I am still acting to fool Theodore.”

Lucille had noticed that by now. Camille's words had been rather unambiguous. That woman clung to the thought of Cedar still being by her side. It didn't seem like Cedar would help his mother though. Lucille watched her lover for a moment longer to confirm whether he was done, and as expected, he added something else.

“Theodore probably allowed her to come here on purpose. He wants to give her a chance to do something stupid. He gains evidence that can be used against her and he makes me confront her. Thanks to her rather unpleasant personality, this usually makes me dislike her more, which was probably supposed to help me cut her off. I don't know whether that worked. I only know that I fell for you more with every day. When you eventually told me that this was not only the feeling of friendship, I got scared. But you were obviously right, and I was already enamored with you then. And since then, there only has been one choice. I always wanted to hold back because I doubted that being with me was a good idea for you. But I couldn't hold back. So, I kissed you, hugged you in public, told you that I would marry you and allowed Blanche to give us a blessing for an engagement that doesn't even exist yet.”

Hearing him say that made Lucille much happier than most other things could make her. After all, she was able to read between the lines and figure out that this was his way of telling her ‘I love you’. It made her heart swell.