ALL NOVEL The winter in the south was humid and cold, which was torturing. The bone-chilling coldness would just seep through no matter how many layers you wore.
Zhishu had a sneeze while getting off the car. Ziyu touched Zhishu’s hands; his fingertips were ice-cold.
“Let’s go inside, I’ll turn on the dehumidifier and get you a hot-water bag to warm up your limbs.” Ziyu naturally took Zhishu’s right hand and put it into his pocket.
Zhishu leaned close to Ziyu. “Has the temperature dropped again these days? When we were in the car, I vaguely heard that the drizzle is going to last for the next few days from the weather forecast.” He said in a slightly hoarse voice.
Ziyu took the keys out with another hand and said gently, “It’s just the way winter is here. You have become more vulnerable to the coldness.”
Zhishu flattened his lips and stopped talking anymore. He changed his shoes, went straight into the bedroom, and turned on the lights.
When Ziyu came into the bedroom after getting everything settled out there, Zhishu already finished his shower. He had a loose coral velvet bathrobe on him, cuddling a cushion yawning leisurely.
“Come on, time to sleep. It’s been a tiring day for you.” Ziyu leaned over, touched Zhishu’s forehead with the back of his hand. His body temperature was fine. “You ate nothing today. Wanna have something?”
“No.” Zhishu shook his head.
Ziyu sat next to him on the bed, heated his hands up by rubbing to warm Zhishu’s hands. His palms were warm and dry.
“Nothing? Not feeling well anywhere? Something wrong with your stomach?” Ziyu put one hand on Zhishu’s belly after warming his hands up and massaged expertly.
Zhishu felt much better but forced himself to stay awake. Something seemed to be on his mind.
“What?” Ziyu noticed something as he was always on the alert. “You gotta tell me if you aren’t feeling well.”
Rapid blinks of Zhishu’s semi-closed eyes told the evasiveness in them. “Shouldn’t you go to sleep now?”
Ziyu was certain that something wasn’t quite right but he didn’t have the heart to push for more. He just turned off the lamp and lay in bed next to him. “Go to sleep, I’ll keep you company.”
There was only absolute quietness in the dark except the rhythmic sound of light breaths. The two of them neither felt like sleeping nor had a topic to talk about.
Ziyu didn’t try to hug Zhishu. Outside in the kitchen, crystal sugar was melting on low heat with haws in it, Ziyu didn’t want to startle Zhishu in his arms later when he had to get up to turn off the fire. He backed on to Zhishu. It was a sign of nervousness, which was unusual, because they were sleeping together like a normal couple just days ago.
In the beginning, Ziyu thought the blurry intimacy was just his misjudgment or he was sexually repressed for too long until someone hugged him from behind, when the doctor’s mind instantaneously cleared up.
Even the dullest man could tell the difference between a simple touch and a suggestive invite by instinct, not to mention Ziyu Ai was a very sensitive man.
Zhishu’s hug was mild and somehow uncertain and disturbingly careful. He was never an open man. If it wasn’t in the dark, he wouldn’t even have the courage to reach out his arms.
Ziyu, on the other hand, was an open man, he had seen the world of seduction during his playboy days but at this very moment, he froze. He longed for it, he fantasied it… Yet now, how could he have the heart?
“Are your hands still cold?” Ziyu took his hand and put it by his waist, “I’ll warm them up again.”
Zhishu abruptly retracted his hand. “Don’t you want it?” his voice came from the pitch dark sounded icy.
Ziyu went blank for a second.
No one tried to turn on the lamp. Zhishu sat up in the dark, crouched by the headboard. “You said you liked me, didn’t you?”
For an instant, Ziyu felt insulted. “So?”
“I’ve got nothing else. You won’t even see my flesh soon enough,” Zhishu’s voice couldn’t help shaking upon finishing as he spoke, which looked like he kept not to cry. “What else do you want?”
Ziyu didn’t say a word as he was now at the edge of an emotional outbreak that could be triggered by a single syllable coming out of his mouth. The night was biting cold and he was ruthlessly hurt.
“I wasn’t as good-looking as I used to be… But you know, sooner rather than later…” Zhishu sounded cooled down but cruelly calm, “…You know I don’t like to owe others too much.”
Ziyu’s heavy fingers were shivering. He felt light-headed because of oxygen deficiency. But he managed to barely stand up to cover Zhishu with the quilt. “Don’t overthink things. Get some sleep, I need to check for the pot.” His tone was gentle.
The moment Ziyu closed the bedroom door, he lost it unexpectedly. The entire living room was smashed even though he knew the sound insulation of one door was practically useless.
Zhishu looked aside carefully at the scarce moonlight shining through the gap between curtains, he had yet failed another man, even though it wasn’t his intention, even though he wanted him to bear less sentiments at their finale.
Anger and hatred were better than deep love.
Which was good for others and himself.
Zhishu He never meant to fail others as in his family, his parents, his friends and his lover. But at the end of the day, one person he hadn’t failed was the one hurt him the most.
Throughout his life, the one and the only man he had never failed was Wenxu Jiang.
Zhishu He was even a letdown to himself.