The Fox Hole

Chapter 16: Cooking Lessons, Ninjas and a Duel?

– Haru –

Standing in my restaurant's kitchen, I watched Aela and Enri squinting at the stovetop like it was some kind of magical artifact, let alone all the other more complex kitchen appliances around them. Today, they had both asked me for cooking lessons. Of course, I was more than happy to say yes.

"The magic in your world is so amazing, Lord Haru," she said with genuine wonder. "To think these objects can make cooking so much easier… Surely such marvels could only be made by the gods!"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Nah, Enri. All this? No magic, just good old-fashioned human ingenuity."

"Humans made this!?" Her eyes sparkled with even more amazement, if that was possible. Aela wasn't as surprised since she already knew all that, but the most complicated thing she'd figured out so far was my shower.

We started our lesson. I was teaching them how to make basic vegetable fried rice.

I showed them how to properly heat the pan, adjusting the stove to medium. "You want it hot enough to get a good sizzle when you drop something in," I explained, demonstrating with a tiny piece of onion. It hit the pan and hissed perfectly, making both of them jump a little.

Aela crossed her arms, nodding thoughtfully. "It's like taming a fire. Only…without having to worry about logs or wind or the whole thing going out," she said, still a little suspicious of the stovetop.

"Exactly," I said, smiling. "Now, once it's hot, you add your oil. But not too much, or everything'll just float in grease."

They both watched closely as I added the oil, letting it heat until it shimmered.

Enri raised her hand slightly as if she were back in school. "So, um, what happens if I put the rice in too soon?"

"Good question! If the oil's not hot enough, the rice will soak it up like a sponge. We want a light fry, not oily mush," I explained.

Both nodded, and I could see Aela already mentally preparing to conquer this new cooking method. She threw me a determined look. "Alright, let me give it a try!"

I stepped back, giving her space, and she carefully followed my steps, adding her vegetables and rice to the pan. "You're doing great," I encouraged her as she stirred everything with a bit of a scowl, her warrior's focus kicking in.

Enri, meanwhile, looked nervous but stepped up to her own pan. "Lord Haru, if I mess up, will the food still taste good?"

I grinned. "That's the beauty of fried rice. It's pretty forgiving—just keep stirring, and don't worry too much. The important part is getting comfortable with it."

Aela, my fierce Viking werewolf girlfriend, eyed the pan in front of her like it was her latest enemy to be overcome. Her cooking experience mostly came from roasting wild game she'd hunted herself over open fires in Skyrim's forests. There, "seasoning" was usually just a pinch of salt—if she could find any in the first place. 

She flashed me a quick, challenging grin. "You better be ready to be impressed, Haru!"

Beside her, Enri focused hard on dicing a carrot, squinting a little as she carefully sliced. She was more of a beginner, mostly because her village relied on homegrown vegetables and only had meat on rare occasions. Since I'd started shipping her village, now my village, some better quality foods and ingredients, especially proteins, Enri wanted to learn how to cook them all.

When I complimented her on her vegetable prep, Enri's face lit up. She blushed and smiled as she kept cooking, glancing over at me every now and then for a little reassurance. I kept an eye on both of them, offering tips as they went. How to stir without spilling everywhere, when to add soy sauce and spices, that sort of thing. Aela got a bit carried away with the soy sauce, pouring in a solid glug without bothering to taste. Enri, on the other hand, was overly cautious, adding just the tiniest dash, her lips pressed together as she tried to get it right.

Finally, they were done. Each brought their plate over and set it in front of me at one of the tables, watching closely for my reaction. I took my time, savoring each bite as I mentally went over all the flavors in my mouth.

"Aela, you did well. The rice is cooked perfectly, and the vegetables are on point…but," I paused, holding back a laugh, "you went a little heavy on the soy sauce. You don't want your rice to be swimming in salt. I give this a B-minus."

She scoffed. "I'll do better next time, Haru. Don't get used to that 'B' nonsense. Whatever that even means…" she grumbled.

Turning to Enri, I gave her a reassuring nod. "You took a very careful approach, and the texture is great. But you need a bit more seasoning—this rice is almost as shy as you are." She blushed at that. "I'd give it a C-plus, but don't worry. You're on the right track. And hey, your vegetable prep was perfect—that's half the battle."

Enri's eyes looked like they were on the verge of tears but she still smiled and nodded. "I won't give up!" She cast a quick, slightly fierce glance at Aela, who just scoffed in response, rolling her own eyes at the younger girl.

Women could be complicated…

I had just wrapped up my cooking lesson with Aela and Enri, feeling pretty satisfied with their progress, when the doors to The Fox Hole swung open. I looked up, half-expecting to see one of my regulars or maybe Kunou rushing in for lunch. But when I saw who actually stepped through the doors, I froze.

I muttered to myself, "Rias is going to freak out when she hears about this…"

A lot of anime in my new world had been ruined by very trashy counterparts–I'm looking at you Drag-So-Ball! Go die in a fire, how dare you ruin Dragon Ball! 

But there were a couple anime that were unchained even across dimensions. One of those was One Piece and the other was–

Standing there in my restaurant was Naruto Uzumaki—the most iconic anime ninja in the world. And not just any version of him. He looked a bit older, even though he was wearing his classic Shippuden outfit. An alternate universe Naruto, maybe?

But it didn't stop there. He wasn't alone. Next to him stood a beautiful kunoichi with long, flowing red hair, brilliant purple eyes, and a toned figure that most girls would kill for. She even had those trademark whisker marks on her cheeks. Naruto and his possible twin or sister scanned the room, their expressions shifting from curious to tense the moment their eyes landed on me.

Naruto stiffened, his hand inching toward his pouch. "Oi! What the hell are you supposed to be!?" he demanded defensively, eyes locked on my fox ears and nine tails.

The redhead leaned forward, staring at me with suspicion. "Fox ears… nine tails… Is he a demon too?" she murmured, glancing at Naruto.

Before I could answer, Aela took a step forward, crossing her arms and glaring at them. "How dare you insult my boyfriend?" she snapped, her voice filled with the kind of righteous fury only a Nord warrior could muster. "Haru is a proud Yokai prince and the best chef in the world! Show some respect!"

Naruto and his sister exchanged a quick, surprised glance, clearly taken aback by Aela's intensity. The redhead, who I guessed was some kind of AU version of Naruto's sister, blinked before looking back at me with a slightly less hostile gaze…

"We'd sometimes hear rumors about yokai while traveling," Naruto's sister muttered, still staring at me in amazement. "But I always thought they were just superstitions…" She hesitated before adding, "Sorry…you just look like a human version of the Nine-Tailed Fox—except, you know, blond and not orange."

I smirked, unable to resist the chance to clear up her assumption. "I am a nine-tailed fox," I said, letting my tails give a little flick.

Naruto and his sister both stared, eyes wide with shock. Naruto finally found his voice, though it came out a bit shaky. "Whoa… I didn't know there were other nine-tailed foxes besides the Kyuubi. And you can take human form?" He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Old Lady Tsunade is going to lose her mind when she hears about this."

Naruto's sister gave me a curious look, her suspicion easing into fascination. "Speaking of that," she said, tilting her head, "how did you manage to open a restaurant in Konoha of all places? People here hate the Nine-Tailed Fox! Wouldn't they be trying to vandalize the place constantly?"

Next to me, Aela's eyes narrowed, and her hand drifted to the dagger on her hip. "Anyone who tries to damage Haru's property will answer to me," she growled, her voice filled with enough menace to make Naruto and his sister flinch.

Before I could reassure them, there was a familiar pop in the air, and I turned just in time to snatch the elegant scroll that appeared in front of me. Naruto and his sister's eyes went even wider as they exchanged nervous glances, muttering about what just happened and where the scroll had come from.

Unfurling the scroll, I glanced over the contents, relief washing over me as I saw everything written in basic kanji. "The land my restaurant is on was granted by the Daimyo himself," I explained, flipping the scroll around for them to see the official seal. "It's under his protection, and anyone who intentionally tries to vandalize my restaurant will be sentenced to a minimum of five years in prison in the capital."

Naruto and his sister gaped at me, clearly trying to process this information. She stepped forward cautiously, holding out her hands. "May I?"

I handed her the scroll, and she read it intensely, her eyes widening with each line. "Wow… Tsunade is going to lose her freaking mind when she reads this," she muttered, almost in awe. She pointed to the Daimyo's seal. "The seal looks completely official… and forging the Daimyo's signature or seal is punishable by death."

That sounded like a pretty harsh rule, but given the circumstances, I could understand why it was necessary. The Daimyo was basically like an emperor in the world of Naruto, although he never really appeared in the story for more than a couple scenes. I had a feeling he was probably more important than a real world scenario. 

Naruto's sister looked around, her expression a mix of curiosity and nerves. "So… this is a restaurant, then?" she asked, her voice wavering slightly.

I gave her my most reassuring smile and spread my arms wide. "Indeed, beautiful kunoichi. Welcome to The Fox Hole, interdimensional restaurant extraordinaire!"

"B–beautiful?" she stammered, eyes wide with what looked like genuine surprise.

I blinked, confused by her reaction at being called beautiful. 

"Ow!" I yelped as a sudden, sharp pinch on one of my fox ears snapped me out of my thoughts.

Aela was standing beside me, one eyebrow raised in clear disapproval. "Hmph! Stop flirting with every pretty redhead that walks into your restaurant. First it was Rias, then Shepard, and now it's going to be this ninja girl."

I scratched my head, chuckling a bit. "What does Shepard have to do with anything?"

Aela let out a dramatic sigh. "Of course you don't remember. Last party? You spent over an hour drunkenly flirting with Shepard."

I felt my cheeks go warm as flashes of the party came back. I didn't remember any specific details, but now that Aela mentioned it, I did recall a few moments where Shepard had given me some…interesting looks during the tour of her spaceship with Rias. She'd been particularly eager to point out that, as the captain of the Normandy, she had her own "private quarters."

Meanwhile, Naruto's sister had been watching this exchange, her face still full of disbelief. "Wait—you think I'm pretty too?" she asked, glancing over at Aela, looking even more shocked.

Aela shot her a look. "Were you dropped on your head or something?" she asked. "If you came to Whiterun, I have no doubt you'd have over a dozen Nord suitors by sunset…"

"Thank you," the girl said to Aela, a bit flustered but sincere. "I'm Naruko Uzumaki." She gave a small bow. So, I'd been right—she was Naruto's twin sister, and apparently, my restaurant had connected to some kind of Naruto AU.

Naruko went on, explaining that she and her brother had just returned from a three-year training trip across the Elemental Nations. "But we've never heard of Skyrim before," she added, eyeing Aela's gear curiously. "And…what does 'interdimensional' mean?"

I couldn't help but smirk at their looks of curiosity and wonder. "Well, you're in an interdimensional restaurant. The Fox Hole connects to different worlds entirely. In fact, I, Aela, and Enri here? We're all from different dimensions."

"Like…aliens!?" Naruto exclaimed, eyes wide.

I shrugged. "Sure, you could think of it that way if it makes sense to you."

Naruko laughed, still glancing around as though she couldn't believe her eyes. "We just wanted to find a place to stop for lunch since Ichiraku's is remodeling. I wasn't expecting something this crazy!"

Naruto nodded, still looking me up and down. "I wasn't either. Who would've thought a nine-tailed fox could exist that wasn't pure evil?" As soon as he finished speaking, he suddenly clutched his stomach, his face twisting in pain. I felt it—an unmistakable pulse of dark chakra. Being a Yokai, I was sensitive to things like that. It was like a flicker of anger had sparked from somewhere deep inside him.

Naruko winced as well, putting a hand to her own stomach. "I don't think the fox likes Haru very much…" Naruto muttered, his face tight.

"Yeah… I don't think my half likes him either," Naruko added with a pained grimace.

Aela and Enri exchanged curious glances, but I waved them off. This wasn't something we needed to get involved in just yet. If Kurama, their Nine-Tails, was jealous of my freedom and incredible good looks, that was his problem.

"So," I said, breaking the tension, "what can I get you two to eat?"

Naruto and Naruko straightened up, the pain seeming to fade as quickly as it had appeared. They glanced at each other before, with perfect timing, they blurted out in unison:

"Ramen!"

– Naruko Uzumaki –

Naruko felt conflicted. On one hand, Haru seemed like a genuinely nice guy—handsome, charming, and welcoming in a way that made her feel at ease. 

But on the other hand, he wasn't human. He was a nine-tailed fox. The same kind of creature that had terrorized her village, destroyed homes, and left her and Naruto as orphans. Because of that fox, she and her brother had grown up with the whole village resenting them. The Fourth Hokage had ripped that fox in two and sealed each half inside her and Naruto, making their lives… difficult, to say the least.

Which was why she couldn't just let her guard down around a random yokai that popped up in Konoha out of nowhere. But at the same time… HIS FOOD WAS LITERALLY TO DIE FOR! 

The ramen Haru made was unlike anything she'd ever tasted! Screw Ichiraku's! Haru's cooking left old man Teuchi in the dust, hands down. By the end of it, Naruko had ordered ten bowls, and Naruto had topped her with fifteen! When they finally left The Fox Hole, stuffed to the brim, she couldn't believe she'd ever eat ramen that good again!

But now, full as they were, they had to report to Tsunade. Being the village's jinchuriki pretty much meant they could talk to the Hokage whenever they wanted, and the Hokage needed to hear about what they just experienced…

When they arrived and opened the door, Tsunade was in the middle of lecturing Kakashi, who stood sheepishly scratching his head. "You were late again, and rude to a customer—do you have any sense of responsibility?" she demanded.

"Er…" Kakashi was struggling to answer when he noticed them arrive. He gave Naruko and Naruto a relieved one-eyed smile when he saw them. "It looks like my students have something important to talk to you about, Tsunade-sama. I'll leave them to it," he said, and before she could protest, he disappeared in a puff of smoke! 

Naruko could only shake her head at Kakashi's boldness…

"Damn brat," Tsunade muttered, scowling as she hurled an empty sake bottle at the wall where Kakashi had just stood. She turned to Naruko and Naruto, her expression skeptical. "So, what do you two brats want? You only just got back yesterday—don't tell me you're already in trouble!"

Naruko scratched her cheek, glancing at Naruto before looking back at Tsunade. "It's not that, Granny Tsunade… We just wanted to know if you knew about the restaurant that just opened up in the village… and its owner…"

"A new what?"

– Haru –

Enri was busy sweeping the floor and wiping down a few tables when my mother, Yasaka, walked in for a late lunch. "I'm in the mood for some takoyaki today," she said as she took a seat at the counter, her tails happily sawing behind her.

"Coming right up," I replied. As I got to work prepping the batter and chopping the octopus, Yasaka looked around, then leaned forward slightly.

"So," she said casually, "anything interesting happen today?"

I grinned. "My restaurant connected to an actual anime world today…"

Yasaka gaped at me before blurting out that "Kunou was going to lose her mind!" I laughed and mentioned that I'd said the same thing about Rias…

Speaking of Rias," Yasaka trailed off with a grimace. "She might have brought you a teeny bit of trouble. Although we were all kind of expecting this to happen." Yasaka said before pulling a letter out from her Kimono. I vaguely recognized the broken seal on the letter, I think it was from the Phenex Clan in the Underworld?

I opened it and read it out loud:

"To the Fiance stealing piece of shit animal known as Haru,

I, the great Riser Phenex, will not stand for the humiliation you dealt to me! Rias Gremory was mine, and you had NO RIGHT to take her from me, you FILTHY ANIMAL! I hereby challenge you to a duel for her hand in marriage against myself and my peerage! Of course, since you are a filthy animal and need some form of advantage, I shall graciously allow you to bring someone of your choice as backup for our duel, provided it is NOT your mother! We shall duel in three days' time in the Underworld!"

Fuck you,

Riser Phenex of the Noble Phenex Clan."

"Wow," was pretty much all I could say when I finished reading the letter. Once I was done with it, I set it on fire until it was nothing but ash that Enri quickly swept up.

"Wow is right," Yasaka shook her head.

"Are you going to be alright, Haru?" Enri asked and I smiled at her.

"Against a guy like Riser Phenex? Yeah, he's not much of a threat. My Foxfire is hotter than his Hellfire any day. That is, if I even bother showing up…" I don't know why I would even bother. Just because he challenged me didn't mean I had to accept. I was already Rias's fiance, I had nothing to gain from this duel besides wasting my own time.

Yasaka agreed with me, but sadly she told me that Riser's brother owned a large media company in the Underworld and they were already advertising this fight everywhere. Tickets were being sold to not just Devils, but other factions as well. If I don't show up for the duel, it would make the Yokai look weak. This was the kind of sly shit that I always hated about politics…

"Fine then, if the flaming chicken wants to get a beating in front of the whole Supernatural world, I might as well oblige."

– Danzo –

Danzo sat alone in his hidden office, deep beneath Konoha, surrounded by the shadows and silence that filled the underground chambers of his secret base. Here, far from the prying eyes of the Fifth Hokage, he managed ROOT—his private army, and, in his mind, the true power behind Konoha and the entire ninja world. To him, ROOT was the only safeguard for the village, the only force capable of true strength without the frivolities of morality or emotion.

One of his masked operatives appeared before him, a figure draped in nondescript clothing, face concealed by a blank white mask.

"The jinchuriki have both returned to the village, Danzo-sama," the masked ninja reported, voice steady and controlled.

"Good," Danzo replied, sipping his tea with a faint hint of satisfaction. "It's good to have our weapons back where we can control them. What have they been up to?"

The operative explained that the jinchuriki had been reconnecting with old friends and allies. 

Danzo sniffed in disdain, dismissing the sentiment as weakness. "Friends," he muttered. "Frivolous and pointless. Weapons don't need friends. If I were Hokage, those two would know their place, as tools—nothing more."

The masked operative hesitated, then continued. "Aside from that, Danzo-sama, there was one unusual occurrence. A new establishment has opened in the village—a restaurant called The Fox Hole."

"A restaurant?" he repeated, a hint of irritation threading through his voice. Konoha didn't change without his knowledge, and any new establishment warranted careful scrutiny. "And why is this place significant…?"

"The two jinchuriki visited it, but…" The operative shifted slightly, as if uncomfortable with the next part of his report. "When I attempted to spy on them through the windows and from the rooftop, I couldn't see through the glass. The building itself seemed almost… impenetrable. I tried slipping in through the back, but I was nearly spotted by strange guards—each with distinct animal features."

Danzo frowned deeply, his eyes narrowing. A hidden establishment that even his operatives couldn't infiltrate was a serious problem. Nothing in Konoha was supposed to be out of his reach or beyond his knowledge!

"I want this restaurant investigated," he ordered, his voice firm. "Uncover everything you can—about the owner, the patrons, and these 'guards.' I want to know how this place appeared without our knowledge."

The operative bowed, disappearing back into the shadows. Danzo sat back, fingers tapping on the desk as he considered the implications. This new restaurant had managed to evade his network of spies and kept their secrets well-hidden. But ROOT would not be kept in the dark for long.

XXX

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