The Double Agent of the Heavenly Demon Sect

I thought I had seen all sorts of vile, filthy things in life.  

But now I realized I had only skimmed the surface.  

Look at this.  

‘Isn’t real pain right here in front of me?’

“Ugh…!”  

I endured the first day. I just lay down, unable to sleep, and only breathed in and out with difficulty.  

I thought things would get better after a day. But when I woke from a shallow sleep, I realized I was wrong.  

As morning came, I could barely even gasp. 

I couldn’t move a single finger and my tongue only slightly twitched in response.  

I was thirsty. Thirst clawed through every inch of my body.  

Black sand, it felt instead of blood, it coursed through my veins. It clogged my meridians, rotting my body from the inside out.  

I couldn’t even roll my eyes.  

For seven days, I lingered like this, just reeling in pain.  

Lying still wouldn’t change anything.  

I had to move, endure this pain, and stand upright.  

I had to.  

But… It felt like my resolve was breaking.  

In this relentless pain…  

———-

I dreamt.  

There was no sign of my sister. My parents weren’t there either.  

I just stood in a white, empty space. No one in sight, no matter which way I turned.  

So I just stood there, frozen, not knowing what else to do.  

Then I woke up.

And the pain struck again.

“Argh…!!”

A voice escaped me, the breath I released was searing.  

Even though I just groaned, it felt like every inch of my tongue was being stabbed by needles.  

There was something wrong with my lungs. Had breathing always been this painful?  

I couldn’t breathe. Each inhale and exhale was laced with agony.  

I was dying.  

Rotting alive.  

Was death the only answer? I didn’t know. But instinctively, I realized it was the quickest escape.  

A path to freedom from this suffering.  

A way to be free of this torment.  

I waited for the dark figure. For the one they called the First Demon to come and pierce my heart with a blade.  

Why didn’t time move faster?  

Kill me.  

Please…  

Please kill me.  

—

“Brother.”  

“Hm?”  

“Can we play together today?”  

My sister tugged at my sleeve. I wanted to laugh and say yes.  

But I couldn’t. 

If I held her hand and played with her, there’d be no food for her after.  

“… Later. We’ll play later.”  

“When?”  

“Later…”  

Time would come, surely. 

Someday, life would give me the luxury to take her out, to explore the night markets together.  

“We’ll play later, okay?”  

“… Brother.”  

Her grip on my sleeve loosened and fell away.  

“When is ‘later’?”  

When she asked.  

I turned around.  

There was nothing behind me.  

“… Ah.”  

I hung around the fragile fringes of reality and dreams. And caught in that vague threshold, I writhed. Blood trickled down from my bitten tongue.  

At which point does the dream end and reality begins?  

I didn’t know. It was just pain. I only wished for it all to end.  

‘Heavenly Demon, take my life. First Demon, carve all the flesh from my bones.’

I wanted to die. No, I wanted to live.  

‘My sister. Where is she? Where am I?’

“Welcome to the Hwayeong Sect.”

Memories jumbled together.  

Words I’d heard rushed over me like a wave of nausea.  

“You’re a bit too old to start anything now.”  

“You were never born with it to begin with.”  

“Effort is important, yes. But doesn’t a genius’s effort yield more than a commoner’s effort?”  

“Idiot.”  

“Young warrior, if I may be so bold, isn’t it better for you to just give up the sword?”  

My memories blurred together.  

“Jeokwoon. What a pathetic name.”  

“Child, your sister has died.”  

“If you’re a gatekeeper, just stick to opening gates.”  

“Child, are you trying to starve us to death?”  

“Be grateful for the grace of the Cult Master.”  

My memories tangled further.  

“Jeokwoon, it can’t be helped. Someone has to do it. If you’re a warrior of the Martial Alliance… Shouldn’t you be willing to die for justice?”  

“Your wages will be double, so don’t worry. We’ll send it all to your family.”  

“To think the one they recommended would be this pathetic.”  

“Now, time for your initiation. Come now, rookie! I’ll spit on you, and you’ll lick it up without missing a drop.”  

“Did you think challenging me would amount to anything?”  

Memories…  

“Jeokwoon, I’m sorry.”  

“Idiot. Let me tell you something—I’m certain you’ll spend your life as a gatekeeper.”  

“Brother, when will ‘later’ come?”  

“Give up the sword, young warrior. It won’t do any good.”  

“Child, give us money. Are you planning to starve your parents?”  

All jumbled together…  

“Jeokwoon.”  

“Idiot.”  

“Young warrior.”  

“Brother.”  

“Child.”  

———

… I am…  

“Jeokwoon.”  

… No.  

“Just a dog, guarding someone else’s gate your whole life.”  

Are you…  

“Satisfied with that?”  

—Are you satisfied with that?  

“Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!”  

I pressed my hands against the ground. 

I forced myself to stand up.  

Blood surged through me. Something black and thick dripped from my eyes, covering my cheeks and pooling on the floor.  

The veins pulsing beneath my skin looked ready to burst.  

My heart stopped. The rotten blood within me ceased to flow.  

But I struggled desperately. Was I satisfied with this?  

Are you satisfied with that, Jeokwoon?  

With a life that was hidden beneath the clouds?  

A life spent serving others?  

Are you truly content being such a meager existence?

—No!  

“That’s right. Just like that.”  

In the mess of memories, I heard the Heavenly Demon’s voice. Thought it couldn’t possibly be there.  

I reached out in that direction.  

I am a dog, a dog that spent the life licking the boots of others.

I know it all too well. How terribly untalented I am. That I was born with nothing.

So I justified it, blamed myself, and let myself be swept along.  

The sword of a commoner.  

The life of a commoner.  

The fate of a commoner.  

I spat out blood over all of it, pouring every last thing I had left onto it.  

Ah, yes! That’s right! Damn it all!  

I am a commoner! I was born a commoner and was on the path to die as one!  

But was I happy with that?  

—I despised it!  

But not anymore. Not now. I have a chance.  

Having received this opportunity, I must act. No matter how much I want to die, I have to endure.  

I’ve wanted to die my whole life.  

And so, when the day to truly die comes, shouldn’t I choose to live?  

Ironically. Ironically!

I…  

I, truly…  

“Sword…”  

I’ve always wanted to cut down this pathetic, impoverished life of mine!  

“Sword…!”  

I braced myself against the wall. I fell once, but I stood back up. I fell again.  

Each time I fell, blood spilled from my mouth. Visions and reality twisted around me, devouring me.  

“Jeokwoon.”  

Shut up!  

“Young warrior.”  

Shut up!  

“Child.”  

Shut up!  

“Idiot.”  

Everyone…  

Everyone, shut up!!!  

“Uwaaagh…!!!”  

The world is closing in on me, trying to force me to my knees, pushing me down with the vile blood surging within.  

But it doesn’t matter. I am a commoner. A commoner who will soon shed his shell and become a beast.  

I won’t kneel. I stood and  gripped the door.  

I walk.  

I walk.  

I must walk.  

I must… If I am to continue living…  

“Brother.”  

“…”  

I turned around.  

In the midst of twisted visions, I sensed my younger sister looking at me.  

Her tiny hand pulled at my sleeve once more, so weakly that I doubted if it was even real.  

A small hand. A body so thin and frail.  

And that gentle whisper.  

“It’s okay. You can go.”  

The only voice that was ever truly on my side.  

Always…  

Always so kind.  

I didn’t answer her voice. I looked away from my sister, who clung to me so often.  

I looked forward.  

I let her hand fall.  

‘I… I… Sister…  

I couldn’t always be there for you. Deep within me was a despicable selfishness.  

I was smiling, but I was crying at the same time. Pretending to be fine, but inside I was tearing apart.  

Sister, when I heard the news of your death, I thought my world would crumble.  

But the feeling that overtook me was not sadness.  

I… I… Upon hearing your news…  

—I felt a sense of freedom.  ‘

“Ahh…!”  

I cried out like a beast.  

This cursed selfishness!  

This cursed life as a commoner!  

I am not worthy of anyone’s sympathy! I pretended to care for you only because I had no other choice.  

I… I always…  

—I always wanted to live for myself.  

“Everyone… Disappear…”  

I will survive.  

Not for family.  

Not for my sister.  

For my selfish, hypocritical self.  

To reach the presence of the Heavenly Demon who has entranced me.  

For the first time.  

For the first time, for the dream that I hold in my hands.  

“I… I…”  

If the pain feels unbearable, then smile. If you can’t step forward, then crawl with both hands.  

Raise the corners of your mouth and laugh wildly. If your body can’t move, deceive yourself with lies.  

It’s fine.  

It’s fine.  

Haven’t you repeated those words countless times before?  

“For… me…”  

It was a life of endurance, dragged along by others, filled with lies from a selfish heart.  

So if you’re going to keep going, keep deceiving yourself.  

Endure.  

Do what you do best.  

“For… me…!”  

Grab the sword, Jeokwoon.

The exit from this dreary, miserable life I’ve always dreamed of. Seize it.

Walk with your desired expression.

Walk and keep walking until you can see what’s at the end with your own eyes…

“Give me… A sword…!”

And then, you may die.

Because I’m sick of just dreaming.

————

On the seventh night exactly, the First Demon entered his room with sword in hand.

But the hand that had wielded the sword to kill him didn’t move. It froze at the sight of his back, hunched as he wrote something.

“… How is this possible?”

“You’re here.”

A slightly breathless echoed. He turned, revealing a face which showed a slight hint of strain. It only distorted with each movement he made. Yet, he kept moving.

“…”

The First Demon pierced through that faint anomaly with a persistent gaze. Though he couldn’t understand it.

“You’re… Enduring the pain of the Endless Tribulations?”

“Yes.”

“H-How?”

“I am used to enduring.” The words gave away a twisted smile.

The First Demon was taken aback by his intense perseverance. The First Demon unconsciously took a step back.

The atmosphere had changed.

Was the man in front of the First Demon even the same as the one she met a few days ago?

“I have endured my entire life; how could this agony be compared to it?”

No, no…

The First Demon had witnessed many who struggled to acquire the Endless Tribulations, and knew the fate that awaited them.

Many warriors had even driven swords through their own bodies. 

Some of them were renowned masters, with extraordinary mental strength. Yet they could not endure it. 

Even a former Eighth Demon had sought this power, only to leap from a cliff when he couldn’t bear it any longer.

It was an agony that ordinary men couldn’t bear. A burden that those from common birth couldn’t wield.

And yet… Somehow…

He was withstanding it?

The First Demon stepped closer and forced his mouth open.

“… This…”

The tongue was mutilated, mangled beyond recognition. It was proof of how many times he had tried to endure, biting down against the pain.

Not only that. The First Demon looked at what he’d been writing.

Simple characters. The word ‘endure’ was written densely in blood across sheets of paper. Piles of torn papers covered the desk.

He relied on self-imposed suggestions, biting his own tongue and shifting his focus with writing to distract himself.

The First Demon saw his torn clothes, his thighs bruised and scraped raw. His entire body was a mess, with barely an intact part left.

It was clear…

He had done it all to himself.

“You… Just what are you…”

“I carried the Endless Tribulations with me, ate with it, strolled through the garden with it.” Jeokwoon smiled faintly, his mangled tongue moving as he spoke.

“Now, please teach me how to wield a sword.”

Relentless.

The First Demon stifled a laugh.

The man before her had been born with nothing. A common man who had grasped a sword but had never wielded it properly.

Yet, the First Demon could only acknowledge him.

“…  A madman.”

The resolve in his heart for that sword.

That vicious determination. No one could dare call that common.

“I’ll call a physician. Receive treatment.”

“I just want to—”

“The training comes after.”

The First Demon turned.

“First, fix that mangled tongue. Someone who claims to be the Cult Master’s dog cannot afford to look disheveled.”

Whether he would become a good dog or not, the First Demon couldn’t tell.

But at the very least…

—He was certain Jeokwoon would become a fierce dog, one that never lets go once it has bitten down.