The Gate of Shadows

After professing my love for Fenris, he held me until I forgot when or where we were to the extent that I didn’t realize when I had fallen asleep, only to be awakened the following day by the sunlight hitting my eyelids. Slowly, I rose from my sleep, finding him already up and dressed for the day.

He was gazing outside to see if any protesters were left to be seen. Luckily, there seemed to be none. I slowly got off the bed. Upon hearing my movements, he turned towards me. I shyly tried my best to cover myself with the sheets.

Even after all we had done throughout the years, I still found his gaze on me embarrassing when I bore it all to him.

Butterflies fluttering inside my stomach kind of thing.

Even though I wanted to look away from him, I could not help but learn every extra detail that emerged since I had last seen him. My wolf had freshly bathed, seeing how his hair was still moist from the water.

Again, you’re going out without me.

However, what was more worrisome was the dark circles under his eyes.

Have you not slept at all?

When he took a few steps towards me, I instinctively avoided his gaze, glancing towards the floor.

I don’t want you to go, but how can I keep you with me?

Petting my hair lightly, he smiled, “Lily, I’m going to see Ryker.”

“Take me with you,” I mumbled, prompting him to lightly lean into me and kiss my lips.

“It’s not safe. Stay here.” He sighed.

Even though I knew he wanted me to be secure, I also needed him to be safe.

That’s my most important goal in all of this.

“But…” I trailed off upon seeing his expression.

“No, everyone in this building knows who you are, and I can’t protect you from the masses. This room is the safest point in the entire building.” He informed, leaving me clasping onto my dress.

However, I couldn’t argue with him after hearing that. Even if they retracted the article the same day, that was still out; not everyone was easy to fool, even with Ryker's efforts to bury it.

Why am I so useless?

It was funny how I possessed so much power, but I could never dare to use it. However, even though I knew why Fenris didn’t want me with him when he saw Ryker, I couldn’t help but feel bothered by it.

“Fine.” I sighed, casting a quick cleansing spell on the room.

With a slight pout, I collected clothing to shower. This wolf wasn’t about to leave me alone in this room. Liam would probably be the one to babysit me, which boiled my blood further. This dependency was becoming overwhelming for me.

Shade accompanied me to the shower, where I sat by the closed toilet seat. I took advantage of the opportunity.

I’m going to be alone in here. Fenris won’t dare come in while waiting for Liam.

Therefore, a chance to control the magic that threatened this world came into play.

If I can somehow keep it down. Maybe I can become more dependent and be less of a burden on my beloved wolf.

However, when it came to taking off one inhibitor, my hand trembled reaching for it.

But if I can ease the pressure on you. Nothing will stop me.

The only way that would become a reality would be if I could protect myself using my power. If I wanted to shield him from the dream, I had to get stronger than I currently was.

Glancing towards Shade, I shook my head. “Don’t you dare grow big, okay?”

She tilted her head, Okay! Are you going to do it, Lily?

Taking a deep breath, I slowly removed the left wrist inhibitor. I felt nothing but a pulse rippled through me for a moment, triggering my body to shake from the sudden wave of power released.

I tried not to pant too loudly, as whoever was outside of the room would notice I wasn’t okay. The last thing I wanted was for Liam to come in and see me naked.

Nope, that can’t happen at all!

Glancing towards the mirror, I could see my eyes glow blue.

Don’t panic!

I tried to keep myself steady, only for the voices to barrage me louder than they had been in years. They whispered tempting, sweet wishes.

Kill the witches and all those who oppose us!

Destroy the festival and make Fenris...

I could almost picture everything they said in my mind, forming a smirk on my lips.

I certainly have the power to do what you say, but it isn’t what I want to happen. Not yet, at least. There isn’t a world where I’ll be wicked like the ones who did this to me.

However, when I tried to block the temptations out, I failed. Regrettably, I ended up placing the bracelet back on with little success, fearing that they would convince me to do things I didn’t desire.

The urges that erupted within me needed to be quelled with some sanity.

Something that isn’t my forte.

Even though I had placed the bracelet back on, I could still hear some trying to get through. The magic still swelled within me.

How will I…

With brief hesitation, I hopped into the shower, opening the cold water to full blast to quell the desires.

Never mind that. Focus on your goal, Lilith.

Luckily, it didn’t take long before they finally went silent. Breathing somewhat heavily, I tried to stay strong.

I won’t depend on my beloved any longer. Something must give!

After washing my body, I got out of the shower, readying myself to face the wolf who would take care of me today. Luckily, Liam stayed on Fenris's side of the room, throwing innocent chatter my way while I sulked in the bed.

Sadly, he could tell I was brooding over my situation. I tried to use the tablet, but it ended in utter failure once again.

Nothing is going right anymore. Technology isn’t my thing! Arg how will I live through this?!

Shade tried to comfort me, but I was having none of it. I was tired of being useless and dangerous. Giving up on everything, I threw the tablet to the end of the bed before letting myself fall on it.

I had no information besides what I knew, which was barely anything. For a while, I blankly stared at the ceiling, trying to find my way out of this dead-end I found myself in.

You’d punish me for not progressing fast enough at times like this.

Even years later, I could still feel the lashings Stella gave me. No matter how many times Fenris would make me feel alive, part of me still felt dead.

Ever since the day Stella took my innocence. I’ve been stuck in place.

She forced many things into me during the years I studied under her. Perhaps some of what they drilled into me as a child could be useful.

Bring… Tell…

A memory struggled to emerge, leaving me trying to reach for it.

Why is it...

Then it hit me.

Maybe the answers I’m desperate to find are somewhere in my childhood memories. If I could relive them again, I could remember every detail I suppressed or forgotten.

That thought swiftly stopped, though.

Crap… What I am hoping to do won’t be that simple.

The spell witches used to recreate memories in their dreams was powerful, which meant nearby Lycans would detect it.

Impossible to do with…

I glanced over at Liam, who was immersed in his phone. It would be foolish to underestimate him.

You’re sharper than anyone else I have ever met. Probably better than Fenris.

It wouldn’t be a simple task to outsmart him, especially when Lycans knew the language of our spells. Fenris was well-versed in Latin since he always understood every word I said whenever I cast a spell.

These wolves weren’t a species to be trifled with. Sadly, that wasn’t my only hurdle. I was also short of supplies, even to cast the incantation. It required ingesting a potion for the spell to take effect.

For me to have any chance, the enchantment had to be done at night when Fenris was asleep, or I would be alone that day.

The more I think about it, the less likely it is to happen. If only I could find someone to help me with this without them knowing what they were getting into.

Someone I could manipulate since they were gullible; instantly, a person came to mind, but it quickly disturbed me.

How can I do that to her? Use her for...

Part of me wanted to stop right there. Betraying Melody’s trust should’ve been a line I wouldn’t dare cross, yet I couldn’t help but want to. Her status as a runt would’ve deprived her of any military training while dulling her senses compared to other Lycans.

She wouldn’t know what she looked at if I asked her to get the supplies.

Not that anyone would.

The ingredients weren’t too eye-catching, to begin with. Yet the thought alone made me sick. I would use her disability for my benefit.

What kind of friend would I be if I used you like that?

Sadly, I was against the wall with no way out. Fenris wouldn’t let me go to the library, and even if he did, Cerberus secured away all the valuable information that was inside from everyone but the heads of witchcraft.

Standing up from the bed, I headed towards the desk, picking up a paper and pen.

Are you sure? Shade asked, trailing behind me.

I almost snapped the pen in half because of it.

Of course, I am not! But… How else can I… Damn it… Melody...

I could lose her if she learned about this, but my fear of Fenris’s death outweighed anything else.

Of everything I could forfeit, you’re the one thing I can’t live without.

I glanced towards Liam, wondering if Melody would do anything differently if she were in my shoes.

You were dead in my dream, too, but perhaps there is another way. If I ask you for help, will you give it to me? Or will you call me crazy?

It would be over if I told her, and she rejected the idea.

I’m sorry, I can’t afford you rejecting me. Time isn’t on my side.

I wrote a list of ingredients I needed on the paper before me, adding some female hygiene items to prevent Fenris from looking too much into it. Luckily, the ingredients weren’t too eye-catching either. I needed to buy fresh lavender, chamomile, and rose water for the potion.

The most important ingredient was my blood coursing through my veins. After finishing the list, I couldn’t help but stare at it for a while. The ugly sensation of doubt swelled within me, turning me cold where I sat.

Can I do this? No, I must! If I don’t, I’ll lose my only anchor to this world.