The Deadman

A room that smelled like cigarettes and beer spilled on the low table. In the middle of the room was a man who was looking at the television, watching a documentary channel about nature – mostly animals and then old cartoons.

He was living his life as if all enthusiasm had been choked to death. Barely moving, eating food, and yet not wanting to leave life despite it all.

One could say despite all the chances and blessings. What broke him was the collection of what had happened to him.

The rope of sanity keeping the mask on simply snapped. Revealing the face within, the face that feared. The face of a man who was finally coming to terms with the fact he might just be gone.

The strength he had. The abilities he had. All of it meant nothing in the face of a fate bestowed upon him. One would think that having met with his wife again would have been enough, and yet life simply did not revolve on the person. The emotions that piled up on him had become rampant. Like flames that wrought his innards. He simply forgot to tend to the flame and now the flame had burnt him.

It came to Kato the realization. For the first time in his life, he truly didn’t know what to do. He was killed. Woke up in a body, fought, and then was put to sleep for a hundred years, missed out on a lot of things, died and got into debt with a powerful being, and then found out the woman he saw as his light was walking this earth. Changed and seemingly willing to do anything to get their family back.

And now he was a vessel.

He will become the tool that will slay a creature that the Deadman wants to kill.

Freedom.

Kato sought freedom.

He wanted freedom.

The tiredness he felt years ago came. When he was lost on what to do. Unable to function. Unable to find hope. Kato keeps telling himself she is here. Katey’s around. But it isn’t enough. Was he such a bastard hoping she’d remain the same?

No. Perhaps, he wanted her to remain the same. It might be odd. And yet a good part of him didn’t want her to go this path. Oh he knows she could take it. And she’s doing better than him who was like headless chicken clawing on the ground.

Because in their world. She was the one lighting up the hopeless, worthless world like a lamp. A hearth he could confidently warm himself up. He didn’t care if he was the only one getting wounded and bled.

It was why he could take on hard missions. Do incredible stuff and fight through any mess. Because she’s waiting back home. Showing him a smile to heal his weary soul. He had a dream once, how lovely it would be, to enter his home, smell the warm meal she made, and then find his little kid running to his knee. That was the dream Kato had. He didn’t have any grand dreams. He didn’t want to become so powerful. In his previous world, he appreciated the simple things, because there was nothing left.

So when she was gone.

When he had to bury them.

When the only place that could heal him was their grave he had spent his savings on.

When he could only hope someone would just put a bullet in his head.

When he thought he found peace and continued on with his life despite it all.

Only to be shot dead and thrown into a world like this.

He hated falling asleep for one hundred years.

He hated missing out on all the things he wanted to see.

He hated it.

And most of all he hated seeing Katey like this.  And most of all he hated being chosen as a vessel for the Deadman.

He was just a merc.

Just a merc trying to make sense to all of this.

Without purpose.

Without some grand goal other than survival.

Just like he always has.

And yet here he was thrust into this side of the world. He didn’t have control. And even if he did. What would be the point of having one?

Magic was grand. The feeling of it was something Kato took pleasure in using and yet in the end it was a tool. A tool he was using to harm and kill.

His mind was trapped. There was a voice inside his head saying he needed to stop. He needed to man up and play the professional merc again. Weakness isn’t allowed. If you don’t steel yourself and harden your head. Some bastard will shoot you in the head and kill you. A voice rang out in his head.

WHAT ARE YOU MAGGOTS? YOU THINK YOU CAN LIVE IN THIS CITY WITHOUT USE? DO YOU NOT SEE THE SKIES ABOVE? IT BURNS EVERYONE. OUT THERE WE HAVE DEGENERATES WHO ARE GOING TO BURN THIS CITY DOWN, TAKE YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILIES, AND LOVERS. THE WORLD HAS GONE MAD, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN. AND WE ARE THE SHIELD OF THESE HELPLESS FOOLS PRETENDING THE WORLD HASN’T ENDED. WE STOP THE MUTANTS. WE KILL THE RAIDERS AND DEFEND THE WALLS OF OUR CITY EVEN IF WE HAVE TO DO IT WITH A KNIFE ON OUR HAND.

WHAT ARE YOU MAGGOTS?

WHAT ARE YOU!?

YOU ARE A SOLDIER.

A WARRIOR!

The voice of the drill instructor rang. His body moved and yet the heart did not cooperate. He felt weak. As if his body could not function. He took a breath. And then pulled himself out of bed. He looked at the mirror. There was a certain gloom around his face. Kato stared at the mirror, practicing his expression, trying to make a mask that would suit him.

He found one.

He slapped himself twice on the cheeks and then found a jacket, and pants. He didn’t carry anything other than his necessities, gun, and the smart glasses he had.

Kato climbed down. He took a look at the sun and wondered how long it had been since he started living inside. He took a look at the time and realized he had last checked in around three months ago.

Three months ago. Did time fly so fast? He looked up his messages, found the contacts, marked them as read and went down an alley, standing on the door of a bar with a sign called ‘Eden’ and then entered.

As usual there was a woman manning the counter. She looked up and raised a brow.

“Oh, you look like garbage, bud. Haven’t seen you in like? Four months?”

She takes something out of the counter and places it on the counter. Kato seated himself on the stool and watched his eyes on the reflection.

He didn't say anything. Other than looking like a fool trying to speak to the beer inside his mug.

“You eat something bad?”

Kato looked up. Julie flinched at the way Kato looked at him. She visibly calmed herself, groaned, and then crossed her arms to protect herself.

“What, asshole?”

“Nothing.”

“Hey, if you’re asking for some godly advice from me. Look elsewhere, kay? I don’t have the wisdom of age.”

Kato smirked. “I wasn’t asking.”

“Your face is screaming for it. You don’t look like I'm too calm for this bullshit douchebag right now. Shit, I mean did notice you were back home three months ago. But it seems like you aren't functioning so I leave you alive. Fucking hell, I was sure I’d hear any moment someone hanged himself or something.”

“Wow… a terrible assumption to have.”

“It’s nothing new. I mean this city has ways of making one miserable.”

Kato stirred his beer and took a sip. “Well, to be honest with you, I feel like shit.”

“I mean you aren't hiding well. Must be something, you’re a tough piece of shit, so it must be utter shit.”

“Oh it is, Julie,” Kato laughed lightly. “Just found out my partner was alive.”

“Oh, so, uh, your wife?”

“Yeah. I don’t know, but she’s alive. Actually doing well. Better than me. So much.”

“Please don’t tell me this is about your inferiority towards your woman having a more paying job, please?”

“Nope. Not all. Fucking hell, I’m so proud she’d accomplished a lot. Glad she’s alive and well. It’s good she’s alive and all. She’s changed. Not like I know.”

Julie pulled a stool and kneaded her forehead. “Man, you gotta start my day like this. I mean what’s wrong with it? I don’t see you as an asshole who’d complain about his partner changing for better or for worse.”

“Do you?”

“You have given me that feeling.”

“I do. I guess I’m the kind of asshole who hated seeing his partner change.”

“I see. But I’m sensing this isn’t your problem with it,” Julie pointed out.

Kato nodded. “It’s been years. I made my peace with the thought of her death. Mourned and had already tried to move one before something threw me to this city.”

“Aren’t you happy?”

He looked up. “Course’ I am. I’m glad she’s alive, but it’s been years, Julie. It’s been so long. It’s like trying to light up wet embers. It's hard to find the spark.”

“Man, you’re really asking me for relationship advice?”

“Yup,” Kato said.

Julie looked annoyed, then sighed. “Fucking hell, your face man, shit, it’s hard not to try. Honestly, what are you thinking?”

“I just want someone to hear me out.”

“I know. So, you still want to be with your wife? I mean I get it. You don’t like that she changed. You're proud she’s doing well and yet your stupid heart is saying you didn’t fall for your wife. No, honestly, I think you’re afraid. Scared of repeating something?”

“I guess,” Kato felt like she hit the mark. “When good things happen, you know how it is?”

“They never last.”

Kato stuttered before speaking out. “In the future, there might be a job. A job I can’t fucking pull away from. It’s one hell of a job. I can’t run away from it. I can’t even hide.”

Julie looked down, her fingers tapping the counter. “Oh… is it a military contract?”

“It’s a death sentence. A suicide mission.”

Julie’s face distorted. “Man, you shouldn’t really have to tell me about this.”

“I know. Sorry. Just don’t have anyone to talk to.”

“And this is why I shouldn’t be friends with my patrons. I just serve drinks, man.”

“Sorry.”

Julie palmed her face. “I get it now. This is a tough case,” she sucked in a quick breath. “I’m not even going to pretend I can help you.”

His expression softened. “You hearing me out is already good enough for me. I just needed an ear. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Julie forgot to blink. “You’re not a bad dude. I think you’d be the kind of guy who’d make his partner happy. Mercs like you always have a professional face. Trying to pretend they are all numb until one day they just have flashes of  gunpowder and smoke. Thinking trauma is beneath them, when in truth they just conveniently ignore it. You aren’t immune. And don’t give me the bullshit of you’re a man so you should keep your emotions to yourself,” her smile reached her eyes. “So it’s wise of you to find a poor bartender like me to annoy at the start of the day.”

She grew serious. “Just try to fight back, okay? I don’t expect my council will help you fight your demons. But just remember to try and punch whatever it is pulling you down. I am an unmarried woman, and I don’t have a right to tell you about marriages, but I can at least tell you. Don’t try to revolve your world around a person.”

“Awful advice.”

“Hey, you get what you get. But seriously, the bar's open and I’m always here,” she flinched, as if realizing something. “Oh god, I’m always here. I think I need a drink.”

Kato looked at her and found himself relaxed. “Thank you for just listening.”

“That’s all I can do. Just try to do your best. I think you will.”

Kato knew this wasn’t enough to fill up the hole.

And yet someone willing to hear him out was enough.